Favorite Golf Joke of All Time

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by jakeatolla, Apr 9, 2007.

  1. jakeatolla

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    A man was taking golf lessons one day. He swung the driver and hit it 150 yards. "What did I do wrong?" he asked. "Hold the club gently", said the pro." like you hold your wife's breasts." The man took the advice and hit it 275 yards. That night he told his wife about the lesson. The next day she went out for a lesson, too. She swung her driver and hit the ball about 50 yards. "No, no, you're gripping it way too hard", said the pro. "Hold the club like you would your husband's penis." The woman took the advice and swung the club. WHUMP, she hit it 300 yards. The pro said:
    "Thats Great, now take the golf club out of your mouth!!!"
     
  2. lesmeljos

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  3. mightythickcock

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    Not as funny as that one, but:

    Laws of Golf

    LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet
    to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it
    has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a
    tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

    LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately
    by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases
    with the number of people you tell about the former.

    LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot
    be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the
    golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

    LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one
    does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be
    cut down.

    LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing
    partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath
    of the universe.

    LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems
    himself as an instructor.

    LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to
    humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

    LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

    LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.

    LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it
    works against you?

    LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from
    the clubhouse.

    LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than
    anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit
    into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler,
    a convicted murderer and an IRS agent-or some similar
    combination.

    LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.

    LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another,
    particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).

    LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

    LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt."
    Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to
    miss an easy one, sucker."

    LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the
    one who beats you.

    LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust
    your score to what it really should be.

    LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

    LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until
    the sunset.
     
  4. jakeatolla

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    Its True!! Its so true!!!!!!:wink:
    Its like someone followed me around and wrote down everything
    that ever happened to me on a golf course !!!!:tongue:
     
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