Falling out of love!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Perseigh Peestick, Mar 29, 2010.

  1. D_Perseigh Peestick

    D_Perseigh Peestick New Member

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    My name is Josh, and i have been in a relationship for 5 years. We have actually been together for 5 years but talking for 6 years. We have been engaged for 1 1/2 years. I love her, i really do, but for some reason all i have been able to think about for the past id say 6 months is how i dont know if i really want to spend the rest of my life with her, nor do i know how to bring it to her attention. Let me tell you a little bit about our relationship.

    Started off she was 105lbs, gorgeous, took care of her self, loved to have sex. Well about 1 year into our relationship, sex starting hurting really bad, when she had her periods she would cramp extremely bad. Her sex drive went down, because she didnt want to have sex due to the extreme pain. Went from having great intamicy to her never wanting it and crying when we did. So we went to the doctor and he diagnosed her with an extreme case of Endometriosis.

    She used to be very open with sex, would talk to me in the middle of the night for us to go hook up. Our first time was in the backseat of a vehicle that my friend drove around for 2 hrs, while we got it on. Now she doesnt like to talk about sex, kiss in front of people. Going off subject, but she says that she still finds me extremely attractive, yet she doesnt like to kiss whenever i have a beard because it is itchy, she doesnt like to recieve oral sex even though that's the only way that i can make her cum because of the disease. I honestly cant explain how many things we cant do in the bedroom, or things that bother her about it. Everything is always pre-planned, i have to say can we do it tonight, she will say No 99% of the time and when she does agree, it's I GUESS. When we do, do it, it has to be a quickie everytime.

    Other issues, she doesnt take care of herself. No matter where we would go when we first hooked up, she was always dressed to impress. Im talking hair done, make up on, dressed nice. She always got nails and pedicures, she took care of her weight. Now she's jumped to 155lbs, but weight is not an issue to me, i like the thickness. My main issue is that it bothers her, but she doesnt do anything to fix it. She now doesnt wear make up, she recently has had fits w/acne and constantly picks at it, so then it all stays there and more comes up. She never dresses up, ever. The last time i saw her wear make up was probably 4 months ago. We paid 360 bucks for a gym membership, but she doesnt go anymore after about a month.

    Well about 1 month ago, i told her im not happy, she said why, i told her most of these issues. Well i told her some things that i want to make the relationship, some consisted of sexual, some consisted of her taking care of herself. It lasted about 1 week. Now it's the same since. I love her, and want to be her provider, take care of her, but unfortunately, im not wanting to anymore.

    Here's the problem i have, If she had parents to go home and stay with, or friends, or just anything then it would be easier. If she had a job, to buy a apt, or anything, it would be easier.The problem that i run into is this. 1. Her father is passed away, all she has is her mother. Her mother has a boyfriend and they are about to move 2 hrs away. She has no friends, literally, no friends here in the city, all out of state. Her mother is currently staying in a 1 bd hotel until they sell their house and move. 2. She just reinstated in school, and has some bills in her name that i currently take care of. So i love her, and im going to feel bad if i just put her out with nothing.

    I need some guidance, she's 21, im 24. She's never been on her own, so i dont know how to break up w/someone 1. that i have been with for a long time 2. especially kicking them out whenever i love them and putting them through some of the hardest times of their life.

    Keep in mind, she is very hard to talk to. She get's very angry, and very sad. So it's hard to have a normal conversation.

    So what should i do? or, How could i make it work?

    Thanks!​
     
  2. SandraSmithCarver

    SandraSmithCarver New Member

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    oh hun, not good, you cant keep going on like this, and, you are both WAAAAY to young for this, tell her she needs to do the things she used to, like wear make up, care about how she looks, tell her it bothers you, you have to be honest with her, if she complains about her weight, tell her to do something about it or stop complaining. my son is 21 is in school out of state, shares a house with 3 other students, pays utilities, takes care of his own food etc, and works 2 part time jobs and the rest with student loans and grants. , all on his own. You have the right to tell her what you expect
     
  3. GogMegog

    GogMegog New Member

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    Use gifts to make her happy. Do the things she like and avoid those, she dislikes.

    Nobody dislike to listen about herself. Talk about her beauty, hobbies, skills and all about. Listen her whatever she says. Time will come that she will need you.
     
