Expanding social circles

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Thirdlegproduction, Feb 14, 2012.

  1. Thirdlegproduction

    Thirdlegproduction Formerly WhiteMonst3r
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    I have quite a problem meeting decent people these days and would like to expand my social circle with ambitious, intelligent, humorous and positive people.

    Now I have had succes befriending people who own just one of these attributes but I'm annoyed by the fact that nobody measures up to me, I'd like to surround myself with people who I can learn from but all I do is educate and help others to grow and evolve, while others would like to see me go down to their level.

    For years I've been underachieving doing just the amount needed that was necessary to achieve my goals and now I'm ready to do more, to tap into my potential and be the best I can be, physicially and mentally.

    So I'm starting a masters degree in september and I hope I will find more likeminded people there but maybe the nice people here know a little bit more about this and have some good advice to give.
     
  2. lokican

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    Hey I see that you from the Netherlands, so maybe what you wrote got lost in translation or has a different context in it's native language. But a few things you wrote make you come across as narcissistic and kind of a dick. For example saying that nobody measures up to you. Or saying that others would like to see you go down to their level.

    I have been lucky to have some great people come in to my life, and have learned a lot from various people who have helped me grow as a person in so many ways. You would be surprised at the variety of knowledge and skills everyone has when you take the time to know them. You just have to take the time and effort to get know them on a personal level. However you can't look at people as commodities and the first thing you think of is "What do they bring to the friendship" or "What is the benefit to me?". This is something that took time and trust building a relationship with these people.

    So I say keep an open mind, and never start to think you are better than anyone else.



     
  3. avg_joe

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    Good luck.
     
  4. D_GlennFeckless

    D_GlennFeckless Account Disabled

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    Better to appreciate people for what they offer, rather than what they don't. I have yet to meet a person live that I can't or haven't learned something from, no matter how base they may seem on the surface.

    Afford yourself the freedom and openmindedness to engage in something outside of your comfort zone. You're likely to meet more people that way than by waiting for someone to enter yours.

    Cheers!
     
  5. Countryguy63

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    I have a feeling that you never will, or at least realize that you have :frown1:
     
  6. Stephenmass

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    I have to go along with the general theme here. Being better educated than most, or whatever is important to you that you have and others don't, does not make you a better person. Different people different values. Look at people not for what they bring, but for who they are as people.
     
  7. rbkwp

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    Sounds like how life, living and friendships were formed, without the internet, or sites like LPSG,here to amuse but takes away your time.

    Perhaps studying for your Masters wont afford you time for lpsg, or you may pop in, for amusement purposes only

    btw
    several of my nieces have earned there Masters, they have an entirely different and interesting life, for this age we are in.
     
  8. Thirdlegproduction

    Thirdlegproduction Formerly WhiteMonst3r
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    I am a dick and somewhat narcissistic I won't deny that but I'm often the only one in my circles with a moral compass and an ambition to be the best that I can be and it's starting to eat away at me.

    I actually don't care about education as a title at all it's part of the reason I have underachieved for years, but I hope to bring out my potential and meet like minded people there.

    For example I have friends that want to look better and be in shape for the summer they want to look more like me and I'm eager to help my friends out but they are not willing to do what is necessary to achieve their goals, most of them are whining after ten minutes of working out and end up quiting in a matter of weeks/months and go back to playing videogames or watching tv.

    I'm very open minded to new experiences and take opportunities when given, that's why I'm entering the NYC marathon in november for example or went skydiving at 12 and started traveling the world since last year.
    My problem is that I can't share this with my friends as they are becoming more scared, broke or just talk but don't walk the walk.

    I do see everybody's value and I know where to be if I want to have a good laugh but I want more then just having fun, I want people to challenge me to be better and don't avoid challenges either.
     
  9. Thirdlegproduction

    Thirdlegproduction Formerly WhiteMonst3r
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    I thought I found a very decent circle of friends, living up to my expectations of how people should be and then the prettiest girl in the room leaves and people start talking behind her back, and don't understand when I suggest not to say anything if you got nothing good to say about someone.

    I'm very judgemental that might be part of my problem, but I'd like to see if in stead of accepting this kind of behaviour for what it is that maybe I can find people that don't have a need of putting others down and just like seeing themselves and others elevate.
     
  10. bobg4400

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    It's impossible to be the only one with a moral compass in your circle since everyone has one, it just might not line up with yours. You do seem more than just 'somewhat' narcissistic but you might just be getting lost in translation a bit.

    Not quite sure what to make of this. maybe you could elaborate more on what you mean? For example did you delibrately turn down scholarships/university places because you didn't care about education? And what do you mean "as a title"? For me educaiton is somehting you do because you want to, although I'm reffering to Higher Education obviously since in most countries school is compulsory up to the age of 16-18.

    If all your friends genuinely want to be fitter/healthier etc. but give up after trying it with you for a bit then it's probably you. Maybe not intentionally(for example you could be starting them off at a fitness level that's too high for them and discouraging them or you might not be a very good teacher or something) but you probably aren't helping as much as you think.

    Do you mean you can't physically share the experience with your friends or do they refuse to even talk about it? Also in regards to them being unable to come because they're broke then that's probably not their fault unless they blew all the money on something stupid. I'm not sure what you mean by "scared" though.

