Fight over pregnancy

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by InsaneJester, May 22, 2011.

  1. InsaneJester

    InsaneJester New Member

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    So got in a fight with my gf today. We normally don't fight. But I'm sure some know what I'm talking about when you get into a fight and you don't know what started it but you just keep fighting.

    What started it was this morning we had sex without a condom, kind of one of those early morning things where neither person is thinking totally clear and before you know it you're laying on the bed afterwards when you realize u just came in her and she's not on anything.

    So anyways we have to wait to see in a couple weeks. Its unlikely she's pregnant but possible.

    To provide a little detail to how the fight started, she has a son, i didn't know this when we first started dating, but she got pregnant and he left her cause he wasnt grown up enough to handle it.

    Well my way of reacting (possibly the wrong way) was to say we should ease off on having sex by a little bit and wait till the test comes in. Her way of reacting to that was to think that what I was saying was that I was scared and going to run away. And my "ego" didn't like that, Im normally level headed, but her saying I was scared and would run away from my responsibilities didnt sit well with me.

    So yeh, we're done fighting but not talking yet. She won't answer my texts. I just wanna tell her that pregnant or not I still love her and this doesn't change how I feel about the relationship.

    But with her not answering my texts, idk if shes got that message.

    So i guess this is where we come to the question part
    Does she just need time
    Do I need to go over there and say this in person a 1000 times
    I know she's scared I'll leave her and I know she's been crying a lot (which hurts my heart) but I just want that chemistry back that we had, and I hate fighting
     
  2. Serial Kisser

    Serial Kisser Well-Known Member

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    This may be off topic, but you know there's something called "Plan B", right? Or are you both morally opposed to contraception?
     
  3. D_Ben Twilly

    D_Ben Twilly New Member

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    You're both adults. Whatever her previous experiences may be, it was a HUGE jump for her to interpret "Well, okay, let's wait and see if you're pregnant" as "If you're pregnant, I'm leaving you because I'm irresponsible." You're not sleeping with Sybil, you deserve better than that. Communicate openly with her about why this incident did not sit well with you and go from there.
     
  4. InsaneJester

    InsaneJester New Member

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    we're not opposed to contraception, but more the preventative kind than the plan b kind. Also abortions are not an option and haven't been considered.
     
  5. MsThang

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    I thought the same exact thing...my ass would have been running to the pharmacy before you could say pregnancy.
     
  6. MickeyLee

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    y'all ain't ready to have children... you are ready for plan b


    or wait it out and pray for aunt flow

    a not to be a total dick edit:

    plan B isn't RU-486. plan B prevents pregnancy by using a massive does of progestin to suppress ovulation, prevent the sperm from fertilizing the egg and prevent the egg from implanting into the uterine lining.

    there are some side effects like her period might be wonky the month after, moodiness and blahblahPMSblah.. but i promise ain't nothing compared to the side effects of having a kid.
     
    #6 MickeyLee, May 22, 2011
    Last edited: May 22, 2011
  7. dolfette

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    why ease off sex until you know?
    whether she is or she isn't, your regular rubber clad intercourse won't make any bloody difference now.
    of course it's hurtful to say, ''you might be preggers, so i'm going to stop fucking you now.'' especially as she has abandonment issues. the instant you think she might be pregnant, you act like you don't want her.

    you were insensitive and dumb.
     
  8. MsThang

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    I am a single mom who is on birth control and uses condoms because I really don't want to get pregnant. That's preventative contraception. Believe me your gf is angry with herself more than she is angry with you.
     
  9. aninnymouse

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    I agree on Plan B or the "Morning After Pill." It's clear that neither of you are ready to bring a child into the world, especially considering current son's father running.

    Obviously, Contraception is something that should be agreed upon before you are intimate again.

    She may just need time. You've reached out, but don't push her. She's obviously uncomfortable, and needs time to process this. She'll call or text you when she's ready.
     
  10. InsaneJester

    InsaneJester New Member

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    Like I said it may not have been the best thing to do, but its not like they make a getting your gf pregnant early manual.


    I guess my main focus isn't the whole did I or didn't I get her pregnant, who's fault was it, or should we or shouldn't we have used condoms/pills/whatever. My main focus is reconciling with her, fixing whatever mistakes were made by what I said/did, and moving forward as the couple we were, even if that includes a baby.
     
