Ever wonder if what you want exists?

[Mr Ed in Mass]

I believe it's a unicorn

 

[1296135]

I am beginning to think I have a better chance at finding a Unicorn then a boyfriend with the things I am looking for in a man. I didn't think finding a mentally stable, not over weight, not feminine gay man who likes daily sex was all that much to ask for but apparently it is.

 

[1296135]

On top of that what also seems to be difficult is finding a gay man who want to date men around there age. It seems like most gay men want to date men that are not even remotely close to there are own age.

 

[ohiorod]

I have a type that I would tell you that I am into. However, every relationship that I have been in that was serious and last a significant period of time, the guy never even remotely looked like my type. However, in each of those relationships and particularly the one I am in now, I have or had more than I ever really wanted. But the common denominator was I got to know the person before even thinking about sex. Maybe I have just been blessed with having some wonderful people in my life at various times.

 

[IntactMale]

I go through long periods in which I give up on finding anyone and resign myself to a life of solitude. Every few years I break that and date one person. It usually lasts a few months, and despite things being "okay" I have to end it, always for reasons that are justifiable, at least from my perspective.

I worry now that I'm too old to be of interest to anyone that I would be interested in. And I'm so oblivious to subtlety that I can't tell if anyone actually has interest in me until after the opportunity is over.

I feel like my expectations are actually pretty reasonable, but I sometimes feel like someone would have to have lower expectations to have any interest in being with me. And the type of person that would have expectations that low would not be someone I would want to be with, so I would rather just be alone as sad as it is.

 

[Dave NoCal]

I go through long periods in which I give up on finding anyone and resign myself to a life of solitude. Every few years I break that and date one person. It usually lasts a few months, and despite things being "okay" I have to end it, always for reasons that are justifiable, at least from my perspective.

I worry now that I'm too old to be of interest to anyone that I would be interested in. And I'm so oblivious to subtlety that I can't tell if anyone actually has interest in me until after the opportunity is over.

I feel like my expectations are actually pretty reasonable, but I sometimes feel like someone would have to have lower expectations to have any interest in being with me. And the type of person that would have expectations that low would not be someone I would want to be with, so I would rather just be alone as sad as it is.

I think it was W.C. Fields who famously said words to the effect that he would not care to belong to any club that would stoop so low as to accept him as a member. It appears to me that you have created a similar double bind for yourself. This seems like a real shame as I am sure that you are a nice person and appear to be cute.

 

[852838]

Well I'm reading this thread again and think I may, may have found someone who fits the bill of what I'm looking for. We've been out a few months now and it keeps getting better. He is 55, lost his first husband to cancer a few years ago and hasn't dated much since. We've really hit it off. He's funny, charming and sexy. Physically it's some of the best sex I've had.

 

[deleted3782]

Dang it! I like hearing of the guys who remain single...for inspiration. Another one bites the dust. #solo

 

[1046769]

It may have done but I have not found it. Though I have accepted this.

 

[Countryguy63]

I really don't know how to "find them"? I've been with the man of my dreams for 10 years, and when we first "met" (It was actually here, so we hadn't officially "met") I was coming out of a 12 year marriage, and then a 3 year relationship with another woman. I had no clue or hopes that we would end up together. We were on opposite coasts, there was/is a 20 year age difference, and to top it off, he had himself listed as 99% straight lol.

He originally messaged me about a response I had posted, and we got to talking. Those conversations got more frequent and moved into phone calls. 6 mos later he visited me for a week, and 3 mos after that, I flew over and drove him back across country, and we've been together ever since.

For me and many others, it really is true that you find it when you're not looking, and sometimes where your'e not looking, lol.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Focusing on what YOU WANT is a guaranteed ticket to depression and mopery.

I know rich people who got everything they wanted and they are among the most miserable people I have ever met. They just invent things they still can't get to be upset over.


Rather- the path to joy is found in looking at other people as intriguing, and perfectly acceptable for who they are... ( not to suggest who they are is something you want to live with )
Stop thinking about what you want and start thinking about what you can give.

realize that, for the most part, what others ask you to suffer in them is no worse than what you ask them to suffer in you.


i think people are having a hard time with relationship these days because they have become too demanding. Too insistent that they Deserve to have exactly what they want and should not have to put up with anything lesser.

The happiest relationship I know of are between two people who are far from perfect, but just don't care, or don't expect anyone to be perfect. They are more forgiving of one another's fault's and foibles. And tend to see what is tender, vulnerable, and worthy in one another... despite their imperfections.

