Ever wonder if what you want exists?

[rtg]

Hey buddy, don't be so hard on yourself. If it's any consolation to you, it's no better in hetro dating either.

I've decided to look at it from a different perspective. It's their loss, not mine. If I'm not worth the few mins it takes to respond to a text message, they're not worth my time.

Too often others are all too self important. It's all about them and they give zero fucks about anything other than them. Life's too short for me to give these types of people any of my time.

That's not to say that I've quit looking, I'm simply more selective.

100%. Well said.

 

[spaj8987]

I wonder about that a lot. Depending on the topic i can really do people's ears in. There are many other issues with me finding a relationship but i've found the talking to be a very large part of why it would be so difficult. I find it extremely easy for people to not only get offended by what i say but for it to blow up spectacularly. So much so i sometimes think fate is telling me i need to do a lot more work on myself before a relationship is even possible. Along with the thought that maybe i need to move to a more open area. Or something to that effect.

So yeah, i think about that often.

 

[Mr Ed in Mass]

I believe it is possible and I'm trying to achieve it

 

[852838]

Well it's 2020 and I'm still wondering. I've had two brief "dates" with one guy already this year (Friday night and last night). He basically said he's looking for sex or "fun". Well I'm not opposed to fun but I've been burned by it before.

A "friend" reached out to me on Jan 1 and we text a little. This is the guy who lives in middle Georgia yet has to come to ATL for his job, training, etc. about every few months for a few days, plus he always seems to be in town for whatever reason. About 2016 he had just gotten a divorce and was newly "out" in the sense had admitted it to himself but his family didn't know. We chatted online for a bit and had an official date when his job brought him to town. He wanted to "try" sex and I was hesitant but we did it anyway. He apparently enjoyed it because the next thing I know he's out in town all the time despite living a few hours away, another bud slept with him along the way, and there was apparently many more gay hook ups in middle Georgia than I realized. He felt the need to regularly share with me how much fun he was having. Last spring he told me he had decided he wanted to settle down and how he hadn't stopped thinking about me. Okay, let's go out. He comes up for lunch on a Saturday last summer. I had seen him out once or twice since we had met but we hadn't talked face to face since end of 2016 or so. We chat a little and he tells me he wants to settle down and thinks we could have some potential. I told him that was fine but let's have a few dates and experiences to see how it goes before we hooked up again. He said fine. About two minutes later he said he had to go to the restroom. He never came back. I sat there for about 20 minutes, walked to the restroom and it was empty, didn't see him in the restaurant, figured out what happened.

So now he has apologized and wants to "try" again. He offered to Venmo the money for the lunch (like I remember what it cost lol). I accepted the apology, turned down the money but this time I told him no. I don't hate the guy for enjoying life but I'm not going there again.

As I've said I'm not a prude and yeah sex can be fun but I hope to find a partner/husband, not the next orgasm.

 

[long_uncut]

Well it's 2020 and I'm still wondering. I've had two brief "dates" with one guy already this year (Friday night and last night). He basically said he's looking for sex or "fun". Well I'm not opposed to fun but I've been burned by it before.

A "friend" reached out to me on Jan 1 and we text a little. This is the guy who lives in middle Georgia yet has to come to ATL for his job, training, etc. about every few months for a few days, plus he always seems to be in town for whatever reason. About 2016 he had just gotten a divorce and was newly "out" in the sense had admitted it to himself but his family didn't know. We chatted online for a bit and had an official date when his job brought him to town. He wanted to "try" sex and I was hesitant but we did it anyway. He apparently enjoyed it because the next thing I know he's out in town all the time despite living a few hours away, another bud slept with him along the way, and there was apparently many more gay hook ups in middle Georgia than I realized. He felt the need to regularly share with me how much fun he was having. Last spring he told me he had decided he wanted to settle down and how he hadn't stopped thinking about me. Okay, let's go out. He comes up for lunch on a Saturday last summer. I had seen him out once or twice since we had met but we hadn't talked face to face since end of 2016 or so. We chat a little and he tells me he wants to settle down and thinks we could have some potential. I told him that was fine but let's have a few dates and experiences to see how it goes before we hooked up again. He said fine. About two minutes later he said he had to go to the restroom. He never came back. I sat there for about 20 minutes, walked to the restroom and it was empty, didn't see him in the restaurant, figured out what happened.

So now he has apologized and wants to "try" again. He offered to Venmo the money for the lunch (like I remember what it cost lol). I accepted the apology, turned down the money but this time I told him no. I don't hate the guy for enjoying life but I'm not going there again.

