Ever had a "Man Crush?"

2

223790

Guest
Quote:
Originally Posted by piratebulldog [URL]http://www.lpsg.org/images36/buttons/viewpost.gif[/URL]
It seems that for many men we have these intense relationships with other men in our early twenties...However, it is a phenomenon that does seem to leave us as we become full blown adult men. Most straight men never have an intense relationship with another man or group of men as those we had in college or in the military. I suppose there are some occupations that allow for that kind of camaraderie and bonded intensity but there are few.

I agree with you that for most men these sorts of relationship occur primarily among men in their 20s, and they don't continue past that age. But you seem to be implying that it's something men outgrow, and that "fully adult" (and fully straight) men don't (and shouldn't?) want or need or have such relationships. Did I misunderstand you?

I have an alternative theory as to why most men don't have "bromances" past a certain age: It's because they get married. When a man gets married, his wife fulfills the role of soul-mate and intimate confidant that another man may at one time have filled. As other have noted, it's difficult if not impossible to keep a bromance going when one of the guys gets a wife or girlfriend.

Also, the lifestyle of someone who is working full time to support himself is not as conducive to forming such friendship as the college or military. I don't mean to say that being in the military isn't full time work--and extraordinarily difficult work at that--but it involves working and living closely with other men, which is not true of most other jobs. I'm just speculating at this point, but I wouldn't be surprised if firefighters were able to sustain bromances well into adulthood, and even after marriage, because their work environment is conducive to it.


You both raise excellent points. That was in my 20s and I am now in my 40's. It's true that your wife begins to fulfill the role of being your soul mate and that your lifestyle (when you enter the work world) is no longer conducive to establishing those types of close friendships with other guys. I love my wife more than anything - she is my best friend (pardon the cliche, but it's true) and is my soul mate, but I miss the close friendship, comraderie and male bonding that only another male can provide. My hectic work schedule and spending time with my wife makes it impossible for me to find another friend like that and develop that level of trust and respect with another guy. I think that I may also be to scarred and jaded from my experience with my last "mancrush" to ever let myself be that vulnerable again.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

goldeneye

Experimental Member
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Posts
510
Media
0
Likes
23
Points
163
Sexuality
80% Straight, 20% Gay
Gender
Male
Count me among the gay guys who have had "man crushes" in the past. I've found the experiences confusing as hell, because I couldn't figure out why I liked these guys so much when I was sure I wasn't attracted to them. I'm glad to learn it's not such an uncommon thing, and that straight guys experience it, too.

Oh, how interesting; I didn't really realize it could be experienced by gay guys, too, as narrow-minded as that sounds.

I've of course had them, in the past with friends at school or whatever. I also had a couple of them with guys in college but I soon after realized I was bi and that those few in college were actually very early REAL crushes on guys.

Now I'm in a sort of weird place with my best guy friend...I've had a straightforward guy-crush on him for a few years, and that was that because I didn't consider him my type and was absolutely not attracted to him in any way beyond platonic. Over the last year and a half or two, I've kinda also started developing a real crush on top of it. It's............not fun. I also have a horrible crush on his girlfriend.
 

piratebulldog

Experimental Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2008
Posts
85
Media
0
Likes
9
Points
103
Location
So CAL
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
To help clarify a question: I do think that men continue to have a need to have solid, close relationships beyond their twenties. For most of us, our wives and families meet many of these needs and require the time and effort it takes to maintain those relationships. We let our relationship with men slide. Then we reach an age where we cannot spend the time necessary to develop such relationships. They tend to be superficial only because of lack of time. I do think it is a need we have throughout our lives.
 
2

223790

Guest
To help clarify a question: I do think that men continue to have a need to have solid, close relationships beyond their twenties. For most of us, our wives and families meet many of these needs and require the time and effort it takes to maintain those relationships. We let our relationship with men slide. Then we reach an age where we cannot spend the time necessary to develop such relationships. They tend to be superficial only because of lack of time. I do think it is a need we have throughout our lives.

I agree. I have found as I've gotten older though that most guys don't seem interested in pursuing close friendships. I've given up out of frustration. Their wives, children and jobs seem to take up all of their time. I'm lucky if I see any of my old university friends once a year. Trying to get together for something as simple as a dinner seems to be next to impossible.
 

Meniscus

Legendary Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Posts
3,434
Media
0
Likes
1,946
Points
333
Location
Massachusetts, United States of America
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
pirate, thanks for the clarification.

I agree. I have found as I've gotten older though that most guys don't seem interested in pursuing close friendships. I've given up out of frustration. Their wives, children and jobs seem to take up all of their time. I'm lucky if I see any of my old university friends once a year. Trying to get together for something as simple as a dinner seems to be next to impossible.

I can relate. It's especially difficult for me being single, because most other people my age are married with kids. My college friends are all long-distance, and my post-college friends have drifted away as their families take up all their free time. I know I need to make new friends, but I don't know how.
 

B_henry miller

Expert Member
Joined
Aug 7, 2007
Posts
2,917
Media
0
Likes
174
Points
193
Location
Big Sur, California
Gender
Male
I'm not sure. I know though that many psychologist assert that all friendships are based to some degree on mutual (physical) atraction.

I remember hearing that typically people make friends with people of the same level of attractiveness. Well built and in-shape people are usually friends with well built and attractive people, etc.
 

B_henry miller

Expert Member
Joined
Aug 7, 2007
Posts
2,917
Media
0
Likes
174
Points
193
Location
Big Sur, California
Gender
Male
Wow. This is exactly what I'm going through. In my early to mid 20s I had a situation of working intensely closely with someone where we had a bromance. Now, in our early and mid 30s, it's hard to hold on. He's married with two children and a very demanding job that amounts to a full-time and a part-time job. We do our best to hold on, but it's difficult.

