F.W.B. Relationships Are B.S.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Principessa, Nov 10, 2009.

  1. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female

    Dating Tips 101: friends with benefits relationships advice




    Wow, never heard it put quite so bluntly. :no: I hate to say it, but I agree with the author of this article. I think the only exception might be when both people are using the other person for sex, and keeping their options open by seeing other people.
     
  2. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2007
    Messages:
    3,029
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    WA
    Ah... sexist materialistic propaganda rears it's ugly head again. Women get free "sex services" from FWB too. Hell, my last FWB got lots of oral sex, but I got very little.... so she got more free services than me. :p

    But this is just more "why would they buy the cow..." bullshit encouraging women to use their pussies as bargaining chips in a game of materialism or power. Same old, same old. But times are a changin'.
     
  3. Incocknito

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Messages:
    2,567
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    La monde
    All some people (men and women) are good for is sex. It's true.

    If you can't have a relationship with them, why not have sex with them?

    I think every woman (except the one in your article) is exactly and acutely aware of her position in a FWB relationship.

    The majority of people (men and women) in a FWB situation do not think they are "special" to the other person...they know its just sex. And they see other people.

    "I think the only exception might be when both people are using the other person for sex, and keeping their options open by seeing other people."

    Isn't that what FWB is? Or does everyone in a FWB sign an exclusivity contract?

    The problem here is not with men "booty hunting" women. The problem is that when women have sex with someone (good sex) - even if they say they won't "develop feelings" or "get emotional", many times they do.

    The problem is not with men. It's a fundamental part of the female psyche. If an adult woman can't handle a FWB relationship then she should not enter into one.

    Simple as.

     
    #3 Incocknito, Nov 10, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2009
  4. KTF40

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2009
    Messages:
    1,898
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DC
    That whole article basically said, "communicate effectively with your partner or you will have problems and guys only want you for sex." Why she felt the need to expand that into 19 paragraphs is beyond me.

    And you gotta love this part

    "And use of the word "friends" means nothing… its just a polite euphemism for "woman I am screwing who is one step up from a one-night stand." However women latch onto that word because it makes the fact that you are being used for sex more palatable, and some women use it to pretend they are at least a little bit special to the guy. But hear this ladies - frosting on poop doesn't make the poop turn into cake. In reality, your FWB has other guys for friends… he just wants you around for sex."

    Hey guess what, every weekend I'd eat brunch with my fwb. Plus we would often watch movies, go shopping at the mall or grocery store, and I even spent two dinners on her that cost me over $300. How does the author explain that? Do I sound like a guy who just wants sex and is not fullfilling the friend part of the relationship? She sounds bitter and needs to get over herself.
     
  5. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2007
    Messages:
    3,029
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    WA
    Me too. My FWB was a good friend, is still a good friend. In fact, she is the one person I still talk with for hours at a time. I love hanging out with her, I'm glad she has a boyfriend, but we still hang out, and run together, weather permitting.

    Yup, just another bitter dime-a-dozen cosmo quiz writer.
     
  6. HazelGod

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2006
    Messages:
    7,531
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The Other Side of the Pillow
    The article's author sounds like a fat chick to me.
     
  7. blg3floor3

    blg3floor3 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2008
    Messages:
    205
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    AZ
    Wow, that article makes it sounds like some kind of greek tragedy or psychological (and maybe physical) rape or something. The situation it's actually describing is not friends with benefits. It assumes all women want relationships from every man they have sex with more than once or twice and that if they don't get it, they're just a used piece of meat with a broken heart.

    Jesus.

    The whole point of "friends with benefits" is that there are horny guys and horny girls that want to have sex with each other, but know that a relationship would not work, for whatever reason. A lot of people seem to operate under the assumption that sex and relationships are cause and effect or mutually inclusive, thus meaning you can't have one without the other. When in reality, they're simply correlated, so you can absolutely have one without the other and still remain psychologically in tact.

    Well that's exactly what FWB is. I have no idea what in god's name the article is describing.
     
  8. AlteredEgo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2006
    Messages:
    14,458
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    6,556
    Location:
    United States
    I had awesome relationships with my FsWB. In fact, even now that I am married I'm still very close to one, and on distant-but-friendly terms with the others. I haven;t slept with them in YEARS! I would be closer to them, but maintaining friendships is hard when I keep moving hundreds of miles further away. How can you be friends if the relationship is unbalanced or the two of you are unevenly yolked? Of course you have to both have the same understanding of the situation.

