Few questions about gays nowdays

[kakipipi]

Hey
I have some questions that I would like to hear your thoughts about them...

1) Is it true that there are not many gay guys that are intrested in relationship? I've heard that most of them are just into sex... is that true?
2) How about children among gay guys? do you guys want to have a family with children in your future? if not - why not?
3) Are you affected by other's opinions? I mean, do you feel free to kiss your partner in a public area?

Appreciated

 

[young_n_horny]

1) From what I've seen personally I've only met guys that just want sex. Then again I've had some pretty crappy luck considering my few gay friends have all found bfs so that's probably just me.
2) If I met my perfect version of a guy and he wanted kids I'd go for it. I wouldn't throw the suggestion out myself but I'd be open to the idea.
3) I'm perfectly fine with kissing in public. I wouldn't make out with a guy in a crowded area that wasn't leaning to where 90% of the crowd was gay since I hate when couples do that, but I'm fine with a little peck on the cheek/lips.

 

[JasonO]

1) A pretty large portion of gays want monogamy, but compared to straights, there is probably a larger percentage that openly want sex, casual, or open relationships.
2) I want kids so long as the timing is right. I'd probably even adopt a child on my own if I were single at the time it felt right.
3) I didn't like Public Displays of Affection back when I was in denial and imagined it with girls and seeing any couples do it and I don't care for it now being certain that it would be with guys. Its something that I think everyone should just keep private anyways. So minimal PDA for me generally.

 

[K.Dst]

1) Is it true that there are not many gay guys that are intrested in relationship? I've heard that most of them are just into sex... is that true?

That is not true, I believe most gay guys are actually looking for real relationship.
It's just that most of them found out that you don't really need to be in a relationship to get laid, so while they are not with the right one they can just enjoy anyone they can get their hands on

From what I've experimented, a lot of gay guys are prone to break up if anything goes wrong in their relationship, while straight people try more often to live with it rather than breaking up.
Both these options present advantages and drawbacks. If you try really hard to keep a relationship alive although it's not going anywhere, you're just wasting your time, but if your couple can't handle problems you'll never get a real relationship...

2) How about children among gay guys? do you guys want to have a family with children in your future? if not - why not?

I don't, I always hated childrens and finding out I was gay was a real relief because it gave me a perfect excuse.

In fact, nowadays it's not really hard for a gay man to become a parent (what's hard is to get is both you and the man of your life recognized as the parent of said child), so being gay is not reeeeaaally an excuse.
But being raised in a mostly heteronormative society, when you find out about your homosexuality and you keep thinking that "for a child it's a mother and a father" and you think you'll never get kids... It makes you realise that living without children is totally possible.

I think it's a great thing about that "troubled time" most gay experiment and too little straight people do.
From the moment we were old enough to understand what's happening around us, we only live with the image of a future us living in a little suburbian house with a wife, two or three kids who'lll play in the garden with your dog, and a nice car... Ask a 10 year old girl how she pictures herself at 30, she'll tell you all about her future kids without even knowing what it really means...

The truth is, you can have that life, but you can have so many other lives, and no you don't have to try to stick too much to that model we've all seen all around us when we grew up.
Some straight people realise that of course, luckily for them, and even if they live a casual life afterward they live it because they know that's what they really want, so they are happier with that and it makes a better environnement to raise happier kids.
But I believe the majority of straight people try to live a life like this only because they wan't even imagine living another life, and that's just sad because that's not always the life that was really meant for them, and eventhough most won't admit it they'll feel it deep inside them, and their children will feel that one way or another...

3) Are you affected by other's opinions? I mean, do you feel free to kiss your partner in a public area?

I don't like straight couples kissing deeply their partners in public areas, why would I want to impose that kind of show to other people?
Holding hands or simply cuddling, no problem with that.

 

[EdWoody]

There are as many different answers to these questions as there are gay people in the world. You can't ask these questions of or about "gays" because we didn't all get together and decide on a consensus. So if you're expecting one conclusive answer, well it ain't gonna happen.

 

[Almost40]

Done with relationships, done with public displays of affection to partners ( don't furthermore exist ), not done with kids but won't start either. Just into sex. Lots of it.

 

[Catharsis]

1) I don't know if this is necessarily true. I guess it depends on the person. Apparently, it's much harder to find a genuine connection with someone than it is just to hook up with someone. I don't know how true this is, and I wouldn't know, but that might explain why it seems that most gay guys are looking just for sex instead of a relationship.

