fags and drama >.<

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by PonyBoi, Nov 10, 2006.

  1. PonyBoi

    PonyBoi New Member

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    When I was nineteen I was dating a guy... it was the first relationship where I was a top. He wasn't very big (4 and a half if he was lucky) and he hooked upwards in a way that would hurt most bottoms... which didn't really faze me. When I'm in a relationship of any level with anyone it has everything to do with who they are not what they are.

    He just loved me to pin him to the bed and fuck him as deep and hard as I could... I knew he was slutty and the relationship was open... we were always safe about things so I didn't mind so much...

    I also had a best friend. He was younger... taller... (a lot taller) anime boy cute and hung to boot. I've measured it at 9 and a half... just because he wouldn't shut up about it not being big and it pissed me off cause I'm not big and I wasn't jealous but he would never take the compliment...

    It should be noted that while I've seen it... touched it and measured it, him and I have never fooled around. I Will admit to having the WORST crush ever on him. He's a sweet guy... a bit of a bad boy... and physically speaking one of the type's of guy that I find very attractive. 6'3, skater build, lanky and hung with a pretty face, beautiful... full kissable lips *blushes and stops thinking about it* Anyway.

    My bf begged me to introduce them... and I knew where it was going. I didn't have a problem with them sleeping together. Except that my bud was 2 and a half years younger than me and that I love him like a lil bro. (Which is kinda funny cause I'm short and kinda weak with a smaller dick lolz) They seemed to get along great... and then of course it happened that they slept together... and I found out that I don't get jealous from things like that. I do get jealous when someone leaves me purely for someone else's dick. It wasn't even that I felt inadequate... well maybe a little.

    It was that I felt so... discarded... and my friend... he was so young and inexperienced... he was just happy to have finally met someone who could take the whole thing and get him off... Girls certainly haven't been able to. I wish he'd given me a chance heh... Either way...

    Things went to shit for them later because my friend ended up feeling bad even though I wasn't really all that upset (I poured myself into schooling and improving the rest of my life as I do when I feel negative emotions that don't lead to anything constructive) and also because I still lived with my ex at the time and me and my friend were in some of the same classes at school together (I was finishing my final year at high school with him after a year hiatus). (hurray for run on sentences). So he stopped having sex with my ex and refocused on spending time with me.

    The ex... didn't take that so well... He was convinced we were sleeping together (we weren't) and went about making all imaginable kinds of drama... at one point he even had my friend sleeping him again with because he threatened to caues me physical injury if he didn't.

    I Did the only thing I could think because at that point I'd already had a nervous breakdown from the whole fiasco. I dropped out of school got a real job and moved out of there... My ex couldn't hurt me... and my friend was free... But not so easily free'd... By that point my ex has him so brainwashed and turned around inside... He ended up blaming me for the whole thing...

    It's been two years... my friend and I have been talking for the last... 9 months or so and trying to rebuild... but he's still afraid of me. He's gone back to women (probably permanently) and my ex went off to bigger dicks then got dumped and thrown out on the street where he whored himself to get a home... so I guess he got what was coming...

    At the same time I look at my friend... 19 now... all grown up... He's still afraid of me. You can see it... even though he hides it. He's waiting for me to pull a guilt trip or drama out and try and bait him into fucking me...

    Sometimes rape isn't physical.
    I'm... a lot more choosy about my loved ones now... and while I've dated a little... I have had only one boyfriend since and that only lasted 3 months because he cheated on me. Yea I know... I said I don't mind the other guy playing as long as he's safe about it... and I don't. This guy lied to me... and in the process of it... got so paranoid that he accused ME of fooling around when I took a week vacation to give him some breathing space and to visit a friend in new brunswick before he moved even farther away to alberta. >.<

    I broke up with him because he was a lying control freak who wanted me to drop everything and move with him to nova scotia... which was origonally my idea (the move) but things got out of hand and I backed down... he saw it as me manipulating him and then leaving him alone to leave... when in reality he destroyed my trust in him then asked for a huge loan of trust.

    I guess karma got me for that too. I can't even get overdraft at the bank I've been working so hard to rebuild my life after that... >.< He wanted me to stay home and not work... take care of the house... relax and enjoy my hobbies... which while rare is still something I hope for someday... it's not that I don't wanna work. it's that I've burnt out in ways my parents haven't yet and they're getting into their late 40's now. *shakes head*
    Either way... that put me in the position of having no money when I left...

