Expiration date on "going steady"?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by W/In 1 Stand Dev, Jun 27, 2008.

  1. W/In 1 Stand Dev

    W/In 1 Stand Dev Active Member

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    Yeah, I got the ideafor this thread from another forum. Basically, a guy is bitching about his girlfriend hinting about him getting her something expensive for their two year anniversary.

    Methinks she is hinting at an engagement ring.

    So, ladies, is the two year mark the "shit or get off the pot" point in a relationship?

    And if so, how did 2 years become that point?

    Is it a universal consensus among the womyn folk?
     
  2. Principessa

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    IMHO, yes, 2 years is the shit or get off the pot point.

    I have no idea how old this couple is but we ladies have a biological clock. Once you are out of college (22 or 23) there is no reason why you can't decide if you want to spend your life with someone in two years. Men can choose to ignore the biological clock of the woman they are with; but they do it at their peril. You may find yourself all alone.
    .
    If he doesn't give her an engagement ring, I hope she leaves him for a man with a plan. :cool:
     
  3. Jovial

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    I agree there is a time limit. Maybe that's one or two years. If you've spent a lot of time together in one year, then what more are you going to find out in another year? So two years tops I say. There are lots of 30-something women scrambling for husbands to have kids with because some guys led them on for years instead of breaking up and moving on.
     
  4. Proud7

    Proud7 New Member

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    In my twenties,I had a few relationships that lasted around 2 years.There was no immediate urgency from either person to tie the knot,but since I've entered my 30's,I find that the women I'm meeting are at least that age,and most of them definitely talk about marriage very early on when I meet them(not marriage to me of course,just that it's what they're ultimately after).
     
  5. AlteredEgo

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    When I decide to see someone exclusively, I tell them that I'm looking for a husband, and that if they aren't looking for a wife, they should let me find my man. I tell them I'm prepared to spend the next few years learning the things about them I need to know to be a great asset to them, and that I expect the same in return. I give them a rough sketch of what I think is a sensible outline of how to carry on our life.

    I like spontaneity, if within a structure. The older I get, the less time I allow for a man to make up his mind. I want to be married by 2010 because of my biological clock and my ideology (which dictates that I spend the first few years of my marriage childless and doting on my husband in ways he will not see again for decades). A lot of families split after the children go to college because the couple does not know how to be childless. When I was 19, I told my then-boyfriend that he had five years to figure out his life and decide I was the one. After two years, I told him I was sure about him, and that he had three years to decide if he wanted a future with me or not, but that if he knew sooner, he should declare intentions to marry me, or let me go find my mate. His response was to take me shopping for a ring in year four. But I think he never really knew what he wanted. I'd told him that if he didn't know we should split up despite our strong emotional bonds because I wanted a husband. Selfishly, he kept me and ate up a lot of time. I did worry that my schedule was doomed, but things have worked out fine. (I have seen the receipt for the insurance policy for my engagement ring by accident, and my man has asked my for my grandmother's blessing.)

    I think the young man in question isn't really upset about is girl's demands. He's upset that he's a wishy-washy, immature brat who doesn't know what he wants out of his life. She should run as fast as she can.
     
  6. Principessa

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    Preach it sister! You speak the truth! :cool:
     
  7. Pendlum

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    I guess I'm the only one who thinks that it isn't a huge issue with waiting more than two years. :\ It may take two years to decide if you think you can settle down with someone, but what about the preparing of marriage itself? I don't believe I'm ready for marriage.

    But then again I am 19, so I completely understand the two year limit sort of deal with older people.
     
  8. Principessa

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    :biggrin1: Well of course 19 is too young to settle down. :rolleyes: :duh:

    That's why I said early to mid 20's in my initial post. It's also why (no offense youngblood) many women in the 30+ bracket have no desire to mess with younger men. We have been there done that and are ready to settle down, just when you are wanting/needing to sow your wild oats.

    Our sex drives may match, but our mindsets don't. Hence the brain being the most important sex organ.
     
  9. Pendlum

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    None taken. :tongue: Wouldn't sowing my wild oats be trying to knock up women? :rolleyes: I'll take just the sex please, hold the kids. That's for later in life. :tongue:
     
  10. griplock22

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    fuckin hell, bit aggressive perhaps.
    no one said he doesnt know what he wants out of life, just that he doesnt want to be pressured into marriage. (or something like that i think).
    didnt say anything about how hes intentionally going to waste a fewyears of her life and leave here unmarried and at the end of a hollow relationship in a few years.
    although like pendlum im only 19 so what do i know
     
  11. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    I think the reality is what is not being said. Often I think men are still working on their careers into their 30's but they also want companionship physically mentally and materially . I dont think it is that they dont care for the woman but they may definitely konw that she is Ms Right now and dont tell her. THere are women who do the same thing. I dont think they are trying to hurt you they just may not be thinking of you at all. THough I was heart broken and quite angry after the break up of a years long interaction (I dont konw quite what to call it now)I am so glad I didnt marry him .It may have taken up my child bearing years but who knows if it would have worked out anyway if I had married him.
     
