Female Libido

LaFemme

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Verified
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Posts
40,782
Media
2
Likes
38,876
Points
743
Location
Canada
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
I was listening to Armchair Expert (Dax Shepard’s podcast) and the guest was Dan Savage. He was talking about the frequency of sex in relationships and why women stop being interested in having sex with their partners. Apparently, it’s boredom. It’s not that their libido drops, it’s not because they get a headache, it’s because the sex becomes predictable and boring. Reminds me of the song, “I Shaved My Legs for This?”

I’m a high libido woman, so I never stopped wanting sex with my partner, but I will admit, I’m the one who had to keep it fresh. He wasn’t so much interested in trying new things. He was totally satisfied with missionary once or twice a month. New things were met with, “oh, for fuck sake..”

Now it’s not like that for all women, but Dan brings up the point, that women just get plain bored with sex with the same man. If she has an affair, the sex is vibrant and frequent. If she leaves him. The same thing.

There’s a thread in Ask a (Straight) Man, about female libido. How can men keep us from getting bored? I know the women here are high libido women for the most part, but what keeps us interested? Or other women? Thoughts?
 

ArtAppreciation

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Apr 27, 2015
Posts
819
Media
17
Likes
12,176
Points
538
Verification
View
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Female
Interesting thread.

I’m a high libido woman, so I never stopped wanting sex with my partner, but I will admit, I’m the one who had to keep it fresh. He wasn’t so much interested in trying new things. He was totally satisfied with missionary once or twice a month.

I can relate to this 100%. I rationalized things to myself. It felt like less of a rejection to think "He would rather go out drinking with the guys, or play computer games all night, than fool around with me ... probably because he is so stressed out by his work."

New things were met with, “oh, for fuck sake..”

Wow. He sounds like a real party animal.
 
  • Like
Reactions: etrm and LaFemme

LaFemme

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Verified
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Posts
40,782
Media
2
Likes
38,876
Points
743
Location
Canada
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
Interesting thread.



I can relate to this 100%. I rationalized things to myself. It felt like less of a rejection to think "He would rather go out drinking with the guys, or play computer games all night, than fool around with me ... probably because he is so stressed out by his work."



Wow. He sounds like a real party animal.
He was cheating on me, so he was probably tired from fucking all those other women!
 

Scarletbegonia

Worshipped Member
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
May 2, 2013
Posts
8,325
Media
26
Likes
23,654
Points
508
Location
Purgatory (Maine, United States)
Sexuality
Asexual
Gender
Female
One of my shut downs is the identical approach to suggesting sweatysnugglebunnies.

Change it up. If our pattern is after the day is done, try mid afternoon and tell me what you want to do tonight.
Yes, we are still boinking at the same time, but my brain gets foreplay at 4:17 pm.

Or try 15 minutes after I’m awake. Let me pee and all, but see if you can distract me from my morning for a bit. This is best on non work days.

Just let me know what you are thinking.
My sweetie was driving with his sister, saw a sign for a rennfaire I’d once worked, and started thinking about what I must have looked like in the day.
I was delighted he could multitask so well, and honestly, I thought he was an out of sight, out of mind sort. I’ve learned differently.

Engage in great phone. Long discussions of what might be happening once he gets home from tour? Rowrrrrrrr.

Be playful. Change up positions, especially if the likely result will be a giggling pile of two naked people who failed on a new position.

One of the most amazing nights I ever had was a night where I was told not to move and he just engaged in vanilla sensation play for an hour.

Realize one ouch isn’t the end of the fun. It’s a try a different angle/option comment. It can mean slow down. Don’t retract like a hermit crab and go whack off to porn.
 

LaFemme

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Verified
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Posts
40,782
Media
2
Likes
38,876
Points
743
Location
Canada
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
One of my shut downs is the identical approach to suggesting sweatysnugglebunnies.

Change it up. If our pattern is after the day is done, try mid afternoon and tell me what you want to do tonight.
Yes, we are still boinking at the same time, but my brain gets foreplay at 4:17 pm.

Or try 15 minutes after I’m awake. Let me pee and all, but see if you can distract me from my morning for a bit. This is best on non work days.

Just let me know what you are thinking.
My sweetie was driving with his sister, saw a sign for a rennfaire I’d once worked, and started thinking about what I must have looked like in the day.
I was delighted he could multitask so well, and honestly, I thought he was an out of sight, out of mind sort. I’ve learned differently.