    I remember my first FWB told me before and after the first time we had sex: "I don't love you. I don't want to be with you. I don't want to impregnate you, and I definitely don't want any more kids. I don't want to be your man, and I don't want to pay your bills." He said other things too, but those were the main points. Frankly, I was glad to hear it. I was just out of a long, and cherished relationship. I wanted to replace the sex I was missing, not have some new man make a bunch of promises I wasn't prepared to believe or reciprocate! I just wanted to know a handful of nice men at any given moment who I could count on to be my date at a wedding, move heavy objects, and fuck me when I was horny- but with no strings attached. In return, I introduced them to books and music they might not otherwise have found, went with them to events that were too nerdy for their boys, and talked them out of getting into needless fights.

    Like anything, it has to be totally mutual, or totally avoided.
     
  9. whatireallywant

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2007
    Messages:
    3,587
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Female
    Yep... Sounds like the same old tired gender stereotypes... Many of us have had FWB's without any psychological damage.

    Yep, that happens too. I've had FWBs that range from that to just booty calls, and I'm fine with both types. I'm fine with actual relationships too if that happens, but I don't expect a serious relationship from every guy I have sex with. I'm too horny to do that!

    Yep... I've had sex without a relationship, and I've had a relationship with very little sex. The relationship with very little sex, while we are still very good friends, is not satisfying enough for me (It was a little more satisfying when we lived closer to each other and were able to go to events together, AND when I had the money to go to those events!). As for the sex without a relationship, the only thing not satisfying about that is that I don't get enough booty calls! :biggrin1:

    Wise words there! :smile:
     
  10. Ethyl

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2006
    Messages:
    5,476
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    495
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Philadelphia (PA, US)
    Now we're getting somewhere. That's more like my own experiences with FWB's.

    True dat.

    The problem lies with both men and women. Women do sometimes let their feelings get the best of them but so do men. Jealousy is not gender specific. Men can be territorial with the women they bed. It takes a secure man to pull off an FWB relationship with respect and not worry if she's boinking other men and if they're more handsome, fun, hung, etc.
     
  11. whatadork

    whatadork New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2008
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    southern california
    One girl flat out asked if I would be open to a FWB relationship with her. We went on one formal date, had sex three times (fucked, went to bed, woke up in the middle of the night, fucked again, slept then fucked when we woke up in the morning). Then the next day I went over to her place to help out, spent the night and we had sex again.

    We talked later and I told her that I wasn't really seeing a long term relationship because of various issues and she said she was sad about that, but she'd be ok. Then she admitted that she was really really going to miss the sex. Then SHE brought up the idea of perhaps being friends with benefits.

    The rules that we put up were
    1) We still have to be friends aside from sex
    2) When we had sex it's the "whole experience". Cuddling, showering together, etc. No wham bam thank you ma'am.
    3) When/If we meet someone new that we're interested in (or we have sex with someone else) we let the other person know and then we decide what to do from there but the assumption is the sex most likely stops.
    4) The sex stops if it seems like someone's feelings are going to get hurt. Ie if someone starts to get jealous, if someone starts to like the other as more than just FWB, etc.

    FWB relationships are totally fine in theory. The only problem is in practice one person tends to get too attached (and it's definitely not always the girl).
     
  12. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2005
    Messages:
    1,286
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Bay Area, California
    Uh, that's what I call a fuck-buddy, not a friend-with-benefits. There is a big difference between a fuck-buddy and a friend-with-benefits. That difference is friendship.

    If somebody can't be my friend, they could never be a a friend-with-benefits.
     
  13. 3664shaken

    3664shaken New Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2007
    Messages:
    611
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Teenie Weenie Hell
    You beat me to it and changed the response to how it should read. :biggrin1:
     
  14. 3664shaken

    3664shaken New Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2007
    Messages:
    611
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Teenie Weenie Hell
    Can someone be your friend and you are just using them for sex and leaving all options open? Perhaps we agree here is my definition.

    FWB are guys that I like to go out with (dinner, dancing, movies, etc) they are friends we talk about things, have nice dinners, watch the sunset, laugh etc, but when it gets down to brass tacks they are a fuck buddy when in bed. (I prefer the term boy-toy). There is still no emotional attachment, except friendship, they all know that I see other men and there is no exclusive us nor will there ever be.

    A straight boy-toy is someone I use for sex, I have no interest in going to the movies with them or having dinner with them.

    In both cases I am using these people for sex and have zero commitment to them, I just spend a little more time and get pampered by the FWB crowd more.
     
  15. badgirl22

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2008
    Messages:
    756
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    US
    Verified:
    Photo
    Not BS but can be sticky
     
Draft saved Draft deleted