F.W.B. Relationships Are B.S.

[Principessa]

Dating Tips 101: friends with benefits relationships advice

Gullible women have been sold a bill of goods by smooth talking, opportunistic booty hounds and players when it comes to friends with benefits relationships.You women want to believe it means he finds you attractive but isn't ready for a girlfriend because his heart was broken, he got cheated on, he doesn't trust women, he has too much going on to commit, blah blah blah. In reality, he is telling you to your face that you are good enough to screw, but not good enough to invest feelings in. Why aren't more women offended when approached in this manner? A man that barely knows you, yet approaches you so crassly is a disrespectful chump. He is letting you know up front that he is a butthole out to get what he can from you sexually, but at least he is being honest and warning you not to get attached because he is not looking for a relationship.

Some women don't understand that an FWB has no obligations or ties to you, so he is free to come in and out of your life, and jump in and out of your bed, while doing the same thing with other women IF he so chooses. An FWB cannot cheat. An FWB can go back to his ex-girlfriend or get a new girlfriend at any time and crack your face. An FWB can sleep with your best friend, your Aunt, your neighbor and your sister, and you can't get upset. You can see an FWB out with another woman and his tongue down her throat, and you can't say a word about it. Being someone's FWB partner basically means that you are a provider of free sex services for a man that is flatly telling you that he will not commit to you because he doesn't like you "like that." Why would you do that to yourself? And use of the word "friends" means nothing… its just a polite euphemism for "woman I am screwing who is one step up from a one-night stand." However women latch onto that word because it makes the fact that you are being used for sex more palatable, and some women use it to pretend they are at least a little bit special to the guy. But hear this ladies - frosting on poop doesn't make the poop turn into cake. In reality, your FWB has other guys for friends… he just wants you around for sex.

The romantic type of female with stars in her eyes will hang onto this shred of a relationship and wonder what the thing is that she should do or say to get this man to want only her. Shockingly, most women involved in friends with benefits relationships will be faithful to this guy. Not wanting to be perceived as 'ho or a slut, you sleep with just this one fella. And that is how he likes it, exclusive access to your bed and body without competition and without commitment. He does just enough to keep you tied to him while he roams free with the right to do whatever he wants with his other "friends." Most of you ladies that fall for this game will even turn down dates with other eligible bachelors in the hopes that your FWB calls.

Wow, never heard it put quite so bluntly. :no: I hate to say it, but I agree with the author of this article. I think the only exception might be when both people are using the other person for sex, and keeping their options open by seeing other people.

 

[B_New End]

Being someone's FWB partner basically means that you are a provider of free sex services for a man that is flatly telling you that he will not commit to you because he doesn't like you "like that." Why would you do that to yourself? And use of the word "friends" means nothing… its just a polite euphemism for "woman I am screwing who is one step up from a one-night stand." However women latch onto that word because it makes the fact that you are being used for sex more palatable, and some women use it to pretend they are at least a little bit special to the guy.

Ah... sexist materialistic propaganda rears it's ugly head again. Women get free "sex services" from FWB too. Hell, my last FWB got lots of oral sex, but I got very little.... so she got more free services than me.

But this is just more "why would they buy the cow..." bullshit encouraging women to use their pussies as bargaining chips in a game of materialism or power. Same old, same old. But times are a changin'.

 

[Incocknito]

All some people (men and women) are good for is sex. It's true.

If you can't have a relationship with them, why not have sex with them?

I think every woman (except the one in your article) is exactly and acutely aware of her position in a FWB relationship.

The majority of people (men and women) in a FWB situation do not think they are "special" to the other person...they know its just sex. And they see other people.

"I think the only exception might be when both people are using the other person for sex, and keeping their options open by seeing other people."

Isn't that what FWB is? Or does everyone in a FWB sign an exclusivity contract?

The problem here is not with men "booty hunting" women. The problem is that when women have sex with someone (good sex) - even if they say they won't "develop feelings" or "get emotional", many times they do.

The problem is not with men. It's a fundamental part of the female psyche. If an adult woman can't handle a FWB relationship then she should not enter into one.

Simple as.

 

[KTF40]

That whole article basically said, "communicate effectively with your partner or you will have problems and guys only want you for sex." Why she felt the need to expand that into 19 paragraphs is beyond me.

And you gotta love this part

"And use of the word "friends" means nothing… its just a polite euphemism for "woman I am screwing who is one step up from a one-night stand." However women latch onto that word because it makes the fact that you are being used for sex more palatable, and some women use it to pretend they are at least a little bit special to the guy. But hear this ladies - frosting on poop doesn't make the poop turn into cake. In reality, your FWB has other guys for friends… he just wants you around for sex."

