Ever had a "Man Crush?"

[invisibleman]

Bromance or man crush.

Menfatuation. Getting brokeback. Trippin' the heart mantastic. Buddy love.

All this seems so homoerotic. (Everyday, I get an unrequited man crush on some male--straight, bi or gay. Hey, blame it all on my gay testosterone!!! I don't mind the fantasies though.)

 

[B_VoodooGuy]

My friends in high school used to get man crushes on each other, myself, and, most often, our ridiculously intelligent teachers. I found it amusing.

 

[D_Roland_D_Hay]

yes...I'm gay but have a str8 mancrush on DJG!..HE so funny

I have a mancrush on Indistrialsize!!! Oops did I say that out loud?

 

[B_Guy Love]

First of all, I think I have a man crush on you because you're stunning, VoodooGuy.

Second of all, I actually have a man crush on the entire male gender. See: http://www.lpsg.org/relationships-discrimination-and-jealousy/44881-straight-men-are-beautiful.html

Though this thread is about straight men only, I have a man crush on gay men as well. Gay men are usually very intelligent and creative and artistic.

Let's face it. Men are the superior gender, LOL. :biggrin1:

My friends in high school used to get man crushes on each other, myself, and, most often, our ridiculously intelligent teachers. I found it amusing.

 

[vibratingfinger]

I think that the the phrase might have been derived from "girl crush" which I believe first came to mainstream attention through a NYtimes article.

To think that men are incapable of experiencing the same feeling is ridiculous. I'd say most if not all straight men have had man crushes. I know I have, but it did not involve any sexual desire. Only admiration.

 

[B_josiah852]

I have never had a crush on another male. Lust ? Yes.

 

[TxAg]

I suppose the term means something like this:
A mostly (or all) "str8" guy feels an almost subconscious "attraction" to another male friend who is good looking, well built, and perhaps well endowed. He likes hanging around this guy, and also wants this guy to be around him. He "likes" the guy a lot and wants the guy to like him in return.

Most of the definitions I've seen for the term, 'man crush', deny that the attraction is sexual. They said it's basically a form of envy. That envy could centre on physical attributes (in the sense of wanting to have them), but just as likely on personality, wealth, employment, etc.

Of course, whoever wrote the denial obviously protesteth too much.

 

[datdude]

As a straight guy, the answer is no.

I have admired other men. Men who have made me a better person, such as my history proffesor in college. He gave me knowledge and opened up my eyes from ignorance.

I also have admired my older cousin and learned a lot on how to pick up chicks, from watching him when I was a young teen. He got a lot women.

I also had a lot of respect for a guy I played abll with from another school. Me and him have fist fought and played extremly hard on the court. Although after it all we where friends and we had a lot of respect for each other.

Then agian Im 0 on Kinsey scale, so I dont find men to be sexual in any way.

Although I sware I think a guy in college who was suppose to be straight had one on me.

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

Yeah, both terms are pretty platonic nature.

To have a man crush, a guy [usually straight] needs to have a healthy and acknowledged dose of platonic love for another guy [also straight]. A bromance simply means that the platonic love is reciprocated. If it becomes sexual, then there's a whole different level of "crushing" that applies.

 

[D_Portelay Porquesword]

Absolutely. It does not happen that often anymore, as my taste have become a bit more refined. :wink:

 

[cockoloco]

Yes, I've had. And even if I'm bisexual and I'm interested in (some) men sexually, I have had 'mancrushes' with friends without me feeling the slightest sexual attraction. Only extremely good friends.
I must admit that I can be a little bit posessive with my friends (male or female), so that's maybe it.

 

[Meniscus]

Count me among the gay guys who have had "man crushes" in the past. I've found the experiences confusing as hell, because I couldn't figure out why I liked these guys so much when I was sure I wasn't attracted to them. I'm glad to learn it's not such an uncommon thing, and that straight guys experience it, too.

 

[223790]

Hellluuuurrrrr... it's called a "bromance." :tongue:

I've experienced it before, yeah. It's as if there's such a rush behind meeting someone new; you're captivated, maybe not in the jump-your-bones kinda way, but you feel really really good and energized being around this person. Being in his company brings out the best of your personality traits, and in interacting with them, there's a really good camaraderie and fit. It's also a little disarming. Being so struck by this individual and knowing that there's good friendship chemistry present, you start letting down your guard/boundaries down a little more quickly than with most people.

Mind you, this is a lot of emotional stuff. I think the physical attraction might fit in there somewhere, but I think it's minimal and fleeting. I can acknowledge someone looks good, but you don't really take on a buddy just because of his muscles or dick, right? That's admiration. It can be present but not necessary.

