Ever been ghosted?

[LaFemme]

I agree it is very weird. but idk i think maybe she was going out with 2 guys and didn't choose me lol. that's an excuse most people aren't willing to give lol

Ugh. That’s ugly. Then again, you are totally better off if that’s the case. It’s just so rude. Even a text saying, “I don’t think this is working out, but thanks for everything”. It’s tough to do, but better than nothing.

 

[328982]

i mean the reminder was literally "hey we still on for tonight" but i get what you mean it could be anything
But she was the one who brought up hanging out the next night , which is why I think I even cared in the first place if she had said hey I'm busy af or something a lightbulb wouldve gone off like she's prob not into me that much. Making plans then ghosting is so dumb lol

Oh I agree, very odd and inexcusable really.

 

[1359042]

Yes I have. Once when I was a little boy my Dad took off for work. He hasn't been back since.

 

[bosceltic]

It’s very hard to understand why people ghost because so many different variables are at play

 

[David Lucaya]

Yes I have. Once when I was a little boy my Dad took off for work. He hasn't been back since.

that's actually really sad . I hope you're doing ok after that bro

 

[1359042]

that's actually really sad . I hope you're doing ok after that bro

Thank you!

 

[matelalique]

I do not understand ghosting at all, I understand "Go away/fuck off/we were not meant to be together". I had a millennial inform me that he thought it would be more humane to just ghost this person (and this was a recreational event, not a sexual relationship), than to say that he didn't want to "play tennis" any more.

And as you describe - the ghosted person (I talk to both the ghostee and the ghoster) thought that something terrible had happened to the person who wasn't responding. Didn't know anything was wrong, and wanted to help the person who had presumably been in a terrible accident, and couldn't communicate. And this is being done to decent caring people.

I get blocking stalkers, and people who you have told to go away (with good reason) that refuse to do so.

I think most of what random ghosters do is arrogant and cruel. There is also a culture of blocking (which would appear as ghosting), which seems to be random and cruel too.

Consider that you were meeting someone so vapid that they were unable to tell you that they had found someone who had turned them on a bit more than you - and just didn't feel like telling you, to avoid a confrontation. And they ghost.

So I would review your interaction with her, and whether you said or did anything that could have been creepy enough to freak her out, and if not. If not - you have saved months of being in a relationship with an undeserving person.

 

[David Lucaya]

I do not understand ghosting at all, I understand "Go away/fuck off/we were not meant to be together". I had a millennial inform me that he thought it would be more humane to just ghost this person (and this was a recreational event, not a sexual relationship), than to say that he didn't want to "play tennis" any more.

And as you describe - the ghosted person (I talk to both the ghostee and the ghoster) thought that something terrible had happened to the person who wasn't responding. Didn't know anything was wrong, and wanted to help the person who had presumably been in a terrible accident, and couldn't communicate. And this is being done to decent caring people.

I get blocking stalkers, and people who you have told to go away (with good reason) that refuse to do so.

I think most of what random ghosters do is arrogant and cruel. There is also a culture of blocking (which would appear as ghosting), which seems to be random and cruel too.

Consider that you were meeting someone so vapid that they were unable to tell you that they had found someone who had turned them on a bit more than you - and just didn't feel like telling you, to avoid a confrontation. And they ghost.

So I would review your interaction with her, and whether you said or did anything that could have been creepy enough to freak her out, and if not. If not - you have saved months of being in a relationship with an undeserving person.

I completely agree with you, I think it's kust millenial culture because we've become used to having everything done for us it's hard for many people my age to have difficult conversation which is horrible.
I really don't think I said anything weird. I'm not a talkative individual and so the chances of me saying something odd are pretty slim I think.

Personally I could never simply ignore somebody like this, because it's so thoughtless. But I do think it's good it happened before I was invested like you said.

 

[meningreentights]

no we had met and everything lol. Ghosting is when you just suddenly cut contact with a person with no explanation.
but yea idk I guess I scared her lol

People who do that are chicken shit. They aren't worth your time. Just tell yourself, "Whew! I dodged a bullet on that one.".

 

[sangheili90]

I do not understand ghosting at all, I understand "Go away/fuck off/we were not meant to be together". I had a millennial inform me that he thought it would be more humane to just ghost this person (and this was a recreational event, not a sexual relationship), than to say that he didn't want to "play tennis" any more.

And as you describe - the ghosted person (I talk to both the ghostee and the ghoster) thought that something terrible had happened to the person who wasn't responding. Didn't know anything was wrong, and wanted to help the person who had presumably been in a terrible accident, and couldn't communicate. And this is being done to decent caring people.

I get blocking stalkers, and people who you have told to go away (with good reason) that refuse to do so.

I think most of what random ghosters do is arrogant and cruel. There is also a culture of blocking (which would appear as ghosting), which seems to be random and cruel too.

Consider that you were meeting someone so vapid that they were unable to tell you that they had found someone who had turned them on a bit more than you - and just didn't feel like telling you, to avoid a confrontation. And they ghost.

So I would review your interaction with her, and whether you said or did anything that could have been creepy enough to freak her out, and if not. If not - you have saved months of being in a relationship with an undeserving person.

This behavior is extremely common today though with 20 somethings. As you mentioned, it'd be understandable if someone was ignoring texts and calls from someone who is stalking them or when they had specifically said that they weren't interested.

However, just ignoring someone out of the blue without any explanation is not a very nice thing to do and it most certainly is very hurtful to the one being ghosted. The take home though should be that the individual doing this is an immature and inconsiderate individual who cannot communicate at all in potentially awkward/uncomfortable situations. Can you imagine actually dating or being in a relationship with someone like this?

 

[Coronahead]

So I was going out with this girl we were talking for about a month, she and I would meet basically every weekend and text about daily.The last time I had seen or heard from her we went out and in the car made plans to go out the following evening. About 4-5 hours before we were supposed to go out I texted her to remind her and confirm we're going out that evening, to which I got no reply. About 2 hours later I attempt to call, still no answer. so that evening I texted her one final time saying I hope everything is alright. The next day I text and call one time each still no response. I try again that weekend and nothing and then I came to terms that I had been ghosted lol.
It's not a good feeling being dumped with no resolution, even though it was not serious, I'd like to know at least know why she didn't want to hangout any longer.
What are you guys' experience with the phenomenon. What are your thoughts about it

Yeah it's really weird that this would happen after going out face to face a number of times... are you sure the phone wasn't lost or stolen? I suppose you could phone her from a friends phone or call box with a number she does not recognize and see if she picks up...if she ghosted you she at least owes you a explanation, providing you were always nice to her. Its so cheap that people dump each other without the decency of a explanation

 

[sangheili90]

@David Lucaya

I really don't think you should take any of this personally and as blunt as it sound it is in your best interest to just move and not ruminate over as to why you were ghosted, you'll just make yourself sick getting into that type of pattern. Unfortunately, this type of behavior is very common with young people today, though it's far more often seen with young women, but that doesn't at all excuse it. I'm not going to lie to you though, if someone ghosted on me after we had spent a good amount of time together I'd be furious to say the least, as I'd feel that this person feigned any form of interest and used me for some sort of benefit (boredom, attention/validation, etc.). Sure, if someone did this to me after a first date or something it'd be annoying and make me mad but what you are discussing here takes it to a different level.

Try to look at this as a learning experience and not let it hold you back from meeting other potential romantic interests. You essentially just weeded out a fake person who cannot communicate at all, due to a variety of personal issues that individual has.

Good luck

 

[Coronahead]

@David Lucaya

I really don't think you should take any of this personally and as blunt as it sound it is in your best interest to just move and not ruminate over as to why you were ghosted, you'll just make yourself sick getting into that type of pattern. Unfortunately, this type of behavior is very common with young people today, though it's far more often seen with young women, but that doesn't at all excuse it. I'm not going to lie to you though, if someone ghosted on me after we had spent a good amount of time together I'd be furious to say the least, as I'd feel that this person feigned any form of interest and used me for some sort of benefit (boredom, attention/validation, etc.). Sure, if someone did this to me after a first date or something it'd be annoying and make me mad but what you are discussing here takes it to a different level.

Try to look at this as a learning experience and not let it hold you back from meeting other potential romantic interests. You essentially just weeded out a fake person who cannot communicate at all, due to a variety of personal issues that individual has.

Good luck

I agree with what you say, I think the shitty part is no explanation of why it didn't work for her. That way you get some feedback on what may have gone wrong that you can be aware of in the future, for example like " most of the time you talked about yourself" or some other thing she Thought you did wrong in her eyes that maybe you just did because you were nervous going on a date with her, that you could be aware of for the next girl you date.

 

[sangheili90]

I agree with what you say, I think the shitty part is no explanation of why it didn't work for her. That way you get some feedback on what may have gone wrong that you can be aware of in the future, for example like " most of the time you talked about yourself" or some other thing she Thought you did wrong in her eyes that maybe you just did because you were nervous going on a date with her, that you could be aware of for the next girl you date.

If you had gone on one date with someone I don't feel that it'd be necessary to offer an explanation as to why you wouldn't want to see that person again, unless perhaps the other person asked why. In situations like this a simple "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" or other such light let downs are more than enough.

However, with the situation presented in this thread I do in fact agree with you that there should be an explanation as to why she would no longer wish to see the OP again. As I mentioned, there could be a whole assortment of reasons but most likely this woman was just casually dating OP with no real intention of it going anywhere. Maybe she had an ex come back into the picture, maybe she was dating another guy all along and decided to get serious with him.....who knows. At the end of the day regardless of what her reasoning is, which will be unknown to all but her, this is not someone OP should want in his life.

 

[David Lucaya]

Really appreciate all the encouragement I decided I'm gonna go back to having fun for a while and put the relationship thing to the side for a while. I live in a college town and I don't think many people are on the same page as me which is fair we're young people.

 

[Coronahead]

Really appreciate all the encouragement I decided I'm gonna go back to having fun for a while and put the relationship thing to the side for a while. I live in a college town and I don't think many people are on the same page as me which is fair we're young people.

Sorry I'm a gen-xer, what does having fun mean for a Millennial?

 

[David Lucaya]

just going with the flow with whatever comes along.

Sorry I'm a gen-xer, what does having fun mean for a Millennial?

 

[Coronahead]

just going with the flow with whatever comes along.

So does that mean you meet a girl then have sex like a hookup, Right away?.... being gen x there was not much casual sex because of AIDS and if you got AIDS in those days it meant death

 

[223790]

I was ghosted by an old friend (bromance) years ago. He's been orbiting me weekly online since I cut off our connection a year and a half ago. I decided it was time to move on and forget about him. It hurts, but I had to do it for my own sanity. I'm slowly getting over him, but it has been devastatingly hard, and I hate myself for thinking about him so much. I have tried to forgive him for his hurtful and thoughtless behavior in the past, but after a while I decided that I just couldn't tolerate him disrespecting our friendship anymore. TBH, I think it's too late now for him and I to ever have a relationship again. It sucks, but such is life. It wasn't meant to work out despite my best efforts, so there's nothing more I can do.

 

[elizabubblebee]

Yes and it still hurts!