    So you're saying you don't feel challenged intellectually or physically by those around you? Then either the people around you are stupid and lazy or you're highly intelligent and physically active. Or you're just narcissistic and refuse to accept your own flaws and concentrate on flaws in others, leading to an elevation of yourself in relation to everyone else.
     
  11. hud01

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    You basically sound like an ass. You blame others for your lack of success instead of yourself. You want others to help you grow, but complain when you are expected to do the same. You would be in my circle for about 5 minutes until I kicked your self centered egotistical ass out.
     
  12. Thirdlegproduction

    Thirdlegproduction Formerly WhiteMonst3r
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    Yes that last part is what it's about really.
    And I will say it's perhaps both sides of the story, my friends are lazy and stupid and spend money on things they can't afford but it was my flaw to be surrounded by these people as I had lots of fun with them in my teens and I'm done being all about fun I want set high goals and achieve them, sort of like aiming for the stars and landing on the clouds.
    I'm not saying I'll get there but I'm saying I want to try and with my friends it's still about having fun and doing the least amount of effort necessary.

    I'll invite them to join me going to a themepark or a fancy restaurant or even to another country and they love the idea but end up not going.


    As for my workout partners I'm very spartan, and they want to be padded on the back for every half ass workout.
    I just came back from a 15 mile run outside in 4 celcius on an empty stomache and feel like I could go again, but these friends would and did quit after a mile or two.
    Nobody got a fitness model by doing half ass workouts so yes I do push them and try to find a balance in being a friend and a teacher.
    The thought of me being the problem has occurred to me often, I criticize myself too much to be a true narcissistic but these people even if they do quit and don't achieve come back for more and actually recommend me to others, but this might just be flattery.

    As for the education part, I never needed to excell to get where I wanted to be so it was easier for me to take the shortcut and have fun while doing it.
    I didn't need to make anyone proud or impress people with a title as I'm loved and accepted no matter what really.
    I went trough high school and community college with little to no effort and loved being lazy and still achieving high scores.
    But now I'm ready for a challenge and to see if my intelligence does measure up and I expect to meet some ambitious people there as well.
     
  13. Thirdlegproduction

    Thirdlegproduction Formerly WhiteMonst3r
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    You are entitled to your opinion, but I think you might misunderstand me.

    I'm not looking to blame anyone I'm responsible for my own succes and that's what I'm in the process of working on at the moment by setting new goals and achieving them but it would be nice to have people to share this with.

    When for example I want to go to Miami for the hollidays everybody wants to join but nobody ends up going because of either money restraints or being scared of the unknown or just simple fear of flying.

    When working out I'd like to work out with people that will challenge me to go another set another rep but that's not happening with my current circles.

    I'm surrounded by people who are scared of challenges and I'm looking to meet people who embrace them.
     
  14. bobg4400

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    Hmm. So let me see if I'm getting this right.
    Basically your saying that you feel like you want to go to university and get a job and settle down and stuff but your friends are still immature compared to you so you don't feel stimulated by them or enjoy spending time with them as much as you did before. It's sorta like you can still take enjoyment and laugh with them at a funny movie or joke but every once in a while you glance round at them and wish you could have a real conversation about something intelligent or about their goals in life.
     
  15. Thirdlegproduction

    Thirdlegproduction Formerly WhiteMonst3r
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    That's definitely it, just not ready to settle down yet, but achieving personal goals yes.

    Now I do have friends that I can laugh with, I have friends that I can be intelligent with and friends that I can workout with but none share all these traits together and all seem to be content being safe and having things be easy all the time.
     
  16. tgirlsrgreat

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    i want to commend you for not wanting to talk about others behind their back and admonishing others to do the same.

    having said that, i am going to agree with a number of the other folks. you may not mean it this way, but you do read like one enormous, contemptuous, self centered, narcissistic, egotistical douche.

    maybe if you did not have yourself up on such a high pedestal, those around you might not appear so far beneath you.
     
  17. Fuzzy_

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    It seems like you need to be more involved. This will ground you. When you return to school, join student clubs. They aren't as nerdy as they might sound. Play sports in and out of school, especially informal co-ed sports. Volunteer at something your passionate about. All of these have worked for Fuzzy.
     
  18. Thirdlegproduction

    Thirdlegproduction Formerly WhiteMonst3r
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    That might have been part of my problem though, having befriended people that were a little lower on the ladder so I did look as if I were on a high pedestal.
    And that's the part where I do realise that has been narcissistic of me.

    But I don't want to be on that pedestal anymore I want people to get up there with me and I have tried to bring them up there as I do enjoy seeing others excell in their lifes but it's not working out that way.

    I accept people for what they are and they can be funny or intelligent or disciplined or a underachiever every man has their value but I'm just looking to surround myself with more positive and outgoing people that I can teach and learn new things from them.
     
  19. Thirdlegproduction

    Thirdlegproduction Formerly WhiteMonst3r
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    Thank you for the input, Fuzzy gives very valueable advice lol
     
  20. D_CountVonBhigBohner

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    The best way to expand your social circle is to get out of the house and getting involved with anything that involves interacting with people. Not online, not via txt, not in a chat group, or on Facebook. I meet people @ the gym, on vacation, walking the dog in the park, jogging, play recreation sports, or just shopping in the mall.
     
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