Finally found a girl, but now I can't stop thinking about being single?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Prevail18, Jan 11, 2008.

  1. Prevail18

    Prevail18 New Member

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    To be blunt: What the fuck?

    I finally find an amazing girl who likes the same things I do; someone who I can be myself around. Someone I can see myself being with for awhile. She gives amazing head, has a nice ass, wants to be my first lay (I'm still a virgin), and thinks my dick is huge (her previous beau was "tiny" in her own words). We play video games together and just be big dorks, and it makes me genuinely happy.

    But I'm doing the same thing I always do with my relationships: I sabotage things by longing for the things I could do while I was single, like flirting with girls over IM who want me, and love the fact I have a "huge cock" (not my words, I'm not trying to come off as conceited). I want to stop this, but fuck, it's difficult. Can someone explain why the hell I'm doing this to myself?

    I guess this is more of a blog post than a forum post, but I want answers. Anyone?
     
  2. DB696

    DB696 New Member

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    Dude, if flirting with girls over IM is the worst thing you long for, count yourself in a very healthy relationship! That's not being single that's just having a bit of fun. Don't stop it, but don't let it stop you having fun with this chick you like as well. It's not hard...
     
  3. Nekoman

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    Falling in love means risking getting hurt. You have to open yourself up to being vulnerable & there's always the chance you won't be loved back.
    It can hurt alot, more than anything, but it's worth the risk.

    Good luck! Forget about the doubts and go for it!
     
  4. Prevail18

    Prevail18 New Member

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    Obviously it isn't a complete fuckover in a relationship, especially if she doesn't find out.

    But I was just wondering why, when I'm in a completely healthy sexual relationship, I still do this shit?

    I find it weird. It's usually with ex's, or girls that I've flirted with before, or have seen my cock (webcam, fooling around.) I've wanted to save my first time for someone special, and I don't want to fuck it up with this girl just because I couldn't keep it in my pants :p
     
  5. DB696

    DB696 New Member

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    Don't be fooled into thinking that a 'completely healthy sexual relationship' involves just one girl, or just one set of feelings. Your desires are your desires, they are natural, and it is only ever healthy to indulge in them.
     
  6. Prevail18

    Prevail18 New Member

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    I'd never actually cheat on my girlfriend.

    It just helps to have something better than porn to jerk off to.
     
  7. SpoiledPrincess

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    Maybe you're not really ready for a relationship, or maybe you're thinking you can have your cake and eat it - you can't you have to decide.

    Does she know you flirt online (I'm not quite sure what else you do), some women don't mind their guys flirting online, as long as it's not taken to real life.
     
  8. DB696

    DB696 New Member

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    Well then where's the problem??
     
  9. rob_just_rob

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    The grass is always greener, you never know what you have until you lose it, and so on.

    I often feel longings to be in a relationship when I'm single, and have moments where I wish I was single when I'm in a relationship. That's just how things are. It helps if you've gone through the cycle a couple dozen times - you learn to recognize the longings for what they are and can rationalize them against your current situation, subsequently suppressing them, or making a change, as required. And not doing half-assed stuff like flirting with other girls, or drunk-dialing exes. All that stuff does is piss people off and get you nowhere.
     
  10. Wanttogrowbigger

    Wanttogrowbigger New Member

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    Sometimes we do stuff that we like and not like at the same time.
    It´s like smoking or coffee, you get addiction to it and know its unhealty, but at the same time it feels good. Something about this Flirting and chatting makes you feel good. And now it is a habit for you too. I don´t know if you know these persons, you chatting with, in real life, but if you don´t why wasting time on some fantasy-girl from somewhere when you have the real thing.

    We all know how hard it is with bad habbits and things you get addiction to, but just do it. Try at least some days or 1 week or 2.
    Push yourself harder when you reach the goals to go even further, and you probably lose your addiction to it and your bad habit(if you see it as a bad habit)

    Its sounds easier than it is but start right now, dont postpone the problem until another time, it makes it even worse.

