Even in death -

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by B_Stronzo, Sep 10, 2006.

  1. B_Stronzo

    B_Stronzo New Member

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    Only Lordpendragon knows that my boyfriend and I have recently lost a very good friend among our group of gay brothers here in Massachusetts.

    Since many here avail themselves of this board in an effort to work out personal problems I will take this one opportunity to do so only this one time.

    Mike Cordeiro was a friend of mine. He was kind and loving and handsome and complex. Fuck was he handsome! He and I joked about "getting together" if we both weren't attached. I'm glad we didn't. I'm glad we knew each other precisely as we did.

    He and I had a particular bond that made him feel comfortable being able to discuss his personal dismay at not being able to reconcile his homosexuality with the family from which he came. Our conversations about this topic were considerable and he struggled with a father who was from generations of law enforcement and a mother who thought her son was "too handsome to be gay".

    Mike had a boyfriend. Mike's boyfriend was Juan. Juan is a terribly nice man who was born in Puerto Rico and loved Mike beyond what most people will ever experience in a loving relationship. The only thing that stood between Mike and Juan was Mike's family who simply could not abide having a gay son (let alone having him be romantically involved with a Puerto Rican fellow who was immediately identifiable as gay)

    Last Thursday Mike took his own life.

    My articulation is gone and so's my patience. I cannot write anything more about it that will make any sense. I've only just now found his obituary on the internet and in the Sunday paper. I keep thinking I need to call Mike to tell him Mike's dead. Isn't that silly? Isn't that just the silliest fucking thing you've ever heard??

    So I'll post the link to the death notice. It's a stonewall.

    Mike had no fiancée named "Amanda". She's an invention. And those D-Jay jobs which are mentioned in that oh-so-short obit? They were at TWO LOCAL GAY CLUBS.

    Sorry friends and non-friends alike but when I get on my high horse and a bit overly-gay for some of you it's to this business I address my confoundment at this society who'd rather have its sons dead than gay.

    Read it and shed a tear or two for life lost. I've shed them for days.

    Michael W. Cordeiro (click on his name once in the site to view death notice)
     
  2. Lex

    Lex
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    Sorry to hear of your loss. The death of a loved one is never easy to reconcile and compounded even moreso when someone dies by their own hand. The depths of dispair that make someone feel so alone and miserable that they would rather have no life at all than face a challenging life are beyond heartbreaking.
     
  3. baseball99

    baseball99 New Member

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    suicide is so tragic......sorry to hear for your loss of a friend
     
  4. B_Lightkeeper

    B_Lightkeeper New Member

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    I'm sorry to hear of your friend's death and non-family acceptance.
    I knew a guy in Birmingham who was just coming out in the gay world. I met him one night and my SO and I brought him home. Before he left the next morning he gave us his phone number. Several days later I called and asked for _________ (madeup name). Whoever answered the phone sounded strange and asked me "if I was a fraternity brother?" I thought whoever on the other end was being "campy" as in a gay sister-like mood so I asked for _______________again. This time the voice told me in a rather harsh voice that he had killed himself the night before. I then realized he was serious and simply hung up before they could ask me any questions. I later found out that my new-found friend had got in his car and ran a hose pipe from the exaust and took his own life. Why I never knew but always wondered if it was fear of his family knowing he was gay.
     
  5. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    I really do not know what to say in response. The whole thing makes me so angry. What a really "sick" society. May those who shoulder some responsibilty NEVER find peace and solace.

    I can imagine that right now you probably want to put right some of the incorrect info ie the invented fiancee. Don't be too hasty these things often have a way of correcting themselves.
     
  6. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    As to the first part... I don't think it's the silliest thing at all... It took me two years even to be able to talk about a friend of mine who killed himself; he would have seemed like precisely the person to talk to about it.. and with him gone... it wasn't until I wrote a short story about my feelings two years down the line.. that even a word about his death found its way out of my body.

    As for "heteronormatizing" obituaries... hmmm, I've published around 600 (motion picture industry-related) obituaries over the past 5 years, and always grow mad when I hear the suggestion to insert the stock line "He/she never married", as a means of 'dealing with' those who had same-sex partners. I've never gone along with it, but I see that stinking euphemism all over the place in other people's "mini-overviews of life", and it drives me to distraction as well.

