Exhibitionism in a man

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deleted924715

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Hmmmm, depends on the context and where someone falls on the exhibitionism spectrum for me I think.

Using this site as an example, if I got to know someone who had an extensive gallery and he enjoyed the attention, it wouldn't make him less attractive because it was part of his persona already and I got to know him on that basis. If a guy I was seeing suddenly started seeking praise from strangers, or if I suddenly found out about it, I think I would find it unattractive. I can't really explain the double standard, all I know is I would find it unattractive if he needed it. Maybe it's because I'm not an exhibitionist myself, I don't know. I prefer the sense of shared intimacy between two people, but others feel differently and more power to them.

I haven't been in chat here for a very long time, but when I did go in, there would be men literally begging and harassing me to watch them wank and their desperation was incredibly unattractive, but the setting was appropriate I guess.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being an exhibitionist in the right setting, but it's not a trait that particularly appeals to me in and of itself. I know some people find it incredibly attractive though, so its swings and roundabouts
 

EllieP

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My husband is one of the shyest people I know when it comes to showing the goods. He dresses in baggy pants, and all my efforts to upgrade his wardrobe have failed in that one respect.

Get him alone and it's a different tune. We'll be getting ready to go out in the evening, and I'll be in front of the mirror holding a towel in front of me while I'm putting on makeup, and he'll come in helicoptering and yelling "woo hoo!"

Outside of home, it's the opposite. I'll flash him in public to get a rise out of him. I'm discrete. I'm not going to flash strangers.

Our pool and spa are clothing prohibited when we're alone. We were in the spa one evening when I went inside to get more wine. I was in a robe, and it's a good thing because the doorbell rang. At 9:30 in the evening, I knew exactly who it was. My girlfriend from Orlando was passing through and stopped by just for a few seconds to say hi. She saw I was in my robe and asked if I was getting ready for bed. I told her that we were in the spa, and he was there now.

Well, she knew our spa rules and said she would call me tomorrow. I told her to stay for a second and come and tell him hi. She knew by my wicked smile what was up.

When we both walked out on the patio I thought he would have a fit. I could see him lunge for his robe, just out of reach, and then quickly sit back down.

I had turned off the jets when I got out, and I could almost read his mind that he was about to turn them on again to obscure the visibility. The water was crystal clear, of course. I could see, but she wasn't close enough.

It was all I could do to not laugh. She never got closer than she was, but they exchanged pleasantries, and he was quite strained in his responses. I'm sure he was afraid she'd come closer.

When she left I came back out and asked if he was OK. He said he was fine, but I could tell he had been sweating her visit.

I laughed about it later, be he never saw the humor in any of it.
 
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693987

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It would entirely depend on the individual's relationship with me as well as context. For example, my sweetie has a fairly large gallery on here. We started talking/met each other through this site. I knew about his gallery, he knew about mine. He never called attention to it, never was pushy/thirsty, etc. By his own words it was a somewhat brief phase of his life. I went through a similar one, back when I did paid adult webcam work as well as unpaid adult webcam stuff for fun a couple places. Since we've been a couple, I don't really feel a need to show off and apparently neither does he. Because of that if he did suddenly have the urge to show off and be an exhibitionist it would concern me, because it's so outside of our norm.

On here as well as other adult sites I'm on, I am entirely unsurprised by people being an exhibitionist. I do find it unappealing across the board when someone tries to chat me up and 99% of their photos are just of their genitals. In the chatroom on here, it's entirely the norm, even though it's not an aspect of the chat that I make use of. I find needy behavior, pushy behavior, attention desperate behavior all extremely unattractive. If exhibitionism crosses paths with any of those? Pass. When I used to go to local sex positive/bdsm dungeons and clubs, nudity and varying amounts of sexual intimacy being done between consenting individuals is the norm. I never had anyone be pushy about trying to get anyone to watch them, and it was fine. I don't find being an exhibitionist in and of itself that appealing. I suppose the most positive thing I could say about it is that it's an indicator that they're a more sexually open person potentially, but that's about it. I don't view it as a negative either, though. I'm pretty ambivalent. It comes down to the person and place to whether it bothers me or not.

Strangers being nude? No issue. Stranger trying to force me to pay attention to them? Ick.
 

