I was wondering why the growing hatred and phobia toward fems. It appears to me that after so long fighting for our rights. We have begun to hate yourselves. So why the growing femophobia?
Is so complicated to explain, but the simple reason is: socialization regarding gender roles
Homophobia is deeply entwined with misogyny, and a lot of both have spilled into the gay community. In the world view of most straight people, because they're stuck believing that relationships are heterosexual, every queer relationship has the "guy" and the "girl". And over centuries, men have been conditioned to view women and femininity as weakness and something that is to be avoided at all costs.
Now, those of us who end up being gay men were still raised with all the same standards and influences, and it has crept into our way of thinking. Hetero-normative behavior is still exalted because of the deep roots of homophobia we all still carry with us. Thus, a two-tiered system of gayness is in place, where presenting as traditionally masculine and "straight" is the top tier, while those who reject the traditional gender role are on the bottom. Speaking of bottoming...bottoms are the "butt" of the joke, because their position is viewed as that of a woman, which is to be subservient, and less-than.
I can't remember where the quote come form but someone once said: "Homophobia is the fear of another man treating you the way you treat women."
Its a personal preference. Im gay because I like men and I want to date men. If I wanted to date women, I would, so please don't act like one. Its just my personal preference tho. Some guys like it, but it doesn't attract me, so I wont seek it out for a relationship of any type. It has nothing to do with hatred, just not my preference and I dont tolerate it.
I've grown to have a lot of disdain for the whole "I want a man, if I wanted a woman, I'd get with a woman" comments. While I was starting to come out as a bi guy, I realized how homophobic I was to effeminate guys and it wasn't until I really started to become friends with some did I realize how ugly certain comments like that was. Most fem guys are trying to be fem, they're simply being themselves. Yes, we all have preferences. I have my preferences. I prefer masculine guys and I'm also seen as masculine. There has been a few times I've found a fem guy here or there attractive, but in the end I'm still more so attracted to masculine guys. Still doesn't make it cool for my reason to be, "If I wanted a woman, I'd pick a woman."
If we're all trying to hard to be more accepted by straights, being hurtful and prejudice against people in the same fight as us due to being slightly different just messes up our cause.
I'm perfectly fine with a gay man saying "no fems." He is entitled to his preferences. I do have a problem with him saying things like, "If I wanted a woman, I'd pick a woman." Those are unnecessary, and intolerant statements.
I'm perfectly fine with a gay man saying "no fems." He is entitled to his preferences. I do have a problem with him saying things like, "If I wanted a woman, I'd pick a woman." Those are unnecessary, and intolerant statements.