Ever dated a girl you believe is out of your league?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by fored, Apr 2, 2011.

  1. fored

    fored Member

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    This goes to the guys who aren't exactly the casanova type. Have you ever had a goal of dating a girl who you believe is out of your league and succeeded? How was it?

    The most I ever got was going out with this girl I had a major crush on but it wasn't a date cause it was just helping her with school stuff. Back then I was too afraid to actually ask her out, which was lucky cause I realized we barely had anything in common. I was just attracted to her beauty and bubbly personality.
     
  2. Bbucko

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    Once every once in a while I've thought about starting a thread on "leagues", because the entire concept is really kinda strange to me: I don't get it.

    If you think someone is inherently better than you, isn't that a sign of insecurity? If someone thinks that they're inherently in a higher "league" than you, doesn't that just sound pompous?

    I'm not being snarky; I just really don't understand.
     
  3. Calboner

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    As the saying goes: Well, duh! But, to be more accurate, it's not a question of whether someone is "inherently better" than you, whatever that might mean, but of whether she or he is a significantly more attractive member of her or his sex than you are of yours. See, for instance, the characters played by Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up.
     
  4. rob_just_rob

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    I have found that once I get to know people, any pedestal I might have put them on gets shorter and shorter. In some cases, it ends up several feet below ground.

    As I've gotten older, the process gets faster and faster.
     
  5. Drifterwood

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  6. TheRob

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    not really
    but I did ask a girl to a lunch date that I thought she would say no because she had a boyfriend and she said yes

    I didn't really want to have lunch with anyone at the time I didn't know her very well so we had nothing to talk about I was really shy at the time and thought I would get some rejection so that I could get over my fear of it. I asked her 3 times she said yes all 3 times I said to hell with it I'll never get over my fear of rejection like this...
     
  7. joshua_ste

    joshua_ste New Member

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    I've always thought of "out of your league" to be a combination of looks paired with wealth. Where you went to college (or innate intelligence) can factor into the equation, too.

    Speaking of wealth and class systems, I heard on Bill Maher last night that there is less social mobility now in the United States than in England. -- Then, I found this on a wikipedia page:

    ----- Despite this formal opportunity for social mobility, recent research suggests that Britain and particularly the United States have less social mobility than the Nordic countries and Canada. These authors state that "the idea of the US as ‘the land of opportunity’ persists; and clearly seems misplaced." ----

    Social mobility - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia



    There is apparently a more rigid class structure (where you can afford to live; who you socialize with and where; where you pursue higher education; job opportunities available for your skills) in the United States than in many European countries. Go figure. Most of the American Dream is now reduced to: who won the Lottery?
     
  8. bumrubber

    bumrubber New Member

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    People with high status who are comfortable with themselves do not need status from others, so they can date who they like. And many of them do.

    The problem is, can you afford to run with their crowd? "Oh, come join us in the Bahamas this weekend..." I've run into that 3 or 4 times, dating women with a lot more money to spend, or time on their hands.
     
  9. Bbucko

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    r_j_r summed up my perspective on this nicely. But to put a more positive spin on it, I've found myself attracted to certain people whom few other found interesting in any way at all. I've never considered "attractive" to be anything other than a deeply personal, highly subjective opinion (and one subject to frequent revision).

    In terms of social mobility and dating outside of one's class: I find that even the concept is deeply un-American. We're supposed to be beyond that sort of thing, right?
     
  10. Gecko4lif

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    I usually get 6-8's which makes sense because im largely regarded as a 7 by the opposite sex. But one time I dated a 9... what a joyous time that was.
     
  11. Calboner

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    "Un-American?"? If by that you mean that most Americans like to pretend that class divisions don't exist, then I suppose that you are right. But on that point, most Americans are utterly deluded. Here is a handy satirical treatment of the subject:

    Amazon.com: Class: A Guide Through the American Status System (9780671792251): Paul Fussell: Books

    This blog posting seems to me (on the basis of a cursory glance) a fair and informative comment on the book.
     
    #11 Calboner, Apr 2, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2011
  12. PerfectlySexy

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    Advice to be followed only if you don't value your time. Talk about a god-awful movie; I would have walked out if not with friends.

    Anyway, no I haven't dated anyone "out of my league" though I'm sure I've dated people that other people would have thought "out of my league". My understanding is this refers to how well people measure up to the current conventions of beauty. There are actually psychology studies which have demonstrated that among college populations people tend to date other people who are at a similar level of "attractiveness". Of course, for those who couldn't care less about what society deems is "attractive" all of this is a lot of nonsense. I say date the people you want to date, don't date the people you don't want to date, and don't get hung up on how much, or little, someone matches the beauty standards of the day.
     
  13. Bbucko

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    The class divisions most Americans feel are largely self-imposed (much like the "league" concept of this thread). My grandfather was a lineman for Bangor Hydro in Maine (mid-prole) but raised his daughters with an entirely middle class set of goals and ideals. Indeed, if you'd even whispered a suggestion that they were working class they'd have pulled a fit.

    My aunt (other side of the family, not related to anyone in the preceding paragraph except by marriage) married a go-getter who went from middle class to something that, at least by appearances, was distinctly upper (beyond upper-middle), though their kids (my cousins) live pretty middle or prole-type lives. How fixed can these labels be if they're not even transferable from parent to child?

    According to the blog you linked to, I'm an X. I've never worked a 9-5 job and never aspired to any of the tokens of status (home/car ownership, for instance) that would mark me as middle class; I even lived the majority of my life in urban cores rather than suburbia. This is also true of the friends I've had over the years.

    I'm reminded of how Abstract Expressionists like Pollack and DeKooning would bring their lunch pails to their studios every day, so as to maintain their working class "respectability". It was a complete affectation :rolleyes:

    Obviously I'm not denying the appearance of social stratification in the US, I'm just saying that, compared to truly rigid class structures in other cultures, it's so devoid of real consequences as to be an illusion. This same illusion is illustrated by the OP and his sense that someone's "above" him; more darkly it suggests that there are others "beneath" him, too.
     
  14. B_Bjen2848

    B_Bjen2848 New Member

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    a partner is only "out of your league" if you believe he or she is
     
  15. rembrandt1603

    rembrandt1603 New Member

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    Pretty much my situation. I remember my first real relationship in college, with an absolutely jaw-dropping 9-9.5. I had no expectations about whether I'd get with her, so I mentally tossed in the towel as soon as I saw her (hey, I was still young). Little did I know I'd wind up dating her for two years, and having the wildest sex of my life to date. :biggrin1:

    However, with most incredibly attractive women; she was extraordinarily high-maintenance. Not saying this is true across the board, though it's common knowledge that the more attractive the woman is, the more high-maintenance she as-- as she can be, because she can simply find another incredibly good looking bloke to get with almost immediately after you. You're disposable.

    These days, I don't buy into the league thing at all. I've come to realise I'm quite the catch, if I may blow smoke up my own arse momentarily :wink:, and that I don't have to settle purely for people physically similar to me.

    EDIT:

    Also, someone 'being out of your league', as already mentioned earlier in the thread, refers almost exclusively to looks, and sometimes financial prowess. Being a man who doesn't go after women purely for their looks, but searches for intelligence and real personality, I've found that kind of grading system goes completely out of the window. Sad truth is, some of the most beautiful women I've seen have also been the most mentally inept and intelligently barren.
     
    #15 rembrandt1603, Apr 2, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2011
  16. Calboner

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    :yup: Yes--except that surely "prospective partner" or "prospective date" would be the pertinent term, rather than "partner."
    And some not-so-beautiful women too, I'll bet.

    I think that sometimes "She's out of my league" is a confused formulation of the underlying thought: "She looks really attractive, so I should be interested in her--but, damn it, I'm not!" And it may be because she just isn't someone with whom you could have an interesting conversation.

    I have seen plenty of cases of a beautiful woman paired with a guy who was nothing special for looks at all. My first thought about such cases is always that he was probably the one guy who was not intimidated by her good looks and treated her like a human being.
     
  17. simbablk

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    Yes I did.

    I was 16 at the time, she was 18. She had a car, pager - very independent. I was still living with my mom (hey, I was ONLY 16!)

    She was VERY pretty! Long beautiful hair. I remember talking to her a lot and finally getting up enough nerve to ask for her number. She gave it to me (her pager, LOL) and I would page and we'd talk for long hours into the night. We went on dates and hung out. It was fun. We never had sex, only kissed (small pecks) but still managed to have fun.

    And then it all went away. She stopped returning my calls. We never spoke again. But I still remember back THEN thinking - WHY is she talking to ME?

    So, yes. I have.

    Simba
     
  18. art

    art
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    I always date girls who are way out of my league...socially, at least.
     
  19. Charles Finn

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    I was 17 her name was Leslie it was short but sweet on my way to bi land
     
  20. AlphaMale

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    Since there seems to be some confusion... "he/she's out of your league" is generally referring to two things: attractiveness and wealthiness. I personally don't think someone's "age" is part of the criteria.

    I do believe, however, that once you are of a certain level of attractiveness that no one is out of your league (at least when it comes to looks exclusively) and also that when you attain a certain level of wealthiness that no one is out of your league (at least when it comes to money exclusively) per se.

    So "out of your league" can potentially be one or the other, a combination of both, or neither.
     
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