Hey may be bisexual, they exist, lol
1. He's a coworker, and traversing that can be a nightmare if things don't go well - I learned that when I was a young wee lad, haha. If things develop between you, you're going to NEED an exit strategy that will allow you to work without work becoming a minefield. You need to have a plan articulated FRONT AND CENTER. I say this as an older, wiser, lived friend - and advice I give my younger gay family members.
2. He's got a wife, so you may be lucky, she may already know, and they may have an agreement to allow him to have a safe side piece. He probably knows you're gayer than a $3 bill in a drag queen's bra at Pride but letting you make the moves because he doesn't want to embarrass himself. He may also be enjoying a platonic relationship with a man where he can relax and be emotionally vulnerable. I have a few straight guy friends who enjoy that kind of relationship with me - it's cool because the dynamic is different than what two straight guys experience as friends. They can tell me stuff they don't feel comfortable telling their other guy friends.
3. Your feelings will make No. 2 difficult to navigate because he LOVES her and you may be just sex. I've been that guy and it was fun but a nightmare when feelings got involved. This is the time to focus on your motivations, which leads me to 4.
4. What do you want in a partner/lover? Do you deserve to have someone fully present? We can't control who we fall in love with but you need to be self aware to understand why you're attracted to unavailable - AS MANY young people are because they may be afraid of commitment and this is an easy way to address that. It may be that he's simply gorgeous and relaxed because he's not having feelings for you - LIke gay men and their best girlfriend. We've all been there and pined for our easy going hot straight friend.
5. I have two friends who were married to women, had affairs with men, and are now married to men - it does happen but there is a lot that has to happen - He's gotta divorce, come out, navigate his sexuality, etc. That doesn't happen overnight and you don't want to be with that guy. If he's an experienced bisexual, then this does not apply but many guys who are married have not gone through that growth that you yourself may have already experienced.
6. This is also an experience. You can allow yourself to do this and deal with the consequences and grow from it. Just know that it's THREE people. She is also a human and your actions don't only affect you.
7. He joked to diffuse tension. This may mean he's not really interested in you in the way you are in him. The next few days/weeks - your next interaction will be telling. I would see if he reciprocates your advance vs continuing to make advances. Don't be that guy. He's not obtuse, he's an adult, and you need to open your ears and eyes and see how he reacts. If he's got two brain cells, he must realize you have unlocked a door for him.