  12. lucky8

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    I thought marriage was supposed to be about love, not time? If a girl loves you, she should be willing to wait. Love is sacrifice isn't it? I've been dating my girlfriend for over 2 years and personally, I don't want to get married anytime soon, no matter how long i date a her, it's not going to make me more inclined to get engaged. The reason being is that I want to work, raise my net worth, and figure my life out without the influence of another person before tying the knot. Me supporting only myself is going to leave me with a lot more money than me married. Once I've built up a nice bank account, I'll consider it. If my girlfriend left me because she didn't want to wait, I guess she didn't truly love me then because love is sacrifice, and personally, if I love her, I can wait, and I expect the same dedication to the relationship from her. Afterall, what does it matter anyways? It's just a ring and a piece of paper...if she loves me, as long as we're together, she should be happy.
     
    #12 lucky8, Jun 27, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2008
  13. Jovial

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    Why even explain it to him? If he loves you and fears losing you enough he will want to marry you without you pressuring him. Set your own timetable, if he doesn't propose after your set time, then tell him it's over. By pressuring him you don't know if he really likes you.
    It's upsetting. Women will stay with the guys that aren't forthcoming with their feelings, but pass by the honest ones that say they don't want to marry.
    You are saying you want the woman to commit to you but you don't want to commit to her! When you build up your bank account, you may decide you want to be with someone else, and what did she get out of waiting? And you will save money by getting married. Your taxes and car insurance will be lower.

    You don't understand that it's different for men and women. A single woman that is 30+ has a hard time finding single men. Single guys in their 30's that are in good shape, successful and want to marry are looking for women in their 20's. The 30+ year old women are stuck picking from out of shape guys, guys that are divorced with kids and child support payments, guys without careers or guys that are much older. The biological clock forces them to settle for less than perfect guys.

    And some men are good at saying the right things to string women along without marriage. "I want to save money first," "What's the rush, you're still young," "Let's just enjoy ourselves while we're young." Whatever, the guys just keep stringing them along because they don't know what they want yet. Yes, it's up to the women to not fall for this either, but the men should be honest and say they are not sure if they want to marry them and even break up if it's not who they want to marry.
     
  14. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!

    What a wonderful outlook you have. Add to that the fact that after a while those women who are left on the marriage market are looked at either with pity, contempt or a cautious eye because we ALL KNOW THEY ARE TOO DESPERATE TO LIVE.
     
  15. midlifebear

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    Regardless, if a man strings a woman along more than two years he is obligated to pony up an ice skating rink as an engagement ring (at least 2 carets) and then sink the putt during the wedding ceremony with a flawless matching 1+ caret. How's your portfolio performing?
     
  16. christina

    christina New Member

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    um i guess imo when its right its right. im also saying from the stand point of working 48+ hours a week and already having a child and going to school full time. so it could just be the fact that men jsut arent at the top of my list but i still think that after u spend a certain amount of time with someone you just know. and you also know if he/she is not the one and just have the balls or whatever to get rid of them and stop wasting everyones time.
     
  17. B_DeCadence

    B_DeCadence New Member

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    Yeh if i date a guy for more than a year than Im expecting him to take the next step, and after a year and a half if he doesnt wanna take that step than id dump him.
     
  18. W/In 1 Stand Dev

    W/In 1 Stand Dev Active Member

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    Ahhh... jeeessshhhh... what a conundrum!

    Us guys like getting sex ....err... as the old saying goes, we like to get the milk for free, so why buy the cow?

    Hmmn... seems like I am doomed to a life of bachelorhood.

    Bummer..

    I see a lot of jacking off in my future.

    I guess my mom won't ever be a grandmother... bummer for her, I suppose.

    I just don't like the potential legal and financial implications of divorce and child support to emasculate or surrender myself to marriage.

    A'yup, I am doomed to bachelorhood... pass the vaseline, wontchya?

    Frick!
     
  19. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!

    Who told you that one?
     
  20. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Ive never really understood why women are in such a dire need to be married. I dont see why a wedding ring is going to make him any more or less committed to the relationship then he already is. If he doesn't want to get married then forcing him into it is going to do nothing but push him away
     
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