Female Empowerment

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1179690

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I am curious. For all the ladies into female empowerment, if you are in a relationship, does the dynamic change? Is the husband / boyfriend still running things, are you more equal or have you actually taken over the leadership role?

In our case I am a huge proponent of female empowerment. I never liked the traditional role of housewife. My hubby is fortunately of the same mindset and is all for it. This has actually led to me running things and having the final say etc. You can say I am the head of the household. Now don't get me wrong, my hubby is not a sissy or whimp, but he lets me take the reigns so to speak. For example, in a restaurant I am the one doing the ordering and I also pay the bill (we have a joint account, so it is our money).

It is just a bunch of little things that make me realize that I am empowered and in control. Any opinions?
 
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My partner and I are equal. I enjoy cooking and helping keep our place clean to the standards we both prefer. He earns more than I do, but we communicate about any major purchases. Our finances have been intertwined for years. When we last were looking for an apartment, there was consideration about proximity to his job, but the amenities were much more influenced by my preferences. The car we bought, I really don't care much about car stuff, so I let him take the lead on that. He's a car enthusiast.

In the past I have been the female in some female led relationships, and those were perfectly fine and fun. I feel no less empowered by doing 99% of the cooking and 80% probably of the cleaning in my current relationship. I don't feel any sort of imbalance between myself and my sweetie. I don't feel any kind of need or desire to be the one that does the ordering at the restaurant, though I know that is fairly common in a lot of relationships where there is a power play dynamic. I don't feel any less empowered with him knowing my tastes well enough to order for me on the occasions when I'm not able to order for myself. It works for us. Other things work for others and that's ok too :)
 

LaFemme

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I’m all about the empowerment of women, but that in no way involves the subjection of men. It really is about communication, discussions, coming to make decisions together. In past relationships, some decisions I make, some he makes, big ones are made together. There’s never been a “head of the household” so to speak. I couldn’t be with a man who lets me take the lead all the time and I wouldn’t want to have a man who insists on always being in charge. There needs to be a balance.
 
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What you write, OP sounds like FemDom.

what, exactly, do you mean by female empowerment?
Maybe you need to look up the definition of femdom. What I am talking about is that we try to break with traditional forms of gender norms. Huge difference.
 

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Maybe you need to look up the definition of femdom. What I am talking about is that we try to break with traditional forms of gender norms. Huge difference.
@Scarletbegonia has a point though. Things such as ordering the meal at the restaurant is a dominant behaviour trait and common in dom/sub relationships/agreements. If you take away someone’s ability to choose (even if it’s through agreement), then that is leading more towards dominance.
 
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@Scarletbegonia has a point though. Things such as ordering the meal at the restaurant is a dominant behaviour trait and common in dom/sub relationships/agreements. If you take away someone’s ability to choose (even if it’s through agreement), then that is leading more towards dominance.

But that is not what I said. I specifically noted that my hubby is not a whimp as to exclude any notion of femdom. My hubby is about as alpha as they come. I do not decide what he eats. I do the ordering. Again, big difference. In some instances the waiter will get the order from each person individually. Sometimes just the husband orders for everybody. Parties are different in that approach. I am not making decisions for him. What I am saying is that when stereotypical behavior addresses the man as paying, ordering, commenting or whatever else, we try to turn it upside down. For us these are all just the little subtle things in society that indicate that men and women are not quite equal yet.
Another example: We recently opened a new joint checking account. When we sat down the lady at the bank handed my husband the paperwork so he could fill his information at the top of the form. He handed the form straight to me. My information is now at the top of the form and his name is also below mine on our printed checks, because he is the spouse on the form. We got a curious look from the lady but she did not say anything. All I am saying is that we try to pay attention to the little things.

We actually are more amused than anything when we get curious looks about these things because most people do not even realize how a lot of this behavior is anchored in our everyday lives.
 
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1850231

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I am curious. For all the ladies into female empowerment, if you are in a relationship, does the dynamic change? Is the husband / boyfriend still running things, are you more equal or have you actually taken over the leadership role?

In our case I am a huge proponent of female empowerment. I never liked the traditional role of housewife. My hubby is fortunately of the same mindset and is all for it. This has actually led to me running things and having the final say etc. You can say I am the head of the household. Now don't get me wrong, my hubby is not a sissy or whimp, but he lets me take the reigns so to speak. For example, in a restaurant I am the one doing the ordering and I also pay the bill (we have a joint account, so it is our money).

It is just a bunch of little things that make me realize that I am empowered and in control. Any opinions?
Maybe I’m splitting hairs, but running the household (something women have been doing for millennia) or paying the restaurant bill with a joint checking account do not fall into my idea of female empowerment. These examples you’ve listed sound a little theatrical to me - like you’re both playing a role. True empowerment, to my mind, is rather more profound in that it’s a mindset where it doesn’t even matter who picks up the bill or who does the laundry - it just gets done by who ever is at home and available at the time to do it, because you’re two people sharing a home. I know couples who live like this - share child care duties based on each other’s schedules, without any reference to gender roles. That you’re even presenting it this way suggests it’s either a new concept to you that you’re currently fleshing out or some kind of role play. Either way, good for you. I hope it hits all the right buttons.
 

Scarletbegonia

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Subs or any gender are not wimps or sissies, by definition. The men might choose sissification behaviours because they get off to them.
So, I see no explicit disconnect between “my hubby isn’t a wimp” and “not FemDom.”
I place female led relationships mentally on the femdom shelf.

