Everything Happens For A Reason

PerfectlySexy

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Does it? Does it really?

This expression, to me, has always been just an inane noise people make when they don't know what to say to an upset person. It's continued use is ironic in that I've never seen it have a soothing effect.

I have had similar thoughts. I do not have an answer and I remain, at this moment, open to the idea that things happen for a reason and open to the idea that there is no meaning outside what each individual constructs. However, I have noticed that people suggest that those who see or believe in meaning are doing so for comfort when, as people here note, it does not seem to make people feel better. It was well told in the episode "A Late Delivery from Avalon" of the Sci-Fi series Babylon 5:

"You know I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair and all the terrible things that happen to us, come because actually deserve them? So now I take comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the Universe." - Marcus Cole
 

Pendlum

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However, I have noticed that people suggest that those who see or believe in meaning are doing so for comfort when, as people here note, it does not seem to make people feel better

I think it's more comforting to the person saying it. That way they don't have to say anything more on it if they don't want. And they think that it may actually make them feel better, while at the same time it's like they are saying under their breath "But I'm glad it didn't happen to me". At least that is feeling I get when I hear people say it.

I hate the saying "It's better to have loved and lost, then never loved at all."
 

mexdude

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Regarding the two quotes above. I think the important distinction is the notion of intent or design. Naturally, every event has a cause, but the saying implies intention as in "Everything happens according to some plan.", as in God's plan.

So if I am killed in an avalanche, when someone says that "Everything happens for a reason", they are not simply saying that the avalanche must have been caused by a set of natural conditions. But rather the implication is that me being killed by the avalanche is all according to some grander plan that requires my death.

Yes, another saying that evangelicals think is Biblical, but it is not.
I know what u mean, but in my case, several past events in my life had led me in a path that i wouldnt tought i would be, of course there was a point where i had to make a choice, and the result was going to be quite oposite in the two choices, i believe i did the right one
 

HappyBoi

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I can't believe there's so much frustration (maybe even hate?) in this thread over some sayings.

I feel it to be pointless to focuse my energy on pointing out negative aspects, when in fact, just by shifting my perspective, I often can see the positive ones instead.

The saying "Everything happens for a reason", is something I tend to believe in, not because of any God-faith, but moreso the knowledge that I can make my own decisions and therefor alter my future. Almost opposite to what "JustAsking" wrote about the saying, that it implies that it's included in a greater plan. I don't see it as any 'greater plan', I see it as my own plan, and with that I can make the decisions that will affect my plan, hence alter my future.

For example, I'm a incurable time-optimist, as so I'm quite often running 5 minutes late to that, 10 minutes late to something else and half an hour to another, but I time after time notice small things. As I make my way to some place, I might meet a person I know, I might see something cool/beautiful/fun thing happening or just something that I wouldn't experience if I wasn't in that place in that exact moment - then I think to myself; "If I hadn't spent those 5 extra minutes looking at myself in the mirror, I hadn't met Sarah today, and we hadn't made plans for later this week".

In that sense, I feel that my actions, and the choices I have to act out on, makes the saying "Everything happens for a reason" true in my eyes, and it blows my mind every time. :)

Let's take that somewhat depressing example someone wrote, 'if I or someone were to die in a avalance while skiing'. - That would only happen if I acted on my choice to ski that day, that time, in that slope and so on. :) My decision (or several decisions) led to the outcome, this outcome just happened to also end my life - but it was by my choices. :)

I know I'm blue-eyed and some might think it's a corky way to view things, but that's how I see it. :]
 
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Gamm

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These sayings or "odes" are a comfort food for humans. Sorta like giving a cigarette to a smoker who doesn't have any at the moment. It's our attempt at consoling.
 

witch

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:mad: if anyone starts singing " Que Sera Sera " I shall have to hurt you:tongue:
 

Gillette

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For example, I'm a incurable time-optimist, as so I'm quite often running 5 minutes late to that, 10 minutes late to something else and half an hour to another, but I time after time notice small things. As I make my way to some place, I might meet a person I know, I might see something cool/beautiful/fun thing happening or just something that I wouldn't experience if I wasn't in that place in that exact moment - then I think to myself; "If I hadn't spent those 5 extra minutes looking at myself in the mirror, I hadn't met Sarah today, and we hadn't made plans for later this week".