Bromance or man crush, whoever this person is, he's a good guy and he's special. Whether it's an online friend or a real life one, you hope for these good feelings not to fade too soon and you hope that a friendship develops and grows stronger.

I've only had one mancrush in my life. You described it perfectly DeeBlackthorne.

The only mancrush I ever had was with a buddy of mine in university. Unfortunately, we have now gone our seperate ways, but I do miss him and think about him a lot. However, I don't think we could ever be friends again. Another poster mentioned that a person's significant other gets alarmed when they see their partner forming a close bond with another friend. That was what happened in my case. He had an extremely possessive and controlling gf/now wife that resented our friendship. At one point she told him that she was jealous of me. We used to do everything together, and a lot of people used to say that we even looked similar to each other. I loved him more than I loved my own brother (who I have never been close to anyways) and I think the feeling was mutual. I felt so comfortable around him and felt like I had found a soul mate in a friend. I poured my heart out to him and he told me things that he claimed he never told anyone else. We worked together, studied together, worked out together, travelled overseas together. We felt comfortable enough to be naked around each other, shower together (completely non-sexual) and sleep in the same bed together. At one point, our mancrush for each other almost became sexual, but we both backed off. I found it confusing as a straight guy that I had such intense feelings for another guy. At one point I was starting to question if I was gay and in love with him. After our "almost" encounter I realized that it was just a mancrush. I couldn't go through with it, but have sometimes wondered what would have happened if I did. Our friendship started to go downhill when he got married. I was incredibly hurt that he didn't ask me to be in his wedding party (I'm sure his wife had something to do with it however another friend told me it was probably because "I knew too much" - in other words because he confided in me about his infidelity when he was dating his fiance). After that, the intense feelings I had for him started to fade and I was filled with anger and resentment towards him and his wife. When I got married, I purposely excluded him and he became angry about that - even though he claimed it wouldn't bother him if I did what he did when I confronted him about my not being included in his wedding party.

You know, karma is a wonderful thing. His best man (his supposed "best friend") didn't show up for his bachelor party because his furnace was broken and he needed to wait for the repairman to come and fix it - in early September! It's usually about 35 degrees celcius that time of year. My friend was crushed and it looked good on him. He got really drunk at his bachelor party and started telling me that I was his true best friend and what a great guy I was. That was hardly comforting as I was pretty much the only guy there who wasn't included in his wedding party. After he got married I moved away to travel around the world and I resettled on the other side of the country to finish my studies. He came out to see me with his wife and I stayed the night at one of their friends place with them. Him and his wife slept on a pull-out bed and I slept on the floor. In the middle of the night, he slipped his hand into mine and it remained there for most of the night. It wasn't sexual, just comfortable for both of us. After my studies, I returned home and our friendship faded. After many refused and ignored invites to get together I gave up on him. I haven't seen him in 5 years now. I don't think I will ever feel that close to another guy again.

Thanks for reading. It felt good to share that.

P.S. The concept of a mancrush was also on an episode of Seinfeld when George developed a strong non-sexual attraction to another guy.

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

Hellluuuurrrrr... it's called a "bromance." :tongue:

I've experienced it before, yeah. It's as if there's such a rush behind meeting someone new; you're captivated, maybe not in the jump-your-bones kinda way, but you feel really really good and energized being around this person. Being in his company brings out the best of your personality traits, and in interacting with them, there's a really good camaraderie and fit. It's also a little disarming. Being so struck by this individual and knowing that there's good friendship chemistry present, you start letting down your guard/boundaries down a little more quickly than with most people.

Mind you, this is a lot of emotional stuff. I think the physical attraction might fit in there somewhere, but I think it's minimal and fleeting. I can acknowledge someone looks good, but you don't really take on a buddy just because of his muscles or dick, right? That's admiration. It can be present but not necessary.

Bromance or man crush, whoever this person is, he's a good guy and he's special. Whether it's an online friend or a real life one, you hope for these good feelings not to fade too soon and you hope that a friendship develops and grows stronger.

Bromance is a good word for it! I had/have a bromance, not in a physical way, just the fact that those people were thinking the same as I, have the same intrests, etc is so cool!
I have a lot of good girlfriends and just a few male friends. Because of that, I think it's great to talk with someone of the same gender about everything. In the past I had a real good friend, we can talk about everything, it was fun and cool, eventually we split roads, but that isn't bad.

At the moment I have met a real great guy who has the same intrests as me, have the same ideas, etc. Just an awesome guy! The only thing we are different is that he gets laid all the time and I don't, hahahaha!

I don't see it as a gay thing or a bi thing, just two guys with almost the same character. A guy needs some input from other guys, not only from girls.

Cheers!

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

This whole Strt8 thing is a bunch of bull shit. It makes me wanna put a wig and dress on all of them.