Empowerment is a social, governmental or self-motivated move to bring someone socio-political power, in any relationship from personal to political.

Rereading your post, if he decides but you are the one parroting it to a server, and paying the bill from a household account, how is that empowerment?

My guy lists the orders to servers because I’m notoriously soft voiced. It’s a kindness to the server to not struggle with hearing me.
We then fight over who is paying. It’s a game of speed and subterfuge.
But I know when he’s serious about wanting to pay, and I acquiesce gracefully.
 
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I am sorry, but I am tired. What was supposed to be a fun discussion is turning into a vicious socio-political debate of splitting hairs, interpretations and innuendo. I am just shaking my head and tuning out now.
 

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Subs or any gender are not wimps or sissies, by definition. The men might choose sissification behaviours because they get off to them.
So, I see no explicit disconnect between “my hubby isn’t a wimp” and “not FemDom.”
I place female led relationships mentally on the femdom shelf.

Empowerment is a social, governmental or self-motivated move to bring someone socio-political power, in any relationship from personal to political.

Rereading your post, if he decides but you are the one parroting it to a server, and paying the bill from a household account, how is that empowerment?

My guy lists the orders to servers because I’m notoriously soft voiced. It’s a kindness to the server to not struggle with hearing me.
We then fight over who is paying. It’s a game of speed and subterfuge.
But I know when he’s serious about wanting to pay, and I acquiesce gracefully.
Very well said. Thank you, you negated the need for me to reply :)
 
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Scarletbegonia

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Vicious? You haven’t seen vicious.
I’m trying to clarify.

I think you are saying you lead a female led relationship.
Ok, great you do you.

Using a kind of vanilla, nothing-says-control-anywhere-here example, you asked for those into “female empowerment” if it carries into your relationships.
OK, I’m feminist. I’m in a slight power tilt relationship. Mainly in bed, but some in public aspects are in play.
So, in your mind, is female empowerment feminist (political) in scope, or sexual in scope?

what exactly are you asking?
 
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I am sorry, but I am tired. What was supposed to be a fun discussion is turning into a vicious socio-political debate of splitting hairs, interpretations and innuendo. I am just shaking my head and tuning out now.
It’s worth noting that female empowerment is a huge, complicated subject that is largely underpinned by centuries of suffering. What has been won, has been v. hard won. It’s a tough topic to frolic around in, especially on this forum. Have a go on Mumsnet and see how your fare. (I’m joking, they’ll eat you alive.)

P.s. I learned something about the difference between “femdom” vs female empowerment/feminism, by reading some of the replies, so all is not lost.
 
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Scarletbegonia

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I should answer what I think is the question...feminist in a relationship...
The dynamic never changes. I’ve been feminist/womanist since the mid 70s, thanks to exposure by my mom and books. I am 51 now, sooooo. TOU ages.

all my relationships are basically egalitarian in nature. I do express some submissive behaviours with the partners I truly trust.
I get refills for him, the table actually, if in a group; I never start a debate of personal nature in public.
If some information needs to pass, I’m quiet about it. Not correcting in front of others.
At home, heaven help the foolish side of him...any him....
 

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I am sorry, but I am tired. What was supposed to be a fun discussion is turning into a vicious socio-political debate of splitting hairs, interpretations and innuendo. I am just shaking my head and tuning out now.
I don’t think it’s vicious. We have simply been trying to understand how the examples you provided constitute empowerment.

For example, I don’t consider that you telling a waiter both of your meal orders or paying with a joint account to be empowerment. I wouldn’t even think about things in any context to be honest.

Feminism is a passionate topic for many of us. Don’t confuse passion with viciousness.

If those things make you feel empowered then great for you. The other women here are allowed to voice their opinions respectfully (as has been done) as to why they may disagree on their own beliefs as to what constitutes empowerment for them.

You also called men in the sub position sissies which is also offensive to many men (and couples) in dom/sub relationships.
 
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I don’t think it’s vicious. We have simply been trying to understand how the examples you provided constitute empowerment.

For example, I don’t consider that you telling a waiter both of your meal orders or paying with a joint account to be empowerment. I wouldn’t even think about things in any context to be honest.

Feminism is a passionate topic for many of us. Don’t confuse passion with viciousness.

If those things make you feel empowered then great for you. The other women here are allowed to voice their opinions respectfully (as has been done) as to why they may disagree on their own beliefs as to what constitutes empowerment for them.

You also called men in the sub position sissies which is also offensive to many men (and couples) in dom/sub relationships.
Yes, I saw some of her earlier posts about her open relationship / having sex with other men, in front of her husband, and I think others responding to this post, very quickly got the measure of her particular interests. (I’m wildly naive when it comes to Dom/sub interactions.)

And I agree, none of the responses were even remotely rude/unpleasant.
 

Scarletbegonia

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I attended one whole munch. A gathering at a neutral place, often a restaurant, for the kinky community.
I saw all the obvious, openly submissive subs doing a lot of what is described in the OP.
Service.

as always, I’m reminded, and I need to be often, an act in and of itself isn’t submissive or dominant. The mindset is.
 

Scarletbegonia

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Yes, I saw some of her earlier posts about her open relationship / having sex with other men, in front of her husband, and I think others responding to this post, very quickly got the measure of her particular interests. (I’m wildly naive when it comes to Dom/sub interactions.)

And I agree, none of the responses were even remotely rude/unpleasant.

I can be clueless, because the D/s in my world isn’t based on sexual intercourse. Many kinks aren’t.