Figure THIS Out

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Male Bonding etc, Nov 15, 2007.

  1. Male Bonding etc

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    Perhaps designating oneself 100% gay or straight or somewhere in between is easy for some on here, but for some of us it is not so simple.

    Here's what seems to happen to me when it comes to being attracted and then to falling in love. At first blush there are not that many men or women I look at and think are attractive, but two very interesting and different things occur. I see a few more men who attract my initial attention, but as intimacy approaches I tend to lose interest. Not as many women attract my early attention, but as I get to know one better I may start falling in love.

    Years ago I was at a very special high Roman Catholic Latin mass. Frankincense smoke wafted through the cathedral from censors being swung, and beautiful music was played on an ancient pipe organ. One of the acolytes looked like an angel. Really, he was truly and stunningly beautiful. I said something to someone about his beauty, and later he was essentially offered to me. However, by that time I'd seen him and heard him being pretty girly, and I'd lost any desire to have him.

    That same type of thing has happened several times with guys I've initially thought attractive. They haven't all proven to be too feminine for my taste, but all too often my interest is not sustained. Is that a result of my socialization saying that I'm not supposed to be interested in guys, or is it an indication that I'm not as interested in sex with them as I am in friendship, competition, male bonding?

    Conversely, what has happened rarely but significantly with women has been that I didn't feel strong stirrings of attraction for someone initially, but as I got to know her the chemistry started working, and I found myself falling in love.

    In short, I seem to like looking at certain guys, but that's about as far as it goes (oh, believe me, it has GONE farther than that, but I often wish it hadn't or that it had led to a relationship instead of just sex). I don't get as much initial pleasure out of looking at most women, but when I start falling in love... it's like... all the great techtonic plates of the earth falling into place. So, 70/30 or 60/40 or 90/10, whatever, I suspect others have similar feelings and it ain't simple to label us or put us in meaningful relationships.
     
  2. BigDikkedGuy

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    I totally agree with you there, cant help who you fall in love with
     
  3. eyemready

    eyemready Member

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    Your comments are very insightful. You are a very interesting person.
     
  4. EagleCowboy

    EagleCowboy Well-Known Member

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    Don't sweat it. It sounds like you just haven't found the one that really turns your crank yet.
     
  5. Male Bonding etc

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    Thanks, all! More later, but I appreciate your reading and taking time to post your thoughts.
     
  6. ryanart

    ryanart Member

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    From what you wrote, I'm just guessing you're a pretty nice guy. An like the others have posted here, yea, don't sweat it, it s not really important what the ratio is anyway, when you meet some one fall in love or not , be it male or female , I am guessing you ,and hoping you treat that person well and vise versa, thts all that really matters anyway.
    One question though, what brought this to your mind anyway? Did someone question the percentage? if they did , why would you worry about their op anyway.? Its all about how good you feel about yourself isnt it?
     
  7. Male Bonding etc

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    Thanks, Ryan. No one questioned my percentage. I have simply found myself recently on the road to what could be my second marriage. Part of me looks forward to being in that wonderful circumstance again, and part of me wants to be sure I've taken care of all of my lust for males first. In essence, LPSG is providing me with a personal sounding board so that I can sort it all out before I take the leap.

    I will definitely tell her about my past and present activities. I told my first (now deceased) wife before we married, and it was the right thing to do. It did mean that she sometimes worried that I might hook up with some guy... or some woman... She thought for a while she might have twice as many possible rivals for my attention. Finally, she understood that I was hers and only hers. Had she lived I suspect we'd still be happily and monogomously married.

    So, now I'm feeling familiar stirrings for another woman, and I still see a few men I find attractive. If the past is any indication, I will continue to appreciate seeing great looking guys, but I will also have no desire to break my marriage vows. Thus, I do hope to enjoy male friendships... regardless of how hung, handsome, or well muscled a guy is, but... quite honestly... with some hope that one (or two) of my thoughtful and intelligent guy friends can also be someone who inspires me in the gym and looks good on the beach.
     
  8. Not_Punny

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    If you didn't have a big problem being faithful to your first wife, and if you feel a similar depth of affection for your possible-fiance, I'm thinking that you probably won't have a problem -- especially if intimacy is your big thing.

    So, smile... be happy!


    PS: Pre-committment jitters are normal!
     
  9. littlebigmaninNC

    littlebigmaninNC New Member

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    Well said, Male_Bonding_etc. Attractions are unpredictable, and first impressions don't usually last. Good luck to you.
     
  10. D_Andy_Whorewall

    D_Andy_Whorewall Account Disabled

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    Honesty....There's a lot to be said for that one word.

    Sounds like you've made the most out of what could be a very complicated and messy situation.
     
  11. Male Bonding etc

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    Again, thanks all, and particularly Hotmilf. Pre-commitment jitters is probably more of a factor here than I realize.
     
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