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Originally Posted by piratebulldog [URL]http://www.lpsg.org/images36/buttons/viewpost.gif[/URL]
It seems that for many men we have these intense relationships with other men in our early twenties...However, it is a phenomenon that does seem to leave us as we become full blown adult men. Most straight men never have an intense relationship with another man or group of men as those we had in college or in the military. I suppose there are some occupations that allow for that kind of camaraderie and bonded intensity but there are few.
I agree with you that for most men these sorts of relationship occur primarily among men in their 20s, and they don't continue past that age. But you seem to be implying that it's something men outgrow, and that "fully adult" (and fully straight) men don't (and shouldn't?) want or need or have such relationships. Did I misunderstand you?
I have an alternative theory as to why most men don't have "bromances" past a certain age: It's because they get married. When a man gets married, his wife fulfills the role of soul-mate and intimate confidant that another man may at one time have filled. As other have noted, it's difficult if not impossible to keep a bromance going when one of the guys gets a wife or girlfriend.
Also, the lifestyle of someone who is working full time to support himself is not as conducive to forming such friendship as the college or military. I don't mean to say that being in the military isn't full time work--and extraordinarily difficult work at that--but it involves working and living closely with other men, which is not true of most other jobs. I'm just speculating at this point, but I wouldn't be surprised if firefighters were able to sustain bromances well into adulthood, and even after marriage, because their work environment is conducive to it.
You both raise excellent points. That was in my 20s and I am now in my 40's. It's true that your wife begins to fulfill the role of being your soul mate and that your lifestyle (when you enter the work world) is no longer conducive to establishing those types of close friendships with other guys. I love my wife more than anything - she is my best friend (pardon the cliche, but it's true) and is my soul mate, but I miss the close friendship, comraderie and male bonding that only another male can provide. My hectic work schedule and spending time with my wife makes it impossible for me to find another friend like that and develop that level of trust and respect with another guy. I think that I may also be to scarred and jaded from my experience with my last "mancrush" to ever let myself be that vulnerable again.
Originally Posted by piratebulldog [URL]http://www.lpsg.org/images36/buttons/viewpost.gif[/URL]
It seems that for many men we have these intense relationships with other men in our early twenties...However, it is a phenomenon that does seem to leave us as we become full blown adult men. Most straight men never have an intense relationship with another man or group of men as those we had in college or in the military. I suppose there are some occupations that allow for that kind of camaraderie and bonded intensity but there are few.
I agree with you that for most men these sorts of relationship occur primarily among men in their 20s, and they don't continue past that age. But you seem to be implying that it's something men outgrow, and that "fully adult" (and fully straight) men don't (and shouldn't?) want or need or have such relationships. Did I misunderstand you?
I have an alternative theory as to why most men don't have "bromances" past a certain age: It's because they get married. When a man gets married, his wife fulfills the role of soul-mate and intimate confidant that another man may at one time have filled. As other have noted, it's difficult if not impossible to keep a bromance going when one of the guys gets a wife or girlfriend.
Also, the lifestyle of someone who is working full time to support himself is not as conducive to forming such friendship as the college or military. I don't mean to say that being in the military isn't full time work--and extraordinarily difficult work at that--but it involves working and living closely with other men, which is not true of most other jobs. I'm just speculating at this point, but I wouldn't be surprised if firefighters were able to sustain bromances well into adulthood, and even after marriage, because their work environment is conducive to it.
You both raise excellent points. That was in my 20s and I am now in my 40's. It's true that your wife begins to fulfill the role of being your soul mate and that your lifestyle (when you enter the work world) is no longer conducive to establishing those types of close friendships with other guys. I love my wife more than anything - she is my best friend (pardon the cliche, but it's true) and is my soul mate, but I miss the close friendship, comraderie and male bonding that only another male can provide. My hectic work schedule and spending time with my wife makes it impossible for me to find another friend like that and develop that level of trust and respect with another guy. I think that I may also be to scarred and jaded from my experience with my last "mancrush" to ever let myself be that vulnerable again.
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