Faithful to your mate

[dr_pepper]

Being faithful to your mate is always an issue, and very hard sometimes.
I know that I have passed on getting pussy because it was the proper thing to do. A few times I had wished later that I had gone a head and done the deed.

I was fortunate with my 3rd wife in that she was as adventuresome as I am. She had been with many guys and as we got to really know each other, found that she was not above giving a guy a good ride even when she was married. I mentioned one day that I usually was very faithful, but did like to have something going on, on the side. She told me that she was the same way, and that she was always looking for someone interesting (man or woman). I am not really sure why her and I are not still together. We were so much alike in many ways.

I am curious what others have done or dealt with this subject.

 

[D_Rawkesbye Deadheade]

Integrity is a very important thing to me. I try my utmost to honour it in all situations.

 

[D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov]

Integrity is a very important thing to me. I try my utmost to honour it in all situations.

What is your definition of integrity?

 

[rbkwp]

Keywords for me in a relationship

Loyalty
Integrity
Honesty &
being Faithful ... thruout
enz
think i can add in most of the several relationships i have endured'? the above has applied..
perhaps not so on a couple of the partners side .. but wtf .. there life. as well ha

 

[D_Rawkesbye Deadheade]

What is your definition of integrity?

Interesting question, Joca. To me it's always been more of a sense of righteousness than a definitive list of qualities.

But thanks for getting me to pause and actually think about it. I'll give it some serious ponderation.

 

[fratpack]

Wouldn't even think about being unfaithful or cheating. We've been through too much together over the years and the bond just keeps getting stronger.

 

[Stephenmass]

found that she was not above giving a guy a good ride even when she was married. I mentioned one day that I usually was very faithful, but did like to have something going on, on the side. She told me that she was the same way, and that she was always looking for someone interesting (man or woman). I am not really sure why her and I are not still together. We were so much alike in many ways.

My guess is it all got too complicated. Too many people involved. While most won't admit it, we all have insecurities a bit. I'd wonder where she/he was, who it was with THIS time, etc. And she would wonder the same about you I would think. I also think the more people involved sexually on both sides, the more likely one will stray completely.

I know there are couples that do it without blinking an eye and I don't judge them. If their relationship can handle it, great. Me? I couldn't handle it. I don't want others pleasing my partner or having my partner pleasing others. And I would hope he would be the same (he is) about me and his expectations of me.

 

[helgaleena]

My definition of faithful is personal to me. It means I do not cheat. That does not necessarily mean that I would have sex only with my spouse, but that I would let that spouse know exactly who and what I am interested in, and invite them along. That's what makes us partners, sharing everything especially a good thing.

When there is a conflict between my spouse's definition of faithful and my own, I do what will not cause them hurt and respect their feelings. If they want me to only have sex with them, I will do that. But there had better be some appreciation for me as well. If I need more, I wll tell them and give them the chance to give it to me.

 

[D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov]

My guess is it all got too complicated. Too many people involved. While most won't admit it, we all have insecurities a bit. I'd wonder where she/he was, who it was with THIS time, etc. And she would wonder the same about you I would think. I also think the more people involved sexually on both sides, the more likely one will stray completely.

I know there are couples that do it without blinking an eye and I don't judge them. If their relationship can handle it, great. Me? I couldn't handle it. I don't want others pleasing my partner or having my partner pleasing others. And I would hope he would be the same (he is) about me and his expectations of me.

Hmm, the other day I was talking with a friend about related things. He told me he was able to separate love and sex. He knows where his heart is and whom it belongs to. This doesn't prevent him from flirting with others and maybe even having sex, because he knows it is just a release (in case his lover is faraway etc) and once done, it is forgotten.

I don't think this works well for everybody. It does for him. He thinks that faithfulness doesn't necessarily imply that you have to be monogamous. Love is what matters after all. He says he can use his cock (for pleasure) without engaging his heart.

 

[helgaleena]

But Joca, would he conceal his doings from his faraway lover or share the information?

 

[dr_pepper]

My definition of faithful is personal to me. It means I do not cheat. That does not necessarily mean that I would have sex only with my spouse, but that I would let that spouse know exactly who and what I am interested in, and invite them along. That's what makes us partners, sharing everything especially a good thing.

When there is a conflict between my spouse's definition of faithful and my own, I do what will not cause them hurt and respect their feelings. If they want me to only have sex with them, I will do that. But there had better be some appreciation for me as well. If I need more, I wll tell them and give them the chance to give it to me.

Very well stated. I like this thought.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

I value integrity also but I define it differently. It means to be true to myself not necessarily to another person. So there's the rub. If being faithful to a mate also means that I'm faithful to myself and my values, then that's cool. Otherwise I see no reason to be faithful just for the sake of being faithful.

 

[rob_just_rob]

I have passed up or failed to recognize opportunities while in a relationship.

 

[D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov]

But Joca, would he conceal his doings from his faraway lover or share the information?

I don't think he would he would hide it. I think having brief encounters when needed is a tacit (unspoken) "rule" in their relationship.

 

[517510]

Always been faithful in the 19 years I've been with my partner.
Had the opportunity numerous times over the years but never done anything about it.

 

[deleted509196]

Everyone can find others attractive, or have urges or whatever. However, my boyfriend is REALLY important to me. I love him so much, I would never want to run off with someone else, because no one else could be like him. Like us. He feels the same way I do. We both get insecure sometimes, but we know how much we mean to each other.

We're both bi and he said he has urges and wants to have 'fun' with a guy. He said he would be open about it though and said he wants to see me kiss a girl too. We've not done anything but he said that, but then we really just wants each other, and OK I see that it could be fun, if we were both being open and were OK with it and really wouldn't run off with other said person, but I don't know if we really could do anything like that because we both get really jealous sometimes too.

We just have to try and deal with our insecurities etc. Even if it's hard sometimes, I accept him and love him how he is, and I have to deal with jealousy. Him too.

 

[B_thickjohnny]

It's a tough question. I've been with a younger guy for 3 years and it's getting more difficult now. He does not really satisfy me and although we talked about it, it does not seem to change. He's into plain vanilla sex. Nothing extra, nothing new. No rimming, no cock sucking, nothing interesting. He claims to be all top and not remotely interested in bottoming for me. When we have sex, which is going to MAYBE once a week now, it's bang bang and he rolls over to sleep. I'm very frustrated with it and though I care for him and have only once strayed (at the very beginning when we were "dating") I feel the urge to go out and play. I think he is doing just that but I can't prove it. I'm really at a loss on this one.

 

[Earthbound]

Cheating on my sweetie of 15 years has never crossed my mind. And I'm not the hot, hunky, "looker" kind of guy that anyone would chase after me.