Fantasy better than Reality?

[Red_Rebel]

I have been having this odd habit of prefering jacking off over having sex with someone.

I previously wrote about my slight addiction to masturbation, but i also realized that most guys that i have met in the past just doesn't stay interesting enough for me to keep them; and i much rather resort to wanking than fuckin.

Everytime i talk to new guys, i get all horned up when we exchange phone pix and i wound up using their pix to wank off. But whenever i meet them, i could not bare having to see them for the second time. I would enjoy the sex, but for some reason the initial contact seem to be the only thing i was interested to. Regardless of how good the sex was, how big their cock, or how goodlookin they are, i just somehow get bored soon as i have a taste.



(it sounds completely whorish, i know). Am i the only one who goes thru this sort of pattern?

 

[Gecko4lif]

Things always happen exactly how you want in fantasy. reality is frequently disappointing in comparison. Hence why things like second life exist.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

sounds like you are just self centered and lazy....

relationships require effort, compromise and accommodation...

its an alarming trend in the states, fueled by the (undeserved) self esteem movement ( y'know, the 'everyone gets a trophy and pats on the back' bullshit that prevailed in US culture for the past 20 years, and that has resulted in the most narcissistic generation in history ) and the isolationism of internet and social media, in which every fantasy can be indulged in private with an immediacy that makes real relationships seem glacial, strenuous, and insufficient.


Recent studies show that American men would rather beat off to porn than bother to have sex... especially married men. That's how lazy folks are getting in this world.


How pathetic.

I would recommend that you abandon internet porn altogether, as well as jerking off to twitpics, cams and other empty self indulgences before you destroy, entirely, your ability to respond to another human being ....

Or... brace yourself for a life of increasingly self satisfied solitude, where no one really knows you, and no one cares if you live or die.

 

[dolfette]

don't be a judgemental arse, phil.

maybe he's just not cut out for the kind of relationships that society wants us all to conform to.
maybe he is but he's not ready yet.

some people are happy to live life alone.
some people don't need someone else to complete them.

he's obviously doing some soul searching here.

you're not helping.

 

[AlphaMale]

sounds like you are just self centered and lazy....

relationships require effort, compromise and accommodation...

its an alarming trend in the states, fueled by the (undeserved) self esteem movement ( y'know, the 'everyone gets a trophy and pats on the back' bullshit that prevailed in US culture for the past 20 years, and that has resulted in the most narcissistic generation in history ) and the isolationism of internet and social media, in which every fantasy can be indulged in private with an immediacy that makes real relationships seem glacial, strenuous, and insufficient.


Recent studies show that American men would rather beat off to porn than bother to have sex... especially married men. That's how lazy folks are getting in this world.


How pathetic.

I would recommend that you abandon internet porn altogether, as well as jerking off to twitpics, cams and other empty self indulgences before you destroy, entirely, your ability to respond to another human being ....

Or... brace yourself for a life of increasingly self satisfied solitude, where no one really knows you, and no one cares if you live or die.

Hmm, I mean I kinda get what you're saying but I don't think his OP warranted that response.

Most people end up faking relationships/marriages for the very same reasons you posted and in the end it makes them very unhappy. Thankfully, I'm one of the people in a real relationship because I sure as hell wouldn't want to be in a fake one... like 95% of them really are.

 

[Red_Rebel]

Phil, maybe youre right about the laziness, but i honestly am asking this question for the sake of acquiring better understanding of why i feel this way. Its not a mere stunt for a pat in the back.


But ill keep an open mind and take into account some of what youve said

 

[monel]

Phil, maybe youre right about the laziness, but i honestly am asking this question for the sake of acquiring better understanding of why i feel this way. Its not a mere stunt for a pat in the back.


But ill keep an open mind and take into account some of what youve said

I think you feel this way because you are not ready for a relationship. You enjoy the novelty of meeting someone new and having a good time but aren't interested in establishing anything more. This is why you arrange encounters through various websites. It's easier to ever have to see them again that way. There is nothing inherently wrong with not being interested in a relationship, especially at 23. In time you will likely want something more and meet someone with whom you want to establish a deeper connection. How are your other non sexual relationships -friends and acquaintances?

 

[Red_Rebel]

Other websites? Havent really mentioned that in this post but its true. i find that i distance myself more and more from my friends. i find excuses to not show up on outings or just have random excuses in seeing them. I find little to no reason in meeting them and it is not uncommon for most of them to refer to me as the "flopper".

 

[helgaleena]

It sounds like you find yourself in a dull and boring life environment and this is reflected in your sex life too. My advice is to begin to write or draw or paint your fantasies. That will help you share the things that truly 'float your boat' with others, perhaps at a fiction or gallery site like Deviantart. This way you could search for people who share your tastes all over the world via the wonderful Internet.

 

[deleted15807]

YouTube - ‪Dan Savage on The Price of Admission‬‏

 

[oldriver]

Don't worry, dude. I'm the same way. I like the initial excitement but don't want a long term relationship. Let your temporary partners understand that, move on, and enjoy yourself any way you like in the meantime.

 

[Corius]

My friend, I would hazarDasual d the guess that you have been concentratitng on the phytsical aspects of sex and you have expected tht something of an enduring nature ought to esult.

But good sex just does not hapopen that way.! IMHO, it all starts when two persons who have bvonded in friendship are finding that they both want and need the tactile nature of sex to express their affection for each other. The sex happens naturally and seems so right, IMHO, because the sex in a very real way confirms the bond that has already come to exist between the partners.

It all depends on a solid foundation that is the lasting friendshi/love that two persons have for each other4. Get your mind to working on this matter and you may come tu understand that good sex requires more than two horny parntners. Good sex provides the stuff of memory and if that kind of sex calls for many happy encores.

