Falling for a girl almost half my age.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jdoe86, Oct 2, 2003.

  1. jdoe86

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2003
    Messages:
    2,722
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    523
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunnyvale (CA, US)
    I know, First question is how old is she? She is 24yo and we do like each other alot. We have the same sex drive (I think everyone knows about my sex drive by now) and we both have the same feelings about alot of things. The problem is that the more I am with her, the more I become attached to her. I can't get enough of her. Not just the sex part (and this scares me) Should I see where it goes? Should I try to keep it just sexual? I think that the age difference is going to be a big problem. Any lead me down the right road?
     
  2. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 5, 2002
    Messages:
    83,922
    Likes Received:
    34
    I'd say Mother Nature is playing matchmaker, geo.

    You're happy. Your young woman's happy. Why mess up a good thing?

    Good luck, stud.

    Pecker

    (I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.)
     
  3. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    wvalady1968: Geo, my guy is technically old enough to be my father. I agree with Pecker. Wouldn't you hate to loose the perfect girl over something so shallow?
     
  4. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    gigantikok: Age is no big deal, and in my personal opinion, keeping things "just sexual" is not always a good idea. Obviously you are an expert at this, but don't you think that at your age it is a good idea to try and settle down? Maybe experience some kind of relationship? Just my opinion. Don't push her away because you are afraid of commitment, you've had more than enough sex, see if you can develop a meaningful relationship. It could be very rewarding. Just my opinion, of course.
     
  5. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    AnonyMs: Sixteen years is not that great a difference if you are both the same age mentally - and it sounds as though perhaps you are.

     
  6. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    Valkyrie: If you are compatible in personality, the way you act and you like being with one another age may be of less importance. As Nony says - if you're both the same age mentally it's a fit.

    However - as you yourself points out - there may be incompatibilities in terms of what you want to do in the future and the "readiness" for a longterm commitment on either part. Just a couple of random thoughts (take them for what they may be worth...):

    * At 24 she is not _that_ young and if she feels alright she may very well be ready to settle down into a longterm relationship.

    * If in a longterm relationship there _may_ be an issue about having children or not (I don't know either your or her standpoint here - but I can imagine that for her like many other young women children would be something she's envisioning).

    * The age difference now is not that important but given that you stay together into old age it _will_ be. Hubby's mom is remarried to a guy 15 years older. She's in her 60's, he's in his upper 70's. She still has the physical ability to do things, travel, enjoy life. He's slowly tackling off as age takes it's toll. They work it out between them, but not without a struggle. There is also the knowledge that he certainly will die before her - leaving her alone for a good number of years more than what would normally have been the case (barring accidents and acute illnesses of course).

    * Society's expectations (I really don't like this one myself, but it may be an issue). You may enjoy one another's company but what will the people close to you say, how will they act when around you. How will your friends react to her? Will she feel left out being the youngest in the crowd? Will they patronize her as "that little thing"? Likewise - how will her friends accept you? Will you be "that older guy"? Will you enjoy their company or will you find them unbearingly childish? In the first months of love and relationship this may not matter much, but in the long term you _will_ want to meet other people as well.

    /Val
     
  7. jdoe86

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2003
    Messages:
    2,722
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    523
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunnyvale (CA, US)
    I am going to see how it goes. I am just afraid of getting hurt or that it is moving too fast. The thing about the us is that we agree that we cannot stay exclusive to each other. We both know that monogamy is not for us and as long as we share what we do, then I think it has a chance.
     
  8. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    Valkyrie: [quote author=geo8x6 link=board=relationships;num=1065140194;start=0#6 date=10/03/03 at 01:22:12]The thing about the us is that we agree that we cannot stay exclusive to each other. We both know that monogamy is not for us and as long as we share what we do, then I think it has a chance. [/quote]

    Yes, it works - we're in that exact situation - have been for a longer period of time.