    Good luck and keep fighting! :)
     
  11. Master Blaster

    Master Blaster Active Member

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    Couldn't have said it better. Lot of guys go through this
     
  12. Prevail18

    Prevail18 New Member

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    I'm thankful for the great advice I received here.

    Maybe I can take some steps into rectifying my situation.
     
  13. OmahaBeef

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    I am only speculating, but I would reckon that your desire to flirt online or wherever is actually a subconscious means of building your own self-esteem. Not that there is anything wrong with that at all.

    But understand this: The sheer depth that a meaningful relationship can provide you, is vastly greater than quick jolts of occasional fun and flirting.

    A younger man may very well struggle with this dilemma, but things become much clearer as you mature.

    Best of Luck!

    ...OB
     
  14. exwhyzee

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    I have always felt this way. Even when I am with someone I really like and get along with, I still maintain my old habits at best and at worst I catch myself developing an exit strategy. Some people may reckon this to be that I need attention from others to boost my self esteem, others may say I quickly get bored with things, others say that I such high expectations that I easily get discouraged/disappointed, so I look for ways to bale early before expectations are dashed.

    I don't know what the motivation is for me, so I certainly can't speak for you. Maybe you need to really consider what you are risking if you are behaving in a way that your partner wouldn't want you to act, and if its worth the loss, or not worth the cost, act appropropiately. There may always be other fish on the sea, but you may also miss out on something really meaningful if you are disrespect, aloof, or even selfish with this girl.
     
  15. lucky8

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    my suggestion is make up your mind. do you want to actually be involved, if so, do you want to be known as a cheater, a user, or as a good boyfriend? put the other person's feelings before yours, its not that difficult
     
  16. lucky8

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    o ya...and break your AIM habit...are you 14 yrs old? no offense, but just move on and enjoy flirting with a girl that is sitting next to you as opposed to one that is merely typing words that they probably dont really mean anyways...just man up and break your habit...itll only take about a week, its not like its a heroin habit lol. besides, yer gonna have to give up instant messaging at somepoint....your life will be better without it, trust me
     
  17. Principessa

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    If that's all a girlfriend is to you just download some porn! :eek::confused:

    Bullshit! If he really cares for this girl and thinks they can last for a while he better be a one woman man or he will soon be a single man. That is lousy advice to give a young person . . . or anybody for that matter. :mad:


    Camming with ex's has got to stop. That is just an open door to temptation. You may not think so; but trust me, your girlfriend will.

    Does your gf know you cam with anyone? How do you think she would feel about it if she knew? If she asked you to stop, would you? Could you?

    SP is correct, you can't have your cake and eat it too.
     
  18. Prevail18

    Prevail18 New Member

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    I made it clear that I do not cam with girls. What I said is that I'm flirting with girls who I've cammed with when I was single. The most severe thing I'm doing while I'm in this relationship is flirting, nothing physical. I know that doesn't make it alright, but I'm not the type of guy that would go beyond talking.

    Don't mean to be blunt, but fuck you. I'm being mature and asking for the advice, so I don't do anything stupid. I'm trying to work through my problems with the help of others, and you chastise me for talking online. Grow up.
     
  19. Sixofspades

    Sixofspades New Member

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    I feel absolutely identical whenever I have a girlfriend. If you ever figure out a way to make it stop, please let me know.
     
  20. D_Claude_Crowsfoot

    D_Claude_Crowsfoot Account Disabled

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    dude, i've struggled with the same problem my entire (sex) life. i'm always flirting with other girls, even if i have a gf. it never mattered if it was over IM or in person, i just did. i'd never actually cheat, but i realized thats basically the path i was going down.

    my advice is you just have to learn to use better judgement. its hard. but you really have to think how you would feel if she did that with other guys. i know that sounds cliche, but its true.
     
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