Expanding social circles

[rtg]

I don't fit many people's standard by being blunt, forward and honest if I don't like something someone says or does, like with the gossiping.
I accept and also work on that, by keeping my opinion to myself unless it's asked for these days as it doesn't really matter if it was right or wrong if the person doesn't realise it themselves, my opinion isn't going to change that.

But it has also been a way of reaching out to others who are the same and they recognise and apreciate that and I have befriended some wonderfull people that way.

I also believe that you wouldn't measure up to a lot of other people's standards by thinking you are superior to them.

 

[Catharsis]

I can be really unforgiving about the not having money thing, but I understand the feeling very well. I enjoy a game in the park or bbq or a simple walk down the streets just as much it does not have to cost a dime to have fun. I have been there, broke and unable to do or get nice things and I found a way, it was taking and keeping a job and lowering my expenses.
While I see others use up all of their money as soon as it's deposited.

I've also come to view as having money in a different light. For instance, on a medium income a person will receive about 500.000 dollars in his or her lifetime roughly estimated and I'm not taking it with me in the afterlife. So what's 10 dollars for a gift to make someone happy or a 1000 for traveling the world experiencing everything life has to offer?
When I'm 80 years old 10 or a 1000 dollars more or less is not going to matter that much anymore, because all you will have left is a life filled with memories and if you're lucky you'll still be able to make some new ones but I know I will regret having not done things I wanted to do out of money restraints.
Tomorrow I can have a stroke and be paralyzed for life for all I know.

I pay for my college, rent and expenses without any financial support and I still have money to spare to do all the things I want to do so I know it's possible I just don't see others making it happen.

I understand what you're saying. I can appreciate your enthusiasm and intent to explore and discover new things, seeing what the world has to offer, living life, and "doing it tonight because we might not get tomorrow". But I don't believe that way of thinking will work out financially in the long run. In my opinion, you need to think ahead of time and place your priorities, and not focus so much on the present.

I'm a saver and not a spender. In the past year, I have not bought anything for myself except for new clothes that I needed to buy since none of what I had fit me any more. I currently have a part-time job which gives me enough money to pay off all my expenses and still have a little extra to put into my savings, which I won't touch until I graduate and start to pay off my student loans.

But what you say is true... I could die tomorrow and therefore won't need to pay off my student loans, and I've saved up all that money for nothing (for myself, anyway - my parents would probably gain control over the money). However, if I do survive and I graduate, I would prefer to say that I have not gone to Miami and have some money in the bank, rather than say I was able to go to Miami and find that I have nothing or very little.

Because now I have more expenses coming my way - if the money I make from my job isn't enough, then I need to rely on something else to help pay that off, and it wouldn't be smart to put myself in more debt to collect other loans to do this. And then I would use this as a hint to find another job or work more hours, because the money I did save up won't last forever.

Basically, I guess it's all just on how you look at it. *shrugs*

 

[august86]

It started out as friends, but yes slowly most people are turning into acquaintances because I'm not getting the friendship I'd like.

At birthdays for example I think it's rude to show up without a present and even when I didn't have any money to spare I made sure I brought one hell of a gift suited for the person.

I also make a habbit of being on time but if I want to peacefully live with these people I have to say the appointment is at 2 if i want them to show up in time on the actual 3 o clock apointment.

The only thing these people are in the mood for is going to the movie theatre because we have a membership card and you can watch unlimited movies you want for 20 dollars a month.

As for the Miami thing I don't judge people for not having money to go I know it's not the cheapest place in the world, I judge them for saying they're going with me and end up backing out at the last moment for the same reason they always do, lack of money, so I have to make new arrangements and end up paying for it.

I'm realising that all I'm getting out of these friendships is mostly having fun and joking around but when any other quality is desired, like being dependable or knowledgeable it's just not there.

Now I have lots of circles in different areas, there are smart people but usually not good for laughs, and funny people but usually not good for serious topics.

I don't discard friends unless they are harmfull in any way like drug abuse, stealing or just talking shit all the time but I feel like it's time for me to surround myself with more positive people and the circles I am in are slowly changing into acquaintances for me as they are not the people I want them to be.

Living far away from me these people agree that it's mostly because of my environment and that I should change the scenery if I want to meet better people as they have experienced my friends and environment first hand.
Let it be known that my town is in the middle of the two worst "ghettos" in Amsterdam as far as you can call them ghettos but it's filled with all sorts of scum and they like meeting in the middle.

