Feeling torn between being bi, gay and neither

[cucurara]

So let's start from the beginning. About 5 years ago I fully accepted myself as a gay man and started hooking up with some guys, which has felt really good. But over the last 2 years I've been feeling attracted to women too, especially in sexual terms, though I have not made sex with any so far. Women are way, way selective in general than men when it comes not only to sex but also to a relationship, they seem to only make sex when they're in a relationship with you, and that makes things worse for me cause I don't pretend to spend too many time building up a relationship. On the other hand, gay men are not that picky when it comes to sex but from my experience their relationships are too short and most times based only on sex. Also, women seem to be more supportive than gay men when I tell them I like both men and women. All these things make me feel torn between bisexuality and homosexuality. I also pretty often wonder if labeling yourself makes a difference in the first place. I know that a lot of misconceptions could be going around here but these are my experiences I'm sharing with you. Do you guys feel or have ever felt the same?

 

[steel33]

Why label yourself? A label is a word you use to describe something to others to help with conversation. Why do you need a label to refer to yourself? Just be yourself and let others worry about a label. That's just my opinion but it works for me.

 

[dickthrobbing]

So let's start from the beginning. About 5 years ago I fully accepted myself as a gay man and started hooking up with some guys, which has felt really good. But over the last 2 years I've been feeling attracted to women too, especially in sexual terms, though I have not made sex with any so far. Women are way, way selective in general than men when it comes not only to sex but also to a relationship, they seem to only make sex when they're in a relationship with you, and that makes things worse for me cause I don't pretend to spend too many time building up a relationship. On the other hand, gay men are not that picky when it comes to sex but from my experience their relationships are too short and most times based only on sex. Also, women seem to be more supportive than gay men when I tell them I like both men and women. All these things make me feel torn between bisexuality and homosexuality. I also pretty often wonder if labeling yourself makes a difference in the first place. I know that a lot of misconceptions could be going around here but these are my experiences I'm sharing with you. Do you guys feel or have ever felt the same?

You mention that gay men only have short relationships, I know quite a few gay couples that have been together happily for 10 years plus. Gay or straight relationships form some last others don't

Labels are not a hard and fast thing, just a very loose guide ................... find where you are comfortable and then write your own label.

My label if I wrote one would say straight with bi tendencies

 

[sammer]

We aren't here to be labeled or categorized nor understood by everyone. Some people may feel comfortable being labeled gay or straight. Thats great! It represents who they are and what they identify as. When you are genuinely attracted to both sexes it does become tricky. You may encounter people or feelings of not being accepted in straight communities or in gay communities people will push their ideas and their standards on you as if it what you should adhere to it. Don't let them or that sentiment control you or change you. Everyone doesn't need to know your sexuality unless you genuinely want them to.
i think the most important people to know is the person you are fucking and or in a relationship with and then obviously friends and family if you wish to pursue a relationship with the person and you wanna start intros...
As long as you are honest with yourself and the person you are in a relationship with it is honestly no ones business. I just don't want to find out that you aren't the type of person who doesn't hold space or makes others feel safe and or comfortable in whichever way they decide to express themselves. Meaning you don't preach being straight and act like a homophobic prick in the world. When you yourself are bi/possibly straight. Everyone doesn't need to know every single detail about you so that they can categorize you and put you in a box and make themselves feel comfortable or complete. It's not about them. Its about you, your life and your relationship(s).
I hope this helps... Any comments questions or concerns feel free

 

[bi2]

So let's start from the beginning. About 5 years ago I fully accepted myself as a gay man and started hooking up with some guys, which has felt really good. But over the last 2 years I've been feeling attracted to women too, especially in sexual terms, though I have not made sex with any so far. Women are way, way selective in general than men when it comes not only to sex but also to a relationship, they seem to only make sex when they're in a relationship with you, and that makes things worse for me cause I don't pretend to spend too many time building up a relationship. On the other hand, gay men are not that picky when it comes to sex but from my experience their relationships are too short and most times based only on sex. Also, women seem to be more supportive than gay men when I tell them I like both men and women. All these things make me feel torn between bisexuality and homosexuality. I also pretty often wonder if labeling yourself makes a difference in the first place. I know that a lot of misconceptions could be going around here but these are my experiences I'm sharing with you. Do you guys feel or have ever felt the same?

Dont put a label on yourself.

Enjoy having sex with the person you want to have sex with.

Sure when you are in a committed relationship, you may want to stick to just that person exclusively.

Until that day happens, enjoy your sexual encounters.

 

[Cappy_Dick]

Humans are bisexual by nature. It's only organized religion and modern society that has created the false sense of shame. The reason is obvious, if you think about it. A man sucking a man, or a women licking a woman does not result in producing any new little followers. That said, 96 percent of humans are some level. With men, it can be anything from secretly comparing cocks, fantasizing without acting, having a stroke/suck buddy, full sex, and to the point of having a loving and monogamous relationship. You can be at any of these levels and still have natural desires for women.