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It all depends on the specific guy, his attitude and the context.
A guy taking off his clothes at a hot-tub/pool/beach could either be totally innocent, sexy and masculine or it could be lewd, creepy and unsettling.
But this could be true for almost anything. Some guys can make anything creepy, even an ordinary compliment or saying hello :(
 

sweetlucky12

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I like exhibitionism during sexual acts. I like casual nudity otherwise. If he just gets a thrill out of being seen, and doesn't show inappropriately, it's fine by me. If he needs validation, that's unattractive.

I was going to answer this but don't think I could stated it this well or concisely.
 

Beedie Tijii

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I just wanted to follow up on this, because I've read some posts by some women on the boards before, to the effect that: when men ask questions in AaW, and you have taken the time to write a lengthy and reasonably formulated response, it can be mildly annoying when the poster does not respond; even to thank people for responding. And I had absolutely forgotten that I'd posted this until just now.

My husband is one of the shyest people I know when it comes to showing the goods. He dresses in baggy pants, and all my efforts to upgrade his wardrobe have failed in that one respect.

Get him alone and it's a different tune. We'll be getting ready to go out in the evening, and I'll be in front of the mirror holding a towel in front of me while I'm putting on makeup, and he'll come in helicoptering and yelling "woo hoo!"

Outside of home, it's the opposite. I'll flash him in public to get a rise out of him. I'm discrete. I'm not going to flash strangers.

Our pool and spa are clothing prohibited when we're alone. We were in the spa one evening when I went inside to get more wine. I was in a robe, and it's a good thing because the doorbell rang. At 9:30 in the evening, I knew exactly who it was. My girlfriend from Orlando was passing through and stopped by just for a few seconds to say hi. She saw I was in my robe and asked if I was getting ready for bed. I told her that we were in the spa, and he was there now.

Well, she knew our spa rules and said she would call me tomorrow. I told her to stay for a second and come and tell him hi. She knew by my wicked smile what was up.

When we both walked out on the patio I thought he would have a fit. I could see him lunge for his robe, just out of reach, and then quickly sit back down.

I had turned off the jets when I got out, and I could almost read his mind that he was about to turn them on again to obscure the visibility. The water was crystal clear, of course. I could see, but she wasn't close enough.

It was all I could do to not laugh. She never got closer than she was, but they exchanged pleasantries, and he was quite strained in his responses. I'm sure he was afraid she'd come closer.

When she left I came back out and asked if he was OK. He said he was fine, but I could tell he had been sweating her visit.

I laughed about it later, be he never saw the humor in any of it.
See, stories like this are actually why I keep coming back to this site. The only people I know who own a pool or spa are my relatives who live on the other side of Europe, and most probably various employers I've had over the years. So I cannot really relate to your story apart from seeing the funny side of it. I am actually pretty modest about myself in person, so I would think I would most likely react with the same... (not sure if this is the right word) bashfulness as your husband.

I like exhibitionism during sexual acts. I like casual nudity otherwise. If he just gets a thrill out of being seen, and doesn't show inappropriately, it's fine by me. If he needs validation, that's unattractive.
As usual, this makes quite a bit of sense. Aren't there different types of validation, though? It's a bit of an ugly word, but I think that if someone has an insecurity about something to do with their body image, and that "thrill out of being seen" that you mention helps to mitigate that insecurity, then there could be healthy ways to channel that; though maybe this is still an unattractive way of thinking. I am not really speaking for myself here, but when I first posted nudes online many years ago I was a very different person, and I might have felt this way at the time.
 
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AlteredEgo

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I just wanted to follow up on this, because I've read some posts by some women on the boards before, to the effect that: when men ask questions in AaW, and you have taken the time to write a lengthy and reasonably formulated response, it can be mildly annoying when the poster does not respond; even to thank people for responding. And I had absolutely forgotten that I'd posted this until just now.


See, stories like this are actually why I keep coming back to this site. The only people I know who own a pool or spa are my relatives who live on the other side of Europe, and most probably various employers I've had over the years. So I cannot really relate to your story apart from seeing the funny side of it. I am actually pretty modest about myself in person, so I would think I would most likely react with the same... (not sure if this is the right word) bashfulness as your husband.


As usual, this makes quite a bit of sense. Aren't there different types of validation, though? It's a bit of an ugly word, but I think that if someone has an insecurity about something to do with their body image, and that "thrill out of being seen" that you mention helps to mitigate that insecurity, then there could be healthy ways to channel that; though maybe this is still an unattractive way of thinking. I am not really speaking for myself here, but when I first posted nudes online many years ago I was a very different person, and I might have felt this way at the time.

Body insecurity just isn't attractive to me.
 
