Feeling like I’m fighting a loosing battle finding a boyfriend

Aaron89522

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I have always been attracted to guys with large dicks, but finding a guy to have a relationship with who is also bigger is not really that easy. Meeting someone, getting to know them, connecting with them, all while not asking about or knowing their size; It’s basically a huge game of chance. And for someone like myself who is only turned on sexually by well endowed men, this is one of the most nerve wracking things for me.

The last thing I want to happen is to fall for a great guy, only to have him be less than ideal below the belt and for me and him to be put in an impossible situation. I don’t want to break anyone’s heart, still less destroy the confidence and self esteem of someone who is, by every other measure, wonderful. I don’t want to be or feel shallow, and I also don’t want to feel like I might be alone for a long time still. Put it this way, I’m 26 and I have never had one boyfriend yet. Sure I’ve had hookups, but they don’t really mean anything, a guy is just as likely to throw you aside as he is to talk to you afterwards. I guess I might be too nervous, both of hurting someone else and of being hurt or disappointed myself.
 
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berkhot4hung

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I have always been attracted to guys with large dicks, but finding a guy to have a relationship with who is also bigger is not really that easy. Meeting someone, getting to know them, connecting with them, all while not asking about or knowing their size; It’s basically a huge game of chance. And for someone like myself who is only turned on sexually by well endowed men, this is one of the most nerve wracking things for me.

The last thing I want to happen is to fall for a great guy, only to have him be less than ideal below the belt and for me and him to be put in an impossible situation. I don’t want to break anyone’s heart, still less destroy the confidence and self esteem of someone who is, by every other measure, wonderful. I don’t want to be or feel shallow, and I also don’t want to feel like I might be alone for a long time still. Put it this way, I’m 26 and I have never had one boyfriend yet. Sure I’ve had hookups, but they don’t really mean anything, a guy is just as likely to throw you aside as he is to talk to you afterwards. I guess I might be too nervous, both of hurting someone else and of being hurt or disappointed myself.
You're definitely not alone. I'm the exact same way.
 
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plow

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Let's be a little bit rational.

You're obviously looking for very different things here. I can list many, but let's just consider the most important:
1) erotic fantasy, with a fetish that is not visible unless you know somebody quite well already;
2) interest from your side in the person's "personality";
3) reciprocation, in the sense that the partner should have an interest in dating you as well;
4) that you two indeed get a chance to meet in the first place.

Now consider the probability of each separately. You have correctly identified the fact that 1) is already somewhat unlikely in itself, and that, with 2), "It’s basically a huge game of chance."
But okay, let's suppose there is substantial individuals fulfilling 1) and 2) today.
People tend to forget 3) and 4). About 3), do you realistically maximize your chances of attracting their interest? And 4), let's say you meet new people in the year. How many of those would be in a situation that would allow you to test for 1), 2) AND 3)? 20? 50? This is your realistic sample size.

So what?
Is it possible to find the perfect match satisfying 1), 2), 3) and 4)? Yes.
Is it realistic? Probably not.
Can you be happy without the perfect match? Yes, but it depends on how much you're able to work on yourself in order to accept reality.
What can you realistically give up?
1) Can you be happy without satisfying your fetish or with others than your romantic partners? Yes.
2) Can you date someone for their physique only? Probably, but this is unlikely to improve your level of happiness.
3) Can you force an otherwise ideal partner to date you? I'd advise against that.
4) Can you date the perfect match without ever meeting them? No.
In all cases, it's totally fine to remain single. How happy can you make yourself be, if so?

We can complain forever about the world not fitting our every desire. It is and will always remain useless. The only real question is: What can YOU do to tame those of your desires that don't fit the world?
 
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marriedasian

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I have always been attracted to guys with large dicks, but finding a guy to have a relationship with who is also bigger is not really that easy.

It is easy, you're just going to have to lead with that if that is truly what you want. Put "big dick required" in all your profiles and you will filter out all the small dick prospects.

I have a girlfriend who has "7.5+ and uncut or don't bother" in all her dating profiles. She gets a lot of hate, a lot of egotistical men, and a lot of runaround however she ends up with big dick in her sooner or later. I've met two of her hookups and they were decent guys.


And for someone like myself who is only turned on sexually by well endowed men, this is one of the most nerve wracking things for me.

It doesn't have to be nerve wracking. Own your preference and accept all the positive and negative consequences for it.


I don’t want to be or feel shallow, and I also don’t want to feel like I might be alone for a long time still.

Again, accept that your preference is, by most societal standards, "shallow" however you said so yourself that you only want big dicks so be shallow if it gets you what you want. Also, because big dicks are rare, you're gonna be alone for a while but you might get lucky.


