Ever give the "shy guy" a chance?

[D_Hammond Happydipper]

I'm very much drawn to shy, timid types of men because I am the exact opposite, and I enjoy drawing them out of their shells ^_^

You can de-shell me any time. :redface:

 

[badgirl22]

My husband is extremely reluctant to approach new people. He isn't particularly comfortable talking to people he's already met, for that matter.

Once you get to know him though, you discover:
He has accomplished many things for himself, and he's extremely proud of each and every one. In fact, he will tell you in great detail how each and every achievement was won, if you'll let him.

He is incredibly observant. He knows his observational kills are well-above average. He loves to show this off. He loves to point out things he notices that no one else notices.

He has lightning-fast reflexes. He brags a lot about this, but he can also back up his arrogant claims.

He's brilliant. He knows he's really smart, and is very disdainful and very unforgiving of stupidity. Sometimes he is way too arrogant about being more intelligent than others. The things that come out of his mouth in that regard shock me at times.

Sometimes, I'm convinced he believes he can never do any wrong. That's cultural though. His mother treats him like the third-best thing since Jesus. (She and her husband are things one and two, their daughter is thing four.)

He is as stealthy as a ninja and he knows it. When he was assigned to a ship, there was a guy who outranked him, a chief I believe who had a security clearance even higher than his. My husband had a set of keys very few had high enough clearances to also have. I believe three others on the whole ship had those keys, including this chief. This chief had a security clearance even higher than that of the ship's commander, and there was one key on his ring that no one else had. My husband used to take a lot of glee from stealing this key, and then asking the chief for access to the closet it opened, and returning the key only after the chief lost his mind looking for it. Sometimes, he'd just take them, and put them back in his hands, reminding him that his own possession of the keys was a security breach that needed prevention. If that's not arrogance, I don't know what is. A third does not do that to a chief (or to a second, for that matter)

He is full of righteous indignation regarding the behavior of others in contrast to his own code of honor and ethics.

His is very full of pride. Most of it is justified. Some of it is pure arrogance.

I think you're married to my boyfriend!

 

[MoneyForNothing]

how presumptive of you to assume it's because she's snooty.

There is a difference between "feel" and "believe", FYI. I know what the probable reasons are. You could take all that diatribe and direct it to the women that call men creepers.

 

[Enid]

There is a difference between "feel" and "believe", FYI. I know what the probable reasons are.

all right i'll give you that, i just reacted to you stating you got annoyed by it.

as an attractive woman who often does not like to call attention to herself i do react to guys getting annoyed if i don't give them something they ostensibly want. it makes me want to give it to them even less, if that makes sense.

 

[badgirl22]

I tend to never give the shy guy a chance. I am fairly talkative and need a date or partner to be talkative back or it just gets boring for me. I also like someone who has a lot of leadership qualities and those types don't tend to be shy (in my experience). Confidence is a huge turn on for me but I can't stand those loud-in-your-face-drunk-frat-boy types if you know what I mean. Too loud or obnoxious is way worse than shy.

 

[bigdog83]

I'm guessing you don't "exchange looks" because what you're doing is staring. All the time. At one single lady, because you hope she'll turn around and then happens to meet your eye. That's not making eyecontact. It's being a creep.

Of course women will get uncomfortable if that's what you're doing.
Women notice when you keep staring at them. When it comes to that, we have eyes on our back.

Scan the room and just let your eyes rest on her one nano-second longer than on everyone else just at the time she's turning around. Look AWAY after. She'll have registered your interest.



.

after she registers my interest, what happens next? lol.

 

[earllogjam]

No, never. I think it foreshadows bad sex.

 

[Jonesy98]

I'll chime in briefly as a shy guy... someone mentioned this idea earlier: not understanding social norms and rules... I'm gonna say that's a BIG one that guys like me have to deal with.

Somehow or another I just missed the girl train... I hated rejection so much that I just avoided women, and if they got close I'd hit the self-destruct button so they'd think I was gross, immature, whatever it took... when really I'm very well-mannered and level-headed. It was a protection thing largely cause all the girls I ever liked were all taken and I just felt like I couldn't compete with the jocks and popular kids... add to that my shyness and I found myself in college avoiding women like the plague just like in middle and high.