As I've said I'm not a prude and yeah sex can be fun but I hope to find a partner/husband, not the next orgasm.

That guy is nothing but a jerk. He didn't have the guts to have a decent discussion with you. You are the much better man for how you handled things but I imagine most guys wouldn't have been so generous with accepting the apology.

 

[Gj816]

Good things come to those who wait. You handled that schmuck better than I would have. Sounds like he's a real tool. He was only thinking with his dick hungry ass. Trust me, he will probably cheat on whoever he ends up with.

The right man will come along. Meanwhile there's no point in not enjoying the ride until you two meet. Get yourself out there. Live life enjoy the view. When you least expect it it'll happen.

 

[852838]

Well Im back in the thread I started years ago with some possible good news. Just before all the craziness started I matched with a guy on Tinder and we immediately started chatting. We connected well and planned a date for what would turn out to be the weekend life turned upside down. We will met up for a bit but I think we were both a little tense about what was going on so it was a short meal in what was a borderline empty restaurant.

Since then we've talked every day and hung out a few times (breaking the rules I know lol). I sort of wondered if this was just the virus isolation distraction for him and he actually brought it up first, asking me if this had longer term potential. I was like "I think so". We have had sex a few times and it's been good, better after the first few times. He's actually my age for once, thicker, hairy guy who is very intelligent and has great sense of humor.

I'm guilty of getting too excited too soon more times than I can count. I do think we will have to see how the relationship develops post virus, whenever the hell that is, but he's reminded me there are a few non jerks out there. He's definitely helped make this time less stressful.

 

[Gj816]

Good for you. Take it one day at a time. Good luck.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

I just want to be happy. To be respected and loved.

I’ve been dating someone for a month, he’s been visiting me and I’ve been visiting him. Spent the weekend at his place and today I’ve been dumped.

So yeah, what I want isn’t going to be happening. And I’m not asking for a lot.

I'm sorry for your recent heartbreak.

But here's the thing I've learned in 63 years of living.

If you are happy- Then you will be respected and loved.


That is- happiness is not something you find thru another. You have to have that quality in and of yourself, regardless of who you are with or if you are alone.
Happiness is not getting what you want.
Its not a situation nor a circumstance.


Happiness is a perspective.

Its how you look at your life.


On Netflix right now is a movie called "About Time".
If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it.

 

[852838]

I'm sorry for your recent heartbreak.

But here's the thing I've learned in 63 years of living.

If you are happy- Then you will be respected and loved.


That is- happiness is not something you find thru another. You have to have that quality in and of yourself, regardless of who you are with or if you are alone.
Happiness is not getting what you want.
Its not a situation nor a circumstance.


Happiness is a perspective.

Its how you look at your life.


On Netflix right now is a movie called "About Time".
If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it.

I don't disagree with you statement but feel this type of feedback is oversimplified and doesn't always consider life circumstances. While I wouldn't say I was unhappy, I experienced an over two year battle with sadness, likely mild depression, and restlessness. At no point did I ever think "oh if I find someone that will be all I need to be happy" but it's tough to do life alone. Basically my father passed away, I had to take a lower paying job, and found myself watching all my friends, gay and straight, being to pair off. It was just tough to deal with a lot of those things all happening at the same time and while I was never interested in self harm, it made it tough to get up each day. People go through seasons of ups and downs and while someone may be unhappy for a time doesn't mean they are chronically unhappy, rather just down over one thing or another.

You are correct: happiness does come from within and not from some other person. But I am a believer that when a person has someone to walk beside them during the tough times, whether it be a friend or lover, then it makes the bounce back faster.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

I don't disagree with you statement but feel this type of feedback is oversimplified and doesn't always consider life circumstances. While I wouldn't say I was unhappy, I experienced an over two year battle with sadness, likely mild depression, and restlessness. At no point did I ever think "oh if I find someone that will be all I need to be happy" but it's tough to do life alone. Basically my father passed away, I had to take a lower paying job, and found myself watching all my friends, gay and straight, being to pair off. It was just tough to deal with a lot of those things all happening at the same time and while I was never interested in self harm, it made it tough to get up each day. People go through seasons of ups and downs and while someone may be unhappy for a time doesn't mean they are chronically unhappy, rather just down over one thing or another.

You are correct: happiness does come from within and not from some other person. But I am a believer that when a person has someone to walk beside them during the tough times, whether it be a friend or lover, then it makes the bounce back faster.

I have gone thru many hard times, myself.
Multiple deaths. Divorces. Financial ruin.

There are always sorrows in any life. But sorrow is not the same thing as not being happy.