Put it this way, I’m 26 and I have never had one boyfriend yet. Sure I’ve had hookups, but they don’t really mean anything, a guy is just as likely to throw you aside as he is to talk to you afterwards.

You're still so young and know very little about life yet. You've never experienced a real relationship yet. This may be premature but I'm guessing you will outgrow this big dick fetish.

I guess I might be too nervous, both of hurting someone else and of being hurt or disappointed myself.

You won't know unless you try. Give my advice a try and see what outcomes you get. I'm sure you will learn a thing or two soon enough. Good luck!
 

Magnus1998

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I have always been attracted to guys with large dicks, but finding a guy to have a relationship with who is also bigger is not really that easy. Meeting someone, getting to know them, connecting with them, all while not asking about or knowing their size; It’s basically a huge game of chance. And for someone like myself who is only turned on sexually by well endowed men, this is one of the most nerve wracking things for me.

The last thing I want to happen is to fall for a great guy, only to have him be less than ideal below the belt and for me and him to be put in an impossible situation. I don’t want to break anyone’s heart, still less destroy the confidence and self esteem of someone who is, by every other measure, wonderful. I don’t want to be or feel shallow, and I also don’t want to feel like I might be alone for a long time still. Put it this way, I’m 26 and I have never had one boyfriend yet. Sure I’ve had hookups, but they don’t really mean anything, a guy is just as likely to throw you aside as he is to talk to you afterwards. I guess I might be too nervous, both of hurting someone else and of being hurt or disappointed myself.

Cut this shit out. You'r self sabotaging like some basic bitch. If you like big cocks, fine. Date and sleep with as many men as you can. Dating is just research to find a partner. Literally. Treat it that way. Besides a big dick, you want to match with them in many other ways. They're looking for certain attributes also, and you don't need to tell the guys you're rejecting why.
 

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I have always been attracted to guys with large dicks, but finding a guy to have a relationship with who is also bigger is not really that easy. Meeting someone, getting to know them, connecting with them, all while not asking about or knowing their size; It’s basically a huge game of chance. And for someone like myself who is only turned on sexually by well endowed men, this is one of the most nerve wracking things for me.

The last thing I want to happen is to fall for a great guy, only to have him be less than ideal below the belt and for me and him to be put in an impossible situation. I don’t want to break anyone’s heart, still less destroy the confidence and self esteem of someone who is, by every other measure, wonderful. I don’t want to be or feel shallow, and I also don’t want to feel like I might be alone for a long time still. Put it this way, I’m 26 and I have never had one boyfriend yet. Sure I’ve had hookups, but they don’t really mean anything, a guy is just as likely to throw you aside as he is to talk to you afterwards. I guess I might be too nervous, both of hurting someone else and of being hurt or disappointed myself.

Do you watch porn?
 

michael_3165

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I have always been attracted to guys with large dicks, but finding a guy to have a relationship with who is also bigger is not really that easy. Meeting someone, getting to know them, connecting with them, all while not asking about or knowing their size; It’s basically a huge game of chance. And for someone like myself who is only turned on sexually by well endowed men, this is one of the most nerve wracking things for me.

The last thing I want to happen is to fall for a great guy, only to have him be less than ideal below the belt and for me and him to be put in an impossible situation. I don’t want to break anyone’s heart, still less destroy the confidence and self esteem of someone who is, by every other measure, wonderful. I don’t want to be or feel shallow, and I also don’t want to feel like I might be alone for a long time still. Put it this way, I’m 26 and I have never had one boyfriend yet. Sure I’ve had hookups, but they don’t really mean anything, a guy is just as likely to throw you aside as he is to talk to you afterwards. I guess I might be too nervous, both of hurting someone else and of being hurt or disappointed myself.
Firstly this isn't an impossible situation, it's your choice.

If you would split w the ideal man be cause he isn't hung, you really aren't mature enough for a relationship. Save yourself and other people's pain and stop bothering now. The average is average, obviously. You are cutting off your dating pool by demanding big dicks and then complaining that you're losing the battle. Stop it.

In 50 years when you and this ideal guy are ancient, can't get it up etc what are you going to do? Trade him in? What if he gets ill and can't perform anymore? Shuffle him off for a new model? Come on, an you hear yourself?

You sound about 18 not 26. GROW UP!

Trying to be polite but also honest because otherwise you are destined to be miserable and alone. Plus many big dick lads I've met are wretched personality wise and often think having a huge dick gives them superiority.
 