  11. InsaneJester

    InsaneJester New Member

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    It kind of already came up in her heated response during the argument and even before that that's not a possibility and Im not going to push her

    Agreed

    Thanks, hopefully ready is soon.
     
  12. dolfette

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    put it in a letter.

    long hand, hand written, much underrated.
    tell her how you feel about her.
    a good, old fashioned love letter.
    the sort where you list all the reasons she is wonderful, open your heart over how she makes you feel, confessing all your hopes and dreams.
    what does she need when she's upset? a favourite candy? flowers that bring back a happy memory? something small but deeply personal.

    show her, in one gesture, that you love her and that you know what she needs.

    don't even mention the pregnancy fears because you'll love her whatever the outcome, right?

    then give her space.
     
  13. trunksisba

    trunksisba New Member

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    I wanna agree with aninnymouse, she needs time to let it sink in. When you do talk to her, reassure her that you will be there for her no matter pregnant or not. And you need to wait until the pregnancy test to discuss anything, as far as you know she won't be pregnant then you'll have fought over nothing.
     
  14. helgaleena

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    Best of luck to you both, and dolfette and trunksisba have the right of it. You hit her right where it hurts, in a place logic does not reach. Now both of you are in off the deep end and must swim with this.

    Do not do the 'sleepy, one of those things' sex anymore in future until you are ready to be someone's parent. And don't let her keep you away from her in the next two weeks-- that will justify all her fears. Fight for the relationship, if you want it at all.
     
  15. D_Madam_Ovary

    D_Madam_Ovary Account Disabled

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    ^ This ^

    Ouch. You really hit her Achillles heel unfortunately and dragged those lingering insecurities and doubts over what happened previously out into the open.

    I don't really understand where you were coming from with the whole 'locking the stable door after the horse has bolted' approach, and I can see how this would have upset her. That being said, I believe you honestly didn't mean to be insensitive or hurt her feelings and your actions were your way of dealing with something you consider to be your problem too, rather than a pre-cursor to abandoning her.

    The longer she dwells on this, the more it is going to reinforce her negative thoughts, so whilst normally I am an advocate of giving people space I don't think that would help here. You have work to do.
     
  16. InsaneJester

    InsaneJester New Member

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    I didn't realize she'd take it like that. My intent was to talk about it, cause I don't think either one of us knew the others stance on it, and with her abandonment issues I wanted to reassure her that I didn't want her to have an abortion or plan b, and that no matter what I'd be there. But as soon as I said we should hold off (in retrospect a bad idea) the whole argument began.

    Also I knew if she was pregnant it was my fault, and I didn't want her blaming herself for jumping me that morning, so I wanted to make sure she wasnt blaming herself (sometimes when she blames herself she just tries to speed past it so no one notices and that she doesnt think about it)
     
  17. D_Madam_Ovary

    D_Madam_Ovary Account Disabled

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    Hey, I believe you - it's not me you need to convince. Tell her what you told me. It seems like crossed wires - you just need to convince her of that. Preferably before you know the result either way.

    Good luck x
     
  18. D_Ben Twilly

    D_Ben Twilly New Member

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    If she's pregnant, it's nobody's "fault" - but the responsibility would belongs to both of you. Don't be so zealous to make sure she doesn't feel bad about it that you accept a bunch of "blame" that doesn't exist. Remember how many it takes to tango.
     
  19. AlteredEgo

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    Plan B is preventative contraception. Hello? It is NOT an abortion. It will NOT terminate a pregnancy. I DOES prevent pregnancy if taken before fertilization. That is why it is taken "the morning after". It costs about $30, gives me heavy bleeding, terrible cramps, and generally causes me to gain 5-10 pounds, mostly of water. BUT. . . when I was frightened that I might get pregnant with the wrong man, or before my husband and I were ready, because our other safety measures might have failed, I took it. It worked. I am still happily childless. I would get her a dose ASAP. And also have some more conversation about her abandonment issues.
     
  20. B_Bjen2848

    B_Bjen2848 New Member

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    the general opinion here is plan b, its obvious you are not ready for a child, and there is nothing worse than people bringing in children in the world who are no where near fit to take care of them, it takes 15 seconds to put on a condom, it takes a lifetime to raise a child

    do the world a favor and start using your brain before some bad ass little kid with horrible parents robs me in 16 years ...
     
    #20 B_Bjen2848, May 22, 2011
    Last edited: May 22, 2011
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