Female sexuality

[B_theaussieone]

Why is it wrong for women to sleep around and acceptable for men. Why even in 2011 do we still have this outdated notion?

 

[B_ErikKimber]

I agree but I think the notion is diminishing.. My girlfriend is married and sleeps around quite a bit. I am totally cool with it.

 

[ArtofDesire]

Good question, I'll be interested to read any answers that are posted...

 

[petite]

I've been asking myself this same question since I was old enough to comprehend the double standard. I was talking about this with my hubby, TheBoyfriend, and we both agreed that the well-educated or well-read people that we know don't hold that outdated notion, and he told me that he doesn't know any men who think like that, but from reading LPSG, it's obvious that some people still do and I don't know why. It seems like younger men are more apt to think that way, too, which makes it strangely ironic. I remember when I was living with seven guys in a house when I was a teenager, I saw a lot of that sort of reasoning, which caused a few fights because I had no fear of standing up for what I believed in, but most of those young men seemed to grow out of thinking that way. Why are young men most likely to have the most old-fashioned values, at least when it comes to oppressing female sexuality?

I don't understand it and my hubby doesn't either. Maybe it's because I have about 5,000 books in my house. :tongue:

 

[ArtofDesire]

to petite: No wonder you're so outspoken and obviously well-read - 5,000 books, wow! I'd love to see what's in your library.

 

[Icarium]

Its a very stupid notion if you ask me, a lot of people who hold to this idea can't hold a decent opinion about it!! Talk about double standards, there where a couple of guys i went clubbing with who would find a lass to bed then slag her off for doing so in the morning.............weird.

My ex-ex and i had an open relationship which we were both happy with and neither of us thought less of the other.

Lets start a movement to banish this idiotic notion

 

[ConstantComment]

Why is it wrong for women to sleep around and acceptable for men. Why even in 2011 do we still have this outdated notion?

I don't get that impression in the mainstream. It's more of a "don't ask don't tell" situation.

I have dated a couple of black American guys (at different times) who seemed to be preoccupied with this notion. When they want to insult a woman (myself included), it was of a sexual nature. The parting remark of one guy was "your hallway smells like sex." On a couple of occasions, when either couldn't reach me by phone, they left messages that assumed that I was out "fucking someone." I find it interesting that when I compare those situtaions with the white (American or European), there's not the same preoccupation. But then, the assumption among black women is that black guys will treat a white women better than a black woman.

These days, if I started dating a guy who was too interested in my sexual past, that would be a red flag.

 

[B_theaussieone]

I think prostitutes also get bad rep. I mean i dont see whats so wrong ith selling a skill you have. it's no different to a plumber.

 

[petite]

to petite: No wonder you're so outspoken and obviously well-read - 5,000 books, wow! I'd love to see what's in your library.

Aw, thank you for the compliment!

It's quite a comprehensive library, and it keeps growing. The books from a recently passed family member were added to my library, so now I also have a lot of books on the local culture and TheBF bought a house that had a lot of books in it, so those are also a part of the collection, too. It would be difficult to think of a non-fiction subject that isn't covered at least in part by a book that I own. Oh, I don't think I have any romance books and almost no mysteries, apart from things like The Annotated Sherlock Holmes, which TheBF gave me as a present. The most frustrating thing right now is that they're no longer organized by subject, because I moved twice and they all got jumbled up, so now I can never find the books I want!

Embarrassing admission: I've gone out and actually bought another copy of a book I know I own because I couldn't find the one I already had. :redface:

Lets start a movement to banish this idiotic notion

I agree! :smile:

I find it interesting that when I compare those situtaions with the white (American or European), there's not the same preoccupation. But then, the assumption among black women is that black guys will treat a white women better than a black woman.

I got confused by the first sentence. Do you mean white men aren't preoccupied with that notion? Or that white women don't get treated like that? I've seen white women treated like that by white men.

These days, if I started dating a guy who was too interested in my sexual past, that would be a red flag.

That's so complicated. My first reaction was, "Definitely!" A guy who is too interested in your sexual past might have issues like that, but a guy who is interested in your relationship past might have other motivations.

