Feel worse

Thr3Dk1LL3r

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Why do I feel worse? I recent tltold a very close female friend that I was.bi curious. She.was.very accepting, thankfully. Now I feel better but worse. I have alot of trouble dating and meeting new women. Now.i have these damn.weird.feelings. to be specific I'm curious not really about the Male body but more.of another dick . hell how am I supposed to meet a bi or.gay man, discreetly and safely to experiment? . I might not like.being with a man. I.want so.bad.to experience it though to see. Its driving me crazy!!
 

Bowdetn21

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I can relate to your situation. I haven't told anyone I'm bi-curious and just like you I'm specifically interested in dick. I'm married and there's no way I can talk to my wife about as I don't want to lose her and my child. But I just feel confused, lonely and depressed a lot of the time and just wish I could talk about it with someone. Like tonight
 

Brodie888

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Firstly, I think both of you are bisexual. Not necessarily 50/50 bisexual, just a big enough proportion that you feel like something is missing in your life.

This is VERY common. Most men aren't 100% gay or straight.

Now, knowing who you are is half the problem solved. The other part is living your life in a congruent manner to who you are.

To me, you both have the same problem of knowing you are bi but not having the experience to confirm your feelings.

The good news is that finding a man to have sex with is easy. All you need to do is use a gay dating app and start chatting to people until you find someone who you feel good about. It will be awkward, clumsy and stressful at first, it's the same as when you started fucking girls.

Practice safe sex always and you will be fine.
 

Brodie888

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I can relate to your situation. I haven't told anyone I'm bi-curious and just like you I'm specifically interested in dick. I'm married and there's no way I can talk to my wife about as I don't want to lose her and my child. But I just feel confused, lonely and depressed a lot of the time and just wish I could talk about it with someone. Like tonight

To me it sounds like you would be best in the long run to be honest to your wife. If it means divorce then I still think you will be happier in the long run. The longer you wait, the worse it will be.

If you want to have an extramarital affair to confirm your feelings before you take that step, then that's your choice. Just don't live like that for long.

I don't believe a fleeting curiosity in men results in the traumatic feelings you have.
 
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To me it sounds like you would be best in the long run to be honest to your wife. If it means divorce then I still think you will be happier in the long run. The longer you wait, the worse it will be.

Wait..what? Your "advice" is for him to tell his wife, no matter what the cost?


I don't believe a fleeting curiosity in men results in the traumatic feelings you have.
I don't think you have any sort of understanding of what his situation is, and how that can affect someone's life/mental health.

Not everyone has the luxury to live in an area/culture/family where being your truest self is encouraged and embraced. Even in the more progressive countries, homophobia and fear of being outed are very much realities. There can be a wide variety of consequences, from being socially ostracized, to jail, or worse. In the case of the person you were referring, he would lose his family.

I don't remember the entirety of what I felt when I hadn't come out, as I was a very early teen. What I do remember, is the consuming anxiety and fear of being found out, as well as internalizing this feeling that I would be utterly rejected. Now, imagine not coming out, and carrying that into your adult life. Except, for some people, the realities of coming out truly can be life destroying.

I know you think you are telling him solid advice, but you aren't. You have an ideal, that coming out is the preferred place to be no matter what. But, that is your ideal, and you've completely disregarded the other person's situation to push your view forward.

What you should try to do is listen to what people are telling you. Then, try to understand.
 

Brodie888

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Wait..what? Your "advice" is for him to tell his wife, no matter what the cost?



I don't think you have any sort of understanding of what his situation is, and how that can affect someone's life/mental health.

Not everyone has the luxury to live in an area/culture/family where being your truest self is encouraged and embraced. Even in the more progressive countries, homophobia and fear of being outed are very much realities. There can be a wide variety of consequences, from being socially ostracized, to jail, or worse. In the case of the person you were referring, he would lose his family.

I don't remember the entirety of what I felt when I hadn't come out, as I was a very early teen. What I do remember, is the consuming anxiety and fear of being found out, as well as internalizing this feeling that I would be utterly rejected. Now, imagine not coming out, and carrying that into your adult life. Except, for some people, the realities of coming out truly can be life destroying.

I know you think you are telling him solid advice, but you aren't. You have an ideal, that coming out is the preferred place to be no matter what. But, that is your ideal, and you've completely disregarded the other person's situation to push your view forward.

What you should try to do is listen to what people are telling you. Then, try to understand.