Hey guess what, every weekend I'd eat brunch with my fwb. Plus we would often watch movies, go shopping at the mall or grocery store, and I even spent two dinners on her that cost me over $300. How does the author explain that? Do I sound like a guy who just wants sex and is not fullfilling the friend part of the relationship? She sounds bitter and needs to get over herself.

 

[B_New End]

Hey guess what, every weekend I'd eat brunch with my fwb. Plus we would often watch movies, go shopping at the mall or grocery store, and I even spent two dinners on her that cost me over $300. How does the author explain that? Do I sound like a guy who just wants sex and is not fullfilling the friend part of the relationship?

Me too. My FWB was a good friend, is still a good friend. In fact, she is the one person I still talk with for hours at a time. I love hanging out with her, I'm glad she has a boyfriend, but we still hang out, and run together, weather permitting.

She sounds bitter and needs to get over herself.

Yup, just another bitter dime-a-dozen cosmo quiz writer.

 

[HazelGod]

The article's author sounds like a fat chick to me.

 

[blg3floor3]

Wow, that article makes it sounds like some kind of greek tragedy or psychological (and maybe physical) rape or something. The situation it's actually describing is not friends with benefits. It assumes all women want relationships from every man they have sex with more than once or twice and that if they don't get it, they're just a used piece of meat with a broken heart.

Jesus.

The whole point of "friends with benefits" is that there are horny guys and horny girls that want to have sex with each other, but know that a relationship would not work, for whatever reason. A lot of people seem to operate under the assumption that sex and relationships are cause and effect or mutually inclusive, thus meaning you can't have one without the other. When in reality, they're simply correlated, so you can absolutely have one without the other and still remain psychologically in tact.

I think the only exception might be when both people are using the other person for sex, and keeping their options open by seeing other people.

Well that's exactly what FWB is. I have no idea what in god's name the article is describing.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I had awesome relationships with my FsWB. In fact, even now that I am married I'm still very close to one, and on distant-but-friendly terms with the others. I haven;t slept with them in YEARS! I would be closer to them, but maintaining friendships is hard when I keep moving hundreds of miles further away. How can you be friends if the relationship is unbalanced or the two of you are unevenly yolked? Of course you have to both have the same understanding of the situation.

I remember my first FWB told me before and after the first time we had sex: "I don't love you. I don't want to be with you. I don't want to impregnate you, and I definitely don't want any more kids. I don't want to be your man, and I don't want to pay your bills." He said other things too, but those were the main points. Frankly, I was glad to hear it. I was just out of a long, and cherished relationship. I wanted to replace the sex I was missing, not have some new man make a bunch of promises I wasn't prepared to believe or reciprocate! I just wanted to know a handful of nice men at any given moment who I could count on to be my date at a wedding, move heavy objects, and fuck me when I was horny- but with no strings attached. In return, I introduced them to books and music they might not otherwise have found, went with them to events that were too nerdy for their boys, and talked them out of getting into needless fights.

Like anything, it has to be totally mutual, or totally avoided.

 

[whatireallywant]

Ah... sexist materialistic propaganda rears it's ugly head again. Women get free "sex services" from FWB too. Hell, my last FWB got lots of oral sex, but I got very little.... so she got more free services than me.

But this is just more "why would they buy the cow..." bullshit encouraging women to use their pussies as bargaining chips in a game of materialism or power. Same old, same old. But times are a changin'.

Yep... Sounds like the same old tired gender stereotypes... Many of us have had FWB's without any psychological damage.

That whole article basically said, "communicate effectively with your partner or you will have problems and guys only want you for sex." Why she felt the need to expand that into 19 paragraphs is beyond me.

And you gotta love this part

"And use of the word "friends" means nothing… its just a polite euphemism for "woman I am screwing who is one step up from a one-night stand." However women latch onto that word because it makes the fact that you are being used for sex more palatable, and some women use it to pretend they are at least a little bit special to the guy. But hear this ladies - frosting on poop doesn't make the poop turn into cake. In reality, your FWB has other guys for friends… he just wants you around for sex."

Hey guess what, every weekend I'd eat brunch with my fwb. Plus we would often watch movies, go shopping at the mall or grocery store, and I even spent two dinners on her that cost me over $300. How does the author explain that? Do I sound like a guy who just wants sex and is not fullfilling the friend part of the relationship? She sounds bitter and needs to get over herself.