See, I'm personally interested in a man's past relationships. If he has a long string of disastrous relationships, I will wonder and seek to discover if the problem is with him or not. I don't want to involve myself with someone so immature that he cannot end a relationship without becoming hated because of the things that he does. I don't want to be with a man who shows no respect for women he was once involved with either, but there are mitigating circumstances. For example, if she cheated on him, I can completely understand if he can't forgive her. So to me, details like that are important to discover who he is and what he's experienced and what I can expect.

I really don't need to know how many one night stands a guy has had, and if a man seemed to be too interested in those kinds of details, that would be a red flag that I'm dealing with a guy who is incompatible with me.

 

[ManofThunder]

Maybe it's because I have about 5,000 books in my house. :tongue:

Is that a literal 5,000 books or a figurative 5,000 books? Either way - damn that's a lot of books! I only have 100ish (I'm guessing) and they are all childrens books haha.

Getting back to the topic of the thread. I am a young man and I don't believe the double standard. The way I see it, if a woman or man wants to be promiscuous then why not? As long as they keep things safe and controlled then I don't see any harm in it. Be yourself, no matter what they say!

 

[borntobeking]

I have nothing new to add. This topic has been debated to death. However, I'll say again for the record that this is not a notion that I agree with or suscribe to.

 

[petite]

Is that a literal 5,000 books or a figurative 5,000 books? Either way - damn that's a lot of books! I only have 100ish (I'm guessing) and they are all childrens books haha.

An estimate based upon counting all the books in one bookcase, then multiplying by the number of bookcases I own. I have not read them all! If I read one a week for 20 years, that would be just over 1,000 books. I literally own more books than I can reasonably be expected to read in my lifetime. :tongue:

Getting back to the topic of the thread. I am a young man and I don't believe the double standard. The way I see it, if a woman or man wants to be promiscuous then why not? As long as they keep things safe and controlled then I don't see any harm in it. Be yourself, no matter what they say!

I'm glad to hear it! :smile:

When I was ~20, the thing that made my blood boil was the fact that most of the young women accused of being promiscuous weren't really promiscuous at all and had actually slept with very few people, but due to some sort of twisted double standard law, just by sleeping with the wrong guy a woman could be branded a "slut" in a sort of witch hunt that men were never subjected to. I never experienced it, mainly because I was so afraid of becoming the next victim that I was fanatically private about my sex life and extremely careful, but I saw it happen to other young women and the mere fact that I was afraid of that happening to me still makes me mad.

When my male friends would talk about other women who did not deserve to be talked about using those kinds of terms and concepts, that's when I had to say something. I actually called one guy out once in public in front of a lot of people, which is the only time I've ever done that in my entire life, because he was saying some things that were making me mad about a woman he had just slept with 3 days earlier at my house at a party we had thrown. He was trash talking her and I said, "If she's a slut for sleeping with you, then what does that make you?" He stormed off. Later on, this guy told me that he was attempting to impress my best friend's little sister who was there, too, and he was afraid that she'd heard that he slept with that other woman, so he was trash talking her so she wouldn't believe it. To this day, I can't fathom how moronic his reasoning was. Did he really think that trash talking another woman would impress her? I felt protective of her, but I was fairly certain he had ruined his own chances with her before I ever opened my mouth to defend the woman that he had sex with!

I have nothing new to add. This topic has been debated to death. However, I'll say again for the record that this is not a notion that I agree with or suscribe to.

I think that's very important to say and I'm glad that you said it. :smile:

 

[borntobeking]

Aww. Thanks petite, you're the coolest :wink:

 

[paigexox]

Why are young men most likely to have the most old-fashioned values, at least when it comes to oppressing female sexuality?

I think it has to do with their social status and (in most cases) relative inexperience with women. An older man should stand to have more confidence and security in many avenues of his life, and is probably less likely to try and dominate or make an issue about women's sexuality as a result.

In contrast, the younger man has less holdings, lacks experience with women, and in-general hasn't had enough time to witness the full error of his ways. With this mindset, I think it could be said that insecurity reinforces the idea of women remaining faithful to a select few and being highly selective of partners, else the young man might be burned by women testing the waters.


The really interesting bit is how this mindset regarding open sexuality varies across cultures.

 

[SilverTrain]

Why is it wrong for women to sleep around and acceptable for men. Why even in 2011 do we still have this outdated notion?