All advice is from the perspective of the one giving it. If you don't like the advice I give, feel free to give your own.

I'm not saying it's an easy decision or one without cost. In my opinion, the longer he waits, the steeper the cost and thus harder it is to get to a place he is happy. If he is already feeling lonely and depressed inside his relationship a lot of the time, how do you think it will go from here?
 
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All advice is from the perspective of the one giving it. If you don't like the advice I give, feel free to give your own.

I'm not saying it's an easy decision or one without cost. In my opinion, the longer he waits, the steeper the cost and thus harder it is to get to a place he is happy. If he is already feeling lonely and depressed inside his relationship a lot of the time, how do you think it will go from here?
You told him that the loss of his family is the better alternative. On top of that, you dismissed his emotional health, saying, "I don't believe a fleeting curiosity in men results in the traumatic feelings you have."

I'm sorry you feel you were justified in your staggeringly insensitive response.
 
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I can relate to your situation. I haven't told anyone I'm bi-curious and just like you I'm specifically interested in dick. I'm married and there's no way I can talk to my wife about as I don't want to lose her and my child. But I just feel confused, lonely and depressed a lot of the time and just wish I could talk about it with someone. Like tonight
I'd Google online support groups, so you can chat with like minded people. Also, seeing a counselor is a valid option. There are some free online counselor sites out there, but you get what you pay for. Honestly, I think you just need to have a reliable source to speak to anonymously. Unburdening yourself, and finding someone you can confide in, will do a world of good.

Why do I feel worse? I recent tltold a very close female friend that I was.bi curious. She.was.very accepting, thankfully. Now I feel better but worse. I have alot of trouble dating and meeting new women. Now.i have these damn.weird.feelings. to be specific I'm curious not really about the Male body but more.of another dick . hell how am I supposed to meet a bi or.gay man, discreetly and safely to experiment? . I might not like.being with a man. I.want so.bad.to experience it though to see. Its driving me crazy!!

I'd stay away from Apps for now. They can be rather toxic, and are mostly for pure hook ups.

Squirt has a fairly decent population of closeted married/bi guys who aren't into the scene, so it may be a place to check out. Plenty of Fish is another venue, as it is more relationship oriented rather than focused on hooking up. Just be honest with your profiles, and try to be more discriminating when people reach out to message you. Noobies tend to be targeted as fresh meat.

If you want to find someone that you want to build a relationship with, then the old fashioned way is the best way: in person, and as a natural mutual attraction.
 
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Bowdetn21

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Except, for some people, the realities of coming out truly can be life destroying.

That's pretty much what would happen. I would probably lose my entire family. I can't really see anyone being understanding. I'm also not sure about my own feelings enough to come out and ruin my life over them. I know it sounds like bullshit but I do love my wife and want to stay with her but I also have an interest in dick that I can't get rid of.
 
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LaFemme

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That's pretty much what would happen. I would probably lose my entire family. I can't really see anyone being understanding. I'm also not sure about my own feelings enough to come out and ruin my life over them. I know it sounds like bullshit but I do love my wife and want to stay with her but I also have an interest in dick that I can't get rid of.
As a woman, I could probably handle my husband telling me he was bisexual. What I couldn’t tolerate would be cheating. The “coming out” portion would be rough, no lie. Like why didn’t this topic arise before marriage? You put her in a very difficult position.

I might ask for a legal separation to allow my husband a year to explore his sexuality before deciding whether or not we could remain married. Especially if his need to explore is as strong as you say yours is. I just couldn’t bear to live in the same house with someone knowing he had to have something sexually that I could not provide. It would break my heart. Time off for him to explore and where I wouldn’t have to see it and where I could process it would be important.

Communication and honesty is really important in a marriage. So is the happiness for you both. Neither one of you should be living a lie. Live together honestly, or don’t live together at all.

Just my perspective.
 

Brodie888

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You told him that the loss of his family is the better alternative. On top of that, you dismissed his emotional health, saying, "I don't believe a fleeting curiosity in men results in the traumatic feelings you have."

I'm sorry you feel you were justified in your staggeringly insensitive response.

Well, in my opinion it is the better alternative if he can't live without gay sex. The stakes only get higher from here. If he can live without it, then that's a different story.

Time is the only asset we have that we can't get back once it's spent. By taking action earlier he may find a better relationship built on truth as will his current wife.

The second point is that I meant the feelings he is having are not fleeting, that is why he is traumatized by it. I think you misunderstood what I wrote.
 
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