Now the place or the people won't hold me back doing what I want to do but it's a factor that has played a big role as we have a saying in dutch "Je bent waar je mee omgaat" translates as you are who you surround yourself with.

People usually say that: friends are the family you choose, and it seems you're hell-bent on choosing the best out there.

I understand that you are in a position right now where you are in good shape, have ambitions and goals and want to be surrounded by people who follow those ideals. I think saying it "out loud" is what makes it seem harsh or makes you seem like a douche.

With regard to spending money on gifts, I'd say it depends on the nature of your friendship. My friends and I have elected to spend time together around someone's birthday, so we do something different each time. From going to watch a sports game, staying in and ordering pizza/fast food, going to a bar for drinks or just having dinner at a restaurant. We never buy gifts.

What you're describing when you talk about bad spending, being late and general small-mindedness is what I refer to as "poor people's mentality". It's where you've been conditioned to spend spend spend, be "fashionably late" for everything, always broke, negative/depressed and lack general etiquette and manners.
It seems you have a lot of contempt for this type of person, so it's probably best to find primary and secondary friends which fit your ideals, and leave those on the periphery. That being said, your standards of perfection in friends are extremely high. You want friends who "have it all", i.e.: intelligence and wit, fit bodies, money, professional and still be loyal non-gossipers.

University, clubs and organisations will probably be your best option in trying to find this type of friend.

It's unlikely that there are too many people who posses ALL of these characteristics, and in fact, unlikely that those people are looking for more friends. People are attracted to that which they desire themselves to have, so those persons should be spoilt for choice in friends, if they have the time for friends between all their other activities.

 

[Thirdlegproduction]

I also believe that you wouldn't measure up to a lot of other people's standards by thinking you are superior to them.

When I start benchpressing in the gym I finish what I started while most quit halfway trough, same with running I'll say let's do a 10 mile run and they quit after 10 minutes.

Planning a trip somewhere and actually going there while they are really excited about coming and end up backing out.

I always beat myself down criticize how I could have done things differently better, faster more efficiently.
So I don't really feel superior to others, I doubt myself too much for that I think these people just make themselves inferior to me by not owning up to their potential, because it's not about who lifts more in the gym or who runs the most miles, it's just about exploring boundaries and a half ass benchpress or a 10 minute run is not your boundary when you are physically fit.

I've sparred with some big k-1 fighters and knew I could never win, but I would learn what makes them great and be a better man then I was before.
But when people don't share that mentality, there's going to be a difference between who looks superior and who doesn't.
I'm not looking for superior or inferior people I'm looking for equals and there are not a lot of them in my current circles

 

[Thirdlegproduction]

People usually say that: friends are the family you choose, and it seems you're hell-bent on choosing the best out there.

I understand that you are in a position right now where you are in good shape, have ambitions and goals and want to be surrounded by people who follow those ideals. I think saying it "out loud" is what makes it seem harsh or makes you seem like a douche.

With regard to spending money on gifts, I'd say it depends on the nature of your friendship. My friends and I have elected to spend time together around someone's birthday, so we do something different each time. From going to watch a sports game, staying in and ordering pizza/fast food, going to a bar for drinks or just having dinner at a restaurant. We never buy gifts.

What you're describing when you talk about bad spending, being late and general small-mindedness is what I refer to as "poor people's mentality". It's where you've been conditioned to spend spend spend, be "fashionably late" for everything, always broke, negative/depressed and lack general etiquette and manners.
It seems you have a lot of contempt for this type of person, so it's probably best to find primary and secondary friends which fit your ideals, and leave those on the periphery. That being said, your standards of perfection in friends are extremely high. You want friends who "have it all", i.e.: intelligence and wit, fit bodies, money, professional and still be loyal non-gossipers.

University, clubs and organisations will probably be your best option in trying to find this type of friend.

It's unlikely that there are too many people who posses ALL of these characteristics, and in fact, unlikely that those people are looking for more friends. People are attracted to that which they desire themselves to have, so those persons should be spoilt for choice in friends, if they have the time for friends between all their other activities.

This captured everything I said, kudos.

I don't want to feel contempt, because I've been there but it's also because I've been there and escaped it that I feel contempt for these people not even trying.
I have been meeting more positive people lately, and it's not all about having the complete package but more about wanting it and working on it.
If the will is there the rest will follow and I'd be glad to help people move up in their lifes.
And yes I have noticed the complete packaged people do tend have a lot of priorities but I've been the same lately and when I do meet it is memorable.
Universities, clubs and volunteering it is.