I've never in my entire lifetime felt anything but a total equivalence in my attitude regarding male and female promiscuity. I'm not in the camp that's inclined to say that men and women are the same. They're obviously not. But there is no reason to hold them to different standards of behavior.

That said, I am devoted to the notion of chivalry. But that's another discussion.

 

[ManofThunder]

An estimate based upon counting all the books in one bookcase, then multiplying by the number of bookcases I own. I have not read them all! If I read one a week for 20 years, that would be just over 1,000 books. I literally own more books than I can reasonably be expected to read in my lifetime. :tongue:

Haha, I have to confess that I'm relieved to hear that. I felt like a completely uneducated fool, assuming you had read them all!

I'm glad to hear it!

When I was ~20, the thing that made my blood boil was the fact that most of the young women accused of being promiscuous weren't really promiscuous at all and had actually slept with very few people, but due to some sort of twisted double standard law, just by sleeping with the wrong guy a woman could be branded a "slut" in a sort of witch hunt that men were never subjected to. I never experienced it, mainly because I was so afraid of becoming the next victim that I was fanatically private about my sex life and extremely careful, but I saw it happen to other young women and the mere fact that I was afraid of that happening to me still makes me mad.

Yes, you're right to be angry. These stupid beliefs are still around but they are slowly fading and personally, I feel that they are practically gone. Anyone with common sense and any amount of reasonable thought can see how ridiculous it is to brand a person a 'slut' for sleeping with a few partners. The times they are a-changin' - thankfully.

 

[SilverTrain]

Why is it wrong for women to sleep around and acceptable for men. Why even in 2011 do we still have this outdated notion?

Conversely, why is everyone ok with female bisexuality, but a great many men and women are offput by male bisexuality (male homophobes, and females who worry that their "straight" guy is really gay)?

 

[borntobeking]

Conversely, why is everyone ok with female bisexuality, but a great many men and women are offput by male bisexuality (male homophobes, and females who worry that their "straight" guy is really gay)?

Extarordinary question. You're right. There is a huge double standard there.

 

[petite]

Haha, I have to confess that I'm relieved to hear that. I felt like a completely uneducated fool, assuming you had read them all!

A lot of people are intimidated by the number of books I own. I keep telling them that I don't actually read them, but it doesn't seem to help! :tongue:

Okay, maybe I've read one or two. :wink:

Yes, you're right to be angry. These stupid beliefs are still around but they are slowly fading and personally, I feel that they are practically gone. Anyone with common sense and any amount of reasonable thought can see how ridiculous it is to brand a person a 'slut' for sleeping with a few partners. The times they are a-changin' - thankfully.

I'm glad to hear it.

This reminds me of a conversation I was having with TheBF that I completely forgot about until just now. I wondered if some of those attitudes could be a byproduct of attempting to raise teenagers who will "wait for sex" and inadvertently indoctrinating them with the concept that a person who has sex is tainted somehow. The main problem with that is it doesn't explain why boys get a free pass, unless parents are actually teaching their kids that it's okay to be a slutty man and that waiting to have sex is something that only girls have to do.

Conversely, why is everyone ok with female bisexuality, but a great many men and women are offput by male bisexuality (male homophobes, and females who worry that their "straight" guy is really gay)?

Extarordinary question. You're right. There is a huge double standard there.

I think the reason why female bisexuality or lesbianism isn't as threatening as male bisexuality or homosexuality is because it isn't taken as seriously. I think a lot of men who think like that would consider a lesbian who has never had sex with a man to be a virgin waiting for the right guy to come along and convert her.

Plus the fact that men who are the most homophobic are most likely simply closeted gay men themselves, so lesbians don't make them feel those funny feelings that make them get so angry.

 

[SilverTrain]

I think the reason why female bisexuality or lesbianism isn't as threatening as male bisexuality or homosexuality is because it isn't taken as seriously. I think a lot of men who think like that would consider a lesbian who has never had sex with a man to be a virgin waiting for the right guy to come along.

Plus the fact that men who are the most homophobic are most likely simply closeted gay men themselves, so lesbians don't make them feel those funny feelings that make them get so angry.

What's your take on female intolerance/fear/etc with regards to male bisexuality?