Falling for a Tease

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by big_sights, Jun 14, 2011.

  1. big_sights

    big_sights Member

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    I have a really good friend, he is like a brother. The bad thing is I've kinda fallen for him(Never felt this way about a guy)....smh, I know. We are extremely affectionate both verbally and physically and have been even before I fell for him. It probably has something to do in how we met (wrestling team).

    He has spent the night at my house plenty of times opting to share my bed instead of the floor. He has been giving me mix signals almost from the time that I met him. From pinning me on the mat longer than usual or rather laying on me (crotch to crotch), Once he sent me a naked pic of his bro to my phone (excuse was that he was High). He tried to kiss(grab the back of my neck type) me once, if someone had tapped me on the back our lips would have met....oh how I regret not leaning in just a tad, but two other friends were around (blamed on weed and that it was a joke).

    He told me once that when he was Fucking a girl doggy style that he thought of me (didn't make an excuse but was extremely embarrassed after saying it). Another time while on a vacation trip with another friend (sleeping in the same bed again), 3am in the darkness he abruptly leans over me and asked me if I wanted him to rub Vicks chest rub on me- I of course said yes (our other friend was asleep).

    And well I think the clencher is that he pulled it out for me once when I had to pee and well my fingers were immobile (I had a four button fly and we were outside in the freezing cold of the night.) Yeah were extremely close, we call each other brother and I do consider him as such first and foremost. The thing is even with all these signals and actions on his part he always has a steady girl (or 2) along with other girls he is fuckin, he has gay bashed and on the two times I made major moves on him he gave me two differing responses. The first time i felt him up in his "sleep"- stroked him (got hard and had the slightest smile in his "sleep"). The second time was on that action trip when I drunkenly tried to feel him up while he was awake (my excuse was to return the favor for pulling it out for me earlier that night), he pushed my hand away.

    He distanced himself from me a while after that one, but we recently spoke on both situations and I apologized. The thing is the fact that he remembered the first feeling up confirmed my suspicion that be was awake. Personally I feel that he is atleast curious, but doesn't not want to be labeled as gay whether it be by others or himself. Please give me your thoughts on the situation- oh and by the way I did reciprocate the Vicks chest rub that night and one other night.
     
    #1 big_sights, Jun 14, 2011
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2011
  2. B_Craiggers

    B_Craiggers New Member

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    I'm not trying to troll you, but you might get more replies if you break that up into separate paragraphs.
     
  3. big_sights

    big_sights Member

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  4. tominatlanta

    tominatlanta New Member

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    rotfl - or whatever the acronym is.

    Tom
     
  5. D_Jay Sockafeller

    D_Jay Sockafeller New Member

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    Well I was in a similar situation with a girl that I really liked and who kept flirting really hard with me. Finally I just sucked it up and pretty much told her exactly how it was. We were awesome friends before and now we really don't talk to much anymore. (Partially due to asking her out) That's going to be the risk you run probably. It'll be what some will consider a big gamble, but it will be a choice you'll have to make. If you're really that close (and he probably knows already) then you probably will still be friends.

    I can tell you from personal experience that not saying something will eat away at you after the opportunity has passed by. For me, saying something is the easiest and hardest part. Hardest because you're so nervous right before you say anything, and easiest because no matter what he says it will be a huge sigh of relief. Of course if he gives you the answer you don't want to hear you'll be really sad/hurt at first, but that closure will help you get over it faster.

    The way you described the situation it does seem like he's curious and changes his mind back and forth. If this is the case, and you know he doesn't want to be labeled as gay, then his answer will probably be no unfortunately. You can never change people into something they're not: gay, straight, bi, etc... Also with that in mind if he's not ready to be labeled as "gay" by everyone else, he probably won't want to pursue an out in the open relationship with you.

    Bottom line: If you really like him and see something between you guys, I think you should tell him. That's the risk that comes with relationships and love. If there was nothing to lose, there wouldn't be anything worth gaining.