Yep, that happens too. I've had FWBs that range from that to just booty calls, and I'm fine with both types. I'm fine with actual relationships too if that happens, but I don't expect a serious relationship from every guy I have sex with. I'm too horny to do that!

Wow, that article makes it sounds like some kind of greek tragedy or psychological (and maybe physical) rape or something. The situation it's actually describing is not friends with benefits. It assumes all women want relationships from every man they have sex with more than once or twice and that if they don't get it, they're just a used piece of meat with a broken heart.

Jesus.

The whole point of "friends with benefits" is that there are horny guys and horny girls that want to have sex with each other, but know that a relationship would not work, for whatever reason. A lot of people seem to operate under the assumption that sex and relationships are cause and effect or mutually inclusive, thus meaning you can't have one without the other. When in reality, they're simply correlated, so you can absolutely have one without the other and still remain psychologically in tact.



Well that's exactly what FWB is. I have no idea what in god's name the article is describing.

Yep... I've had sex without a relationship, and I've had a relationship with very little sex. The relationship with very little sex, while we are still very good friends, is not satisfying enough for me (It was a little more satisfying when we lived closer to each other and were able to go to events together, AND when I had the money to go to those events!). As for the sex without a relationship, the only thing not satisfying about that is that I don't get enough booty calls! :biggrin1:

I remember my first FWB told me before and after the first time we had sex: "I don't love you. I don't want to be with you. I don't want to impregnate you, and I definitely don't want any more kids. I don't want to be your man, and I don't want to pay your bills." He said other things too, but those were the main points. Frankly, I was glad to hear it. I was just out of a long, and cherished relationship. I wanted to replace the sex I was missing, not have some new man make a bunch of promises I wasn't prepared to believe or reciprocate! I just wanted to know a handful of nice men at any given moment who I could count on to be my date at a wedding, move heavy objects, and fuck me when I was horny- but with no strings attached. In return, I introduced them to books and music they might not otherwise have found, went with them to events that were too nerdy for their boys, and talked them out of getting into needless fights.

Like anything, it has to be totally mutual, or totally avoided.

Wise words there! :smile:

 

[Ethyl]

Dating Tips 101: friends with benefits relationships advice


Quote:
Gullible men have been sold a bill of goods by smooth talking, opportunistic dick hounds and players when it comes to friends with benefits relationships.You men want to believe it means she finds you attractive but isn't ready for a boyfriend because her heart was broken, she got cheated on, she doesn't trust men, she has too much going on to commit, blah blah blah. In reality, she is telling you to your face that you are good enough to screw, but not good enough to invest feelings in. Why aren't more men offended when approached in this manner? A woman that barely knows you, yet approaches you so boldly is a woman who simply wants sex. she is letting you know up front that she is a horny opportunist out to get what she can from you sexually, but at least she is being honest and warning you not to get attached because she is not looking for a relationship.
Quote:
Some men don't understand that an FWB has no obligations or ties to you, so she is free to come in and out of your life, and jump in and out of your bed, while doing the same thing with other men IF she so chooses. An FWB cannot cheat. An FWB can go back to her ex-boyfriend or get a new boyfriend at any time and crack your face. An FWB can sleep with your best friend, your Uncle, your neighbor and your brother, and you can't get upset. You can see an FWB out with another man and her hand on his ass, and you can't say a word about it. Being someone's FWB partner basically means that you are a provider of free sex services for a woman that is flatly telling you that she will not commit to you because she doesn't like you "like that." Why would you do that to yourself? And use of the word "friends" means nothing… its just a polite euphemism for "man I am screwing who is one step up from a one-night stand." However men latch onto that word because it makes the fact that you are being used for sex more palatable, and some men use it to pretend they are at least a little bit special to the girl. But hear this gentlemen - frosting on poop doesn't make the poop turn into cake. In reality, your FWB has other girls for friends… she just wants you around for sex.
Quote:
The romantic type of male who seeks to claim his territory will hang onto this shred of a relationship and wonder what the thing is that he should do or say to get this woman to want only him. Shockingly, most men involved in friends with benefits relationships will not be faithful to this woman but expect her to be faithful to him. Not wanting to be perceived as second banana, you sleep with this woman and others but are still uncomfortable knowing she does the same. And that is how she likes it, complete access to your bed and body despite feigned competition and without commitment. She kicks your ass out of bed when she's finished with you." Most of you men that fall for this game will attempt to ruin dates she has with other eligible bachelors in the hopes that she sees you as the her one and only stud.