I think that society just isolates men as they get older. Men are expected to be the bread winners, and the way the economy is set up does not allow for men to bond with other men that well. And I hate to say it, but I often think that women want to isolate their men from their friends. Wives/girlfriends get jealous very easily.

Quote:
Originally Posted by piratebulldog [URL]http://www.lpsg.org/images36/buttons/viewpost.gif[/URL]
It seems that for many men we have these intense relationships with other men in our early twenties...However, it is a phenomenon that does seem to leave us as we become full blown adult men. Most straight men never have an intense relationship with another man or group of men as those we had in college or in the military. I suppose there are some occupations that allow for that kind of camaraderie and bonded intensity but there are few.

I agree with you that for most men these sorts of relationship occur primarily among men in their 20s, and they don't continue past that age. But you seem to be implying that it's something men outgrow, and that "fully adult" (and fully straight) men don't (and shouldn't?) want or need or have such relationships. Did I misunderstand you?

I have an alternative theory as to why most men don't have "bromances" past a certain age: It's because they get married. When a man gets married, his wife fulfills the role of soul-mate and intimate confidant that another man may at one time have filled. As other have noted, it's difficult if not impossible to keep a bromance going when one of the guys gets a wife or girlfriend.

Also, the lifestyle of someone who is working full time to support himself is not as conducive to forming such friendship as the college or military. I don't mean to say that being in the military isn't full time work--and extraordinarily difficult work at that--but it involves working and living closely with other men, which is not true of most other jobs. I'm just speculating at this point, but I wouldn't be surprised if firefighters were able to sustain bromances well into adulthood, and even after marriage, because their work environment is conducive to it.


You both raise excellent points. That was in my 20s and I am now in my 40's. It's true that your wife begins to fulfill the role of being your soul mate and that your lifestyle (when you enter the work world) is no longer conducive to establishing those types of close friendships with other guys. I love my wife more than anything - she is my best friend (pardon the cliche, but it's true) and is my soul mate, but I miss the close friendship, comraderie and male bonding that only another male can provide. My hectic work schedule and spending time with my wife makes it impossible for me to find another friend like that and develop that level of trust and respect with another guy. I think that I may also be to scarred and jaded from my experience with my last "mancrush" to ever let myself be that vulnerable again.
 

B_Hung Jon

Loved Member
Joined
Jul 4, 2007
Posts
4,124
Media
0
Likes
535
Points
193
Location
Los Angeles, California
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
To me this is called friendship and love. It may be physical or not but if the care, interest and involvement are there, it's a relationship. It's simple to me. I don't care about the gender of the person.
 

Short&Thick

Experimental Member
Joined
Mar 8, 2006
Posts
37
Media
0
Likes
12
Points
228
Location
Southern California
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
Yes I guess so. As in my profile, I don't have much experience, so I'm kinda undecided on my sexuality. BOTH sexes find me attractive, and me likewise. They flirt and such.

I guess I had sorta a "bromance" with a guy online. He identified as being "straight" and was even kinda a homophobe. And, yet it was one of the deepest friendships with a guy I've had. We would talk for hours on end daily sharing just about everything. Eventually it culminated in a cybering type deal where we became "intimate" online. It was very weird, but very enjoyable too.

Because it was an online thingy, I'm not sure it counts. Shortly thereafter, he left the online community, said he needed to pay more attention to life offline. I dunno if our "bromance" bothered him or not. I guess I'll never know. Very close relationship and it affected me deeply though, and yet strangely I think of our relationship as "platonic" for the most part more like a lost brother. Occasionally I cry a tear over him still.

In r/l, I've had closey type relationships with both sexes, but still little experience sadly. Really pathetic I know. I hope I can meet someone like him in r/l, or touch bases with him again somehow.

And, in general I still consider myself "mostly straight" but yeah I'm probably at least a 2 on the Kinsey scale as a result of this. :p
 

alex8.5

Admired Member
Joined
Mar 1, 2007
Posts
1,672
Media
0
Likes
812
Points
333
Location
Bel Air, California. USA
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
In my very early 20's I lived with a roomate "Michael" we worked together and lived together and partied together. He was and still is probably the straightest man I know. He would literally look at a woman and she would fall in into bed with him. He is beyond beautiful, real blond, piercing green eyes, a body most models would die for and a nice above average sized cock, but he has huge bull balls, and a nice hairy chest. He is 5'6". Not the tallest guy around, but very sweet.

I was completely in love with him (or so I thought), Most of the time we came home with women and clubbing all night and fuck the rest of the night away, at times all four of us would share a bed and switch up partners. We men would not touch each other. Even though once I did manage to get his cock in my mouth for 10 seconds. I felt guilty about that after.

I really thought I loved this guy, we were together all the time, we even went on vacations together, of course women would just us. I was not that interested in the lady. A few times, we were at the cottage, he would come out in his red speedo, his girlfriend would be all over him, ant the lady who was with me, would start blowing me while I looked at Michael and fantasized abouth him. I was really hooked on this guy.

After living together for three years, i made the choice to get my own place, i just couldn't take seeing him every single day anymore, and I had to figure stuff out. He got a job offer in Oregon, and we did not see each other for about 2 years. Now we are still in contact and good frineds. He of course now knows I'm gay, and he is married.

At the time I really had a Bromance. What a crush I had on this man.
 

goldeneye

Experimental Member
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Posts
510
Media
0
Likes
23
Points
163
Sexuality
80% Straight, 20% Gay
Gender
Male
No, see, I think that very clearly crosses over the line, as vaguely defined as it can be. That is NOT anybody's bromance, that's just plain flat-out being in love with someone.