In that sense, I feel that my actions, and the choices I have to act out on, makes the saying "Everything happens for a reason" true in my eyes, and it blows my mind every time. :)

Let's take that somewhat depressing example someone wrote, 'if I or someone were to die in a avalance while skiing'. - That would only happen if I acted on my choice to ski that day, that time, in that slope and so on. :) My decision (or several decisions) led to the outcome, this outcome just happened to also end my life - but it was by my choices. :)

I know I'm blue-eyed and some might think it's a corky way to view things, but that's how I see it. :]
Linking choice to an outcome arising out of coincidence doesn't work. The word "happens" comes from happenstance. Circumstances arising from coincidence.

Choice is deciding between known options (not counting game shows).

Your example of meeting your friend to illustrate the expression reads as you happened to choose to spend five extra minutes in the mirror for the reason of meeting your friend by accident.

The expression suggests a grand plan, your example suggests choosing your coincidences somehow. I'm not seeing how one supports the other, nor how either is really supportable on it's own.
 

midlifebear

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"Wherever you go, there you are." People who say this should be spanked with something that hurts. Like a metal rake or maybe a stuffed porcupine.

A stainless steel stuffed porcupine! LOL!

This topic deals with folk sayings. There is an entire field in folklore research devoted to it and it's one of those subjects anyone who works toward obtaining an academic certificate in folklore is required to study. It's a sub topic of yea olde oral tradition. And it's one I have always found especially grating.

The categories vary from idiomatic sayings, platitudes, and proverbs intended to impart some moral guidance. Yet whatever small nugget of truth such sayings may contain doesn't save them from being uninteresting, unthoughtful, trite, and out right dull. In my opinion they also show, on the part of those who use them, a complete lack of serious interest in the difficulties others suffer.

Darkest before the dawn? Well, duh. I've tried nailing friends and "moral police" whenever they've been so dull to say something to my face with, "You mean that every effect has a cause?" They usually get the idea that I'm insulting them.

Currently, there's a new saying recently coined to help gay and lesbian teenagers have a sense of hope with the "It gets better" campaign. Well, one would hope that things get better for sexual minorities struggling with the slights and bullying they suffer growing up. But it isn't always true. I'm interested in seeing if the campaign actually works or when some religious group comes back with a moral retort intended to squash the "It gets better" campaign.

However, you can also use these little plat 'flats to shut down someone who annoys you with such uninspired advice. When an aunt tried to show me sympathy after my father died, (a woman who, by the way, deserves to be hit repeatedly with a porcupine), I quickly countered her fake sympathy with: "You mean like a penny saved is a penny earned? Time heals all wounds? An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure? And that everyone knows you had a decade-long affair with Doug Smith behind your husband's back, including your husband?" She's never offered me any pithy advice since then.

So, I suppose dichos do have their purpose. In my case "a stitch in time saved nine" -- I insulted my aunt with the truth one time thus ending ever having to endure more of her pithy false sentiments." :smile:
 
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B_subgirrl

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However, you can also use these little plat 'flats to shut down someone who annoys you with such uninspired advice. When an aunt tried to show me sympathy after my father died, (a woman who, by the way, deserves to be hit repeatedly with a porcupine), I quickly countered her fake sympathy with: "You mean like a penny saved is a penny earned? Time heals all wounds? An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure? And that everyone knows you had a decade-long affair with Doug Smith behind your husband's back, including your husband?" She's never offered me any pithy advice since then.

I love it!
 

PerfectlySexy

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"Wherever you go, there you are." People who say this should be spanked with something that hurts. Like a metal rake or maybe a stuffed porcupine.

That quote always reminds me of the Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai which makes me smile.
 

NCbear

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"When God closes a door, [H]e opens a window."

Um, no. Sometimes there's a trapdoor through the floor that leads to a basement flooded with shit, and you don't have a phone or the money to pay a plumber.

NCbear (who sometimes thinks people should be a bit more honest and say, "Here's a platitude that'll make you think you can make sense of life and feel better into the bargain! Enjoy!" :wink:)
 

Pendlum

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NCbear (who sometimes thinks people should be a bit more honest and say, "Here's a platitude that'll make you think you can make sense of life and feel better into the bargain! Enjoy!" :wink:)

Haha, that would probably make me feel better than an actual saying.