- Joined
- Nov 25, 2006
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- Location
- Southwest USA
- Sexuality
- 69% Straight, 31% Gay
- Gender
- Male
Perhaps designating oneself 100% gay or straight or somewhere in between is easy for some on here, but for some of us it is not so simple.
Here's what seems to happen to me when it comes to being attracted and then to falling in love. At first blush there are not that many men or women I look at and think are attractive, but two very interesting and different things occur. I see a few more men who attract my initial attention, but as intimacy approaches I tend to lose interest. Not as many women attract my early attention, but as I get to know one better I may start falling in love.
Years ago I was at a very special high Roman Catholic Latin mass. Frankincense smoke wafted through the cathedral from censors being swung, and beautiful music was played on an ancient pipe organ. One of the acolytes looked like an angel. Really, he was truly and stunningly beautiful. I said something to someone about his beauty, and later he was essentially offered to me. However, by that time I'd seen him and heard him being pretty girly, and I'd lost any desire to have him.
That same type of thing has happened several times with guys I've initially thought attractive. They haven't all proven to be too feminine for my taste, but all too often my interest is not sustained. Is that a result of my socialization saying that I'm not supposed to be interested in guys, or is it an indication that I'm not as interested in sex with them as I am in friendship, competition, male bonding?
Conversely, what has happened rarely but significantly with women has been that I didn't feel strong stirrings of attraction for someone initially, but as I got to know her the chemistry started working, and I found myself falling in love.
In short, I seem to like looking at certain guys, but that's about as far as it goes (oh, believe me, it has GONE farther than that, but I often wish it hadn't or that it had led to a relationship instead of just sex). I don't get as much initial pleasure out of looking at most women, but when I start falling in love... it's like... all the great techtonic plates of the earth falling into place. So, 70/30 or 60/40 or 90/10, whatever, I suspect others have similar feelings and it ain't simple to label us or put us in meaningful relationships.
Here's what seems to happen to me when it comes to being attracted and then to falling in love. At first blush there are not that many men or women I look at and think are attractive, but two very interesting and different things occur. I see a few more men who attract my initial attention, but as intimacy approaches I tend to lose interest. Not as many women attract my early attention, but as I get to know one better I may start falling in love.
Years ago I was at a very special high Roman Catholic Latin mass. Frankincense smoke wafted through the cathedral from censors being swung, and beautiful music was played on an ancient pipe organ. One of the acolytes looked like an angel. Really, he was truly and stunningly beautiful. I said something to someone about his beauty, and later he was essentially offered to me. However, by that time I'd seen him and heard him being pretty girly, and I'd lost any desire to have him.
That same type of thing has happened several times with guys I've initially thought attractive. They haven't all proven to be too feminine for my taste, but all too often my interest is not sustained. Is that a result of my socialization saying that I'm not supposed to be interested in guys, or is it an indication that I'm not as interested in sex with them as I am in friendship, competition, male bonding?
Conversely, what has happened rarely but significantly with women has been that I didn't feel strong stirrings of attraction for someone initially, but as I got to know her the chemistry started working, and I found myself falling in love.
In short, I seem to like looking at certain guys, but that's about as far as it goes (oh, believe me, it has GONE farther than that, but I often wish it hadn't or that it had led to a relationship instead of just sex). I don't get as much initial pleasure out of looking at most women, but when I start falling in love... it's like... all the great techtonic plates of the earth falling into place. So, 70/30 or 60/40 or 90/10, whatever, I suspect others have similar feelings and it ain't simple to label us or put us in meaningful relationships.