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I don't think it's necessarily a gender thing. In my own experience both men and women suffer from that distorted view on size. My own erect penis tops out at just under eight inches in length and I can't tell you how many men and women sex partners I've had who have said it has to be AT LEAST ten inches or more.
For whatever reason the human penis has evolved into something quite different than those of the other primates. Man has the largest penis of all primates, both in absolute size and in size relative to the rest of the body. But primate males, other than human beings, typically gather and keep harems of females based on physical dominance by the male whereas in humans the female is free to select her own mate. One theory on the unique evolution of the human penis into such a large member that achieves erection solely through vasocongestion is that those penile qualities are best suited to providing sexual pleasure/fulfillment to the woman. And since women do have choice in selecting a mate the size of the man's penis is one factor (out of many) to be considered.
In answering a reader's question, evolutionary psychologist Carole Jahme says that: "Women with choice are not all obsessed with the size of a man's cock. Women are as aware as men that to build a stable relationship you need trust, shared interests and the ability to keep each other amused. But a woman is not going to put the size of a man's cock right out of her mind, because she can't. Females have an evolved interest in the size of a man's penis, which has been sexually selected for its size and shape."
So I believe that there is an entrenched human psychological imperative over penis size that is inherent in both men and women. Some of us can overcome that imperative intellectually and others cannot. But, believe me, it's there.