Just because the answer to something is simple, does not mean its simplistic.

The hardest work you will ever do is to consciously change the way you look at life.
It means decades of practicing a new perspective... knowing that the moment you get fatigued you are likely to fall back into old patterns of thought. It means reasserting that new perspective when you slide back and keeping on with the work... repeatedly, until you burn a new pattern so deep into your brain that it becomes the way you just are.

I went from living in a 9000 square foot mansion overlooking the pacific ocean... with the beautiful woman of my dreams... to living in a 306 square foot corrugated tin shack with only one room and a murphy bed, alone.

From dining on fine china with a cordon bleu chef on staff... to having literally 2 plates and 2 forks to my name. And no one in my life to even use the second plate.

The only thing I truly missed was the love of that woman.

I went thru a dark period of feeling lonely- that lasted perhaps a week or two... and then I began again.
Rebuilding a community of people I care for and who care for me.

My shack was near where my son and daughter-in-law were raising my grandson... so I focused on being present in his life. I had to restart my business all over again... so I started taking on jobs that required assistance, and hired first one then a second apprentice.I saved a little money and built a small corrugated studio space adjacent to my shack so I had room for us all to work on large projects... and I created an atmosphere of warmth, good humor, and mutual support.

My apprentices love working here. We spend out days laughing at the absurdity of the silly things we get hired to create.
I love watching my grandson grow up- being able to parent him a little with the benefit of avoiding all the mistakes I made when I was a new father.


Each day we live... is a day closer to our demise.
If a day were a dollar... the entirety of your life's days could not buy a decent new car.

And we only GET this one life- this one brief chance to experience anything at all.
and then we return to what were were before we were born.
In light of this deep understanding... even suffering is a form of ecstasy compared to the nothing of non-being.

When I lost that love... I was devastated.

But I was happy that I was devastated.

because that pain was my proof that I had cherished that love. That I had been present and that it had meant something to me.
and even in having lost it... it was still mine, - that experience of having truly loved another.


Everything you value in this life will be stripped from you... either somewhere along the way, or by death at your end.
Some people respond to this truth by not wanting to embrace anything too dearly, for fear of the pain it will cause to lose it.

but for people like me... it only makes me cherish and pay closer attention to what I have while I have it, still,
because I truly understand the terrible brevity of being.

In that light, how can I not take a kind of joy in every moment... as each slips elusively away, forever gone... regardless of whether that moment was one of happiness or of sadness?


Marcus Aurelius wrote: "If ever you are troubled by some external thing... it is not that thing itself that is distressing you, but your own estimation of it. And you have the power to change that estimation in any moment."

We suffer the world as we believe it to be.
Change your perspective, and you change the world, entire.

 

[852838]

Well another good weekend with the guy is in the books. He lives on the other side of town so without traffic it is still almost a half hour to his place. The weather was great so we actually took a walk or two around the neighborhood.

We talked a lot about our past relationships and what did and didn't work. He's less experienced than I am but had had one multiple year relationship that ended two years ago after his then partner cheated with two different guys in a few months. The physical chemistry is good but we definitely reached some new emotional depths this weekend. He heard about some of my past skeletons as well as some of my poor decisions in the past.

So far it's progressing nicely. We are definitely attracted to one another and have some good chemistry. This crazy time means we really don't have to put on a lot of false appearances. We both need haircuts, both have gained a little weight and both of us are still working, him remotely and me still going to my workplace about four days per week. It's felt nice to have a little companionship while this is going on.

 

[852838]

Well it's been a month since this message and still going strong. We are hanging out a little more. He's a teacher and finally finished up his school year a couple of weeks ago (virtually). Meanwhile I was furloughed from my job May 1 with the possibility of coming back in June, no income but health insurance for now.

We are very much in the honeymoon phase still yet there is a lot of potential here for something substantial. Each week we learn more about each other and find more things we like together and about each other. Georgia has reopened in many respects and we've been able to get out of the house a bit more while still avoiding any terribly busy places other than the supermarket.

I won't lie, I hope this keeps up. He's truly a great guy.

 

[852838]

Well it's November and he and I are still together and very much in love with one another. We say those words pretty frequently. We still aren't living together but figure by next spring/early summer if things remain as they are we will take the plunge.

We have reached that point in the relationship where we can sense what each other is thinking and read facial expressions. There haven't been any actual arguments just a few disagreements here and there but over pretty trivial matters.

 

[DarkoRabbit]

Interesting question. What I want (in a relationship, anyhow) is to never feel like I need one ever again.