Ever feel like life would be less complicated if u didn't deal with dudes?

cgttown

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I totally understand the OP's situation. Been attracted to both sexes for probably as long as I can remember being sexually aware. I settled down with a woman and have been for many years. However, the attraction to men doesn't go away or get less. In fact, in some ways, I'm more attracted to them now than I was back in my 20's. For example, in my 20's I couldn't see myself in an LTR with another man, but I could see that now. First, it's more acceptable than it was almost 30 years ago. Second, I've mellowed and can see the advantages of it. Having been in a relationship for <25 years, I know that it's no easy road regardless of the genders of the two people.

To the question of "Is it fair?" I guess I'd say it's not really fair. I don't know, though. I am a good husband and father on lots and lots of levels. I love and respect my wife, support her in her pursuits, enjoy being with her, and all the stuff women want in a relationship. Sexually the relationship runs hot and cold. But even when it's really good sexually, my desire for m2m doesn't go away. And, frankly, she would never understand that.

So I'm torn in more ways than I want to be, and my happiness (of which I have a lot) is tempered by what if's. But from what I can tell, everybody has "what if's?" in their life. Compartmentalizing ain't exactly healthy, I know, but it is what it is.
 
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sbat

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To the OP - it seems in some ways that being bisexual with a firmer preference for women can be a difficult emotional balance, particularly if you do have a desire for a long term relationship with a straight woman. It strikes me as interesting that the hostility to this thread has come from gay men.
 

Oprime

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I totally understand the OP's situation. Been attracted to both sexes for probably as long as I can remember being sexually aware. I settled down with a woman and have been for many years. However, the attraction to men doesn't go away or get less. In fact, in some ways, I'm more attracted to them now than I was back in my 20's. For example, in my 20's I couldn't see myself in an LTR with another man, but I could see that now. First, it's more acceptable than it was almost 30 years ago. Second, I've mellowed and can see the advantages of it. Having been in a relationship for <25 years, I know that it's no easy road regardless of the genders of the two people.

To the question of "Is it fair?" I guess I'd say it's not really fair. I don't know, though. I am a good husband and father on lots and lots of levels. I love and respect my wife, support her in her pursuits, enjoy being with her, and all the stuff women want in a relationship. Sexually the relationship runs hot and cold. But even when it's really good sexually, my desire for m2m doesn't go away. And, frankly, she would never understand that.

So I'm torn in more ways than I want to be, and my happiness (of which I have a lot) is tempered by what if's. But from what I can tell, everybody has "what if's?" in their life. Compartmentalizing ain't exactly healthy, I know, but it is what it is.

This exactly what I'm hoping I can do. On then other hand, I sometimes argue that I will need to expend just as much energy not to step out with another girl either! It's a crap shoot.
 

Oprime

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To the OP - it seems in some ways that being bisexual with a firmer preference for women can be a difficult emotional balance, particularly if you do have a desire for a long term relationship with a straight woman. It strikes me as interesting that the hostility to this thread has come from gay men.

I appreciate you getting what I was trying to express. Honestly, I think there is a subset of the gay community to which that sort of hostility is common. But I'm not the dude whose going to run and cower from folks who I think need to re-direct there anger. Nope, not the kid. Were you surprised?
 

miamirt

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I totally understand the OP's situation. Been attracted to both sexes for probably as long as I can remember being sexually aware. I settled down with a woman and have been for many years. However, the attraction to men doesn't go away or get less. In fact, in some ways, I'm more attracted to them now than I was back in my 20's. For example, in my 20's I couldn't see myself in an LTR with another man, but I could see that now. First, it's more acceptable than it was almost 30 years ago. Second, I've mellowed and can see the advantages of it. Having been in a relationship for <25 years, I know that it's no easy road regardless of the genders of the two people.

To the question of "Is it fair?" I guess I'd say it's not really fair. I don't know, though. I am a good husband and father on lots and lots of levels. I love and respect my wife, support her in her pursuits, enjoy being with her, and all the stuff women want in a relationship. Sexually the relationship runs hot and cold. But even when it's really good sexually, my desire for m2m doesn't go away. And, frankly, she would never understand that.

So I'm torn in more ways than I want to be, and my happiness (of which I have a lot) is tempered by what if's. But from what I can tell, everybody has "what if's?" in their life. Compartmentalizing ain't exactly healthy, I know, but it is what it is.

Wow dude, you took the words right out of my mouth... I don't know if I've been attracted (or was aware at least) for many, many years, but over the past several it has been exactly what you say.

I would not trade my life with my family, wife, kids, her family, friends, etc for anything, but there is that something in my head that wants that excitement w/ a dude and I have to deal with it silently.