Seems to me that since you have fallen into a comfort zone, having only been with men. You are wrong to beliefs that women only have sex in ltr's are wrong. Women are just more selective. Maybe the best way for you to explore this would be hooking up with a bi couple, or maybe dating a bi woman. At any rate, it will only be a fantasy, until you explore this. There's nothing to loose. If you find you like it, then good for you. If not, you will know that you truly prefer men.

 

[sammer]

Good po!nt /\ Dating a bi woman was the best and longest relationship i ever had. She understood me, there was little to nothing for me to explain, there was connection on so many different levels, and once we became serious and then monogamous we managed to stay together for a really long time.
As a bi couple early in our dating era we welcomed men and woman for threesomes... we had fun, but i've never had to pleasure or should i say had the opportunity to join a bi couple as a single man. It'd be fun to be on the other side.

 

[thom_green2003]

We aren't here to be labeled or categorized nor understood by everyone. Some people may feel comfortable being labeled gay or straight. Thats great! It represents who they are and what they identify as. When you are genuinely attracted to both sexes it does become tricky. You may encounter people or feelings of not being accepted in straight communities or in gay communities people will push their ideas and their standards on you as if it what you should adhere to it. Don't let them or that sentiment control you or change you. Everyone doesn't need to know your sexuality unless you genuinely want them to.
i think the most important people to know is the person you are fucking and or in a relationship with and then obviously friends and family if you wish to pursue a relationship with the person and you wanna start intros...
As long as you are honest with yourself and the person you are in a relationship with it is honestly no ones business. I just don't want to find out that you aren't the type of person who doesn't hold space or makes others feel safe and or comfortable in whichever way they decide to express themselves. Meaning you don't preach being straight and act like a homophobic prick in the world. When you yourself are bi/possibly straight. Everyone doesn't need to know every single detail about you so that they can categorize you and put you in a box and make themselves feel comfortable or complete. It's not about them. Its about you, your life and your relationship(s).
I hope this helps... Any comments questions or concerns feel free

100%!!! Sometimes I feel like I'd rather be called non-sexual, than have to pick and stick with the ever-changing labels. These labels aren't mine, the definitions aren't mine, so why am I supposed to fit into them?

 

[Jay-E]

On the other hand, gay men are not that picky when it comes to sex

Definitely not true. Maybe it depends on your region, but gay men can be just as picky or worse than women. I find women more realistic when it comes to sex. With gay men, comes the stigmas of HIV and all other social and sexual politics, so that has effected how gay men pair up.

 

[Stephenmass]

I'd call yourself sexually fluid. Go with the flow and that's all there is to it.

 

[thongboy]

Why label yourself? A label is a word you use to describe something to others to help with conversation. Why do you need a label to refer to yourself? Just be yourself and let others worry about a label. That's just my opinion but it works for me.

Hey buddy, just do what comes natural to you — and enjoy. Stop feeling guilty

 

[pp_ryder]

I'm "auto sexual" - I prefer masturbation to everything else... A good blowjob is second but I can jerk for hours, and when I reach that goon stage, I don't feel the pressure of having to complete someone else's orgasm. It's just my penis and I'm part of it, at that point. (it's no longer a part of me, I'm a part of it.)

 

[deleted17324581]

I'm "auto sexual" - I prefer masturbation to everything else... A good blowjob is second but I can jerk for hours, and when I reach that goon stage, I don't feel the pressure of having to complete someone else's orgasm. It's just my penis and I'm part of it, at that point. (it's no longer a part of me, I'm a part of it.)

damn i much rather prefer masturbation over sex... didn't know there was a term for it. i just feel like nobody knows my body like me so i don't even hook up anymore

 

[fuckyeah]

So let's start from the beginning. About 5 years ago I fully accepted myself as a gay man and started hooking up with some guys, which has felt really good. But over the last 2 years I've been feeling attracted to women too, especially in sexual terms, though I have not made sex with any so far. Women are way, way selective in general than men when it comes not only to sex but also to a relationship, they seem to only make sex when they're in a relationship with you, and that makes things worse for me cause I don't pretend to spend too many time building up a relationship. On the other hand, gay men are not that picky when it comes to sex but from my experience their relationships are too short and most times based only on sex. Also, women seem to be more supportive than gay men when I tell them I like both men and women. All these things make me feel torn between bisexuality and homosexuality. I also pretty often wonder if labeling yourself makes a difference in the first place. I know that a lot of misconceptions could be going around here but these are my experiences I'm sharing with you. Do you guys feel or have ever felt the same?

I disagree quite a bit on gay men being less picky. Men may be more picky on physical attributes than women, but women definitely need the emotional connection first before anything physical. Go on sniffles and you will find plenty of dudes who have very particular physical requirements before they will even respond. It’s almost worse than women in some instances. Regarding your sexuality, my advice is just to let it be what it is. You can’t control what you find attractive. But you can learn to channel it to serve you and a potential lover better whether male or female. Your spectrum will become clearer the more you engage with both sexes until you see perhaps you feel 90% attracted to guys and 10% women or whatever the percentage may be.