Fighting Urge to Remove Someone from my Life...

[B_Think_Kink]

First off I have to explain that I don't bond to humans like normal people do. I do not hold friendships or relationships of any sort and I've never regretted removing people from my life. I just don't form the normal bonds that a person normally would form. Strange as it is, I've come to accept this as normal, I've removed my best friend of 8 years from my life completely without a word and have no remorse or regret.

Herein lies the problem though. I met this amazing person off the site and I've spent almost 10 months getting to know him, I have love for him like I've never experienced for a straight guy before, so it's all new to me, except I understand the feelings as love. It is though pretty obviously one sided, I love him, he whatevers me. That doesn't even bother me. The feeling of trying to run away when I don't think things are going to work is what is making me feel like I'm doing this for all the wrong reasons.

There is no doubt in my mind that he is the most beautiful person I've ever met and I indeed care about him more than he understands, but I can't seem to stop myself from wanting to run. It's not fair to him because he's never had someone stick around in his life to love him, I want to be there. But I get these vibes that he doesn't want me around, that I'm wasting my time and that I'm just an annoyance to him, which in turn makes me want to turn around and get out. I don't know if those vibes are really there, or if I am just making it up, but it makes me really sad, because I really care.

I don't know what to do, or where to turn...

 

[D_fuzwuz]

It's because you have an pussy-pedestal complex.

As most females on internet sites.

But.. maybe you just don't get the attention you expect from him? He probably gives you back what you feel you give him.

 

[Principessa]

It's because you have an pussy-pedestal complex. As most females on internet sites.

:wtf1: You're an ass. She posted a serious issue and all you come up with is this crap.

Tink, I don't doubt your feelings are real. However sometimes, okay a lot of times guys send out mixed signals. Especially if they have been hurt before. Sounds to me like this is why you feel confused and want to run. Unfortunately the only way to clarify this is to ask him out right. I can understand why confrontation of this nature may be difficult for you. Maybe you could send him an e-mail or text message?

 

[trentster]

I'm the same way, Kink. I don't really form attachments, and if I stop talking to someone, that's the end. I also have never been loved by someone, so I understand where he is coming from. And if someone did start to love me, I would be wary, for fear that they would leave.

If I started to feel like someone loved me, I don't know if I would show emotion, just out of fear. If you really like him, then tell him, and then ask him if he feels the same way. Some guys just don't want to make the first move.

 

[B_JasonDawgxxx]

Kink. Your pushing him away because these new feelings are confusing you. Just talk to him about the vibes your getting. Being honest is whats needed here. I think its time to stop running, and figure out why you do this.

 

[shadow27]

Yes hitokiri you are a jerk for that....please use some empathy next time. Some people have hearts and need them to bet treated with respect.

Now Think_kink...i know the feeling completely. It really does suck. Btu what you should know is that you are an amazing person and that if you have to offer him anythting and he is ignoring you then he doesnt deserve you. I also know the feeling of being completely in love with the most beautiful person alive and not being even seen. I told him and then i left it in his hands...then i moved to chicago and now he misses me and now. LOL.
Just remember, if you really love him and he doesnt return anything to you then he is to lose something great. Dont beat yourself up ok. You are in no way at fault for your heart and feelings. They are put there for a reason. You will learn something amazing from this and you will be better off then that guy.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

Tink, I don't doubt your feelings are real. However sometimes, okay a lot of times guys send out mixed signals. Especially if they have been hurt before. Sounds to me like this is where your confusions lies. Unfortunately the only way to clarify this is to ask him out right. I can understand why confrontation of this natire may be difficult for you. Maybe you could send him an e-mail or text message?

It's a tough topic to talk to him about, he doesn't find it easy to communicate emotions of love and stuff.

I know you understand where I'm coming from, I only get into things where I am sure of being liked and I know he likes me, that isn't the focus of the problem, it's not the love thing either. It's the vibes I get. You're right, I'll have to say something eventually or else it will eat me inside.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

I'm the same way, Kink. I don't really form attachments, and if I stop talking to someone, that's the end. I also have never been loved by someone, so I understand where he is coming from. And if someone did start to love me, I would be wary, for fear that they would leave.

If I started to feel like someone loved me, I don't know if I would show emotion, just out of fear. If you really like him, then tell him, and then ask him if he feels the same way. Some guys just don't want to make the first move.

Thanks for your reply (and I hope it doesn't seem like I'm denying the advice people are giving, I'm just trying to explain the situation and work with it.) I don't want him to persay love me back, I just want to know that my feelings are worth it I guess. Having the vibes go away would be great too. :smile:

 

[B_Think_Kink]

Kink. Your pushing him away because these new feelings are confusing you. Just talk to him about the vibes your getting. Being honest is whats needed here. I think its time to stop running, and figure out why you do this.