    Condolences, Stronzo, most sincerely. I know this will eat away at you for a long time, as suicides of friends do with us all... especially when insult is added to injury with ghastly re-writings of personal history which are little more than nails of denial being hammered into the coffin lid.
     
  7. mephistopheles

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    Thats some bad news, especially the fact that a family would whether have a dead son thatn a gay one. I see this kinda stuff all the time, the family comes home after the funeral and wipes the sweat from their brows "Good, now atleast we dont hafta make up excuses for why our son isnt at the christmas party!" It's a real downer. People die all the time, it sucks but its true.

    You have my condolences,

    Josh Dodson
     
  8. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    Even in death...sickening, Stronzo. Aside from your anger, I hope you are doing OK with the loss. Hugs. John
     
  9. tygrrr

    tygrrr New Member

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    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, Stronzo. It's truly a heartbreaking story.
    I can imagine his boyfriend Juan must be quite traumatized by this also, so it's good to know you're a whole group of friends that can be there for eachother.
     
  10. flaman

    flaman New Member

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    sorry for your loss stronzo. sounds like you were a true friend. is a very heart breaking story. my thoughts and prayers are with you.
     
  11. rawbone8

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    My sympathies go out to you Richard, and to your friends. Let's do our parts to make a better world. One that fosters acceptance and fairness for all.
     
  12. NCbear

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    You have my sympathy, Stronzo.

    NCbear
     
  13. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    Sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for telling the part of his story that others may never hear.

    I'm sure he was a fine person, as folks like you don't take up with just anybody.

    Hugs and prayers to you, Juan, and everybody else who was close to him.
     
  14. Gillette

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    I'm very sorry for your loss. It's a terrible thing that the family would choose to fictionalize his life. I'm glad you and your friends are able to provide the support that Juan will need right now. His grief must be crushing.
     
  15. SpeedoGuy

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    Sorry to hear of the loss...

    SG
     
  16. naughty

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    Richard,

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Reading about him and your other "brothers" it is was so touching hearing about the family that you have developed between you all. I will pray for you, his partner, and his family.
     
  17. dick.hertz85

    dick.hertz85 New Member

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    Sorry to hear of your loss. I wish you, Juan, and your associates well.
     
  18. RICKY_27

    RICKY_27 Well-Known Member

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    Although you heart is filled with the pain of sadness, take consolation in the beautiful bond of trust that you shared with your friend. I am sure that only GOD knows what your friendship meant to him.

    Please know that even though I never met your friend I, too, share in the pain that he experienced because of the uncaring attitude of his family. Surely, there will be a special place in Hell for people who turn away from their own family members simply because they do not meet their expectations.

    I surround you with {{{{{{HUGS}}}}} in these sad days and pray that the pain in your good heart will be eased in the future .

    RICKY_27
     
  19. Nelly Gay

    Nelly Gay New Member

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    Suicides are always very sad .
    A friend of mine was murdered (on a dream holiday to Egypt).
    That was difficult as his friends/colleagues/family might not have had any idea about his sexuality.
    He was South African.
    I worried hs parents (who were elderly) did not know ...
    You have to be very tactful in such situations.
     
  20. davidjh7

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    Just another to add to the list of my sorrow for the loss of a good friend. There are no words, ever, especially in a situation like this. All I can offer is, that YOU were a good friend to him, and he to you. You loved each other as only good friends can, and that is the hell of your pain. Just remember, though, as angry as you are at the stupidity of his family, you were his REAL family, and honored and stood by him. CHerish the best of who he was in life, and share that with everyone around you, so that the best of him can live on in others, and continue shaping the world in a better way. I wish I could say or do something to take away the pain, because I too know personally of this loss, and the pain that drove him to it. Help make the world a better place than this one, that hurt him so much he felt he had to leave it. Maybe honoring him that way, can save a future young man from feeling so much despair. He was loved deeply and well. May all of us be so lucky as to have such an epitaph.
     
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