Fantasy into Reality, is it dangerous?

[D_Barzillai Whackingsauce]

My wife and I have been chatting/talking/whispering in bed the last while, about fantasy and turn-on's to fuel the sexual encounter in bed (of course). One of my turn-ons is the idea of sleeping with other people, and she reciprocates this fantasy 100%. (Especially her with other people).
As it stands now it's in the realm of fantasy, where it can be anyone, anytime, no holds-bar and that's what makes it hot. I am always the one to bring it up in bed, but she loves it and it seems to be a turn on for her when I do.

In the last little while she's been extra quiet about it, and when I ask if it's still a turn on, she's been saying it's "intriguing," to which I want clarification for.

What she says is, "Well I wonder if we'd actually end up trying something like that." The tone in her voice could suggest a mild discomfort with the idea we might actually head down that path, or perhaps a quiet excitement about it. It's a very ambiguous tone to say the least and I am trying to understand it.

Anyway my head is swimming with ideas, thoughts and possibilities. I am on the verge of asking her in a serious manner if it's something we'd consider...? I am nervous about the idea, and frankly scared about potentially what it could do to our relationship.

I wonder if it's best left in the realm of "hot sexy fantasy" or if it's something to talk about further, especially if it's something she's genuinely curious about and would like to try at least once.

On one level I am no opposed to it, it is a fantasy and the idea of it really happening it a huge turn of but on the other hand... you know.

Thoughts?

 

[Phil Ayesho]

All I can tell you is that it will undoubtedly complicate your relationship.

Have you noticed that right after the sex, the fantasy becomes a lot less hot... for a few hours?

What excites our sex centers is not necessarily something that always stays in the bed.

Suppose you introduce another man and she ends up feeling more strongly for him than for you?

Are you prepared for that possibility?
What if you try it... decide you really really like it and she does not? Will her refusal eventually drive you to infidelity?

Or the opposite... you try it and she likes it and you do not? What happens when your "open" marriage starts to feel too drafty for one of you but not the other?


All that being said... It can work, with the right people involved... but how often do we hook up with even 1 right person... much less a group of them?

You are gonna do what you are gonna do... but whatever you do, go into it eyes open and aware that there are dangers when you toy with the human heart.

Hope to win... but be prepared to lose something you value.

 

[jeff black]

All I can tell you is that it will undoubtedly complicate your relationship.

Have you noticed that right after the sex, the fantasy becomes a lot less hot... for a few hours?

What excites our sex centers is not necessarily something that always stays in the bed.

Suppose you introduce another man and she ends up feeling more strongly for him than for you?

Are you prepared for that possibility?
What if you try it... decide you really really like it and she does not? Will her refusal eventually drive you to infidelity?

Or the opposite... you try it and she likes it and you do not? What happens when your "open" marriage starts to feel too drafty for one of you but not the other?


All that being said... It can work, with the right people involved... but how often do we hook up with even 1 right person... much less a group of them?

You are gonna do what you are gonna do... but whatever you do, go into it eyes open and aware that there are dangers when you toy with the human heart.

Hope to win... but be prepared to lose something you value.

I have to second what Phil said here.

It CAN work with the right relationship and the right third party. However, you have to be really careful, because you might feel like it's a great idea at the time, and then get jealous, starting to compare yourself to the other cock, asking her questions that might make her uncomfortable.

If I may admit something, it sounds as if she would like to keep it as a fantasy, based on her hesitant responses. Have you considered wwaiting for a bit, letting her wrap her head around the idea a bit more by herself before you mention it again?

 

[D_Barzillai Whackingsauce]

This is what I am trying to get to the bottom of - Is she happy in the realm of fantasy based on her "What if we try..." response? I have no idea. I'm trying to sift though it and understand if it's based in fantasy or if the "What if..." means it is something she'd like to try.

I think Jeff maybe correct, in so far as I should wait a bit... lets see if she's more forward with it next time. Maybe let her bring it up as a "I'd actually like to try it." Discuss it from there.

I tend to agree with the responses here that it is a dangerous thing that requires a lot of work from "all parties" even if lets say her and I are cool, there is always that 3rd and 4th parties which we can't account for. It just seems like there are too many things that can go wrong screwing things up. It's a hot idea and maybe that's what makes it hot, it's an idea!

