Extreme Loneliness

[snoahhs]

Hey guys. I don't want to make this a sad depressing thing so I'll cut to the point.

Spent most of my childhood/early teens a bit overweight, therefore - self confidence sucks.

Now, at 18, I'm 5'9'' and 140 lbs, which is obviously anything but overweight. I think I look pretty good in the face, wish my body was a bit better (no sixpack... trying so hard though.. any tips?) but the worst thing of all is - I can't seem to get any self confidence.

This is an issue because I can't seem to pick up anyone. I haven't had any guys interested in me, and it's begin to drain on me being so alone.

What's your advice?
Thanks

 

[arthurdent]

Er, why are you trying to get guys interested in you, if you're 99% straight?

 

[snoahhs]

Er, why are you trying to get guys interested in you, if you're 99% straight?

That is obviously a joke. I think, as most people on here are "99% straight"

EDIT : far more accurate now.

 

[whiter83]

Not the best for advice

But just know who you are and be yourself. Love yourself. That's the great thing about being you is that there is no one else like you. Patience is truly a virtue, and when the time comes someone will come along.

Short but to the point. It's late here but I've been lonely too and it hurts. But what brings me out of it is knowing I am who I am for a reason and I impact people whether I know it or not.

 

[587908]

Yeah man, it looks like a setup. What 18 year old guy have you ever known who is a fan of JC Superstar? But anyway man, if you are for real, you just have to put yourself out there. Make yourself available. You can't go anywhere without taking a first step. Believe in yourself and start walking toward your goals. Look up quotes from Lucille Ball. She used to battle loneliness and depression. Surprised me too.

 

[snoahhs]

What 18 year old guy have you ever known who is a fan of JC Superstar?

I'm actually a huge fan, and yes for real.

 

[D_CountdeGrandePinja]

Been there - lost 100 lbs when I came out - be determined to be the BEST U can - one day @ a time - today is gift, that's why we call it - the present!!!

 

[BIGBULL29]

Been there - lost 100 lbs when I came out - be determined to be the BEST U can - one day @ a time - today is gift, that's why we call it - the present!!!

You always such beautiful things.:smile:

Yes, the hardest thing in life is to be in the "NOW". As for "now" (lol), meditation on the breath is the only thing that helps me do that.

To the OP: Take comfort in knowing that many others have felt, are feeling or will be feeling like you do right now.

 

[Zeuhl34]

Yeah man, it looks like a setup. What 18 year old guy have you ever known who is a fan of JC Superstar?

I've been a fan since the 4th grade:tongue:

 

[ColonialBoy]

Hey guys. I don't want to make this a sad depressing thing so I'll cut to the point.

Spent most of my childhood/early teens a bit overweight, therefore - self confidence sucks.

Now, at 18, I'm 5'9'' and 140 lbs, which is obviously anything but overweight. I think I look pretty good in the face, wish my body was a bit better (no sixpack... trying so hard though.. any tips?) but the worst thing of all is - I can't seem to get any self confidence.

Go to http://forum.bodybuilding.com/, read for a month, including the relationship section. It completely changed my mind on how to exercise, and alpha-male-ness.

 

[silvertriumph2]

snoahhs...
I think we all have been there at some time in our lives...it sucks, but we move on and
make a life the best way we can....

You certainly are not over weight and from your verification pic, you seem to have some hidden qualities..:biggrin: No matter, the most important qualities are not the physical and visual parts of you...but what is inside that is the REAL you. These are the true attributes that make you, well....YOU....snoahhs.

And as whiter83 said...you have to first love yourself.
When you love yourself, you exude to others, things that make others take notice of you and
make them want to know you better. A friendly smile and a cheerful manner will go a long way...

You are still young so don't try so hard to find or make "pickups." When the right time comes, it will happen. Don't rely on "sex" to get you friends either. Make friends first. Through them you will meet more people...and through them even more people. If you have not already...join a gym, a few clubs at school, go out for sport, do volunteer work.