    P.S. Just because he might say no doesn't mean he's not interested it might just mean that he's not ready right now.
     
  6. big_sights

    big_sights Member

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    Thanks zeropoint.
     
  7. big_sights

    big_sights Member

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    I did tell him of my feelings for him and he conceded that some of his actions prompted me to make a move on him. Were still close as ever and when I confessed I told him I hope things aren't awkward between us, he smiled and said "I don't do awkward." The hardest part for me is that before the said incidents we would tell each other often "I love/miss you"....just when I was ready to back off from saying it for a long while he ends one of our conversations with it....and of course I said it back. Unless he is plain ol insensitive(which he isn't) he must know how that makes me feel. And yes, it felt like a burden was lifted off of me. At the end of our conversation he told me we have each other for life, which something we've told and promised each other before. When I told a really close confidant about the situation they told me it sounds like it could be either a touching bromance or a gay love story LOL.
     
  8. NEWREBA

    NEWREBA New Member

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    I think it's hard to put aside all the "gay" references when we're talking about love between people of the same sex. We don't have very good models for falling in love with each other as we do for heterosexual romance. To me love is love and how you both choose to express it is a personal thing between you two. All the best btw. :biggrin1:
     
  9. aqua-illusion

    Gold Member

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    From the sounds of things it seems he might have a homosexual bromance type thing going on with you...

    either way, count yourself lucky you have someone like that who you can trust and who seems like he loves you back indefinitely whether the relationship is just friends or "more" than friends.
     
  10. helgaleena

    Gold Member

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    You guys don't have to have sex, you know. You can keep it right at this level for the rest of your lives and meanwhile both see other people. Win-win, I should think.
     
  11. big_sights

    big_sights Member

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    Yes, I do count myself lucky....few guys this day in age have friends that are as close.

    Thanks for the advice, I know we don't. My close confidant swears it is gonna eventually happen:eek:n
     
  12. ScotRandom

    ScotRandom Active Member

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    This is so touching. I'm gay but always seem to have a healthy mix of Str8, Bi & Gay friends. When I was younger I had a similar thing with my best M8. My theory is that the population consist of 10% exclusively Str8/Gay while everyone else in the middle would under the right conditions & right person explore. That to me is infinitely healthier to have a discreet & personal intimate liason than bottle things up, frustrate yourself or allow those expressions to become warped.
    My Str8 friends are cool with my sexuality & we flirt endlessly. I don't hide the fact that a few of them I fancy the arse off. Don't even hide it from their wives/partners, & that for us (at least) is appreciated by the honesty.
    Your friend may fall into the category of curious but more self-conscious about labels than possibly others might be. However what happens between close friends should stay between close friends.
    It's positive that you got it off your chest, have admitted you'll both be M8s 4ever, & can now move forward with the friendship now the issue has been addressed. Patience & remembering to not be "in his face" about it until he's more comfortable often gives them time to think... & may result in him reciprocating your unrequited affection you have for your friend. Just a possibility. I know it's certainly had the effect of my Str8 M8s chasing me at times rather than the other way around. Just an observation you may want to consider.
    Whatever happens, it certainly sounds like there's a bond between you that should be cherished & protected. Good luck bud & I sincerely hope all goes well... for you both.
     
  13. beavbithick

    beavbithick Active Member

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    DING DING DING....DID U HEAR THAT?? LOL:smile:
     
  14. gert123

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    I am glad you told him and that he is fine wih it. remeber, he can love you, but not be in love with you.
    i have been in love with many straight / taken guys and the feeling go away. the quickest is to get someone else!
     
  15. big_sights

    big_sights Member

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    Though I know it is a possibility (even wishful thinking perhaps), and it would hurt dearly if his feelings became voiced at a very unexpected time such as the beginning of a committed relationship. Ever since our talk I have resolved that if anybody is going to make the next move it will be him not me... And thanks, yes our friendship is one that I hold nearest to my heart.

    Though I know that is the cure. Believe me it is easier said than done especially when my friend is as attractive as he is :biggrin1:
     
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