Fair air fares, finally!

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by Pecker, Jun 9, 2008.

  1. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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  2. vince

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    I want to learn more about that 'sliding scale'...
     
  3. ManlyBanisters

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    :smile:

    So coming back from Christmas holidays will be more expensive than going.

    On a complete aside - I've just realised how popular cultural can sidle into the mind- I read 'gourmet snacks' as 'gourmet snakes'... (on a motherfucking plane!!) :rolleyes:
     
  4. B_VinylBoy

    B_VinylBoy New Member

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    Oh, this looks good! LOL!!
     
  5. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

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    Wonder if you can get the tickets on travelocity?
     
  6. nudeyorker

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    Very Funny! It's a better alternative than this
    News for 'LCC' - (The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review Eric Heyl column)


    Jun 06, 2008 (The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review - McClatchy-Tribune Information
    Services via COMTEX) -- Ripped from tomorrow's headlines:

    TEMPE, Ariz. -- In another move designed to streamline skyrocketing airline
    costs, US Airways announced today that it no longer will provide seating to
    passengers who fly in coach.

    Seats still will be available to those in first class. But beginning July 1,
    those purchasing coach tickets will spend their flights holding onto
    subway-style straps dangling from the carry-on baggage compartments.

    "This is a win-win for the airline and consumers," US Airways CEO
    Doug
    Parker
    said at a news conference at the airline's headquarters.

    "It will significantly increase the fuel efficiency of our airplanes, as
    well as
    virtually eliminate frequent passenger complaints that the seats are too
    narrow
    and spaced too closely together."

    Facing soaring fuel costs during a severe economic downturn, airlines have
    been
    laying off employees, raising various fees and eliminating what once were
    standard offerings on their flights.

    American Airlines, for example, announced last month it will charge $15 for
    a
    single checked bag. Delta passengers pay $25 for making reservations via
    telephone. US Airways no longer provides complimentary in-flight peanuts and
    pretzels.

    Parker called the removal of coach seats "a natural next step in this
    ongoing
    process." He reacted angrily when asked if the move could cause some
    passengers
    to feel as though they are being treated as little more than cattle.

    "That's ridiculous," he said. "Cattle have hooves. They
    aren't capable of
    gripping straps."

    Industry experts predicted US Airways would realize additional savings from
    going seatless in coach by eliminating its inventory of items typically
    stored
    in seat backs.

    "There is every indication the airline no longer will be providing
    in-flight
    magazines, air sickness bags or emergency instruction pamphlets," said an
    analyst with Amalgamated Aviation Observers Inc. "Where would they put
    them?"

    In addition to the recent snack cutbacks, Parker said that US Airways soon
    plans
    to stop providing passengers with any beverages -- including water.

    "We're confident most passengers will be able to stay sufficiently
    hydrated,
    even on coast-to-coast flights, by recycling their own perspiration,"
    Parker
    said.

    "And we're going to make it easier for people to do that by
    disconnecting
    the
    wiring on all airplane air conditioning."

    Although the airline plans to remove every restroom from its fleet by
    year's
    end
    to further increase passenger capacity, Parker insisted the lack of
    facilities
    would not pose a significant inconvenience to people.

    "We're cognizant that not everyone can stave off nature's call on
    a
    trans-Atlantic flight in which the plane sat on the runway for three hours
    before taking off for no discernible reason," he said.

    "That's why we're going to begin allowing people to bring their
    own diapers
    or
    catheters on board -- for a modest fee, of course."

    Eric Heyl is a Tribune-Review staff writer. He can be reached at
    eheyl@tribweb.com or 412-320-7857.

     
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