Just to be clear we have not spoken about it as a possibility of reality, she's just dropped maybe hints of it becoming a reality! We still just play in bed BUT it's still Hot as an idea even after sex. I think about it day-to-day and she's made mention of it, lets say in a car while driving.

I'm not not sure what to expect if she decides she'd like to speak about it as a reality. I'm sure to discuss the valid point brought up here but what then?

In terms of questions, other cocks etc. I am comfortable/quite happy with my cock and feel secure with where I stand in life. Asking her questions about her adventures I know she'd feel comfortable with. Sometime we chat about past partners in bed, and that's a lot of fun too.

I have to second what Phil said here.
If I may admit something, it sounds as if she would like to keep it as a fantasy, based on her hesitant responses. Have you considered wwaiting for a bit, letting her wrap her head around the idea a bit more by herself before you mention it again?

 

[deleted356736]

I'm not a jealous type and I don't believe total monogamy is essential for a relationship either. Despite this, swapping is a place I don't want to go near, who knows what the aftermath might be? And once it gets damaged, it's very hard to repair.

Despite my liberal attitude towards sex, I'd leave this in the realm of fantasy. I have a feeling that many women fantasize about things they'd never do in reality, so just because it's talked about doesn't mean it's wanted. It's kind of like getting hot and steamy after reading a romance novel, and then jumping you when you don't expect to be jumped. She's fucking the hero and fucking you at the same time: nice and safe.

 

[D_Barzillai Whackingsauce]

Good point : Nice and Safe! You maybe onto something.

Thanks.

It's kind of like getting hot and steamy after reading a romance novel, and then jumping you when you don't expect to be jumped. She's fucking the hero and fucking you at the same time: nice and safe.

 

[cockneedy]

would you both be sleeping with other people? in a threesome setting? is it a turn on for you to see her with another man? i am in a cuckold marriage and my wife is free to be with any man she chooses, she has a steady lover and while it is a big turn on for me she now exclusively fucks him. we are still married but i am relegated to daily masturbation. as they say "be careful what you wish for, you just may get it!"

 

[D_Barzillai Whackingsauce]

A Threesome is hot, but not something I imagine that would come to fruition, not unless we had a friendship with someone and it just happened. But that is very unlikely. A 3some is something as a teen I always wanted to try with the right person and the right situation. I dabbled with it, with two girl friends, and we just find of fell into it one night and nothing ever really happened again, with them or for me.

I don't know if our situation and or rules would allow for a situation to evolve where she is not sleeping with me. If it were to progress to that level then there would be an issue that needed to be addressed and one of the dangers I am addressing in this conversation. I am not saying it doesn't work for some people, just not for me. Part of branching out would be being able to bring some of the stories and experiences back to our bedroom.

would you both be sleeping with other people? in a threesome setting? is it a turn on for you to see her with another man? i am in a cuckold marriage and my wife is free to be with any man she chooses, she has a steady lover and while it is a big turn on for me she now exclusively fucks him. we are still married but i am relegated to daily masturbation. as they say "be careful what you wish for, you just may get it!"

 

[RamIt]

Just ease into it. Whether you start by both going on dates with others, and set the limit at a kiss goodnight, or you start by letting another couple watch you have sex, or have sex in the same room. Just go step by step, and allow things to really sink in between adventures. If one of you reaches the threshold of jealousy or discomfort, then dont go farther.

In other words, if you just jump in the pool and the water is too cold to handle, thats a bummer. But if you just dip your toe in first, then your hand, no real damage can be done.

 

[D_Barzillai Whackingsauce]

Very solid point here. I think this has merit should we entertain taking it to another level. This is very smart and mature and allows for an "eject" from a situation without completely damaging the relationship.

Starting like this is much easier to accept. Overcoming a date or even a kiss is much easier than jumping into sex realizing it's not for us, then having o deal with that sitting in the room with us.

Before a date, I may suggest some flirting, mild to aggressive, play around that way. If it feels okay to that point entertain a date kind of thing...

People watching us have sex.... not sure about that, but I see the point.

Thanks

Just ease into it. Whether you start by both going on dates with others, and set the limit at a kiss goodnight, or you start by letting another couple watch you have sex, or have sex in the same room. Just go step by step, and allow things to really sink in between adventures. If one of you reaches the threshold of jealousy or discomfort, then dont go farther.

In other words, if you just jump in the pool and the water is too cold to handle, thats a bummer. But if you just dip your toe in first, then your hand, no real damage can be done.