Eventually the plan backfired, I got a g/f my 2nd yr of college, we lasted for 5 yrs... now I'm out of college, we're broken up, and I'm kinda left scratching my head trying to figure all these social rules that I missed out on b/c:

1) I avoided women

2) once I got a g/f I "had no need" to develop game, social skills, whatever... we just kinda kept to ourselves as a couple, which eventually helped do us in

For some of us it just seems like the Universe has it out for us. I went into my first night out after the breakup ready to rock n' roll... things were going perfectly... this really cute gal who I'd met previously was REALLY interested in me all of a sudden, invited me to an after party, lots of good signals, seemed like a done deal, etc... then I just screwed the pooch for lack of experience, unforeseen circumstances popped up and I was flying solo and boy was I in trouble... my confidence instantly vanished. It was miserable... but there really is some truth to things like party etiquette, what signs to look for, etc, that just come from the experience I didn't have and it led to the most embarrassing night of my life as I watched what looked like the world's easiest rebound, mind-boggling lay turn into a movie plot so hilarious/traumatic and embarrassing that it would sell millions across the globe.

So that was a few months back... I'm doing better now. Confidence goes up and down depending on how hard and recent my latest crash and burn was, but I'm taking chances now, asking for phone numbers, learning how to deal with "no" and "I have a boyfriend" better. My advice for any other shy guys is just find a guy who knows what he's doing and wingman for him. I did this and it helped a lot. Let my buddy take the lead so I could just learn to be comfortable around and have a conversation with a woman without getting all choked up and without the focus being on me.

I am, however, done buying drinks for women... if you're not interested then don't effing mooch off my wallet... have the damn decency to blow me off, call me ugly, yell rape, whatever... I just spent an entire night last week buying drinks for a girl, everything was GREAT... end of the night "can I get your number? 'oh I have a boyfriend, bye!'"... b.i.t.c.h.m.o.v.e.

 

[xX_Sarah_Xx]

after she registers my interest, what happens next? lol.

Lol! Good question... but unfortunately you can't follow some kind of chart of actions. During the whole proces, you have to pay attention to all the signals and vibes she sends off.
The registration of your interest, doesn't mean she's interested in you too. If she is however, she'll find a way to catch your eye again. Maybe she'll pass you on the way to the bathroom, or maybe you go get drinks for your friends and happen to pass her, and your eyes meet again.
Not a good idea to start staring though. Or being too obvious. When you come on too strong, you'll scare her off. (Or she'll just think you're somewhat weird ) When you don't act, she'll think you're not interested. It's a fine line to walk, just needs a lot of practicing.
And that's only the first step... after the eyecontact, you need to go and talk to her. Thing is... most women won't bite. At the very least if you misinterpreted the eyecontact, she'll be polite. If she's not, definitely not worth spending any more time with.

I am, however, done buying drinks for women... if you're not interested then don't effing mooch off my wallet... have the damn decency to blow me off, call me ugly, yell rape, whatever... I just spent an entire night last week buying drinks for a girl, everything was GREAT... end of the night "can I get your number? 'oh I have a boyfriend, bye!'"... b.i.t.c.h.m.o.v.e.

This is a bitchmove indeed. It's taking advantage of someone. Unfortunately... selfish indecent people do exist. But... would have been easily solved by just asking if she was seeing someone. I mean if you were talking for long enough to have been buying her multiple drinks, why didn't you just ask her? Obviously, you were interested in knowing

 

[Jonesy98]

This is a bitchmove indeed. It's taking advantage of someone. Unfortunately... selfish indecent people do exist. But... would have been easily solved by just asking if she was seeing someone. I mean if you were talking for long enough to have been buying her multiple drinks, why didn't you just ask her? Obviously, you were interested in knowing

Too shy:biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:?

 

[SprinkleMe69]

I give anyone a chance. That's just how I am.

 

[mexdude]

Jonesy98 , i was like u, but i dnt have any wing man to get help now, so the best thing i can do, is just to shake the fears and talk to girls wherever i can

 

[shyyguy123]

I'm very shy. Shy to the point of being very passive with women.

My obvservation and experience is that no matter what they say about shy guys, if they think you're attractive enough they'll give you a chance.

 

[Jonesy98]

annnnnnnnnndddddddddddddd I successfully wing'd for my new stag buddy since last I chimed in here! (The guy I wing'd for previously is now tied down... not my doing)

Let's hear it for the assist! It's better than a cock-block AND it helps with confidence.

 

[rob_just_rob]

Interesting thread.

It reads (to me, anyway) that people are lumping a lot of different outward personality types under the heading "shy", though.

 

[pokerus]

I'm going to say: men who are too nervous to approach women first. And the question being: would you as a woman, be willing approach him first?

That was my original thought. But this topic brought a lot on to the table. There's a lot of variables that this thread addressed.

 

[jennizeus]

awww i love the shy guys
the quiet ones usually end up not being so quiet after all

 

[GarthMerenghi]

 

[jennizeus]

 

[MoneyForNothing]

awww i love the shy guys
the quiet ones usually end up not being so quiet after all

Quiet and shy are not to be conflated.