Whenever I, as a child, expressed how much I wanted something, my grandmother used to say to me, " well, dear, why don't you shit in one hand and 'want' in the other and see which one fills up first?"


Perfect is the enemy of good.
And the less you think about yourself, the happier you will be.

We all need to to be more accepting and more forgiving.

 

[cherryboom66]

I just want to be happy. To be respected and loved.

I’ve been dating someone for a month, he’s been visiting me and I’ve been visiting him. Spent the weekend at his place and today I’ve been dumped.

So yeah, what I want isn’t going to be happening. And I’m not asking for a lot.

 

[328982]

I just want to be happy. To be respected and loved.

I’ve been dating someone for a month, he’s been visiting me and I’ve been visiting him. Spent the weekend at his place and today I’ve been dumped.

So yeah, what I want isn’t going to be happening. And I’m not asking for a lot.

Sorry to hear that

 

[AlteredEgo]

So yeah, what I want isn’t going to be happening. And I’m not asking for a lot.

Maybe not this time. Keep the faith. You're lovely, and I'm not talking about your pretty face. There will be a next time, and maybe they'll be the kind of person you want to be with. Best wishes.

 

[2461931]

I do wonder if I will ever find a decent guy. Sometimes I think it's just a sweet fantasy that I've come up with since so many men (at least the ones that I have met) seem content with just having sex and never going past that point. Just friends with benefits or fucking total strangers whenever the opportunity to blow their load arises. IDK, I hope my dream lover actually exists. I'd hate to be alone all my life.

 

[TheRob]

to be honest I keep finding more and more things I like so I just wonder if any woman is single for more then a week.....like seeriously there is never a time to get a chance today in my experience

 

[852838]

Well I'm reading this thread again and think I may, may have found someone who fits the bill of what I'm looking for. We've been out a few months now and it keeps getting better. He is 55, lost his first husband to cancer a few years ago and hasn't dated much since. We've really hit it off. He's funny, charming and sexy. Physically it's some of the best sex I've had.

Well want to report that it's probably gone as far as it's going to. A week or so before this message he had a terrible cold and we didn't hang out for several days since he had a fever and such. We did speak on the phone and he sounded terrible. Then after being sick he had some things to catch up on at work and a big deadline. Cool. He always answered my text messages but anytime I made a suggestion about hanging out he always had a reason. We haven't seen each other now in over a month and while he answered my text message yesterday he again dismissed any idea of hanging out this upcoming weekend.

I do not understand why guys do this and not just say "hey it was fun while it lasted but I'm really not interested in you romantically" or "I've met someone else" or "I'm not looking for anything serious". Each time when I meet someone I make it clear that I am dating in hopes of finding something long term eventually. I just get tired of being left without an actual explanation. My feelings aren't hurt if someone tells me they aren't interested, they are hurt when they evade any questions about plans, eventually stop texting after what I perceived were good experiences, or use life events to throw up walls around communication.

The last one really hacks me off because over the past several years of dating in Atlanta I've met some okay guys who I really liked and during the course of our knowing one another for a few months a lot seemed to have some sort of life event happen where they suddenly acted as though they could no longer date until this was resolved. More than one guy used the "timing" line. My opinion: not many adults in our age brackets don't have long stretches of life where something isn't going on. One guy was buying a new house that needed some TLC, one guy's dog died, one was taking difficult class in graduate school (you get the idea). I understand all of these things require time and attention be given elsewhere for a period yet I didn't really get why these scenarios meant they suddenly had no time for lunch on a weekend, a ten minute call during the week, or responding to a quick text to see how their day was going. In all of these cases they appeared to and I just Chalked it up to "just not that into you". None ever gave me any explanation.

Yes I am being a bitter person today. Fire away with criticisms, I likely deserve them.

 

[rtg]

Well want to report that it's probably gone as far as it's going to. A week or so before this message he had a terrible cold and we didn't hang out for several days since he had a fever and such. We did speak on the phone and he sounded terrible. Then after being sick he had some things to catch up on at work and a big deadline. Cool. He always answered my text messages but anytime I made a suggestion about hanging out he always had a reason. We haven't seen each other now in over a month and while he answered my text message yesterday he again dismissed any idea of hanging out this upcoming weekend.

