Fat gay man

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by poshboy123, Feb 13, 2009.

  1. poshboy123

    poshboy123 New Member

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    Over the past few years since I graduated from grad school, i have put on a lot of weight, and it has really lowered my confidence. basically, i am worried that no one will find an over weight (16 stone) man attractive.
    Its not all bad, I reasonably well endowed (7.5"), I'd like to believe I am easy to get on with; but i always have this awful thought in the back of my head that no one will ever like me in a sexual way.
     
  2. pornographicpoet

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    Hmm...I'm mostly straight but the two guys who I fancied in my lifetime were both stocky guys. I'm sure if you are well-endowed, can hold a conversation, etc. you will have no problem. Do you really want one of those guys who just cares about a gym bod anyway that is that shallow?
     
  3. Morillia

    Morillia New Member

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    My second husbend with who I got 2 children from was a big man but he werent gay. I loved him and he loved me and we had good sex all the time until we stopped when he went an lost his mind with that thing old peoples get that they forget things. Its okay now because I got me a new husbend now. So dont go worrying on you weight if you a nice man they be a person see you and like you for that.
     
  4. CUBE

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    I think the weight gain maybe is a symptom of something else going on. Is this possible that it is this that has lowered the self esteem too. Good luck to you
     
  5. splitface

    splitface New Member

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    keep in mind that there is a pretty fine line between stoky and fat.
     
  6. AZNEWGUY

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    I'm on the stocky side myself and never had any problems finding a hot date. I'm an easy guy to get along with and told I have a killer smile :). Believe me, I'm even surprise at what hotties I turned up with.
     
  7. BirdinMo

    BirdinMo Member

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    Looks=nothing, in my dating book. I do not care what you look like its all about the inner beauty of the person.
     
  8. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    my suggestion -- hit the gym
     
  9. midlifebear

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    Carrying extra weight is not as "offensive" to Europeans and especially gay Latinos. For some reason in the gay Latino world being a but chubby or even outright deadly obese is considered attractive by a range of men. My favorite places to hang in Barcelona are The Bacon Bear and The Bear Factory. Both cater to big men. The Bacon Bear caters to really, really big chubby guys. But hanging with them and sucking down a couple of beers is much more entertaining that playing the "look at me" game in La Metro. Same thing goes on down here in Buenos Aires. There's even a Club de Gordos that is private, but you can easily pay for an entry any given night. The place is crowded with men of all sizes looking to hook up with big, heavy men. I'm personally not attracted to extra heavy men but I know a lot of other who are.

    I'd recommend you take care of yourself (get regular excercise but don't kill yourself over it) and start hanging with the bears in your local gay community. The USA is not quite as enlightened or open-minded regarding the Bear phenomenon, but they are out there and they are interested. Check it out.
     
  10. QuiteOne

    QuiteOne New Member

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    I'd like to take exception to the statement that being attracted only to fit men is "shallow". My ex was overweight (when we first met he was in awesome shape, very athletic). As he got older his weight increasingly caused problems. He would tire easily. His feet would hurt. He developed sleep apnea.... thus he was always tired. I felt like I was living with a much older man. Additionally, he started to develop blood sugar issues as well as other health issues. It definitely affected our way of life together as a couple.

    Being overweight is unhealthy. Do yourself a favor and start taking better care of your body. Not for anyone else... not to attract other people... but to be a healthier person. You'd be amazed at how a healthy body can affect every aspect of your life. I go to the gym 5 days a week, mostly for what it does to my psychological well being... not my physical appearance.
     
  11. avg_joe

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    All you need is MONEY !!!
     
  12. midlifebear

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    I don't disagree with you regarding the health problems people have being overweight. But I do take issue with you that most gay men are indeed VERY SHALLOW and tend to fawn over only those who look young or at the very least extremely fit and 30 years or under.

    I'm not certain, but maybe Edward Albee is the only gay cover boy The Advocate has ever promoted as "looking good 'for his age' " I'm certain there have been others, but the "daddy" and the "bear" phenomena are new in modern gay culture. Trust me. I've been living through it the last 58 years. And despite your personal views on "fitness" I firmly believe the Bear culture and the Daddy worship that's finally come into its own are good things. Just because you (and I) go to the gym 5 days a week doesn't mean the whole world should follow our lead. Many cannot. I can't imagine someone saying to an overweight person "You're not bad looking, but let's hook up when you've dropped 10, 20, 30 or however many kilos." There are some Spanish Bears that I've had the occasion and pleasure to know (and enjoy, sexually), although I'm more into men my own age or a little bit younger. Hell, until The Squeeze showed up in my life I'd never had a relationship with anyone younger than me. All except one of my long-term relationships have been with men 10 and 20 years older than me.

    I encourage the OP to check out the variety of Bears in his neighborhood. They have great picnics!! They can be a great picnic!
     