If you are out already (maybe not at home) and comfortable with it...take advantage of a local
LGBT community center...somewhere in this great mix of people there will be someone just like
you..."looking."

So, snoahhs.....it WILL happen...just be patient. There is no rush. It always happens when you least expect it....:yup:

Take care...and good luck.....but always be safe...please "practice safe sex."
Silver

 

[danimal32]

If you are feeling kind of down try to keep yourself busy. Consider contacting friends who you haven't checked in with for a while. Also, why not try something you've always wanted to try, but never took the time to do it.

I'm great at giving advice, now if I could only practice what I preach, I'd be all set! Seriously, good luck to you...

 

[D_Jimmy Jammer]

today is gift, that's why we call it - the present!!!

Haven't heard that before, uncut.
Excellent. :tongue:
Silvertriumph's pretty much summarised what most would say to you, snoaahs. You seem to know yourself well enough. Beyond that it gets specialised.

 

[sexplease]

Well, don't be so hard on yourself. Most young adults are experiencing many of the same feelings as you.
My nephew was always a big kid (at 15, 5'-8" and 190lbs) Now, he's 17, 5'-10' and 160lbs. He found what works for his body, and sounds like did as well. You'll continue to tighten-up as you mature through your good eating habits and physical activities.
My nephew is such a sweet and gentle kid and has a heart of gold - I'm not too biased, but you remind me a little of him from your description.

These are the years in your life you learn to search for the things that resonate with you. Maybe it's art or science, or perhaps travel or politics but it is also the people who devote their lives to these and other passions.
As you find the things you like you may also find the people, or person, you love.

This takes time and trying your hand at different subjects, your heart in different relationships and eventually these two facets of your life intertwine and you'll find a fulfillment brought about by you.
Follow and try things you like. You'll find what you're looking for.

I'm still trying. Life is such a fun adventure!

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

What 18 year old guy have you ever known who is a fan of JC Superstar? .

My 16 year old son is as well as severel other musicals:tongue:


OT

Nobody can give you confidance,you have to find that within yourself.
Confidance is attractive and lack of it sends out negative vibes.

At 18 the last thing you should be worrying about is getting a bf,i told my 2 18 yr old daughters the very same thing.


A blokie will come along when you least expect it.

 

[Riven650]

My 16 year old son is as well as severel other musicals:tongue:


OT

Nobody can give you confidance,you have to find that within yourself.
Confidance is attractive and lack of it sends out negative vibes.

At 18 the last thing you should be worrying about is getting a bf,i told my 2 18 yr old daughters the very same thing.


A blokie will come along when you least expect it.

Absolutely spot on Tasha,
A friend of mine at photography college was like that at 17. I remember him saying, "It's alright for you guys, but no-one seems to notice me." etc. etc. He'd already decided he was a loser in love. He was young, perhaps childish and a bit over-nerdy about cameras. But he liked a laugh and was a really sweet guy. Looks wise, he was medium height, not athletic, but not overweight. He quite spotty like a lot of teenagers but had nice eyes and a winning smile. Not only that but judging from the bulge in his jeans he was hung. I met him again a few years later. He was still unattached, living with his parents, and seemed to be 'in love' with a model he'd photographed. But from what he said I could tell it was one way. I met him again years later and he was still going on about her despite the fact that he'd never even dated her. He was 30ish, gained a bit of weight, his face was pockmarked from the acne he'd more or less got over. He seemed to have developed a dislike of his own image so intense that he wouldn't let me take a snapshot of him. He was still living with his mum and dad.

I still see him from time to time. He still lives with his mum (his dad passed away 10 years ago) and will undoubtedly look after her until she dies or goes into a nursing home. He's 50 and has lots of money, nice cars, etc. but he's fairly fat now, still single and I'm pretty sure he's a virgin. He showed me some pictures on his ipod that he'd shot of a model
in her thirties whom he seems to worship. He buys her presents and listens to her moan about her boorish boyfriend. It makes me weep.