I do not understand why guys do this and not just say "hey it was fun while it lasted but I'm really not interested in you romantically" or "I've met someone else" or "I'm not looking for anything serious". Each time when I meet someone I make it clear that I am dating in hopes of finding something long term eventually. I just get tired of being left without an actual explanation. My feelings aren't hurt if someone tells me they aren't interested, they are hurt when they evade any questions about plans, eventually stop texting after what I perceived were good experiences, or use life events to throw up walls around communication.

The last one really hacks me off because over the past several years of dating in Atlanta I've met some okay guys who I really liked and during the course of our knowing one another for a few months a lot seemed to have some sort of life event happen where they suddenly acted as though they could no longer date until this was resolved. More than one guy used the "timing" line. My opinion: not many adults in our age brackets don't have long stretches of life where something isn't going on. One guy was buying a new house that needed some TLC, one guy's dog died, one was taking difficult class in graduate school (you get the idea). I understand all of these things require time and attention be given elsewhere for a period yet I didn't really get why these scenarios meant they suddenly had no time for lunch on a weekend, a ten minute call during the week, or responding to a quick text to see how their day was going. In all of these cases they appeared to and I just Chalked it up to "just not that into you". None ever gave me any explanation.

Yes I am being a bitter person today. Fire away with criticisms, I likely deserve them.

I’m sorry to hear this I don’t know why you think anyone would criticise you or why you deserve it. I completely relate to everything you have said in your post. (Well, except for actual recent dating experiences...)

Dating is a minefield. I’m finding it harder as I get older. I think partly because so many of the decent guys are taken, I don’t know where to even meet men, and I don’t put up with shit anymore from men so can probably sometimes seem a bit difficult. Also likely because I have quite a strong guard up. It may even be a fortress.

But if there is one thing I cannot stand it’s flaky behaviour, cowardice and dishonesty (okay that’s three lol). And all of those are characteristics of one who ghosts or stops putting in effort.

I’m actually happy on my own for once. But it would still be nice to have someone to share things with.

 

[Gj816]

Well want to report that it's probably gone as far as it's going to. A week or so before this message he had a terrible cold and we didn't hang out for several days since he had a fever and such. We did speak on the phone and he sounded terrible. Then after being sick he had some things to catch up on at work and a big deadline. Cool. He always answered my text messages but anytime I made a suggestion about hanging out he always had a reason. We haven't seen each other now in over a month and while he answered my text message yesterday he again dismissed any idea of hanging out this upcoming weekend.

I do not understand why guys do this and not just say "hey it was fun while it lasted but I'm really not interested in you romantically" or "I've met someone else" or "I'm not looking for anything serious". Each time when I meet someone I make it clear that I am dating in hopes of finding something long term eventually. I just get tired of being left without an actual explanation. My feelings aren't hurt if someone tells me they aren't interested, they are hurt when they evade any questions about plans, eventually stop texting after what I perceived were good experiences, or use life events to throw up walls around communication.

The last one really hacks me off because over the past several years of dating in Atlanta I've met some okay guys who I really liked and during the course of our knowing one another for a few months a lot seemed to have some sort of life event happen where they suddenly acted as though they could no longer date until this was resolved. More than one guy used the "timing" line. My opinion: not many adults in our age brackets don't have long stretches of life where something isn't going on. One guy was buying a new house that needed some TLC, one guy's dog died, one was taking difficult class in graduate school (you get the idea). I understand all of these things require time and attention be given elsewhere for a period yet I didn't really get why these scenarios meant they suddenly had no time for lunch on a weekend, a ten minute call during the week, or responding to a quick text to see how their day was going. In all of these cases they appeared to and I just Chalked it up to "just not that into you". None ever gave me any explanation.

Yes I am being a bitter person today. Fire away with criticisms, I likely deserve them.

Hey buddy, don't be so hard on yourself. If it's any consolation to you, it's no better in hetro dating either.

I've decided to look at it from a different perspective. It's their loss, not mine. If I'm not worth the few mins it takes to respond to a text message, they're not worth my time.

Too often others are all too self important. It's all about them and they give zero fucks about anything other than them. Life's too short for me to give these types of people any of my time.

That's not to say that I've quit looking, I'm simply more selective.

 

[HungBtmVegas]

Yes! Never had a problem finding great guys who are warm and passionate and attractive and have great cocks, but there's always that ONE thing that always seems to be missing and I'm starting to think it's a self-sabotaging delusion I have