2) Yes, I adore children and I absolutely want some of my own. Adoption is an option for some people, but I want to bypass evolutionary restrictions to my sexuality and pass on my bloodline.

3) Location is a pretty big factor for this one. Not that I care if people know I'm gay or not, but I'm not going to make out with a guy in the middle of a heavily religious city in the southern United States. I would be free to do so in progressive areas (such as any large city along the coasts), but even then, I think a peck on the lips is all that should be necessary in public.

 

[kakipipi]

Thanks you all who shared his thoughts with me. For the guy who said I won't get any conclusive answer, I know that, I just wanted to hear what some people were thinking about those...

Anyway, I asked those because I'm really scared I won't find "the right one" for a relationship. I don't want sex only, I wont love... and also, I would really love to make a family, but if my partner will not want to.. it's a real problem. Also, I'm very affected of all the people who say: "There shouldn't be gay parents, it will affect the child in a bad way..." and more... What do you think about those?

 

[SR_Schlong_Dong_Silver]

1. Pretty sure gay men are also after relationships, but will also take one-nighters. It all depends on what you want at the time and whether you hit it off. The usual stuff really.
2. Never really wanted kids myself. Probably would have done if I was straight, but not attracted by the idea and not something I really have to think abot being gay. Love everyone else's kids though.
3. Depends on where you are. I'm naturally pretty tactile in private, but public is something else. You might get away with it discretely in a friendly pub where they know you, but I'd probably not do it in a dockers pub or at a footie match....

 

[Infernal]

1. Who can really tell. Some guys just want sex, some want relationships, some want both, or relationships with a lot of sex from a lot of guys. Too many variables when it comes to relationships versus friction.

2. Children - I want a child of my own, my partner was married and has 3 grown children. He doesn't want to do it again. However, his 3 children adore me and consider me a parental figure in many ways. It's a good trade off I think.

3. This depends on the situation and location. We went on a cruise and I had no problem holding his hand over dinner. I wouldn't do it sitting in a sidewalk cafe in Naples. Not speaking the language or knowing what the local social customs were I didn't feel comfortable with it.

 

[kakipipi]

Once again, thanks! But I would also like to hear your opinion about this:

Thanks you all who shared his thoughts with me. For the guy who said I won't get any conclusive answer, I know that, I just wanted to hear what some people were thinking about those...

Anyway, I asked those because I'm really scared I won't find "the right one" for a relationship. I don't want sex only, I wont love... and also, I would really love to make a family, but if my partner will not want to.. it's a real problem. Also, I'm very affected of all the people who say: "There shouldn't be gay parents, it will affect the child in a bad way..." and more... What do you think about those?

 

[baimbyte]

1) I would say it depends on people and timing.
2) Having children is cool as long as the timing is right.
3) Depend on location and the timing. PDA is quite uncommon for gays and straights from where I come from.

And your nick is funny because to me...it means leg (kaki) cheek (pipi) :biggrin1:

 

[NicholasSommerby]

1) As much as I wish that wasn't true, it is. The dating sites I've been to, those are a majority of the messages that end up happening. The gay-based dating websites? They're not even safe for work because of all of the cock shots and various porn adverts that a lot of them put up there. It's not just that guys are only interested in sex, it's also that pretty much no matter where you go online to meet a guy, hooking up and having sex is pretty much what those sites push at you.

At the bars, it's pretty much the same mindset in a sense: Have drinks, meet a guy, possibly buy a drink for him/he buys one for you, you talk about really stupid stuff (usually the case of one of you being drunk to the point of not being able to shut up), and it usually ends with you going home with either him or someone else. It's a pretty sad cycle, really.

2) When my life is a bit more stable and I have someone by my side, I would absolutely love to have kids someday. I think it'd be a lot of fun (and yes, a lot of work) to raise a kid, and I'd really love the chance to be able to raise one right.

3) It depends on the situation. If I'm in an area where I really feel like it'd create bad tension, then I'm more withheld in PDAs. If I feel like I'm in an area to where people are perfectly alright with it, then I'm more free with it.

 

[K.Dst]

Also, I'm very affected of all the people who say: "There shouldn't be gay parents, it will affect the child in a bad way..." and more...

You shouldn't. That's just bullcrap.