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Beedie Tijii

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Body insecurity just isn't attractive to me.
That's fair enough. I'm not really arguing that insecurity ought to be seen as attractive. But bravery in overcoming body insecurities can be very attractive to me, in a woman. I'm not saying that acts of exhibitionism are the best/healthiest way to change one's body image for the better either, but I can see them in terms of being a point along that journey, if that makes sense?
 
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AlteredEgo

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I can see them in terms of being a point along that journey, if that makes sense?
It does make sense. I should mention I also distingush between wanting attention and needing it. One seems like fun, the other is awkward.
 

Scarletbegonia

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Exhibitionism is a complete turn off, in the parade in public sense.
That aside, one partner is trying to figure out his "public" side. He knows he like to see others, and he's mildly open to being seen. It's sort of his weird hobby right now.
We will go to a swinger hotel, with communal hot tubs and pool, all indoor, on rare occasion.
We do not swing. It's just for the public exposure.
I'm so shy that I can't work up the game part of GGG for this more than annually.
I was married to a guy who responded to hearing others, so this isn't that bizarre to me. It's my exposure that is uncomfortable.
 
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Beedie Tijii

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Exhibitionism is a complete turn off, in the parade in public sense.
That aside, one partner is trying to figure out his "public" side. He knows he like to see others, and he's mildly open to being seen. It's sort of his weird hobby right now.
We will go to a swinger hotel, with communal hot tubs and pool, all indoor, on rare occasion.
We do not swing. It's just for the public exposure.
I'm so shy that I can't work up the game part of GGG for this more than annually.
I was married to a guy who responded to hearing others, so this isn't that bizarre to me. It's my exposure that is uncomfortable.
It sounds like your partner's recent "hobby" is a turnoff then, although not one that you are begrudging him? You haven't said so in as many words, but that's what I'm getting from what you're saying. Tell me if I'm way off base?

I'm curious about this man who "responded to hearing others" as well. My best friend is into ASMR and has admitted to me that he gets a kind of "mental boner" from certain soft sounds, like someone eating an apple, or whispering. Is this the kind of thing you mean?
 

Scarletbegonia

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Good questions. I have to think more!

Ok, this particular partner and I have been distance, so we do try to do something "special."
I like hot water, and lots of it. So does he.
He's ok with public nudity, and I'm neutral. So wher I get caught in my head is public sexuality while nude.
Nudity=/= sexuality per se, to me.
I'm still modest personally, but I will wear short sleeves. So my modest is someone else's scandalous.
So it goes.
Because it fills a desire for him and doesn't totally skeeve me out, I go along, with the strong understanding that it's just us, despite eyes.
Clear as mud?

As for my ex, what he gets is physically aroused by sound. ASMR is more like the tingles from someone writing on your back, or brushing your hair (insert some non sexual thing here...I've had the response from perfect trio harmony)
They are tangentially related in that the brain is taking a non touch stimulus and creating a physical response.

Now we see why my avatar is a brain of hands.
 

Beedie Tijii

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Good questions. I have to think more!

Ok, this particular partner and I have been distance, so we do try to do something "special."
I like hot water, and lots of it. So does he.
He's ok with public nudity, and I'm neutral. So wher I get caught in my head is public sexuality while nude.
Nudity=/= sexuality per se, to me.
I'm still modest personally, but I will wear short sleeves. So my modest is someone else's scandalous.
So it goes.
Because it fills a desire for him and doesn't totally skeeve me out, I go along, with the strong understanding that it's just us, despite eyes.
Clear as mud?

As for my ex, what he gets is physically aroused by sound. ASMR is more like the tingles from someone writing on your back, or brushing your hair (insert some non sexual thing here...I've had the response from perfect trio harmony)
They are tangentially related in that the brain is taking a non touch stimulus and creating a physical response.

Now we see why my avatar is a brain of hands.
Clear as mud on the nudity stuff. :)

My friend describes his experience with ASMR in distinctly sexual terms, and we've had several conversations about it over the years. I don't think he actually gets physically aroused without more to stimulate him though, from what he's told me.

By the way, I'm totally not doing that thing people do when they refer to "my friend" but are really speaking about themselves. :p
 

Scarletbegonia

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See, now I think you are. You meant SWIM, nu?

ASMR has been called braingasm. It got comnnected that way.
I'm pretty sure there are some dudes who see everything in sexual terms.

(Currently trying to explain why even in an established relationship, spouting off that he is masturbating to the idea of her isn't as complimentary as he seems to think -- not the previously discussed partner, here)