Ever wonder what vibe you give off?

[B_Nick4444]

I'm forever checking hot guys out -- the problem is that they notice, and I never attempt to approach them

this confuses them, because the normal thing to do is for me to go over and say hi, and I, of course, don't do that

most of the time is that besides, their physical looks. I'm also looking at what their choice of hairstyles, clothing, body movements, etc says about their personality and background

after the initial attraction of their hot looks, the rest of their presentation of self tells me I'm really not interested (they're usually straight, or members of cliques I'd never join), hence, the lack of follow-through on my part

 

[Sardonic]

Good looking guys are intimidating because people assume they'll get rejected so they don't make the move in the first place. As a guy who was short and cute rather than big and hunky, I used to assume that the big hunky guys were into each other and most of the time they were.

It's funny how we have a vibe. Being short, fit and clean cut, I didn't have too much trouble having the tops come after me. The funny thing is, no matter where I went, all the girly asian guys would also go for me like a bee to honey. My friends found it a constant source of amusement that no matter who I was with, those boys would hunt me down to the exclusion of anyone else. And the muscle hunks I was drooling over would be after the girly asian boys. Oh the circle of life!

 

[petite]

I asked TheBF what kind of vibe I gave off when we first met and he said, "Like a friendly kitten."

Evidently I'm the least intimidating thing possible IRL. :redface:

 

[nudeyorker]

I've been told for years that I don't give the best first impression. I have been told that I come off as cold and distant. I think I really come across as cool and guarded when I first meet someone. I tend to warm up and am more open when I've had a chance to talk to someone and get to know them better.
I think sometime perceptions of others can also be strongly tied to their own insecurities. Someone who I used to work with and we eventually became friends socially told me "You scared the hell out of me because you were so intimidating when I first met you." I am one of the least scary people in the world but was working as an attorney in a very corporate environment and intimidation was just one of the cards you played there to get ahead. I think sometimes people use these affections socially and they may be unaware of how badly they translate from a professional to a social situation.

 

[BigLittleMan]

i've been told most people either assume i'm going to be either a complete arrogant asshole or that i'm not very intelligent.

 

[Boobalaa]

This has more to do with the people who are telling you about other people checking you out..

 

[deleted3782]

Attraction and approachability are two different things. Someone could be attractive but unapproachable...which sounds like the situation the OP is in. He gets a lot of looks, but not much interaction.

It's easy to rectify. If you notice someone looking at you...simply go up and introduce yourself. No harm done, and you remove the unapproachability issue from the equation.

When I lived in Boston, I would go to bars and lots of "looks" but no one spoke to me. It was bizarre. The same thing bar after bar. At the time, I saw Bostonians as being unapproachable and aloof (just as I was!).

Then I went to Australia...where everyone was laid back and friendly in bars. People would come up to me, introduce themselves, talk...and hook up...with ease. I remember walking down Oxford Street in Sydney with a guy who pointed out who was giving me "the look" as we went down the sidewalk. I was (and still am) totally clueless when I get "the look" but it was an eye-opening experience to get his impression of vibes people were giving me.

When I returned to Boston, I still had all my friendly Aussie approachability in me, so went I went back to bars and noticed a guy looking at me, I walked up to him, stuck my hand out and introduced myself. He was shocked...but...we ended up in a relationship.

I've since lost my Aussie-learned friendliness. I don't even go to bars anymore...and if I did I would not be very motivated to meet anyone. I know I look disinterested and that's 90% true. I've been told I can be intimidating...which I think means approaching me is intimidating because it looks like I am a high risk to reject them.

However, its easy to remedy. No one likes being rejected, and unapproachable people carry a high risk of rejection. To lower that risk, when someone checks you out simply stick you hand out and introduce yourself (if someone is already checking you out...then you personally have a reduced risk of rejection!). What's the worst thing that could happen? If you don't click they might leave the bar thinking you're a nice friendly guy? Oh no!

Lesson learned: Friendliness is key to controlling the vibe you put out...go figure.

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

My vibe? Warm and friendly.

I seem to attract old geezers or lads young enough to be my son!

 

[B_Jordan85]

couldnt care less about the vibes i give off. When we begin to actually consider our own vibes around strangers, and adjusting ourselves to appeal, we are no longer being ourselves. Be yourself, fuck other people.

 

[HiddenLacey]

I asked TheBF what kind of vibe I gave off when we first met and he said, "Like a friendly kitten."

Evidently I'm the least intimidating thing possible IRL. :redface:

I love it:tongue::biggrin1:

 

[thetramp]

I sometimes appear arrogant, and i for some reason seem to attract mostly younger girls and women who are significantly older than i am.

 

[D_Petherick_Poundlouder]

I asked TheBF what kind of vibe I gave off when we first met and he said, "Like a friendly kitten."

Evidently I'm the least intimidating thing possible IRL. :redface:

Friendly kittens can be intimidating because they seem so fragile.

 

[petite]

I love it:tongue::biggrin1:

It's funny, I was so sure that I was being distant and stand-off-ish but he remembers it differently. Maybe I wasn't as good as I thought I was at hiding how sexy he was to me. Every time he looked into my eyes I desperately wanted to kiss him. He saw right through me!

Friendly kittens can be intimidating because they seem so fragile.

It could mean that, but I asked him to clarify. He grinned like a Cheshire cat while explaining that I was very nice and sweet and cute and that my vibe was "inviting." I asked him if he meant seductive, and he insisted that I was sexy but not seductive, which would have been inappropriate since I wasn't single, but that there was something about me that said to him, "Get to know me. Play with me. I'm a lot of fun if you do." I love that he still talks about me like I'm his greatest conquest, that he gets that "I won!" smile on his face just remembering our first meeting and it makes him so happy remembering it.

 

[_Edu]

People who don't know me always think I'm an obnoxious, mean and arrogant dude (I hate when ppl judge you withouth knowing you, I think I'm totally the opposite) just because I'm a serious person (I'm kinda silly sometimes but i tend to be serious with ppl I don't know because its hard to gain my trust) & that kinda intimidates ppl, but just if they dare to approach me they'll see how I really am.... & to me happens the same, ppl always look at me but thats it.

 

[joe531]

People who know me: think I'm the innocent, naive kid, just because I'm the youngest person of my generation in my family.

Don't know me: for some reason think I'm a lot more experienced and been around the block more than I actually have.

In review: no one seems to really know me.