Gay raised children for decades, thousands of them, and though christian fundamentalist try to ignore the facts those children are raised better thant those raised by straight people in general.
In fact they are almost as well raised as children from infertile straight couples, which makes sense since when you desire a child you tend to treat him better than you would have if you didn't want one in the first place but became parent anyway.

 

[longskin]

Hi
I think:

1. There's a huge cross section amongst gay guys between those who only wants sex at one end of the spectrum, those who only want a relationship at the other end, and everything in between. It must surely be the same for straight guys. One difference for gay guys, I think, is that sex is more accessible eg saunas and cruise clubs/sex-on-site venues. I think sex without emotion can be unfulfilling in the long run.

2. Gays guys having children doesn't "just happen" as it can do between heterosexual couples. There's huge barriers like adoption or finding someone prepared to act as a surrogate. So I think gay guys/couples really, really have to be driven to want children in order to overcome the barriers.

3. I'm sensitive to other peoples opinions and it's nice to be able to hold hands with my partner or have a kiss in pubic - as I've become older I do this more, with my friends too.

 

[billybones]

1) Is it true that there are not many gay guys that are intrested in relationship? I've heard that most of them are just into sex... is that true?
2) How about children among gay guys? do you guys want to have a family with children in your future? if not - why not?
3) Are you affected by other's opinions? I mean, do you feel free to kiss your partner in a public area?

1) I can not speak for 'many' gay men. But I know most of my gay friends are seeking a relationship and a partner. I have as many gay friends as I do straight who are only interested in no strings attached sex. Some gay and straight men I know think they're looking for a relationship, but fail to realize that their desire to have a relationship is only the result of social expectations and that they're in no true position to be in one.

2) I have gone back and forth on the subject of kids. Sometimes I do and some times I do not. Most times I end up reaching the conclusion that I do not want them because I can't imagine putting myself in the position to care about another human being that much. Kids are on a wholly different level than even a partner or a parent. I can't see inviting that sort of possibility for heartbreak should something happen to them.

3) I could say that I am unaffected by other's opinions, but the truth is that we all are affected. I honestly do not care what others think of my public displays of affection. the truth of the matter is that I am not always in a place where they are appropriate. I don't care what a bigot thinks of me. I do however care if I get my skull bashed in by a bigot. it all comes down to knowing when you're somewhere that you can do it without the concern of confrontation or ramifications. If I get the urge to kiss my boyfriend, I often just do it. If I want to hold his hand, I tend to think more about who is around me. It isn't a matter of making those around me uncomforatable, it's a matter of those around me making us dead. Gay guys who say 'fuck yeah I do it, any time any where!' are unrealistic about it. It's really just a matter of feeling out your surroundings.

 

[hungboy18]

I love this kind of questions, because if we give the right answers, and by that I mean, if we honestly speak from the hearth, and explain that for the most of us we just want the same things as most straight couples do, that way a lot of wrong ideas or doubts can disappear.

I honestly think we have it harder when it comes to relationships, trusts, good examples, finding people, finding the RIGHT people... I don't know that many gay people, and I'd love to, because I feel a bit lonely and separated from something that unfortunately plays a big role in my life, not because I hate being game, I embrace it and wouldn't want to be straight if I could choose, but because it's such a "wrong" thing, I can't really be myself, that way it becomes a THING, it becomes something that really stands in my way, otherwise I'd kiss a man on the street, I could talk about boys... and it wouldn't be the gay talk, the gay guy, I'm not out, mainly because I don't want to be the gay guy, I'm me, a college student, a son, a friend... I'm not the gay guy... I want to be my own person before I can be judge unfairly but people who don't know anything about what really happens with me when I'm alone, thinking... sorry if I'm writing too much.

For my finding someone after college, and at the same time trying to find my place in the business world and possible starting my own company, will be on the top of my list, I want to love and I want to be loved, and I crave affection, I want to cuddle and to kiss and to have breakfast more than I want sex, I have a hand and I plan on getting a few toys after I move out, so for me personally, I want a relationship more than anything, I could see myself marrying, and having a house, a puppy, and children, to me that sounds good, I also want many other things like traveling, nice clothes, a nice house, a nice car... but if I could be somewhat successful at work and have a great lasting relationship, then I could live in a shoe box.