Engage in great phone. Long discussions of what might be happening once he gets home from tour? Rowrrrrrrr.

Be playful. Change up positions, especially if the likely result will be a giggling pile of two naked people who failed on a new position.

One of the most amazing nights I ever had was a night where I was told not to move and he just engaged in vanilla sensation play for an hour.

Realize one ouch isn’t the end of the fun. It’s a try a different angle/option comment. It can mean slow down. Don’t retract like a hermit crab and go whack off to porn.
I like that. Make an effort.

For me, because I have such a high libido, it doesn’t take much to get me interested. But it really interests me when my guy makes an effort to look nice, or smell good. When he shows me he’s thinking about me during the day - not constantly texting, but something nice, just to show he cares or has sweet thoughts about me.

And because I tend to be the one who comes up with all the sexy plans, I’d like him to come up with something. Even if it fails. I’d rather laugh with him and have fun in bed than go without.

Touch me, be nice to me, play with me, have fun with me, act like my partner. Be reliable. That’s sexy as hell.
 
9

918177

Guest
I was listening to Armchair Expert (Dax Shepard’s podcast) and the guest was Dan Savage. He was talking about the frequency of sex in relationships and why women stop being interested in having sex with their partners. Apparently, it’s boredom. It’s not that their libido drops, it’s not because they get a headache, it’s because the sex becomes predictable and boring. Reminds me of the song, “I Shaved My Legs for This?”

I’m a high libido woman, so I never stopped wanting sex with my partner, but I will admit, I’m the one who had to keep it fresh. He wasn’t so much interested in trying new things. He was totally satisfied with missionary once or twice a month. New things were met with, “oh, for fuck sake..”

Now it’s not like that for all women, but Dan brings up the point, that women just get plain bored with sex with the same man. If she has an affair, the sex is vibrant and frequent. If she leaves him. The same thing.

There’s a thread in Ask a (Straight) Man, about female libido. How can men keep us from getting bored? I know the women here are high libido women for the most part, but what keeps us interested? Or other women? Thoughts?

Same.
When I was in a singular monogamous relationship I went from sex twice a day and then more on days off to drying up to being completely asexual.
I preferred to give blowjobs so I didn't have to suffer him climbing on top of me sweating and grunting and then the boiling hot shower to scrub the stench of him off my skin.
Divorce had a miraculous effect ony libido.
I discovered that I am not built for singular monogamy.
My sex drive was at it's best with 3 fluid bonded playmates.
5 was doable but exhausting.

These days the sexual imerative has eased as my playmates have moved on and simply haven't been replaced.
Life has calmed considerably.
There is a measure of internal peace that wasn't there before.
Considering how spicy I am now things in the past were downright hectic.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ArtAppreciation

LaFemme

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Verified
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Posts
40,782
Media
2
Likes
38,876
Points
743
Location
Canada
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
Same.
When I was in a singular monogamous relationship I went from sex twice a day and then more on days off to drying up to being completely asexual.
I preferred to give blowjobs so I didn't have to suffer him climbing on top of me sweating and grunting and then the boiling hot shower to scrub the stench of him off my skin.
Divorce had a miraculous effect ony libido.
I discovered that I am not built for singular monogamy.
My sex drive was at it's best with 3 fluid bonded playmates.
5 was doable but exhausting.

These days the sexual imerative has eased as my playmates have moved on and simply haven't been replaced.
Life has calmed considerably.
There is a measure of internal peace that wasn't there before.
Considering how spicy I am now things in the past were downright hectic.
Some people aren’t built for monogamy. I think I was. I tried various relationship forms. Now I think I’m built for celibacy. I’m more content on my own. I won’t say never because I don’t know the future, but life is certainly better the way it is without the complications of any form of relationship in it.
 
6

693987

Guest
Don't leave me to be the one initiating the overwhelming majority of the time. It gets tedious and makes me feel underappreciated. It's really easy to "distract" and get me interested in getting naked and sweaty. Not exactly a lot to ask. Definitely have some variety.
 
9

918177

Guest
Some people aren’t built for monogamy. I think I was. I tried various relationship forms. Now I think I’m built for celibacy. I’m more content on my own. I won’t say never because I don’t know the future, but life is certainly better the way it is without the complications of any form of relationship in it.
Life is simplier now.
It'd take an exceptional human being to make the blood flow and the mind entertain the idea of another relationship.
 