To the OP: Please don't end up like my mate. Get help with your self esteem issues before the negative pattern of behavior/thought process becomes too well established. Try not to 'need' someone so badly. Go out with your friends and enjoy being you, being with them. Try to enjoy the now, rather than dwelling on wishing it was different, because all the time you're doing that you're being a drag and sending out negative vibes that people find repulsive.

Don't worry about your 6pack, or the size of your cock. Just get out there and be active. Exercise is a great mood enhancer. The good mood makes you more attractive.

Good luck.

 

[B_subgirrl]

For many people, it's not looks that count. What is most attractive about a person is confidence. So even if you have to fake it, act confident and you're much more likely to find someone to love.

 

[Riven650]

I dunno subgirl, I think people see through the act when someone's faking it. I don't think there's a substitute for going out and growing some real confidence. That takes a bit of determination, but it's not that hard to do. You need to find some challenges and go for em. I'm talking about learning new skills, etc. Doesn't really matter what it is: Learn a foreign language, learn to swim, learn to sing, learn to play piano, learn to weld, learn to dance, etc. etc. Each time you achieve something you build real confidence.

The trouble comes when you go back into a situation where you have felt unconfident in the past. Clubbing, for instance, is a situation that makes most people really nervous. The idea that everyone's looking around for a potential mate and no one seems to notice you is a very common experience. The fear of that happening each time you go can become a self fulfilling prophecy. The way to tackle it is to go into those situations without expectations of success or failure. Take the pressure off yourself. Just go for the fun of watching people and have a dance and a laugh. Remind yourself of your successes. Come away reasonably sober but smiling. You'll be surprised how much better you feel about the situation. If you can do that each time it won't be long before someone wants to tag along with. And it'll be simply because you seem fun to be around. There is no better reason for wanting to be with someone.

 

[Novaboy]

This most likely won't help you now, but part of the problem is your age. When I was your age (okay, now I sound ancient!) I was insecure about just about everything about my appearance, my sexuality, my voice, my weight (too skinny), my hair.....

The older you get you realize that you are just fine, you stop caring about what others may be thinking and love your self. As it turns out, I'm still nice and slim and the hunks I admired at that age are not chunks.... take care....

 

[B_subgirrl]

I dunno subgirl, I think people see through the act when someone's faking it. I don't think there's a substitute for going out and growing some real confidence.

I think most people are faking it, most of the time. Real confidence is admittedly heaps better, but a good fake is much more attractive than someone who sits in a corner feeling all shy.

That takes a bit of determination, but it's not that hard to do. You need to find some challenges and go for em. I'm talking about learning new skills, etc. Doesn't really matter what it is: Learn a foreign language, learn to swim, learn to sing, learn to play piano, learn to weld, learn to dance, etc. etc. Each time you achieve something you build real confidence.

Totally agree. The added benefit to exploring your interests is that it ups your chance of meeting someone. And if you share an interest, you'll have something you can talk about confidently . . .

The trouble comes when you go back into a situation where you have felt unconfident in the past. Clubbing, for instance, is a situation that makes most people really nervous. The idea that everyone's looking around for a potential mate and no one seems to notice you is a very common experience.

Clubbing never used to make me nervous. Probably because I WASN'T looking for a mate - I was just out having fun with my friends.

The fear of that happening each time you go can become a self fulfilling prophecy. The way to tackle it is to go into those situations without expectations of success or failure. Take the pressure off yourself. Just go for the fun of watching people and have a dance and a laugh. Remind yourself of your successes. Come away reasonably sober but smiling. You'll be surprised how much better you feel about the situation. If you can do that each time it won't be long before someone wants to tag along with. And it'll be simply because you seem fun to be around. There is no better reason for wanting to be with someone.

Brilliant advice! Although I would be a little more drunk than Riven :biggrin1:. No-one finds a wasted person attractive, but if you're a happy drunk a few extra drinks can give you the confidence you don't get through other methods.