    #12 midlifebear, Feb 14, 2009
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2009
  13. Lex

    Lex
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    midlifebear - You make a lot of valid points. I have found that men who are confident in themselves and comfortable in their own skin are the most attractive men ever, regardless of what the exterior looks like. As you know, I prefer bearish men: muscular, beefy, etc. (depends on the man, really). My Hubby is a bear and he is amazing. Being big does not mean being unhealthy; just as being skinny is not a sure sign of perfect health.

    The bears I know tend to hang with other bears/cubs and non-bears who like them (and like socializing with them). In America, the bear scene seems to be a part of the blue-collar, every-man, aesthetic (combined with the dank, darkness of leather bars). I used to hang in bars where the guys looked like me, but that was not to whom I was attracted (and there was a lot of shallowness and attitude). So, I gravitated away and finally discovered the bear community and have felt at home ever since.

    Good luck with whatever you decide, poshboy123.
     
  14. MarkLondon

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    I'd rather a cuddly bloke than a bony twink any day.

    Go to the gym for fitness and general health, not just weight-loss.

    Weight-training will increase your muscle-mass and reduce your percentage fat. Even if your weight stays the same, you'll lose inches and increase your resting metabolic rate.

    Just 20 mins of aerobics a week will increase your stamina and lower your blood cholesterol. Even better if you can manage more than once a week. It will perk you up psychologically too.
     
  15. D_Sir Fitzwilly Wankheimer III

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    then take the weight off.





    quote=poshboy123;1992637]Over the past few years since I graduated from grad school, i have put on a lot of weight, and it has really lowered my confidence. basically, i am worried that no one will find an over weight (16 stone) man attractive.
    Its not all bad, I reasonably well endowed (7.5"), I'd like to believe I am easy to get on with; but i always have this awful thought in the back of my head that no one will ever like me in a sexual way.[/quote]
     
  16. midlifebear

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    Poshboy, listen to Mr. Lex. He is wise (as well as very scenic).

    Mr. Lex: Is it true 'Mericuhn Bears are hiding among the blue-collar types in leather bars? I have found only one openly "We are a gay Bear bar" watering hole and it was in Long Beach, CA. It was a nice, big open place with a view of the harbor and a 6:00 - 8:00 PM happy hour, DJ spinning good dance music, and the place was well lit instead of dark and dungeon-like. Lots of XXXL Hawaiian shirts mixed with well-dressed XXL business men. Almost all had beards. I'll find the name and particulars, then pass them on to poshboy. However, an old squeeze recently sent me an e-mail about The Bear Party in Palm Springs (he lives down the street a couple of towns in Cathedral City). He was amazed that the event was organized just as well and almost as well attended as Palm Spring's White Party. It seems Bears have invaded Palm Springs for several years now and people are finally getting used to the idea.

    Back in my youth (the 1970's) I had to spelunk the basement Trucker bars to find a plush hairy man (preferably with big knuckles) to play with. The idea that I could squire one of these guys around town in general public was not accepted by the glitteratti boys or the Truckers. They were definitely mutually exclusive. Truly sad.

    I am definitely going to attend San Francisco's Folsom Street Fair this year. The Squeeze now has an Italian passport (his mother is Italian and moved to Argentina in 1966) so we'll have no trouble with him being given an instant travel visa to the USA. Without an EU passport he's been denied entrance to the USA because he's Argentine. But there's so many things in the USA I want to share with The Squeeze. Like the Folsom Fair.

    In the early years of the Folsom Fair big, beefy guys usually ended up squeezed into tight leather biker wear and seemed to be part of the S&M leather crowd. However, it looks like the West Coast is opening up to the idea of accepting the larger sized men among us, which is a good thing.

    Anyway, Poshboy, take heart in knowing you're not alone and you don't have to accept a life of hiding at home with a box of Mystic Mints and watching reruns of Will and Grace. (That was suppposed to be a joke.) :smile:
     
  17. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    Just remember that beauty is only skin deep :wink: It's just a shame that some of us were obviously born inside out. :redface:
     
  18. Fat Tanuki

    Fat Tanuki Member

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    There's a much larger market out there for heavy guys than you imagine. Weight matters less than confidence and other matters of appearance in attracting a mate.
     
  19. MC1000

    MC1000 Member

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    If you are talking about a dating relationship then yes overweight man can find success just like anyone else, but if you are talking about just sex hookups then it is a different story. Check out any hook up site like craigslist, Men4SexNow, or such. Guys are more willing to have sex with a guy who is 20, 30 or 40 years older then they are if fit, then they are to have sex with a guy who is the same age, but 20 or more pounds overweight. Sometimes it seems the only people having sex are under age 30 and have less that 5% body fat! I know there are plenty of gay men in varios states of overweightness out there who are great fucks, but here in the midwest they are damn near impossible to find.
     
  20. MarkLondon

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    Poshboy, the famous XXL Club XXL London - Welcome to XXL on the Web has a night at Club DV8 in Birmingham on the 1st and 3rd Friday of the month. The club motto is "One Club Fits All" and you'll find guys of all shapes and sizes there, if it's anything like the London one.
     
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