LaFemme

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Verified
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Posts
40,782
Media
2
Likes
38,876
Points
743
Location
Canada
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
Life is simplier now.
It'd take an exceptional human being to make the blood flow and the mind entertain the idea of another relationship.
I hear you. At my age, it’s just not even worth my time for just anyone. He’d have to be incredibly special and I just don’t see that happening.
 
2

286798

Guest
My libido is affected by how much I feel appreciated and respected. You take care of me in my day to day life, I'll take care of you in the bedroom.... and in most of the traditional "wifely ways" like cooking and laundry and such. Feeling taken for granted is definitely a pussy desiccant for me.

Also, making sure I get there (regardless of how) is super important. My wasband had issues with PE, and would regularly get there just before I did... and not circle back to finish the job. Being left hanging definitely decreased my interest.

Novelty is good. I'll admit that I prefer the bed over most other locations just for comfort and space, but grab me on the couch, kitchen, deck, or join me in the shower.

Oh, and make me laugh and follow it with some innuendo/suggestion, yeah... you'll get some good booty.
 

ArtAppreciation

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Apr 27, 2015
Posts
819
Media
17
Likes
12,176
Points
538
Verification
View
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Female
My libido is affected by how much I feel appreciated and respected. You take care of me in my day to day life, I'll take care of you in the bedroom.... Feeling taken for granted is definitely a pussy desiccant for me.

Oh, and make me laugh and follow it with some innuendo/suggestion, yeah... you'll get some good booty.

THIS
 

LaFemme

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Verified
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Posts
40,782
Media
2
Likes
38,876
Points
743
Location
Canada
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
There was an interesting point brought up in the men’s thread about women losing their interest in sex due to becoming the ‘caretaker’ in the relationship. I think that really holds true. It contributes to the boredom. When I’m doing his laundry, cooking for him, cleaning up after him, telling him to pick up his socks, reminding him to empty the dishwasher, mow the lawn, he ceases to be my equal and starts to be just another thing I have to look after. Sex starts to become a chore. Who wants to have sex with someone that you have to be after all the time?

An adult looks after themselves. They share in the household duties without needing to be reminded. They don’t turn their partners into “nags”. Take care of me, I’ll take care of you. It’s a partnership. We take care of us and our household.
 
1

1850231

Guest
There was an interesting point brought up in the men’s thread about women losing their interest in sex due to becoming the ‘caretaker’ in the relationship. I think that really holds true. It contributes to the boredom. When I’m doing his laundry, cooking for him, cleaning up after him, telling him to pick up his socks, reminding him to empty the dishwasher, mow the lawn, he ceases to be my equal and starts to be just another thing I have to look after. Sex starts to become a chore. Who wants to have sex with someone that you have to be after all the time?

An adult looks after themselves. They share in the household duties without needing to be reminded. They don’t turn their partners into “nags”. Take care of me, I’ll take care of you. It’s a partnership. We take care of us and our household.
This is everything, in a nutshell. You also mentioned the word ‘reliable’ a few comments back, and that pricked up my ears. I don’t mind being the one to initiate or come up with creative ways to...connect - it kinda turns me on, to be honest. But what I can’t tolerate is unreliability and fucking laziness. Ugh. As long as there is a matched libido (dating someone with a lower sex drive is possibly the unhappiest I’ve ever been in a relationship...), a strong, independent sense of self, and a well honed wit, I can manage pretty much everything else. Seriously, give me ugly, short and massively underwhelming in the pants department and I’ll mess that shit up... This is what so many guys misunderstand about women: Men who like to get shit done, and who love to make us laugh, have the kind of ‘big dick energy’, most other men only dream of.
 
1

1850231

Guest
I was listening to Armchair Expert (Dax Shepard’s podcast) and the guest was Dan Savage. He was talking about the frequency of sex in relationships and why women stop being interested in having sex with their partners. Apparently, it’s boredom. It’s not that their libido drops, it’s not because they get a headache, it’s because the sex becomes predictable and boring. Reminds me of the song, “I Shaved My Legs for This?”

I’m a high libido woman, so I never stopped wanting sex with my partner, but I will admit, I’m the one who had to keep it fresh. He wasn’t so much interested in trying new things. He was totally satisfied with missionary once or twice a month. New things were met with, “oh, for fuck sake..”

