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- May 24, 2010
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Practical?It would be interesting to know how I would feel about her if we stopped having sex, but that does not seem practical or necessary at the moment. I think my emotional attachment is independent, but there is no way to prove it.
Just by being there. Alcoholics aren't able to deal with alcohol without hurting themselves. There's no deliberate cruelty on the alcohol's part. It just happens. Emotional dependency is her problem, she's emotionally dependent on you. You're hurting her development just by being there.How is the relationship unsatisfying for her? You make is sound like all her problems are somehow my fault. Please tell me how I have wronged her or caused her mental distress.
She's emotionally dependent! Of course she feels that way.I do not want to break up with her because I love her and I believe that she is better off having me in her life. She feels that way also.
That voice, that sentiment needs to be hers or it will never work.I believe I am the one person in her life that advocates for her independence and mental stability.
Solitude may well also be what she needs. Many alcoholics need to hit rock bottom before they are truly motivated to work on their problems. You providing a crutch for her means she will never reach that state of being truly alone and independent of necessity.You are wise to ask that. It was a big problem for me until recently when I asked her to move out. I now spend a lot more time with with my friends and also in solitude, which has greatly improved my mental and physical health.
What is so practical about continuing to have sex with her?
She's in therapy, good start. But you won't see him despite his recommendation that you do so? I'm sorry, I'm not in the least bit sympathetic to you at this point. I'm doing my best to think of a single occupation that would be adversely effected by your attending a session for the purpose of bettering a loved one's treatment particularly one that conversely doesn't see having a wingnut girlfriend as a poor reflection.
If you love her so much that you're willing to sacrifice your life, happiness and having children it shouldn't be too much of a stretch for you to quit your job and get another that won't frown on you helping her counselling along. Put your money where your mouth is.
Solitude may well also be what she needs... You providing a crutch for her means she will never reach that state of being truly alone and independent of necessity.
Ha! Good one.FTR, her therapist supports her decision to fuck me. Says it's part of the healing process or something. Unfortunately, Gillette, this eliminates the plausibility of half of your argument. Either it's okay for us to fuck, or the therapist is not infallible... you may choose which. :biggrin:
My girl's high school boyfriend used to abuse her physically and psychologically, gave her bruises, constantly insulted her, never let her go out with her friends, and she used to blow him 5x per day, and it still sounds like she's in love with him when she talks about him. The relationship only ended because he finally went to prison.
I was a nice guy, complimented her all the time, paid for everything, did whatever she wanted, etc. She never gave me head (and told me what she used to do for her ex!), told me I had to explicitly "ask for it" and when I did, she laughed at me.
Since then I've gradually learned to be less of a "nice guy" and more of an "asshole". And it's truly working to my advantage. Sorry guys and girls, but that's the reality of female psychology (in general).
Me too, though I'm a little older than that now. I've noticed it with myself and my friends around that age and now, still, a few years later. Basically it's like everything is the man's fault no matter the effort he makes. If the girls don't feel like being good then they just claim their emotional needs are not being met, and use it as an excuse to do whatever they want. I put up with it back then but I have finally learned that I have way more power in a relationship than society would like me to believe.
Exactly. I've never cried about problems in a relationship, but I've gotten depressed, i.e. lethargic, gained weight, no longer interested in activities I used to enjoy, etc. I just shutdown. For an acute response, I've also gotten pissed off and punched through doors and stuff. I just hate that. Makes me feel so weak.
Living alone, this is no longer a problem, because I can always remove myself from an infuriating situation or argument, return to what is mine, that which I have complete control over, and everything else goes away. But when a shitty attitude is thrown in your face nonstop 24/7, no matter what you do to counter it, I can't help but eventually pop.
Oh certainly. My girlfriends were always trying to control me and tell me what to do. What to eat, how to dress, who my friends should be, etc. They were both so imposing and angry. I've been insulted, threatened, etc. "If I ever find out that you had lunch with another girl, I'll fucking kill you, and I WILL find out!"
It's been a fucking blast. Now I've said fuck this relationship crap. Come over when you want to fuck and then leave. The rest of the time I'll do whatever the fuck I want.