That brings back memories to me of you as Marie Antoinette in 1978. You were lovely.

 

[killerb]

I had a man crush on a kid when I was in elementary school (I guess that would make it a boy crush, eh?)...I thought he was the coolest kid around & all the girls LOVED him...somehow we became friends & I remember being surprised that he wanted to hang out with me as much as I wanted to hang out with him...it was great until his family moved away to another state...

 

[piratebulldog]

There were some pretty revealing statements made about this topic in the above posts.

I don't particulary care for the name 'man crush' or 'bromance' in terms of attaching a name to what I felt as a younger man. Yet, they are probably pretty apt.

It seems that for many men we have these intense relationships with other men in our early twenties. For some it can even me a sexual thing. Mine never developed sexually but I do understand how it could 'almost' become sexual in some situations. You put the right situation together and it could happen. However, it is a phenomenon that does seem to leave us as we become full blown adult men. Most straight men never have an intense relationship with another man or group of men as those we had in college or in the military. I suppose there are some occupations that allow for that kind of camaraderie and bonded intensity but there are few.

I have known of a few men who have felt that way about me. You can see it in their eyes and how they react. Some describe as a little brother - big brother relationship. However, I have younger brothers and that does not describe it either. There is something a bit more intense about it and yes, there is a physical attraction dynamism to it.

Now in my mid thirties I don't have those type of relationships with other men.

 

[Meniscus]

...Another poster mentioned that a person's significant other gets alarmed when they see their partner forming a close bond with another friend. That was what happened in my case. He had an extremely possessive and controlling gf/now wife that resented our friendship. At one point she told him that she was jealous of me...

I've definitely experienced losing friends--not even guy's I had man-crushes on--to a jealous, possessive, and/or controlling girlfriend. Many years ago, while visiting a friend from college, his girlfriend "got sick" and he had to leave to take care of her, so I was left alone at his apartment to entertain myself. We kept in touch for a little while after that, up until he married her, but that visit was the last time I saw him. I chose not to attend the wedding (it was in Wis-fucking-consin and I couldn't afford the flight or the time off for the trip). I don't think he ever forgave me for that.

I've also been on ther other side, where I was jealous of the new girlfriend. I've known a couple of guys who started dating some really lovely women. I wanted to be happy for them, but it was hard when I was feeling abandoned and ignored. I understand that the girlfriend comes first, especially when the relationship is new and things are kind of intense, but you've still got to make time for your friends...if you want to keep them as friends. A couple of these guys apparently decided my friendship wasn't worth that much to them...I was rather hurt when I realized that, but it's old news--I've accepted it and moved on.

Thanks for reading. It felt good to share that.

Thanks for sharing.

 

[THEDUDEofDestiny]

Its totally true..
I have very few Friends.. all male.. I dont really have any female friends.. cause.. well guys are more fun to hang out with.. (most times)
anyway...
I feel that it is totally possible to have a 'mancrush' or.. as dee put it, a 'bromance' good one there dee..

A bromance goes beyond a drinking buddy, or a casual male friend, they are a special guy that you can pour your heart out to, and viceversa..

they dont have to be good looking, but most of my friends are..
hmmmm

anway.. i got off track..
they dont have to be goodlooking, or have a big dick...
im a totally straight guy, (except that im always in the gym and want to do hair)
and I can say I really value the relationships I have with my 'special' male friends.

this post is not the post of a straight male

 

[Meniscus]

It seems that for many men we have these intense relationships with other men in our early twenties...However, it is a phenomenon that does seem to leave us as we become full blown adult men. Most straight men never have an intense relationship with another man or group of men as those we had in college or in the military. I suppose there are some occupations that allow for that kind of camaraderie and bonded intensity but there are few.

I agree with you that for most men these sorts of relationship occur primarily among men in their 20s, and they don't continue past that age. But you seem to be implying that it's something men outgrow, and that "fully adult" (and fully straight) men don't (and shouldn't?) want or need or have such relationships. Did I misunderstand you?

I have an alternative theory as to why most men don't have "bromances" past a certain age: It's because they get married. When a man gets married, his wife fulfills the role of soul-mate and intimate confidant that another man may at one time have filled. As other have noted, it's difficult if not impossible to keep a bromance going when one of the guys gets a wife or girlfriend.

Also, the lifestyle of someone who is working full time to support himself is not as conducive to forming such friendship as the college or military. I don't mean to say that being in the military isn't full time work--and extraordinarily difficult work at that--but it involves working and living closely with other men, which is not true of most other jobs. I'm just speculating at this point, but I wouldn't be surprised if firefighters were able to sustain bromances well into adulthood, and even after marriage, because their work environment is conducive to it.