Years of emotional, mental, psychological and verbal abuse does things to you Jason, I don't have answers, just a few diagnoses. Life never came explained to me, I just live it on a day to day basis and figure one thing out at a time.

 

[trentster]

If you want to know if the feelings are worth it, then him feeling the same way can help. Not necessarily love, but some strong feelings back. As for the vibes, never really go away, sorry.

 

[killerb]

I just want to know that my feelings are worth it I guess. Having the vibes go away would be great too. :smile:

of course your feelings are worth it...
sometimes people who aren't used to being loved react in strange ways...
the best way to deal with your urge to run away is to STAY...
keep this guy in your life...just give him time to come around...
and I don't know if you're in therapy or anything, but I think talking to a professional would also help you learn to deal with YOUR feelings in a positive way...

 

[iwishiwasbigger]

I'm really not a emotional person either. I don't really feel for anyone, except family, and always felt that nobody cared about me. It gets lonely sometimes but most of the times I'm fine with it.

If someone did try to make a bond or express that they do care about me, I'd be hesitant at first because it's something new and I'd be afraid of opening myself up and getting hurt. I am afraid that if I do open myself up and get attached to that person, I'd be afraid that they would change, leave me, or betray me or hurt me some other way so I close myself off. This might be what he feels.

To be brutally honest, I'd say don't try to make an emotional connection with him unless you know you wouldn't hurt him. But that's just me.

 

[Nala]

TK, I believe it's best to face it head on instead of run away from it.

Coming from a similar background (just add physical abuse) I know what it's like to feel messed up in situations like these. Running away won't help you though, you'll run into a similar situation over and over again until you've 'fixed' it and know how to handle it.

You don't have to do this all alone. Get some help from others like you, or professional help (although most of them won't really understand what you're going through). They can help you find those handy tools you need to survive.

Hang in there, you can do it!

:hug:

 

[B_Think_Kink]

To be brutally honest, I'd say don't try to make an emotional connection with him unless you know you wouldn't hurt him. But that's just me.

This would have been hard for me to control. I knew within an hour of talking to him that I would be captivated by his personality, it was almost instant. I wont go into details about his personality, but I really am attracted to all his little quirks.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

TK, I believe it's best to face it head on instead of run away from it.

Coming from a similar background (just add physical abuse) I know what it's like to feel messed up in situations like these. Running away won't help you though, you'll run into a similar situation over and over again until you've 'fixed' it and know how to handle it.

You don't have to do this all alone. Get some help from others like you, or professional help (although most of them won't really understand what you're going through). They can help you find those handy tools you need to survive.

Hang in there, you can do it!

:hug:

Thanks. I have been through a few years of therapy, but I'm no longer at home and there is not therapists in the area like there is at home. So if the problem persists then I'll see someone during the summer months.

 

[Hand_Solo]

If you don't bond to humans like normal people do, why not just cut him from your life? Seems pretty simple.

 

[Riven650]

You say he's a beautiful person and that you are pretty crazy about him, but then you say he doesn't respond to you and won't talk to you about his feelings. Your instinct to run is quite understandable. So he's a beautiful person. What does that mean? He's nice looking? Generous? Seems to have a nice attitude? Kind to animals? But that doesn't mean he's necessarily right for you, or anyone in particular. Unless he really feels something for you too you're wasting your time. Perhaps he's too busy being a beautiful person to tell you the truth - which honestly isn't very beautiful of him, because you deserve to know where you stand.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

If you don't bond to humans like normal people do, why not just cut him from your life? Seems pretty simple.

Cause I'd rather keep this one around, but it's weird for me.

You say he's a beautiful person and that you are pretty crazy about him, but then you say he doesn't respond to you and won't talk to you about his feelings. Your instinct to run is quite understandable. So he's a beautiful person. What does that mean? He's nice looking? Generous? Seems to have a nice attitude? Kind to animals? But that doesn't mean he's necessarily right for you, or anyone in particular. Unless he really feels something for you too you're wasting your time. Perhaps he's too busy being a beautiful person to tell you the truth - which honestly isn't very beautiful of him, because you deserve to know where you stand.

You took it all wrong, I'm not even replying to this shinadigans.

 

[earllogjam]

Did you already have a long talk with him, Kink?

I don't think you should assume anything if it hasn't come out of the horse's mouth. Especially what he's feeling.

Sometime we don't truly know what we've lost until it's gone.

 

[earllogjam]

If you don't bond to humans like normal people do, why not just cut him from your life? Seems pretty simple.

If you were a non-bonding human you wouldn't be on this site posting. Where is Mathew these days anyways?