Falling for a soldier - help!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Gene_Rugburn, Nov 15, 2008.

  1. D_Gene_Rugburn

    D_Gene_Rugburn Account Disabled

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    I've recently started chatting with a guy on another website, we are getting on really well and seem to be reaching a point where things may go further. (I'm usually a bad boy and not into any sort of committed relationship so this is a big step.)

    I find myself thinking about this guy all the time which suggests I am falling for him in a big way, but, and here's the problem, he's a serving british soldier who is about to be deployed to Afghanistan. Now I find myself worrying if he's going to be ok, what if he gets hurt or worse? I want to protect him and I know it's his job and his choice but can I put either of us through this.

    Some of you out there must be either serving soldiers or their husbands, bfs, wives or gfs. How do you manage your emotions and fears in these troubled times? How do you cope with the separation and the "not knowing" if your partner is ok? I hate war and violence of any type but I've never had to think about these sorts of issues before. Would really appreciate your views and advice.
     
  2. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    Just think positive and trust them that they will be careful and alright. I had to learn that too, and it's hard when the person is somewhere else, but just have faith in it :)
    Glad you find someone :)
     
  3. NCbear

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    Live each moment together as though tomorrow will never come. And think of him often when you're apart--put him in a safe place in your mind and heart, and keep him warm and protected there.

    NCbear (who is thinking kind and comforting thoughts toward hungmuscle23)
     
  4. D_Gene_Rugburn

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    Thanks guys
     
  5. NCbear

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    *gives hungmuscle23 a friendly hug and pats him on the back*

    You're welcome.
     
  6. adirtymonkey

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    Nice that you feel that way about your new man. I thought I had become a die hard cruiser and was going to be on the singles shelf for the rest of my life untill I met my soldier. We had only been together for 6 months when he left for Afghan, he was with a previous partner for others tours of Iraq and the Balcans etc...

    I felt bad when he went away but was a chocked as hell when I got a phone call from him within 3 weeks. Depending on location in theatre commincations are a lot better than a couple of years ago so with some luck your still be in touch and he wont feel so far away. The time flew by and before I knew it he was home. I didnt even get a chance to visit a sauna :redface: On our first weekend away after him gettin home he proposed and we're now a loved up 'married' couple living on an army estate.

    Your be ok fella... Drop me a line/msg if you have any other concerns ok...

    Take it easy.

    Paul
     
  7. D_Gene_Rugburn

    D_Gene_Rugburn Account Disabled

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    Thanks for the advice guys there must be more people out there who have been in similar situations.
     
  8. chadstallion

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    try spending a weekend in Palm Springs when 29 Palms clears out and the boys are in town ... hot.
     
  9. Beanie

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    hes not going to want to do that he wants advice on how to cope with the separation and uncertanty of his safety, not the next nearest (or not, palm springs is in the US, hung is british...) hot guy to take his mind off it.

    but coming back to the topic, i haven't really had any experience in this myself but i think there is no single way how to deal with this type of thing, i think its just one of those thing you have to take a day at a time. if i were you though i would tell him how you feel before he has to go.
     
    #9 Beanie, Nov 15, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2008
  10. D_Gene_Rugburn

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    Thanks Beanie and yeah ur right I have to tell him how I feel...this thing is driving me crazy...I want him soooo bad, but as I said for me that is so scary given that I usually score 0 on the commitment meter.
     
  11. Beanie

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    well it shouldnt be scary its just natural progression for you, youv obviously found some one that means something to you and with whom you see a possible future and you want to explore that. i think the longer you leave it the harder itll be and if you end up not doing it, you will regret it greatly.
     
  12. SpeedoMike

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    this situation is a bit similar to someone going away to college. reality is you have to consider that the relationship can fall apart as well as become stronger.
     
  13. D_Gene_Rugburn

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    No disrespect m8 but I don't think many people sending their bf off to college have to think about them getting shot, tortured or blown up. I was asking more about how do you deal with feelings of someone putting themselves in danger when u hate the whole concept of war. I'm being totally selfish I have someone who I'm falling in love with and I don't want to lose him for something that I see as pointless.
     
  14. killerb

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    hey think positive thoughts...
    if u concentrate on what MIGHT happen, you'll go nuts...
    I have a cousin in Iraq and have had other friends serve over there as well...
    thankfully they have all been OK and some have already returned home safely...

    maybe it would help u to talk to others who have loved ones who are serving...
     
  15. D_Gene_Rugburn

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    We met up a few hours ago...the sex was amazing everything I wanted...but he said no. All I wanted was right there...I have spent so many hours thinking about him...about all of this....I asked him to marry me and he said no. I feel so shit, I think my heart is about to break. I love him soooo much and he doesn't want me. Guess we don't have to carry on the thread guys cos...I love him but to my fuckin sex god it doesn't matter if I worry about him or not. Hell why am I crying so much he's just a guy. Thanks for the advice guys...guess I just got it wrong.
     
  16. D_Gunther Snotpole

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    That's the most touching series of posts I've ever read from you, hungmuscle.
    I'm sorry how things seem to have turned out.
    I was going to post something further ... but I guess it's now pointless.
    Cheers, my man.
     
  17. D_Theophallus Kneedgroin

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    You asked him to marry you and he said no. Did he say no to just marriage or the relationship as well?
     
  18. D_Gene_Rugburn

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    Total split numbers said he loved me but thought he would only hurt me...fuck I wanna be hurt....I am hurt.. but fuck I dont have him and I soooooo wanted to be with him
     
  19. D_Theophallus Kneedgroin

    D_Theophallus Kneedgroin Account Disabled

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    Does he know how worried you are about him going to Afghanistan?

    Maybe he is trying to protect you....
    Maybe he's just as scared as you, idk.

    If he loves you, I'd say don't give up.
     
  20. silvertriumph2

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    If he said he loved you....and you still love him (forget the sex for now),,,
    then I agree with numbers.....stick it out....and don't give up.

    As far as the worry goes...it's something that you can't really control.
    I know what you mean, since I have a USMC son in the Persian Gulf area.
    You just have to have faith, support him completely, and hope and pray
    that he will be safe while there, and eventually return home safely.

    Good Luck, hungmuscle......stay strong and don't give up.
     
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