  4. dolfette

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    sounds to me like the poor girl has just spiralled into depression...i suppose being in pain and feeling impotent might have had a hand in this. and the isolation from her friends.

    in my opinion she needs the opinion of a doctor, not the opinion of a porn board. when people have huge personality changes and seem to stop caring about themselves then depression is often involved.

    if it is that it could be that a pill a day will return her to the bright, lovely girl you met.
     
  5. SpoiledPrincess

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    You've just fallen out of love that's all, and at your age its much more likely to happen, your personality, likes and dislikes are still changing much more quickly than they will when you're a bit older.
    Sounds tough but you can't be responsible for her, she's got to make her own way in the world. Not every relationship is meant to last forever and you can't cling to a woman just because you have a history with her. Your post sounds more like you're her dad than her lover, and thats not how any relationship should be.
    Tell her your feelings have changed, help her to get the help she needs: as Dolf says it sounds like she's depressed and if she has no one else in the world at that young age, if she's let herself go and isn't feeling desirable, if she has no job and no friends it'd be surprising if she wasn't depressed.
    You don't have to be in her life as her bf, you can just be her friend and help her find her feet, but don't be a pushover for her, she's got to help herself, no one else can do it all for her. You're entitled to be with someone who's putting some effort into the relationship, who wants to please you as well as wants to be pleased.
     
  6. THEDUDEofDestiny

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  7. D_Perseigh Peestick

    D_Perseigh Peestick New Member

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    Thank you guys very much for the responses. Im glad there arent any stupid people saying, just dump her. I love her, i really do. She IS depressed, she takes prozac. She had to get emplanon shots due to the endometriosis and part of that is depression, acne, weight gain. So most of the issues have come from that, but now she's off of it and she is still kind of remaining the same. I love her to death, and dont want to lose her, so if there's anything i can do to help it, ill do anything. We may be young, but we are also very mature, and have been on our own since 17. We also have lived together for 4 of the years. So the relationship itself is stronger then most people. just a bunch of these little issues, that are actually HUGE ISSUES.

    I tell her all the time how beautiful she is, she needs to wear make up and dress up, take care of herself. Tell her to go workout if she has issues, and taht she is beautiful. Just to me it doesnt seem to get through her head for some reason.
     
  8. THEDUDEofDestiny

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    you are too young to be settled down though. i didn;t closely read your op and i thought you two were middle age. look, there is nothing wrong with dating other people. whenever i say this to people who are in their first great love affair they get all crazy and tell their boyfriends i am hitting on them which of course, i am. that being said, i am certain you will find there is no "right" person. just a bunch of people who are ok but that your evolutionary drive to pass on genes will convince you are something special.
     
  9. dolfette

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    maybe she's on the wrong meds if she's still like this?
     
  10. SandraSmithCarver

    SandraSmithCarver New Member

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    You guys are way too young, and it takes a hell of a lot more than love to make it work believe me, the songs out there lie! So thats good that you love her, but she needs help, besides the Prozac, she also needs counseling, and/or maybe a different antidepressant. Its unusaul to have endometriousus at such a young age, that in itself sounds horrible and would be depressing enough. She needs counseling, you can not give her the help she needs, it doesnt matter how much yoiu love her, your not a proffesional, good luck
     
  11. Lollipop_Dick

    Lollipop_Dick New Member

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    sounds rough. but you didn't list off your bad qualities. I'm sure she has a list of bad things to say about you to and why...if you love someone and want to change behaviour, try something new and different - call her from work or something outta the blue and tell her, hey be ready by 9:00 PM and in your best attire - pick her up and spark those old feelings you once had by taking her to a very nice place to eat. Its not rocket science that a girl would probably get offended at a gym membership being given, I mean. I think I would to. You're nicely trying to say hey, do something about your weight or whatever. My advice is check your self out to and try something new and innovative.
     
  12. D_Perseigh Peestick

    D_Perseigh Peestick New Member

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    She bought the gym membership herself. I didnt purchase it for her. She doesnt work, so hard to do that, yet i do, do it. I actually call during my lunch hour and tell her to get ready by 7 pm. Then ill show up and take her out to eat. to list my bad qualities she would have to do that.

    I had a talk w/her the other night, and read my post to her and some posts yall posted. Seemed to help a little, we will see.
     
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