ethical dilemma

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by B_ILIW, Mar 27, 2010.

  1. B_ILIW

    B_ILIW New Member

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    I recently met a woman on tagged, a website similar to facebook.

    she is pretty, and i thought about dating her, but she has a kid and i'm not a children person. any relationship would mean that I would have to be a kind of father figure for him, and i'm not mature enough for that now.

    the dilemma is this - i haven't had a good fuck in a while, but i don't want to simply use her for sex. She has said that a lot of men in her lifetime have done this, and i don't want to add to the list. I don't think it's right to just be with her to get in her pants, the thought of it just turns my stomach.

    But i like her a lot, but i can't see us having a relationship. I'm 30, but even now i'm not ready to help look after a child (even if it's not mine).

    I posted this in the women's issues forum since I wanted a women's perspective on this. I'm stuck on what to do here. :confused:
     
  2. AliceWantsUncut

    AliceWantsUncut New Member

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    We have your impression of what hooking up means to you.


    What is hers?
     
  3. B_ILIW

    B_ILIW New Member

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    i'm not sure what her opinion is. We are just friends now, but I guess I have been thinking of moving things on from that.
     
  4. AliceWantsUncut

    AliceWantsUncut New Member

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    Well then your answer is simple. If you feel in your heart that moving forward with her involves more intimacy (like being an adult role in her child's life) then I thinks it's nobel of you to weigh what that means to you.

    If what you know of her leaves open the option to just have fun, love each other's company, etc... that's fine too.

    But frankly, just the fact that you are considering this shows you are more mature than you paint yourself to be. (and by the way, rarely is someone "ready" to have a kid in their lives. Shit happens. Life happens.)

    Tell her what you're thinking. Tell her your concerns. She should respect every word. Then you'll know for sure.
     
  5. B_ILIW

    B_ILIW New Member

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    thanks :)
     
  6. StraightCock4Her

    StraightCock4Her New Member

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    Ask her if she is interested in being in a friends with benefits situation because of your said reasons.


    When she says no, you'll feel the full brunt of being ethical. If she says yes... you hit the jackpot.
     
  7. helgaleena

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    Unless this woman lives in the same place you do, it makes more sense to keep looking for somebody more convenient and maintain your online friendship.

    Why mess up your friendship just because you want to get laid? Whether she has a child or not would not matter it it was a one time fling. But you seem to be thinking in terms of a regular partner. You are thinking in terms of someone to start a family with, even if there are no children in that two person unit.

    Get your mind straight on that and have a date with your Rosy Palm in the mean time if you have to.
     
  8. dolfette

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    do the kids already have a father?
    because if they do then he's the father figure.
     
  9. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    Does she want anybody else to help raise her children? Even if she gets into a long-term relationship with somebody, she might still want to be the child's one and only parent.
     
  10. Titsdude21

    Titsdude21 Member

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    Im not going to lie....I dont see the dilemma.
    Either u want relationship that comes with a kid or u dont.....
     
  11. dolfette

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    yeah as a single mother i find it slightly offencive when guys assume they're going to step into the daddy shoes.
    my kids have a dad and in my house i do the parenting.
    shagging me doesn't give you a right to take over my family.
     
  12. StraightCock4Her

    StraightCock4Her New Member

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    Actually, it doesn't but it should. It's called choosing the right guy that will be the man of the house not bringing around guys to just have sex and then leave.

    You don't want just any man around your kids, do you?
     
  13. dolfette

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    you think it's fair on the kids??
    he's my boyfriend, NOT their dad.
    and being my boyfriend doesn't make you the ''man of the house''...what misogynistic nonsense. it's my damn house.

    unless a relationship has lasted several months/years and we're ready to move in together then he's just a boyfriend.

    if i ever lived with another guy he still wouldn't be their dad. he'd be a responsible adult who they would be expected to respect.

    in this situation they've not even shagged. that's a hell of a long way from living together!

    oh, and ''having a boyfriend'' isn't the same as some guy ''having sex and leaving'', unless you're seriously fucked up. guys shouldn't even get to meet the kids until you know & trust them. and they shouldn't get to stay over in the kids' home until the kids are used to them.

    what if he plays dad and they break up after 6 months? where does that leave the kids? and then a year later some other bf tries to play dad for the duration of their 18 month relationship. then...onto the next daddy! :rolleyes:
     
    #13 dolfette, Mar 29, 2010
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2010
  14. dolfette

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    it really fucks kids up to have men attempting to parent and then leaving.

    slotting into the parent role is something that should only ever be done when you're as sure as you can be that the relationship will last, and then only after you talk it through with the kids.

    you don't start parenting the kids until you're thinking commitment on a par with marriage. if you're just wanting to be her boyfriend then you're just another guest in their home.
     
  15. B_ILIW

    B_ILIW New Member

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    the father is alive, but not active in the kid's life.

    if we had a long term relationship, then i would have to be some kind of guide to the kid. i'm not ready to look after a child, i'm not mature enough.

    If it were just a short fling, then yeah what you're saying makes sense.
     
  16. dolfette

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    if you were thinking of living together as a family, yes.

    but you've not even fucked her yet.
    even if you do work out, living together is a long way in the future.
    or you could be long term partners who never become a family.
    and in a year or 10's time, once you're more used to the kids and the kids are more used to you, you may realise that you do want to be a family.
     
  17. B_ILIW

    B_ILIW New Member

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    this is true, but if we did get serious, then it would make sense to live together.

    i guess i'm just thinking of possibilities. but the fact she has a son complicates things.
     
  18. dolfette

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    may i ask how old?
     
  19. Not_Punny

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    Sounds like you're a big picture kind of person. I'm glad that you're responsible and mature enough to see it.

    Good luck whatever you decide.
     
  20. B_ILIW

    B_ILIW New Member

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    8 years old.
     
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