I believe my friend's relationships are just as bad. It's just that they don't mind being controlled as much, so they don't end up fighting as much or as bad.
today my sis revealed that 8 months after escaping her loony she's concidering going back.
i think of her, i think of you, i think of her.
i want to hit something with a hammer.
petite, thank you for your thoughtful response.
Indeed, I tend to become angry, annoyed, or unhappy when I am subjected to a severe episode of jealousy or some other form of emotional backlash. I can control my reaction but I cannot help the way her actions make me feel. Nonetheless, I believe she is a decent person overall, and the occasional outburst of irrational behavior does not preclude me from loving her as a whole.
Indeed, I recognize that her actions are not normal nor representative of the average woman. I already confessed to acting like an insensitive jerk in that early post of mine, and I now freely admit that the statement in question was an unfair generalization made by me.
Still, I can't deny that the LTR's of my friends appear to be just as bad, if not worse than mine. I've drawn that conclusion based on my observations of their interactions and behavior, and complaints from my friends. Some of the jealousy and hurtful outbursts of those women make my girlfriend look like a saint. I feel lucky to have her when I think of how my friends are suffering. Plus, they don't get nearly as much sex. A couple of my married friends get no sex at all. To me, sex is the most crucial aspect of a sexual relationship. Maybe it seems shallow, but I feel very lucky and appreciative to have the sex that I am getting.
The miserable situation, that I previously referred to, actually came to an end about 3 months ago, when I asked her to move out of my house. Since that has transpired, every facet of our relationship has realized substantial improvement.
Surely there is a way to arrange to meet with him outside of his office. Go have lunch somewhere, coffee, raquetball, golf. I don't want to be a bitch here but to push her into therapy but then refuse to speak with him yourself when doing so is requested by him to help him treat her strikes me as both stubborn and stupid.
petite, thank you for your thoughtful response.
Indeed, I tend to become angry, annoyed, or unhappy when I am subjected to a severe episode of jealousy or some other form of emotional backlash. I can control my reaction but I cannot help the way her actions make me feel. Nonetheless, I believe she is a decent person overall, and the occasional outburst of irrational behavior does not preclude me from loving her as a whole.
Indeed, I recognize that her actions are not normal nor representative of the average woman. I already confessed to acting like an insensitive jerk in that early post of mine, and I now freely admit that the statement in question was an unfair generalization made by me.
Still, I can't deny that the LTR's of my friends appear to be just as bad, if not worse than mine. I've drawn that conclusion based on my observations of their interactions and behavior, and complaints from my friends. Some of the jealousy and hurtful outbursts of those women make my girlfriend look like a saint.
I feel lucky to have her when I think of how my friends are suffering. Plus, they don't get nearly as much sex. A couple of my married friends get no sex at all. To me, sex is the most crucial aspect of a sexual relationship. Maybe it seems shallow, but I feel very lucky and appreciative to have the sex that I am getting.
The miserable situation, that I previously referred to, actually came to an end about 3 months ago, when I asked her to move out of my house. Since that has transpired, every facet of our relationship has realized substantial improvement.
petite, thank you for your thoughtful response.
Indeed, I tend to become angry, annoyed, or unhappy when I am subjected to a severe episode of jealousy or some other form of emotional backlash. I can control my reaction but I cannot help the way her actions make me feel. Nonetheless, I believe she is a decent person overall, and the occasional outburst of irrational behavior does not preclude me from loving her as a whole.
Indeed, I recognize that her actions are not normal nor representative of the average woman. I already confessed to acting like an insensitive jerk in that early post of mine, and I now freely admit that the statement in question was an unfair generalization made by me.
Still, I can't deny that the LTR's of my friends appear to be just as bad, if not worse than mine. I've drawn that conclusion based on my observations of their interactions and behavior, and complaints from my friends. Some of the jealousy and hurtful outbursts of those women make my girlfriend look like a saint. I feel lucky to have her when I think of how my friends are suffering. Plus, they don't get nearly as much sex. A couple of my married friends get no sex at all. To me, sex is the most crucial aspect of a sexual relationship. Maybe it seems shallow, but I feel very lucky and appreciative to have the sex that I am getting.
The miserable situation, that I previously referred to, actually came to an end about 3 months ago, when I asked her to move out of my house. Since that has transpired, every facet of our relationship has realized substantial improvement.