Now it’s not like that for all women, but Dan brings up the point, that women just get plain bored with sex with the same man. If she has an affair, the sex is vibrant and frequent. If she leaves him. The same thing.

There’s a thread in Ask a (Straight) Man, about female libido. How can men keep us from getting bored? I know the women here are high libido women for the most part, but what keeps us interested? Or other women? Thoughts?

Another thing about being a woman with a high libido, is that we can’t tolerate bad sex. I would legit rather do my laundry than suffer a lacklustre fuck. I certainly couldn’t stay married to someone who stopped trying. And so I fully understand your elected celibacy. I think it’s because we care so much about good sex - really slipping into a certain state, that it becomes an uncompromising stance: It has to be good *most of the time*, or I’m just not doing it.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Spartan727

Legendary Member
Joined
Aug 2, 2018
Posts
727
Media
0
Likes
1,754
Points
413
Location
Colorado Springs (Colorado, United States)
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Female
Libido is just as different from female to female as it is from male to male and female to male....
We all have our daily routine, some adapt to change while others do the same thing for 20-30 years.
Change - menopause has different symptoms, males have their change as well. Age affects some wonderfully and debilitates others massively.
Health issues - loosing a parent dealing w death, job loss - job issues, life events that change us.
The most important thing is communication, making sure you both feel important. I have seen with my friends, that have been married 20 years
(Which that btw is amazing because marriage takes work) that they let things build up for so long that the last straw is something petty.
The stuff going on in the world now stresses ppl out. We have concerns we didn’t have before. It’s hard. Sometimes it’s hard just to take a breath.
I know I understand. I see some very awesome ppl here, amazing. We really all have the same basic goals just different paths of getting them.
Aging is better on some days than others lol....
Sex is wonderful when you have someone with the same libido, as we know this is a luxury.
I have a stressful job, one where I need to unwind when I come home. A occupation/ career where a good day is when everyone goes home alive.
Sex anytime and all the time, when ever you can and as much as you can we are told in training.
Communication.... I don’t like to stress ppl out over what I’m dealing with. I don’t put pressure on loved ones. I deal with it with ppl I know I can lean on.
One of the hardest things for woman is going through the change.
I’ve spoke about the Biote pellets
They work for both men and woman
I was tired no matter what I did nothing helped
Then I went to the Dr and had a blood test to see my hormone levels. Got on this pellet program and I have energy I’m sleeping no more night sweats outstanding libido. I’ve sat in the office w both men and woman hearing their testimonials
Is awesome and hilarious.
My long bunny trail here is hey communicate w your partner see what’s going on depending on your situation. As everyone is different.
See if it’s something you want to work out.
Can’t help but try.....
I know it takes dedication and it drains the patience. But still
 

ArtAppreciation

Worshipped Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Apr 27, 2015
Posts
819
Media
17
Likes
12,176
Points
538
Verification
View
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Female
@Spartan727 I really enjoyed reading your post. What you wrote about communication and making sure you both feel important....that is absolutely key.

There were studies to ascertain the 'real reason' that some wives leave their husbands.
More often than not, apparently, it was because they did not feel appreciated enough by, or important enough to, their partner. A similar study on runaway husbands revealed the same thing. If someone doesn't appreciate me, I'll find someone who will. I show and tell the person I'm with that I care for them. They know without a doubt. So I fully expect that in return. I won't demand anything I don't reciprocate fully.

If I start to have doubts that I'm important to him? If I begin to get the feeling that he's taking me for granted? Yeah that needs to be discussed because that's a very dangerous time in a relationship.


I have to be honest though. That's a very hard talk for me to have when I feel unappreciated and disregarded.
 

Spartan727

Legendary Member
Joined
Aug 2, 2018
Posts
727
Media
0
Likes
1,754
Points
413
Location
Colorado Springs (Colorado, United States)
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Female
Don't leave me to be the one initiating the overwhelming majority of the time. It gets tedious and makes me feel underappreciated. It's really easy to "distract" and get me interested in getting naked and sweaty. Not exactly a lot to ask. Definitely have some variety.
That’s fair!!!
 

Spartan727

Legendary Member
Joined
Aug 2, 2018
Posts
727
Media
0
Likes
1,754
Points
413
Location
Colorado Springs (Colorado, United States)
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Female
I hear you. At my age, it’s just not even worth my time for just anyone. He’d have to be incredibly special and I just don’t see that happening.
You are WonderWoman you are aging like fine wine!! There’s no at my age... xx