Now we're getting somewhere. That's more like my own experiences with FWB's.

But this is just more "why would they buy the cow..." bullshit encouraging women to use their pussies as bargaining chips in a game of materialism or power. Same old, same old. But times are a changin'.

True dat.

The problem here is not with men "booty hunting" women. The problem is that when women have sex with someone (good sex) - even if they say they won't "develop feelings" or "get emotional", many times they do.

The problem is not with men. It's a fundamental part of the female psyche. If an adult woman can't handle a FWB relationship then she should not enter into one.

Simple as.

The problem lies with both men and women. Women do sometimes let their feelings get the best of them but so do men. Jealousy is not gender specific. Men can be territorial with the women they bed. It takes a secure man to pull off an FWB relationship with respect and not worry if she's boinking other men and if they're more handsome, fun, hung, etc.

 

[whatadork]

One girl flat out asked if I would be open to a FWB relationship with her. We went on one formal date, had sex three times (fucked, went to bed, woke up in the middle of the night, fucked again, slept then fucked when we woke up in the morning). Then the next day I went over to her place to help out, spent the night and we had sex again.

We talked later and I told her that I wasn't really seeing a long term relationship because of various issues and she said she was sad about that, but she'd be ok. Then she admitted that she was really really going to miss the sex. Then SHE brought up the idea of perhaps being friends with benefits.

The rules that we put up were
1) We still have to be friends aside from sex
2) When we had sex it's the "whole experience". Cuddling, showering together, etc. No wham bam thank you ma'am.
3) When/If we meet someone new that we're interested in (or we have sex with someone else) we let the other person know and then we decide what to do from there but the assumption is the sex most likely stops.
4) The sex stops if it seems like someone's feelings are going to get hurt. Ie if someone starts to get jealous, if someone starts to like the other as more than just FWB, etc.

FWB relationships are totally fine in theory. The only problem is in practice one person tends to get too attached (and it's definitely not always the girl).

 

[B_quietguy]

I think the only exception might be when both people are using the other person for sex, and keeping their options open by seeing other people.

Uh, that's what I call a fuck-buddy, not a friend-with-benefits. There is a big difference between a fuck-buddy and a friend-with-benefits. That difference is friendship.

If somebody can't be my friend, they could never be a a friend-with-benefits.

 

[3664shaken]

Now we're getting somewhere. That's more like my own experiences with FWB's.

You beat me to it and changed the response to how it should read. :biggrin1:

 

[3664shaken]

Uh, that's what I call a fuck-buddy, not a friend-with-benefits. There is a big difference between a fuck-buddy and a friend-with-benefits. That difference is friendship.

If somebody can't be my friend, they could never be a a friend-with-benefits.

Can someone be your friend and you are just using them for sex and leaving all options open? Perhaps we agree here is my definition.

FWB are guys that I like to go out with (dinner, dancing, movies, etc) they are friends we talk about things, have nice dinners, watch the sunset, laugh etc, but when it gets down to brass tacks they are a fuck buddy when in bed. (I prefer the term boy-toy). There is still no emotional attachment, except friendship, they all know that I see other men and there is no exclusive us nor will there ever be.

A straight boy-toy is someone I use for sex, I have no interest in going to the movies with them or having dinner with them.

In both cases I am using these people for sex and have zero commitment to them, I just spend a little more time and get pampered by the FWB crowd more.

 

[badgirl22]

Not BS but can be sticky

The rules that we put up were
1) We still have to be friends aside from sex
2) When we had sex it's the "whole experience". Cuddling, showering together, etc. No wham bam thank you ma'am.
3) When/If we meet someone new that we're interested in (or we have sex with someone else) we let the other person know and then we decide what to do from there but the assumption is the sex most likely stops.
4) The sex stops if it seems like someone's feelings are going to get hurt. Ie if someone starts to get jealous, if someone starts to like the other as more than just FWB, etc.

===================
I really like that you had rules upfront - it sets the expectations from both sides right up front.

FWB relationships are totally fine in theory. The only problem is in practice one person tends to get too attached (and it's definitely not always the girl).
===================
I had a FWB relationship for quite awhile. I care(d) deeply about him but had no emotional attachment to him outside of our friendship. When I told him I had to stop becuase I'd met someone I cared about enough to be exclusive with he broke down and said he'd been in love with me for months. He told me he'd rather be #2 than not at all. That was a painful experience for me because I felt like I'd hurt someone and lost a friend who was important to me. I've had other FWB relationships as well that worked out perfectly but I think it's always a risk that one person falls for the other - and that can really suck.