 

[m_aston]

Try to keep in mind some, or all, of the guys you met may actually feel the same way about their experience with you.

 

[B_jeepguy2]

Recent studies show that American men would rather beat off to porn than bother to have sex... especially married men. That's how lazy folks are getting in this world.

I am not so sure it is laziness. How many American women have you seen lately who are not overweight or obese...especially married women over 30?

 

[EllieP]

I am living my own fantasy, and I'm very serious about that. I found the "perfect" guy, and I put that in quotes because perfection is unachievable.

He makes me so happy, brings me much pleasure, is my true soulmate, understands me and when he doesn't he tries, and is a rock solid shoulder to lean on when I need.

He does not put the lid down, turn the faucet off all the way, hits the hamper every time, wipes the counter the way I like, leaves hair all over the shower and bathroom floor, snores, is sometimes too big, does not understand why I need THAT brand, nags me about not eating rare steak, sometimes stinks, should I go on?

But those are things that can be overlooked (sometimes, if I try real hard), and like the video says is the price of admission.

I am absolutely certain he does not understand why I have so many shoes. So there ya go. We're even.

 

[marriedasian]

if it's always gotta be your way, then stick to fantasy as it will always be your way... otherwise welcome to the real world.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

don't be a judgemental arse, phil.

maybe he's just not cut out for the kind of relationships that society wants us all to conform to.
maybe he is but he's not ready yet.

some people are happy to live life alone.
some people don't need someone else to complete them.

he's obviously doing some soul searching here.

you're not helping.

Calling me an ass is judgmental, Dolfette... and a failure to understand genuine and considered advice meant to actually help.

The OPs post is not an isolated note unconnected with the world in which he lives...
It comes amidst warnings from therapists, and recent study results, that point to an alarming trend... a fundamental change in human behavior that has never been seen before.
And the tenor of his post shows clearly that he is concerned with his own behavior and trying to understand it.

In that sense, I am not pointing the finger at the OP nor judging Him, I am judging the culture in which he lives, which may be leading him, unawares, down a path that will lead somewhere he doesn't really wish to go, were he fully aware of the causes and the potential end.


It IS a basic laziness... the same laziness that leads to girls and boys wearing pajamas out in public, to drive up everything, fast food, pandemic obesity, and the worship of convenience.
the astonishing availability of any imaginable kind of pornographic image in literally thousandths of a second, almost anywhere one's ass happens to be parked, coupled with the ease and superficiality of online social media, from this kind of forum all the way to twitter, has made fantasy a lot easier than actual interpersonal human contact.
How much easier to sit at home, ungroomed and undressed and have the ultimate form of safe sex... swapping cam images with a "person" whose personhood will never be real...

In calling it lazy, I am not meaning to indict the individual, but to point out that all animals are lazy... they will all trend toward the least amount of effort necessary to survive.

If our sexual and mating and social urges can be kept at bay thru imaginary means... then how many of us will find ourselves following that path without even realizing the personal cost in our declining ability to really relate to others?



Sorry, my dear... I can not agree that I am being harsh, nor judgmental. I am offering a perspective that might actually address the OPs expressed concern, rather than offering platitudes and ego bolstering endorsements.

Generallly... if someone is concerned about their own behavior... its probably for good reason.
And the one thing every generation needs to learn the hard way is to examine their own lives with unflinching honesty.

 

[dolfette]

calling you an arse is no such thing.

it's the same thing i'd say to any of my friends or relatives.
you're judging my use of language.
it's cultural.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

I am not so sure it is laziness. How many American women have you seen lately who are not overweight or obese...especially married women over 30?

How is this not laziness?

I am not suggesting that this is a gender specific phenomenon... weight goes up in all cultures based upon how cheap and abundant food is and how little physical effort is required to obtain it.

People are generally lazy.

It takes a huge effort of will for those dedicated to not succumb to invent exercise, or control their appetites.

Thing is... when I grew up, the closest I came to readily available porn was the lingerie ads in the Sears catalog...
Playboy was around, but very hard for a 14 year old boy to get his hands on...

Today... teens grow up able to see ANYTHING they can imagine... not just badly shot black and white images of unattractive people wearing their socks in bed ( what most porn looked like prior to the liberalization of censorship laws in the 1960s ) but actual full color full frame movies of artificially enhanced hypersexual figures with stereoscopic sound and background music.

This affects boys more than girls simply because boys sexual drives are more visually based...

Fast food is fast, its cheap and its easy... Corn Syrup and potatoes makes everything tasty, sweet and affordable....

Is that GOOD for us?

Plenty and surfeit are wonderful, conceptually... but the result is laziness and overindulgence to the point of ill health or personal destruction.


prior generations of men, if they wanted to see a naked woman... if they wanted to know what sex was like... pretty much HAD to make themselves attractive enough to the opposite sex to be able to convince some young to take off her clothes and allow them to have at her...


When we don't HAVE to do that.... when we can satisfy that curiosity and that urge that ultimately drives us together... that teaches us that other people have their own needs and from which we learn empathy and compassion and love and giving...

... well... given our propensity toward laziness... what will be the result?
Its easy to live alone... no accommodating another, everything your own way... no pressure to look nice, or smell nice, or even clean up after oneself...
No tiresome first dates, or potentially painful rejections... No one upset with you... or feeling needy...



I know ever increasing numbers of people making this choice...
But they are Not happier...

Its just easier.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

calling you an arse is no such thing.

it's the same thing i'd say to any of my friends or relatives.
you're judging my use of language.
it's cultural.

Ah... so only you can ascertain whether language is judgmental or not?


Sorry Dolf... I do not recognize your authority in that regard. Hurling epithets is undeniably judgmental.