    It requires a good deal of honesty and straightforwardness. It will cause awkward moments and moments of jealousy/insecurity. It will create a much stronger attachement to the other partner as long as you can work through the rough spots. For us it has meant almost exclusively positive things - we're not forced to "hide" our true nature. Both know that we have found the partner for life - that doesn't mean we will not be attracted to others, feel lust, get horny and want to act upon those feelings...

    As long as both know they want to have a longterm relationship with full openess and honesty under those circumstances it works equally well as a "regular" relationship.

    If you haven't alreay I'd suggest doing a search on "polyamory" through Google or another search engine. There is a lot of info out there on guidelines, tips and communication within such a relationship.

    /Val
     
  9. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    sammygirly: Max has got 7 years on me...

    I honestly think it just depends on the couple whether or not they are compatible and seeking the same things in life.

    Good luck geo dawlin on finding which path fits you best ;D
     
  10. jdoe86

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2003
    Messages:
    2,722
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    523
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunnyvale (CA, US)
    "...Life's a journey not a destination
    And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings..."
     
  11. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    H8Monga: Geo, you're the last person I'd suspect having a sex drive :eek:

    She's 24, very legal. I don't see a problem. It happens everyday.
     
  12. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    chicago_girl: Don't fix what ain't broke. If you both happy then don't ruin a good thing by worrying about what might happen. The best of luck to you both.
     
  13. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    chicago_girl: Don't fix what ain't broke. If you both happy then don't ruin a good thing by worrying about what might happen. The best of luck to you both.
     
  14. jdoe86

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2003
    Messages:
    2,722
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    523
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunnyvale (CA, US)
    I want to get to know her better. We are planning on spending some time not having sex. :D I want to see if we have more than just sex... I will keep you guys advised. ;D
     
  15. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    petite_girl: well, you obviously feel a little more than just lust for her. I will be waiting for bated breath! Good luck geo!
     
  16. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    aussiechick63: Hey george. You go for it. The only people that have to decide if the age is an issue is the two of you. If it isn't a problem then you know you have to see where it can take you. Good luck hon. Have fun. :-*
     
  17. Imported

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2000
    Messages:
    56,713
    Likes Received:
    55
    rainfletcher: Geo,

    A word of caution in the wind of overwhelming support...

    When my girlfriend and I first got together, the sex was incredible. I am not exagerating when I say we made love every day, 3 times a day. Mind blowing, neighbors pounding on the wall type of sex.

    Then....somewhere along the line, she's begun to lose interest. We used to laugh at the people who only make love to each other 3 times a week... :'(

    I know her sex drive is still strong, our love making still produces enormous orgasms for her. It's just life, you know? The day takes stuff out of you and your whiped out. She falls asleep early all the time, and we never have time together to be intimate. It's just not the priority for her that it used to be.

    My point in bringing this up, is that the sex you enjoy with her now is an important part of your relationship. But don't assume that it'll be there in 2 or 3 years. It may be. I read stories on this board (Max and Sammy come immediately to mind) of people who sustain meaningful sex lives for years and decades. But imagine the relationship with 'average', 3 times a week sex and see if you can still see yourself with her. Or talk to her and explain your needs. This may not be a problem, but it's something to think about?

    <Rain
     
  18. jdoe86

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2003
    Messages:
    2,722
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    523
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunnyvale (CA, US)
    I took the next step in the relationship. I meet her daughter. She likes me and I think that is a good sign. We also had a g-rated lunch together (no sex talk) and I think that I am ready to just let what ever happen, happens.
     
  19. Max

    Max New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2002
    Messages:
    938
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    [quote author=geo8x6 link=board=relationships;num=1065140194;start=0#17 date=10/14/03 at 00:02:35]We also had a g-rated lunch [/quote]

    As an older guy I keep learning new phrases on here ... but this has to be one of the best so far :)
     
  20. jdoe86

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2003
    Messages:
    2,722
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    523
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunnyvale (CA, US)
    Final update. Well, it wasn't ment to be. We are no longer together. We both admitted we have strong feelings for each other, but other things kept us from getting too close. I wish it could have worked, I have a hole in my heart right now. Such is life.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted