Ex's Sober or Drunk/Horny Thoughts

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by bigman79, Dec 27, 2010.

  1. bigman79

    bigman79 Member

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    Sorry for the length...

    So I went out with a girl my senior year of high school (2006-7), she was a junior at the time. We started out just as friends; she had a huge crush on me almost to the point of an obsession for about a year before we started being together. We were together for nearly all of my senior year and did all of the things that high school couples did. One thing that we did not do was have sex; she would always joke around that she would be a nun. I was her first boyfriend and the reason why we broke up was because she “wanted to know what other guys are like”.

    Like four months after we broke up she met this guy and started being with him. In the beginning of their relationship if he went out of town we would still hangout. About two/three months into their relationship they started having sex, being an 18/19 year old guy I was pretty upset since I was with her for nearly a year and we never did anything close to having sex and she gave her virginity to him after being together for like two months. She completely changed who she was. She use to be sweet, innocent, never really did anything “bad” but almost instantly turned into a bitchy, partying, drinking person. She would almost rub it in my face that she was having sex with her boyfriend. About five months into her relationship she started having sex with another guy (cheating) and would also tell me about it. At this point I felt like I was just the ugliest person in the world because not only is she having sex with her boyfriend but also some random guy (who most people think looks like my twin), and yet we never did even though we were together for so long. Even though she was with her boyfriend she asked me to her high school senior TOLO dance. He eventually found out and dumped her saying she was still in love with me. This was in 2008.

    The past two/three years she has been in college and we still talk and I don’t really have a problem talking to her about her guy issues, but she has never once asked if I was seeing a girl. One time we were hanging with some friends and a friend of mine asked how I and some girl were doing, my ex immediately stopped talking and asked me to take her home, she never said anything the entire way home. She still hookups with her other ex every once in awhile, depending on his relationship status. He really treated/treats her like crap, whereas I basically still to do this day treat her like an angel. I know she has had sex with quite a few guys; it’s almost as if she is trying to make up for all the years that she was the shy, innocent type. And it still kills me that she won’t even make a move with me. She won’t even give me a hug; it’s almost as if I have like some disease where if she were to touch me she would die. But yet I am always there for her whenever she needs somebody. I am basically her 911 call, when she is having a bad day she texts me, needs to talk she calls me, needs a ride home because she’s had too much to drink she calls me. She called me two weeks ago at 2am because she was drunk somewhere.

    The night after I picked her up we went to dinner and the mall. On the way to the mall we were talking about her and her ex and his current girlfriend. Eventually it led into how she found out that her (my ex) and one of our friends had slept with the same guy. She was really hesitant to tell me who the guy was but she finally did and it made me incredibly mad. It wasn’t the fact that she had sex with someone that made me mad, but who the guy was. The guy is a really unattractive, dirty, loser. She basically said it was a night of drunken sex at some party. And it just upset me that I’m not good enough for her. I don’t want to sound arrogant but I am a good looking guy, her sister and her friends have all told me that I am probably the best looking guy she’s been with, but yet she wont even give me a hug.

    Last week was her 21st birthday and I was the only guy she invited, even though she has a lot of male friends. She had like 4 of her school friends there, and her older sister and a couple of her friends. My ex basically stood/sat next to me the entire night and kept saying “I’m so happy you’re here.” And all night long she kept giving me hugs, which basically tripled the amount of hugs she’s given me in the years since we’ve been broken up. When we left the bar and were getting into the cars to head to an after party she gave me a hug said thanks or something went back to her car looked at me and said “love ya”. We got to the house and she was once again by my side the entire night and when we all left to go home she gave me a huge hug and it was almost as if the hug lasted longer then normal, kind of like a hug that happens when somebody hears bad news or something.

    This is all so confusing because the way she acted on her bday party towards me is so different from what she’s acted like since we’ve broken up, it was almost as if for that night we were back together because of what she did and said. We’ve all heard the sayings like “a drunk girls actions/words are a sober girls thoughts”. I’ve just been trying to figure out was it the drunk/horny girl that I was with that night or was it the drunk girl who was expressing her actual feelings.

    What do you guys think?
     
  2. rayray

    rayray Active Member

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    Sounds to me she is treating like one of the girls..Theres more to it though. It cant be your looks and since you were both virgins when you got together and never went to that next step,she maybe relies on you for advice and guidance like a good friend would do..
     
  3. WhiteZombie

    WhiteZombie New Member

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    Sounds to me like she's just like most girls her age. You're both young. Chill out and live life, man. She's living it up, enjoying her youth and you should be doing the same. Just gotta open your eyes and realize this chick just isn't worth all the head and heartache.
     
  4. D_Neeson Niceone

    D_Neeson Niceone New Member

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    Cut her out of your life entirely. She's not worth your time. Only associate with girls who are respectful of you. Of course, you will not follow my advice - because you are a sucker and it will be some time (and some heartaches) before you get it.
     
  5. t_o

    t_o
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    If she can't treat you right sober it doesn't matter how she acted when she's drunk. And one thing you can't keep doing is being her "out." She is taking advantage of you, and you need to tell her that. Address the entire situation...get it all out there. The worst that happens is you don't get back together (like you are right now), but she stops treating you like dirt. You can't just keep piling this under the rug...and it's the only way YOU will get closure. And you definitely need it.
     
  6. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I've told you before, you need to get over this girl!!! I'm a big fan of staying friends, but if you can't get over her whilst remaining friends, you need to distance yourself from her.
     
  7. Tim37

    Tim37 Member

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    Sounds like to me it is time for you toget this girl out of your life.
     
  8. sexplease

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    I'll address your "drunken thoughts..." quote, because whether you choose to stay with her or follow another path you'll grow and learn. There will be happiness and heartache whichever way you go. such is life.

    As for drunken thoughts, well a good piece of advice I was given:

    When people are mad, intoxicated or in 1/2 slumber they may express unguarded thoughts. Leave it alone then. If you feel the need to talk, wait until they're 100% calm, sober and alert. anything less really isn't fair to them ... or you.
     
  9. D_Hairy Truman

    D_Hairy Truman New Member

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    sorry to have read your story dude. you're really emotionally into her. you've said it yourself that you're her lifeline. she is using you and you are letting her. even as a friend she isn't a very good one herself. set boundaries as far as what you will and not give her. if it really bothers you that you haven't had sex with her ask her when she is drunk. or if you actually respect yourself when she is sober. just like you don't like everyone you meet don't expect others to like you either. so go out and enjoy life dude.
     
  10. SnakeForeskin

    SnakeForeskin New Member

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    ...totally agree.
     
  11. Charles Finn

    Gold Member

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    ok this is the reason that I prefer to have sex with guys
    not all girls are like that but most are that has been my experience.
    way too many head games
    and not the good kind either
     
  12. D_Tallie_Wacker

    D_Tallie_Wacker Account Disabled

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    I'm sorry to say this, but the problem isn't her, it's YOU.

    She's doing this shit and you're just listening to it and getting dragged along, but that's not the bad part, the bad part is you're standing there wondering why she isn't trying anything apparently, when in reality its incumbent upon you to try and close the deal.

    Make a fucking move, and if she doesn't go for it, then tell her you are still attracted to her, but find her too confusing, and want to distance yourself from her.
     
  13. ruffboy

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    i've got a friend who behaves in just this way, though she doesn't add in the jealousy of me with other women, namely as i'm married, yada yada, but she says how much i mean to her, how i'm one of the three most important people in her life (her husband and my wife being the other two) and yet she, in a 'pda' way treats me as an untouchable. i know the angst you're being caused here. at least in my case i've got a soulmate, i'm not hoping/relying on her to play that role, it seems like you want your girl to be yours. i'd say the only answer is the answer to everything in relationships, blatant honesty. you have to tell her exactly what it is you want/need and how you want her in your life and if she can't do that for you, you have to decide if you can take less than that. from the sounds of it, i don't think you can and i also don't think that's anything you have to apologize for. you just may have to cut her out entirely and move on, otherwise it WILL just go on with her using you for whatever little thing she needs, and her exercising undue control over your emotions. time for you to take control of your own emotional health and have a come to jesus talk.
     
  14. docluv

    Verified Gold Member

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    Gotta agree with White Zombie on this one. Both of you are young and it sounds like she's gone out and seen what else is out there. You need to go and do the same. She's really just shelving you until its convenient for her and that's not cool. Give each other some space and distance. If its meant to be, it will. I've learned from experience that there's just too many girls out here in the world to get hung up over one, especially if she doesn't meet your expectations.
     
  15. D_cbq02hbc

    D_cbq02hbc New Member

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    sidenote: better hope shes not on lpsg with the amount of detail youre spilling ;)

    jus joshin with ya...

    anyways girls around this age range are just really weird and confused.. just as weird and confused as us dudes... seriously this sounds like a few situations friends/brother/ co-workers have been in. as a guy, i cant tell you what it is with the young women, but id say dont take it personal.. maybe she respects you as a friend and doesnt want to lose you in that aspect.. can be a million reasons.. also sounds like she could be the type to want her cake and eat it too, you know, sleep with who ever she wants yet doesnt wanna hear about you hooking up/having a gf. uncool.
     
  16. B_cosmognosis

    B_cosmognosis New Member

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    Slam the door on this bitch and quit being an emotional tampon!!!!
    :banghead2: :banghead2: :banghead2: :banghead2: :banghead2: :banghead2: :banghead2: :banghead2: :banghead2: :banghead2:
     
    #16 B_cosmognosis, Dec 29, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2010
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