Female orgasms

[AlteredEgo]

Devil's advocate: There are people, and I believe that group is predominantly women, who shirk their own responsibility for reaching orgasm in the bedroom. There's a line of rhetoric which argues that it's the man's responsibility to bring the woman to orgasm which implies that the woman is the one bringing the man to orgasm and that's not always the case.

A woman could just lay there doing nothing and it would not be impossible for me to reach orgasm. There are things she can do to help things happen more quickly or more intensely, but at the end of the day, I know what feels good for me and I'm capable of fantasizing if need be and I'm putting the physical effort in to move my hips in such a way that things are feeling good enough for me to finish.

This line of argument about men not caring enough plays into the crap that men are supposed to be active/dominant and women should be passive/submissive. Unless you're specifically in some kind of dominant/submissive relationship, if a woman wants a satisfying sex life, she should be as actively involved in making that happen as her partner. Laying all the responsibility on the man for that is lame.

Similarly, there are just as many women who don't know what they're doing in the bedroom (and porn isn't super helpful). In missionary sex and what not, it's easy for the guy to drive, but just because he reaches orgasm it doesn't mean the woman has done anything to inform herself about what feels good for her partner. It's more of what I said above, guys can turn sex into a masturbation session using a woman's body if need be.

I'm not trying to rail against women here, just throwing a counterargument out for remarks I see a lot. Men and women both have ground to gain by maintaining good communication with their partners, and also about staying active with regard to their own pleasure, and not just their partner's while in the bedroom.

Sexism crops up all over the place and I'm sure it has its impacts here. Men may be more offended by a woman running her clit during sex than a woman is and stuff like that has an influence on the numbers when you're looking at FF -vs- MF relationships, but masturbation rates among women are still about half what they are among men and there's something to be said for women taking more ownership and involvement in their own sexual pleasure

When I was a manager in a store that sold "personal massagers" I taught a lot of women what they were for, and most of those women turned purple and then bought them. They'd come in, and put the demos on their faces, asking me in Spanish and Portuguese, "Will this really improve my skin and reduce wrinkles?" I laughed the first few times, but eventually realized it was a problem, and a real opportunity.

"Yeah, it'll improve your skin and reduce wrinkles by improving your overall health and lowering your stress. This device is for inducing orgasm, and so are these. May I speak plainly with you?" What the average shopper doesn't know about how her own vagina works is daunting. I'm sure @Tattooed Goddess can attest to that.

I spoke to privileged women from many walks of life. An international arms dealer. Women engaged in cosmetic surgery tourism. Women marrying off their daughters. Sheltered, rich ladies leaving their countries alone for the first time. Purveyors visiting the US in search of new products to bring to their markets. I heard a thousand stories of strength and dignity, but they all ended the same way. They may or may not have been having consistent orgasms in their sexual encounters, they may even have had husbands who were completely inattentive. But none of them knew what led to their orgasms, or how to find out what could. I sold tens of thousands of dollars worth of personal massagers, and felt like I was doing a valuable public service every time. I hope I taught these women to find their own pleasure, and emboldened them to teach their partners what they learned on their own.

I was raised by Afrocentric, feminist hippies. They taught me that every party in a sexual encounter was responsible for the pleasure of everyone participating, including themselves. Life taught me not everyone has been so lucky as to grow up with that kind of empowerment.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

I had to wipe heavy, greasy foundation and caked conture products off of the demo vibrators all the time. So many women would rub them on their faces.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I had to wipe heavy, greasy foundation and caked conture products off of the demo vibrators all the time. So many women would rub them on their faces.

Where they foreigners?

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Where they foreigners?

Many of them were hispanic.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Many of them were hispanic.

Mine were all from Central and South America.