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I understand you completely. I had no idea it would happen to me after my first thick cock guy. Matter of fact I was so scared to let him take me that I waited about a year before it happened. Still had no idea of what was going to happen when I let him put it in me. When he did, I made a startling discovery. At least with me, the big girth cocks simply don't hurt at all. After he took me, I found I became addicted. The anal sex act took on a completely new meaning. The gratification was beyond imaginable. Being overfilled and completely stretched with his sweet tool felt so right. I knew after the first time it was going to be an ongoing and intense thing for me and it certainly has. I'm so pleased to be his unselfish bottom that it still amazes me several years later.

So, in this situation, it is more about addiction, and many know that is a tremendous word. It's not about being shallow or culling out any guy who is less than if he's smaller. It is about fierce addiction. The fact also that my top buddy is a sweet guy means a lot too.

He's been breeding me for several years now.
 
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Andrej_u

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It is easy, you're just going to have to lead with that if that is truly what you want. Put "big dick required" in all your profiles and you will filter out all the small dick prospects.

I have a girlfriend who has "7.5+ and uncut or don't bother" in all her dating profiles. She gets a lot of hate, a lot of egotistical men, and a lot of runaround however she ends up with big dick in her sooner or later. I've met two of her hookups and they were decent guys.
I just want to say that, as a guy with a somewhat big one and as a potential match for the OP and for the girlfriend... Such a line on the profile sends me running away as fast as possible. Huge red flag.
I'm all for freedom of course... But I prefer not to be part of this game, and I kindly refuse all people who pre-emptively screen for big dick before deciding whether to interact with me or not. And I get a lot of hate for this too.

So yeah, be aware that you're probably sending away a lot of your matches too, not only the guys you don't want.
 

Aaron89522

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Firstly this isn't an impossible situation, it's your choice.

If you would split w the ideal man be cause he isn't hung, you really aren't mature enough for a relationship. Save yourself and other people's pain and stop bothering now. The average is average, obviously. You are cutting off your dating pool by demanding big dicks and then complaining that you're losing the battle. Stop it.

In 50 years when you and this ideal guy are ancient, can't get it up etc what are you going to do? Trade him in? What if he gets ill and can't perform anymore? Shuffle him off for a new model? Come on, an you hear yourself?

You sound about 18 not 26. GROW UP!

Trying to be polite but also honest because otherwise you are destined to be miserable and alone. Plus many big dick lads I've met are wretched personality wise and often think having a huge dick gives them superiority.
Oh don’t worry I completely understand you. I’m not offended in any way, nor am I concerned about your obvious lack of respect or attempt at being polite whatsoever.

I’m not willing to settle, plain and simple. If no one comes along, then I shall have no one. I expressed how I felt here in a moment of frustration and feeling depressed, it comes and goes, but I get over it.

You might want to adjust your view of what being polite is, you might accidentally make someone upset someday.
 

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Oh don’t worry I completely understand you. I’m not offended in any way, nor am I concerned about your obvious lack of respect or attempt at being polite whatsoever.

I’m not willing to settle, plain and simple. If no one comes along, then I shall have no one. I expressed how I felt here in a moment of frustration and feeling depressed, it comes and goes, but I get over it.

You might want to adjust your view of what being polite is, you might accidentally make someone upset someday.
Apologies if I came off abrupt.
I prefer to speak plainly so there is no room for ambiguity.
I don't believe in fragilising people and I prefer people being direct w me in real life and here.

Glad no offence was taken :) ill always speak honestly as I see it..

Keep well x
 
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Aaron89522

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I just want to say that, as a guy with a somewhat big one and as a potential match for the OP and for the girlfriend... Such a line on the profile sends me running away as fast as possible. Huge red flag.
I'm all for freedom of course... But I prefer not to be part of this game, and I kindly refuse all people who pre-emptively screen for big dick before deciding whether to interact with me or not. And I get a lot of hate for this too.

So yeah, be aware that you're probably sending away a lot of your matches too, not only the guys you don't want.
I appreciate your view and I respect it. I make no judgment on you, but I’ll provide my view based on how I see things. Feel free to disagree.

Sometimes I think that hung men possess a tremendous amount of hypocrisy, they are free to go after whomever they choose, they can be selective and seek people out. But when others seek them out, they are off put by it.
Perhaps it’s arrogance, they know that it’s only a matter of time before someone comes along. The only difference there is that they already have the big dick, it’s 100% guaranteed in their lives and that of their partner.
With others it is a matter of rolling the dice and wishing.

It’s a natural part of their lives, it’s unavoidable and so normal, but when someone seeks them out for whatever reason, they dislike it. But seeking is the only way to increase the odds.
 
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Aaron89522

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Apologies if I came off abrupt.
I prefer to speak plainly so there is no room for ambiguity.
I don't believe in fragilising people and I prefer people being direct w me in real life and here.