So first question, I want a relationship and I thing a lot of other gay men and women feel the same way, I could screw around but after I'm 25 I'll want to settle down, basically I want a relationship more than anything, more than sex.

I don't feel loved by my parents, never did, my brother feels the same, on my birthdays, I'm 21 now, for the past few years I didn't even had a cake, I feel a bit alone when it comes to family and the fact that I'm different, not just gay, but different from them, I feel very much alone when we celebrate anything, I feel like my parents wanted children because that's what people do, they get married and have two children, one to look after the other, but they didn't know how to make us feel loved, they only knew so much and for me it isn't enough and I feel like that affected me, but honestly I do want a son or a daughter, a child that I can give the life I wish I had growing up, not the money, which we do have now, but the love, the understanding, the respect and a good education, I want my kid to be bright, and to be understood and to understand the kind of world we live in and how to navigate it, so a sport and speaking two languages and a love for arts or playing an instrument will be part of the education I hope to give my child, but I'll share my views on how to take care of a child with my partner and we'll decide everything together, but I feel pretty strong about that, and college! and cleaning stuff around the house because I'm lazy and my parents never made me do anything and turn out a spoiled, that's my answer to question number two.

three: I feel like I listen to everything and I only assimilate a small portion of what is said to me, like tonight, my friend said something about gays, it wasn't anything bad, he said "we all know they are a couple (his two bosses at work), and when he (one of them) picked up the phone, he was probably on top of the other jerking off", in my head I was like... closed minded much? we need gay people to give good examples, he know I'm gay, but I never really acknowledged it, I think his views on gay people are limited and a bit unrealistic but he's a good guy and I know he accepts gay people, he's just not 100% into the idea, because he's a dude and well it is stupid but I feel like if I started talking to him and said what I wrote just now he'd understand and maybe even get a better image on how some gay guys want to live their lives, and that I can say for myself and probably a lot of gay guys will feel the same, we were born like this, we didn't choose to like the same gender and if he chose to accept this truth about ourselves and about people, we will be much better and happier, I know what I am, and I'm happy with myself, I just wish it'd be easier and I could be out and date someone freely without fear of my family reaction, fear of being teased... that's why I choose to be wait, because I'm being careful, I don't want to have my heart smashed and my world turned upside down.

But to really answer your third question in less word, I'd probably abstain from making out in front of everyone, but that's because I don't feel that's very polite, but I'd give a kiss, or even do something romantic... if I was out, I'd enjoy life, but I'd respect other people's views and wrong ideas and be a little less "hey gay guy here" and be more "yeah I'm gay, I love this guy but I respect the fact you don't want to see two dudes making out".

I hope this helped anyone who read it understand this gay guy a little better

 

[kayman]

Hey
I have some questions that I would like to hear your thoughts about them...

1) Is it true that there are not many gay guys that are intrested in relationship? I've heard that most of them are just into sex... is that true?

Yes, this is because many gay and bisexual dudes allows themselves to be more often than not led by their hormones rather than emotions. It's not to say all are like this but yes many will allow themselves to only shallowly acquaint themselves with people based on physical or sexual advantageous reasons. Also many are emotionally damaged due to a variety of reasons ranging from family or environmental influences, thus the turn towards sex as an outlet rather than allowing themselves to heal and develop healthy friendships and relationships. Finally, there is emotion development where many gay and bisexual men like a lot of men in general aren't as emotionally mature as their physical maturation, thus the idea of a committed relationships as stressful and too much work.

Yes, timing and financial stability are key, but there are some whom are in both places in their lives and still aren't ready for relationships because of the aforementioned statements. So the answer is "finding a needle in a hay barn".

2) How about children among gay guys? do you guys want to have a family with children in your future? if not - why not?

Personally, yes because I feel as if my intelligence, looks, and genetics ought to be passed on another generation. I would like to help rear and guide my child(ren) to be very productive, socially aware, and well-rounded individuals. It depends when I can get to a financially stable place in a couple of years and I will explore this after choosing a life partner/significant other.

3) Are you affected by other's opinions? I mean, do you feel free to kiss your partner in a public area?

Appreciated

Yes, but only very progressive areas of large cities. However, I'm not into overt PDA so it wouldn't be something I would engage upon on a regular basis.

 

[ramsgate18]

1 sad but true most gay men just want a quick fuck and go

2 my fiancé and I fully plan to adopt kids when we are older

3 depends on the area got to be street smart