Escaping Narnia

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by SomeGuyOverThere, Jan 17, 2011.

  1. SomeGuyOverThere

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    Previously on Someguy's Adventures in Narnia

    So it's been a while, but it seems time heals all wounds: I have finally accepted my sexuality, I came out to my friends and a few of them were surprised but all of them are ok about it.

    Next big issue - the parents and the family. I think it's time to come out to them, mainly because I want a boyfriend. I'm 23 years old and I'll be 24 in less than 6 months, yet I can count my sexual experiences on one hand and I've never had a relationship. The thing is, Aberdeen (as anyone from Scotland will know) is a fairly small city, and if you believe in the 7 degrees of separation, well it's more like 4 or 5 degrees here, so news can travel fast. Anyway, point is, if I get a boyfriend without coming out to my parents or if I sleep around too much, it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that it'll get back to my parents at some point. Not a great way to come out.

    Plus, I just don't want to lie to them any longer.

    So I need to come out to them.

    I know my parents would be totally ok with me being gay but there are two difficulties in doing so:

    1: my mother was basically operating on the assumption that I was gay until I lied and told her I wasn't. I was in denial, I couldn't help it. But I know she'll take it personally that I lied to her.

    2: Things have been exceptionally stressful recently and still are, so I don't really know when to come out.

    So I need some advice oh wise sages of the Large Penis Support Group: How/When did you come out to your parents? Did you come out to them both at the same time? Separately? What did you say to them? How did they react?
     
  2. Stephenmass

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    Your Mom operated on the assumption you were gay and you lied and said you were not. Just tell her sincerely that you are sorry for lying but just was not ready to come out just yet. I think she will be easy because SHE ALREADY KNOWS.

    I don't know how your Dad is so it's hard to answer that part. If you talk to your mother first, perhaps she can give you some insight on how to handle the Dad part.
     
  3. benoweed

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    Good luck
     
  4. helgaleena

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    Stephenmass is correct. Mothers know more than their children realize and she knew you were in denial. Try her first.

    I am unusual in that I had beatniks for parents and my mom got into gay rights before it was fashionable and we all knew the facts of life both from the MDs and the dairy farmers in the family, so there was really no point in discussing anything at all with them, none of their business really. They knew I was an artist and artists do what they like, right? Nothing worth a squawk.

    So if you are at all artistic or musical it will ease the parental expectations quite a lot. It's still you, no matter what you do to gain experiences to make art with. And if you are not artsy, try keeping a journal at least. Or a blog. Whatever your hobby it can be an art form. Eccentricity needs an excuse, and that can be it.
     
  5. RumperRoom

    RumperRoom New Member

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    When I told my parents my mom said "Tell me something I don't know" My dad just smiled and said "I knew that when you brought a "Friend" to stay the night and he did not leave for a year" Mom was a little weird about it for awhile. The first time I kissed him (A little tiny peck) in front of her, she almost crashed the truck. She lectured me on how people were not ready to accept us (meaning her) She came back later that night and admited it was wrong to give us shit.

    Almost 16 years later and if I show up alone it is "Where is (name)? then oh hello. Not allowed to not be together.

    She has relaxed all the way and when she once heard us having sex, she poked fun at me. Later that week, I heard them and rolled a bottle of Viagra under the door.

    Good luck, Your parents will love you no matter what. She already knows.
     
  6. SomeGuyOverThere

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    Cheers for the input. Yeah I know they probably already know. I just need to work up the courage to actually say it.

    I'm also not sure where/when I should.
     
  7. Stephenmass

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    Perhaps the opening line when you are ready could be to your mother...something along the lines of...

    Remember when I told you I was not gay Mom? I wasn't ready to tell you at that time but feel now I should be more honest with you, after all you are my Mom. You've never let me down in the past, so why was I afraid to answer yes to you before? I wasn't sure how you would take it, etc., etc., etc.

    I think you can handle it from there....open the door a bit...she may even take the lead for you to make it easier. That I cannot promise, but it is difficult to come out, especially to those closest to you. Good luck.
     
  8. SomeGuyOverThere

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  9. helgaleena

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