Glad no offence was taken :) ill always speak honestly as I see it..

Keep well x
Likewise
 

Andrej_u

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I appreciate your view and I respect it. I make no judgment on you, but I’ll provide my view based on how I see things. Feel free to disagree.

Sometimes I think that hung men possess a tremendous amount of hypocrisy, they are free to go after whomever they choose, they can be selective and seek people out. But when others seek them out, they are off put by it.
Perhaps it’s arrogance, they know that it’s only a matter of time before someone comes along. The only difference there is that they already have the big dick, it’s 100% guaranteed in their lives and that of their partner.
With others it is a matter of rolling the dice and wishing.

It’s a natural part of their lives, it’s unavoidable and so normal, but when someone seeks them out for whatever reason, they dislike it. But seeking is the only way to increase the odds.
Having a bigger dick is the definition of privilege. I was born with it, I didn't have to fight for it, and yet it gave me a certain amount of advantage in my life: I've never in my life been rejected after sending nudes.
I've been rejected for any type of reason: they didn't like my face, my body, too fat, not fit enough, too hairy, not hairy enough, too short (height)... But never have I ever had to worry about my dick not being appreciated. It helped me be more self-confident (or arrogant?), it saved me time, energy... You name it. I don't even exactly know the extent of the advantage... Or maybe I'm even overestimating it, who knows.

Now, I put my face pics on dating apps, which means I'm usually the one being texted, and more rarely the one texting someone else. I also don't write "XL" on my profile, and I do it in order to level the playing ground, to play more "fair" and to be chosen for other aspects such as my face, my attitude, my sexual fantasies and so on. I do it to make sure that my dick is maybe a bonus that comes out later, and not a main driving factor in choosing me as a sex/life partner.
No judgement to whoever writes "XL top" on their profile! It's just not something I would do.

I've had sex with great guys without even sending my dick pics before meeting. I love it when it happens. I think this is what you see as a bit arrogant? Had I had a smaller one, maybe I wouldn't have been as confident in meeting these guys, and the sex would have been less fun?
Anyway, thanks for this, I think it's a really interesting conversation :) I haven't felt judged at all.
 
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Magnus1998

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Oh don’t worry I completely understand you. I’m not offended in any way, nor am I concerned about your obvious lack of respect or attempt at being polite whatsoever.

I’m not willing to settle, plain and simple. If no one comes along, then I shall have no one. I expressed how I felt here in a moment of frustration and feeling depressed, it comes and goes, but I get over it.

You might want to adjust your view of what being polite is, you might accidentally make someone upset someday.


You would benefit from a bit of introspection. Like you said, you're 26 and have never had a boyfriend. You'll be 30 soon, and have had no practice at being in a relationship. That's not good. It takes a lot of practice and a high EQ to live alongside someone else. As you get older, when you've had no relationship experience, you get set in your ways and will find it impossible to mesh with someone and find a life partner. You see these people all the time... old, inflexible and alone. If your only demand for a man is a big dick, then that'll be easy. Hire a rentboy. But if you want him to be amazing in other ways, plus have a big dick and also be into you, then you really need to be the total package yourself. And from the signaling that you've shown here through your posts, it's pretty clear that you aren't.

Sorry not sorry that that was abrupt. On your current trajectory, you are bound to end up alone. The good thing is that you're still youngish. But it's time for you to snap out of this juvenile behavior.
 

Aaron89522

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You would benefit from a bit of introspection. Like you said, you're 26 and have never had a boyfriend. You'll be 30 soon, and have had no practice at being in a relationship. That's not good. It takes a lot of practice and a high EQ to live alongside someone else. As you get older, when you've had no relationship experience, you get set in your ways and will find it impossible to mesh with someone and find a life partner. You see these people all the time... old, inflexible and alone. If your only demand for a man is a big dick, then that'll be easy. Hire a rentboy. But if you want him to be amazing in other ways, plus have a big dick and also be into you, then you really need to be the total package yourself. And from the signaling that you've shown here through your posts, it's pretty clear that you aren't.

Sorry not sorry that that was abrupt. On your current trajectory, you are bound to end up alone. The good thing is that you're still youngish. But it's time for you to snap out of this juvenile behavior.
I might be bound to end up alone, maybe that's my fate. I can't pretend to be sexually satisfied by someone who doesn't. That wouldn't be fair to either of us, it would be a lie, plain and simple. I've made my peace with the fact I might be alone, I'll always hope someone will come along, but if not I guess I'll need to be ok with that too.

It's not juvenile, it realistic. I don't think its wrong that I desire such things, but if that means loneliness, so be it. Please come down off your high horse and join me here on the ground.