    I guess I know how ot pick em...

    Truly,
    Lexx
     
  2. PonyBoi

    PonyBoi New Member

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    and I just realized that... that's been bottled up inside me forever... and that maybe ranting about it isn't so good... if you want to take it back down... it's ok. I don't mind.

    Truly,
    Lexx
     
  3. lvsxy808

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    Nonsense. It's never bad to get stuff off your chest, as you clearly need to.

    I think you did the best you could in a difficult situation. Out of the three of you, you seem to have your head on the straightest. Be glad of that.

    Also be aware that you're all teenagers (or were at the time) and drama always seems more intense when you're a teenager. Look back on it in a few years and you'll wonder what you worried about.

    Lastly, in this case the correct spelling is "faze" not "phase" - we're not on Star Trek here.
     
  4. PonyBoi

    PonyBoi New Member

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    actually the first bf I mentioned was in his early twenties... the second (whom I dated a year and a half later) was in his late twenties...

    It's not that I have any particular thing to older men. I don't actually have any issues with age of any kind... I jsut tend to attract older men... younger guys find me... intimidating, boring or too smart. *Shrugs* I Didn't date in high school because of that. Not that I didn't want to. I just got tired of hearing reasons that were negative so I was just friendly and quiet. ^.^

    Truly,
    Lexx
     
  5. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    You had plenty to vent about. Feels good to unload once in awhile, doesn't it? John
     
  6. Pumperthumper

    Pumperthumper New Member

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    I'm all for unloading. I think, however, that it's best to unload into the buttholes of several random guys at a gay batthouse you've never visited before. Nothing compares to that kind of unloading. Trust me.
     
  7. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    That's one that I will have to trust you on, PT.:rolleyes:
     
  8. PonyBoi

    PonyBoi New Member

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    *blinks at the bathhouse comment* I've never really done anything like that.
    I don't even go to the bar...
    I don't do so hot in social situations...
    unless I'm well innebriated with something.

    and yes it feels good to babble on about past happenings sometimes ^.^

    Truly,
    Lexx
     
  9. Lex

    Lex
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    Bathhouses have to be the most unsavory places I have ever seen.

    It's like there should be a sign out front that says: HIV: Served Here Daily.
     
  10. scottsimms

    scottsimms New Member

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    Oh, hell, I thought this thread was about homosexuals in the theatre. Damn!






    Love,

    Benay Venuta
     
  11. Nitrofiend

    Nitrofiend New Member

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    That's the best line I've read in a while. Ever thought about being a writer?
     
  12. PonyBoi

    PonyBoi New Member

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    *noses lex softly and murrs* you're pretty sexy *blushes*

    Truly,
    Lexx
     
  13. PonyBoi

    PonyBoi New Member

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    Nitro: I do write on and off... my problem is I can't focus on one task long enough to finish and when I come back to whatever I was writing I can't pick up where I left off... I leave my creativity to music and adventuring ^.^

    Truly,
    Lexx
     
  14. jordanj

    jordanj New Member

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    It's always good to let off steam once in a while. I had a failed 'relationship' earlier this year. I got so upset I ended up depressed and unable to function at work so I went off sick and got tablets from my doctor.

    I then started keeping a blog and pouring it all out. The good things about this are that I get things off my chest, I get feedback from others and now that I'm mostly over it, I can read it back and get perspective on it and realise how much better I am now than I was back then.

    Keep writing, that's what I'd say.
     
  15. SilverSoldier

    SilverSoldier New Member

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    [sigh....]
    Well, bud, I was married twice. I'm 51, owned 4 homes, lost two to the women I married, lost hundreds of thousands of dollars because of them, and got taken in a couple of other quick relationships.

    But I learned something. I'm finally happy, life is better than I ever thought it could be, and I'm rebuilding day at a time and things are going to be okay.

    I'm sorry you had to go through all that, truly. I know what it's like. But you CAN pick up, rebuild from today on, and your life can be good. You don't seem to need to put a lot of drama on others. That's the best way to go. Just look for someone who is more like you--doesn't need all these incredible expecations and drama in life.

    You'll do fine.
    Hang in there.
     
  16. B_hunggstudd21

    B_hunggstudd21 New Member

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    lol, you are a typical gay guy - feel bad for you - hope you don't always lose out to guys that suck - but it is your own fault if you do.
     
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