Feel so dejected...

Principessa

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That sent up RED FLAGS for me too Matt! I was trying to focus on positive rather than negative things for TK in so far as setting up a support network but that can be difficult when you are not in a good place.





TK - what you said about him being abusive sent up red flags for me. You have the right not to be abused in your relationships, especially with friends and lovers. My new take is distance yourself from this guy as much as you can and start to take care of yourself. You are a good person and you deserve to have people around who will support you and make you happy. If you happen to be suffering from low self-esteem, a person who is abusive can be a magnet to you because s/he is reinforcing your subconscious bad feelings about self. Get away - you can always rescue the friendship later if you want to when you are feeling good and healthy. But in the meantime, focus on putting people and situations in place around you who will build you up and help you through the difficult period you are in.
 

WessexEN

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Ok, well most people have heard my story of sleeping with my gay friend twice... I was talking to him earlier this evening, and he said he is dating a 21 year old guy... (he's 17), and I've met this older dude, he's hot as hell.. Now I understand how twisted it must seem that I can admitt I'm totally in love with my gay friend, and the only logic I can give to you, is that he was "straight, and hadn't realised his orientation" for 5 years before he came out in march....

....I just needed to have a mini vent, and get my feeling out...

I wish I replied yesterday!

But, in a positive way, I feel sorry for you. It reminds me of someone, who I had a little interest in, but I was scared to talk to this girl openly about the situation, I found out about her boyfriend about a week she started seeing him and I only see this girl once a week, thats it.

I started evaluating the situaiton, but because of where we both stand (like your situation) I felt pretty rejected thinking that I now have to catch the bus home on my own and what ever was between us 2 in terms of a connection, one way or another has now just been completely severed by her own desire.
TBH, I think I need to go for a nice long walk through Leigh Park after college on Tuesday, or skip maths lessons altogether, although as guys go, I think I am probably a very honest and open person, even emotions I can't keep to myself, more like my mother me thinks.

Anyway think_kink.... *hugs*
 

Bacchusbigboy

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TK just found this tread and my heart goes out to you. Like others there are lots of RED FLAGS in your honest and open discussion. There a lot of kind and caring people on this site but they can only do so much. You need good and honest friends to support you as well as professional help. I have found recently honesty works, people find it refreshing.
 

B_Think_Kink

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I guess so... I found out last night (my birthday) that he was joking about having a boyfriend, so I might actually get to have my birthday fun with him... sounds worse but I think it's better he's a fuck buddy than a close friend. I've found myself not caring anymore. He called the other day, and I didn't even recognize his voice.
 
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Sweetie, people do strange things to the people they say they care about. It's hard to understand when someone is close to you why they suddenly distance themselves. In most cases, it is fear on their part and also their problem and insecuriy that are the cause, not yours. You have done nothing wrong. In the mean time, infortunately, it will hurt but eventually you will get past it. The pain will be less. You'll come out a better person. Trust the fact that you are a worhtwhile person deserving of love, and deserving of the best—if that can't be offered to you, this person does not deserve you, and should be left behind.
 

Epistasia

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Just reading this has broken my heart.

My older sister had been married to a man for ten years who she loved deeply. She convinced herself that she could never love another. They met in college and at the time they seemed like the perfect couple. As time went by he became more and more distant and towards the end he became physically and emotionally abusive.

One night, he beat her so badly I called the police and had him arrested.

They sought support and through months of therapy, he admitted that he was only attracted to men and felt like there was no way out of their relationship. Needless to say they are now divorced but you can tell when she speaks of him that she still loves him. She gets a little better with each passing relatioship but I can't imagine how hard it must be for her to put trust in someone to love him. She tells me she has to. She has to force herself to be happy sometimes but there is no other choice in her mind.

brit
 

B_Think_Kink

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Thank you for your reply. Thank goodness it never went into marriage. That scares me, to think it could have, but alas I'm only just turned 19, and he is 17. But like your sister, yes I still do love him.
 

D_Herin_Ghan

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I just stumbled upon this today, and it's such a sad dilemma that you've found yourself in. A lot of times the situation you're currently experiencing happens to people who decide to have friends with benefits (this situation is obviously a lot different because of orientation). One ends up falling for the other, and his/her heart is crushed when the other does not return the same feelings.

I had that happen to me over the summer, and it was one of the worst pains I've ever felt. I felt like someone ripped my heart out of my chest, and I lost one of my better friends in the world because of it. For me, the sex part was easy to get over..it's just the simple fact that I can no longer talk to her that I miss the most. The only advice I can give you in this situation is to stop the sex...immediatley. Temptation is very difficult to overcome, and I unfortunatley made the mistake of continuing to have sex with the person..hoping eventually she would grow some sort of feelings for me..besides that of friendship of course. I was fooling myself, and I could've saved myself a lot of heartache if I just stopped it.

Resistance may seem impossible at this point (sounds corny...I know), but to protect yourself and your heart...you need to cut off the sex. The heart is a very fragile and fickle thing, and what makes sense to our heart often makes no sense when viewed from afar. Don't beat yourself up over what you feel. It's something you couldn't control (just like he couldn't control his sexuality). What you can control however, is the physical aspect of your relationship, and that's going to have to stop..or you will just end up hurting yourself more in the end.

TK, this is going to be tough to get through, theres no doubt about it. You have a lot going on with this problem. You just can't stop love, it doesn't work like that. The only thing you can do is listen to your better judgement in this case. DO NOT be afraid to seek help from others..whether it be here, or from a close friend at school (although the latter is probably better...face to face conversations..and a hug especially can be much more helpful than a polite voice on the other end of an IM or PM.) I'm fully confident that you can eventually heal this wound, and get things back on track. Don't be afraid to meet new people, don't be afraid to have fun.

It will take time, but I think things will get better eventually.