Famous Quotes About Sex

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by jakeatolla, Jan 28, 2007.

  1. jakeatolla

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2004
    Messages:
    3,093
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    My girlfriend always laughs during sex --no matter what she's reading.
    Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

    Don't knock masturbation — it's sex with someone I love.
    Woody Allen

    Lord, grant me chastity and continence... but not yet.
    St. Augustine

    I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
    Tom Clancy

    You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither.
    Steve Martin

    Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
    Woody Allen

    Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
    Rodney Dangerfield

    There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.
    Lynn Lavner

    Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
    George Burns

    Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.
    George Burns

    Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships
    Sharon Stone

    My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
    Jack Nicholson

    Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
    Robin Williams

    Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
    Roseanne

    Women need a reason to have sex Men just need a place.
    Billy Crystal

    According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
    Robert De Niro

    There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
    Dustin Hoffman

    There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.
    Jerry Seinfeld

    Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
    Woody Allen

    See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
    Robin Williams

    My family never raised me to have a vagina.
    Roseanne

    An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
    Aldous Huxley

    Did you ever notice the people who are most adamantly against abortions are people you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?
    George Carlin

    Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
    Mark Twain

    One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.
    Jane Austen

    Sex concentrates on what is on the outside of the individual. It's funny because I think it's better inside.
    Alex Walsh

    When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.
    Frederike Ryder
     
  2. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    10,742
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Female
    You never cease to amaze me with the stuff you find lol
     
  3. chrispy

    chrispy Member

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2006
    Messages:
    372
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Alamogordo, NM
    "I imagine that sex between a man and a woman can be a beautiful thing, but I don't know.

    When I was fourteen, my father decided to initiate me into the ways of manhood, and took me to the local whorehouse. The woman spread her legs, and made me look between them. All I could see was something that looked like a dyin' orchid; consequently, I have never been comfortable around women or orchids." - Tennessee Williams
     
  4. jakeatolla

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2004
    Messages:
    3,093
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada

    ***Blushes Slightly *** Aww Shucks. Thanks Sweetie:kiss:
     
  5. Vestigial

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2006
    Messages:
    1,423
    Likes Received:
    0
    "Just blow and go." - J

    (mightn't be globally famous, but I digress)
     
  6. AAALady

    AAALady New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2007
    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    WV
    Someone once asked Woody Allen if sex is dirty. His reply, "It is if you're doing it right."
     
  7. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2003
    Messages:
    28,013
    Likes Received:
    725
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    the pain behind your eyes
    "Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the peanuts."
    -Jeff Foxworthy

    "Ann Landers once said if you have sex more than 3x's a week, then you need to seek professional help. Lemme tell you something; the only way I'm going to get sex 3x's a week is if I seek professional help."
    -Jay Leno

    "Sex is like a snowstorm; you never know how many inches you'll get, or know how long it'll last."
    -Unknown
     
  8. JustAsking

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    3,249
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ohio
    "Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards."
    - Woody Allen in Love and Death

    Hey, he said it, I didn't.
     
  9. JustAsking

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    3,249
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ohio
    No, it seems pertinent.

    Jake, excellent OP. I have always wished I could come up with pithy epigrams like that. We all need a little of the Oscar Wilde in us.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted