I tend to stay out of such arguments. I have my opinion of course. They are like butt holes after all. Everyone has one. I consider myself a first wave feminist. The push for equality, all for that. Second wave was transitioning to third wave when I was growing up, but I could never really get into it. I just identified with first wave better. Third wave is just too far out there for me. They have created a victim culture that demands you feel sorry for them and agree with their ever perceived slight (whether it was or not) or be labeled a sexist. It has turned a beautiful movement into something grotesque. RadFem is the purest form of third wave. Men and trans women are the enemy and must be subjugated. Trans-men are traitors that must be put to the sword. They discredit the movement with every venomous word.
While I don't believe that you can change your gender through surgery nor do I buy the ~I feel there for I am~ argument, it just doesn't matter enough to me to fight about. If you want to change something about yourself to make your life better or because it makes you happy, then do it. If you prefer I refer to you with a different pronoun, fine. Makes no difference to me. If you want to wear dresses and skirt instead of pants (or vice versa), just make sure the outfit doesn't clash and you're good.
I have a trans-male childhood friend. He was never like the other girls. I use male pronouns when referring to him, but I still think of him as the girl with the pigtails I use to climb trees with when we were kids. He helped me perfect my make-out technique when I "discovered girls". Which I really appreciated as I knew he would have been considered a lesbian then. (So.. straight now? I guess?) I have no problem with him going into the men's locker room or showers at the gym. I do take issue when competing for a woman's attention at a party or bar though..He has an unfair advantage! He knows how that rats nest of a mind works. That is a device that can only be operated by those who already know how it works. Otherwise, we're good.
I don't understand why that is so hard for some people to grasp. To my fellow westerners who stand in opposition, I must say this: Why does it matter to you so damn much if Natalie becomes Nathan or Terry becomes Terri. What possible effect could that have on your identity as a man or woman? Grow the fuck up. The world, it is a changin'. Get with it or get the hell out of the way. We got more important shit to fight over.